Facing the World (16 page)

May brought its display of flowers in the hedgerows. The daffodils planted years before by schoolchildren were long gone but had been replaced with the lacy white borders of cow parsley. Blossoms
transformed
the trees and the scent of early wallflowers filled the air as Sally walked along Mill Road towards the fields. Sadie was pushing the picnic in her pushchair, stopping occasionally to put fingers together as she sang, ‘Incie Wincie Spider’.

They walked through the fields towards the old mill. It was Sunday and the following day she and Sadie were moving out of Greenways. Any furniture she wanted to keep was being stored. Much of what she had needed for their brief sojourn had been discarded. A new flat and new beginning meant nothing dragging her back to the old life.

‘It’s only you and me from now on, Sadie, just you and me.’

Sadie began to feel tired and Sally lifted her into the pushchair where she immediately fell asleep. The woods on either side of the path were filled with birdsong and the chuckling of the stream and she stood for a while and listened. It was then, in the peace of the Sunday morning, that she heard crying. Deep, heartrending sobs. As quietly as she could, she crept forward until she could see the stream where the great wheel now stood, a silent witness. Jimmy was lying on the narrow bank, curled up with his hands covering his face.

Leaving the pushchair on the path Sally crept closer and moved carefully down until she stood beside him. She knelt and called his name. His head jerked up and he made a move but she held him. ‘Jimmy, don’t go. What’s wrong? I might be able to help.’

‘Go away. I hate you!’

‘That’s a shame. I rather like you,’ Sally replied. ‘I think you’re clever, very knowledgeable about the countryside, and very
handsome
, and one day we’ll all be able to boast that we once knew you.’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘Some people become famous or at least very important and then everyone who had known them will boast about it. You neglect
schoolwork, I know that, and that’s a pity. Learning is more difficult later without the base of schoolwork.’ Seeing him relaxing and the tears drying, she then asked softly, ‘But school isn’t the problem, is it? Can you tell me about it?’

‘Mam and Dad are always fighting. I hate living at home and wish I could run away.’

Please don’t do that, Jimmy. Whatever you do, stay at home. It’s bound to get better. Just bide your time. A couple more years, then, once you have a job, you’ll be able to plan your escape.’

‘Escape?’ He gave a small smile. ‘That’s a funny word to use.’

‘Better than running away, specially when it’s too soon.’

‘I haven’t any aunties like some of my mates.’

‘Nor I. I have Sadie now but my childhood was a lonely one.’

‘Lonely’s better than a mam and dad who fight all the time.’

‘We’ve brought a picnic, plenty for three, will you set the cloth and blanket out for me?’

After eating a generous share of the food, he began to talk. ‘Every day when I go home from school, or the woods,’ he added with a grin, ‘and the house is quiet I know at least one of them is out. As soon as Dad comes in it starts. He doesn’t like what Mam’s cooked, or the television programme is rubbish. I’m rubbish.’ Tears
threatened
again and Sally didn’t try to stop them; she just put an arm on his shoulders and waited for them to subside.

Sadie sat playing with some farm animals and a cart she had chosen to bring, looking up at Jimmy sometimes and smiling at her mother as though she understood the need to be quiet.

They walked home together and Jimmy went with her to see Gwilym before going home. She left them in the workshop, talking about cricket, and went to join Valmai.

‘I’m worried about him myself,’ Valmai said when Sally explained why Jimmy was with them. ‘Things seem to be getting worse between Netta and Walter. He’s always been aggressive but she seemed able to cope – she just ignored his jibes and waited until he calmed down. Now she retaliates and that isn’t going to cure the problem.’

‘Poor Jimmy, he’s getting more and more abuse from his father. Constantly being told he’s stupid and useless, and a boy of Jimmy’s age can’t cope with that.’ 

‘That’s probably why Netta has started answering back. Starting on the boy was probably more than she was prepared to take.’

In the workshop Jimmy watched as Gwilym modelled a
small-sized
cricket bat, the hands holding the tools sure and patient.

‘Who’s that for, Mr Martin?’

‘Someone ordered it for a grandson’s birthday.’

‘You used to play cricket, didn’t you? Can you teach me? They play at school but I never get chosen, see.’

‘I used to play and I used to coach the youngsters too but those days are gone.’

‘Why? You don’t need legs to coach, only a bit of know-how. It’s the know-how that’s important, according to the teacher. He hates me, the teacher. That’s why I’m never chosen.’

‘No one hates you, Jimmy. Don’t say such things.’

‘Everyone does. I’d better go. Mam’ll be home.’

‘Of course, she’ll be worrying about you.’

‘No, she won’t! But I’d better get home or I’ll miss my tea. Ta-ra. Remember about the cricket when you have time, Mr Martin. It’d be good to show that teacher I can bowl a ball and break the wicket and hit a six. Real good that’d be!’

Gwilym put down the bat he was working on and sighed. If only he had faced things straight away, things would be very different. Stubbornness was as damaging as the loss of a leg. Too late now. He took a piece of paper from a drawer and began to sketch a plan of a cricket field. He became more and more absorbed in the task and Valmai called twice before he heard.

If only the factory hadn’t closed. If only he and Eric hadn’t been out riding their bikes that day. If only … The saddest words in the English language.

Sadie greeted him joyfully as he wheeled himself along the path. He lifted her, giving her a ride up the ramp and into the house,
something
that had already become a regular treat.

Sally slept fitfully that night. She was tense as she wondered how she would fare on her first day in the new job and how she would find someone suitable to care for Sadie. Besides those anxieties, thoughts of Jimmy entered her mind repeatedly and half-awake dreams were filled with worries about his safety.

Roll on next week, she murmured, she rearranged the pillows and
tried once more to relax. By then I’ll know whether or not I can do the job and a week might see an end to Walter and Netta’s situation, although even in her weary, half-asleep state she knew that was wishful thinking. Walter had retired from the workforce and without him getting a job nothing could change.

Gwilym was sleepless that night. He was thinking of Jimmy too. He kept seeing the young boy’s face, tinged with hope at the prospect of succeeding at school when everyone expected him to fail. It wasn’t much to ask, just a few hours of his time, but the thought of going out in that hateful wheelchair and people seeing him helpless where he had once been so strong, was a powerful barrier. Even going out after dark had been denied him. What time of night was safe from the chance of meeting someone? Besides, that wouldn’t help Jimmy. Cricket wasn’t a game for the hours of darkness. Perhaps one day he’d face going just as far as the park and giving the boy a few pointers. But not now, not yet. Perhaps when Rhys came home.

Having given himself a long-term excuse to do nothing, his conscience was eased and he slept.

Amy and Rick returned home after their unofficial honeymoon and from the look on their faces Sally knew they had enjoyed the occasion.

‘Knowing it was secret and unconventional added to the fun and even if Mummy finds out now it would be too late to spoil it,’ Amy told her. She asked about the new job but was too excited to take in anything Sally told her.

A couple of weeks later the wedding was rearranged, a smaller version of the original and Amy asked Sally to help plan it. They sat in the Waterstones’ house where everything was ready and waiting for them. ‘Oh, this isn’t as important any more, Sally. Paris was wonderful and I don’t regret a thing, but the wedding will be an
anti-climax
now,’ she said, then laughed. ‘As if we care!’

Sally felt sadness and regret clouding her face. That was how she had felt too, until everything went so terribly wrong. Then she hugged her friend, wished her every happiness, and meant it.

WITH ONLY TWO
weeks before she started her new job, Sally
concentrated
on finding suitable childcare for Sadie. She was settled in the nursery full-time and Valmai helped when she could but there was likely to be a shortfall and she needed to be prepared. A regular daily carer was essential. With the likelihood of moving away from Valmai and Gwilym when she found a suitable flat, she needed a person to look after her now, Therefore avoiding the lack of continuity to her routine. Sally knew she needed to be relaxed about Sadie’s welfare in order to concentrate on the new job. If she failed, she might not have a second chance to revive a career she enjoyed. The thought of cleaning other people’s houses again made her groan.

It was not as easy as she had expected. Several women came but none were suitable. She asked everyone she knew and Valmai did the same and eventually it was through Jimmy’s mother that she found someone.

‘Mrs Taylor hasn’t any children left at home,’ Netta explained. ‘Jimmy’s friend lives next door and she asked me about the job.’

‘Do you know anything about her?’

Netta shrugged.

‘Is she qualified?’ Sally asked, and again Netta only shrugged.

She was suddenly filled with fear at the thought of leaving her precious child with a stranger. All the staff at the nursery were well known to her and to start again, leaving her in the sole care of this Mrs Taylor, was a serious concern. Until then the new job, the
possibility
of a new flat, none of it had been real. Now faced with this situation, her immediate impulse was to telephone and tell them she no longer wanted the job.

‘Will you come with me when I interview her?’ she asked Valmai, who instantly agreed.

‘I wish I didn’t have to work,’ Valmai said. ‘I’d love to have been your childminder, but with Gwilym earning little more than pocket money I don’t have a choice.’

Sally didn’t tell her she wasn’t inclined to ask, for fear of Rhys turning up. Instead she said, ‘There’ll always be times when I’ll be glad of your help.’

Mrs Gwen Taylor was in her fifties and she went at once to Sadie and spoke to her.

‘Hello, Sadie, my name is Mrs Taylor, can you say that? Taylor?’ She held the child’s hand and talked to her about what was in the room and opened boxes and cupboards to reveal various toys. Sitting on the floor with her, Mrs Taylor discussed the dolls and pushchair, immediately involving Sadie with giving dolls and teddies rides. Sally and Valmai shared approving glances. Mrs Taylor was expensive but it was worth it to know Sadie was in such good hands.

As a trial, Sadie went to stay with Gwen Taylor for an afternoon and when she went to meet her, Sally was pleased to see her running out, smiling happily. ‘Would you like to go again?’ she asked.

‘Nursery’s best,’ Sadie informed her seriously but she didn’t
hesitate
overmuch when the trial was repeated the following day.

With three days to go before she was to begin working at the fashion house, ‘Style’, there was a hint that all was not well. Sally went earlier than arranged to collect Sadie and found the little girl dressed in her outdoor clothes and standing at the back door just outside the kitchen.

‘Oh, she’s ready to leave. Marvellous. But how did you know I would be early?’ she asked, as she picked up Sadie, who clung to her very tightly.

‘I always believe in fresh air and my little darling has been out in the garden while I tried to teach her to catch a ball,’ Gwen explained, patting Sadie’s head. ‘She’s getting quite good too, for a little girl who isn’t quite three. Birthday soon, isn’t it? And my favourite little
three-year-old
is going to have a party. Cake, balloons, everything. We’ve been practising party games today, all ready for the big occasion, haven’t we, Sadie?’

Sadie was a bit subdued that evening but Sally presumed it was
tiredness. If she played outside and did all the things Mrs Taylor told her, then that was understandable.

Sunday was filled with treats but Sadie was clingy and lacking her usual enthusiasm. They went to the mill in the afternoon, then Sally made a tasty meal. Sadie ate less than usual and fell asleep on her lap.

‘Must be the new experiences tiring her out, and more activities than at nursery,’ Valmai said.

‘She isn’t enjoying being with this Mrs Taylor,’ Gwilym said. ‘Our little Sadie isn’t happy.’

‘She’ll soon get used to it.’ Sally didn’t sound very sure. Starting work again after so long was wonderful, but only if Sadie wasn’t suffering for it.

Her first few days in her new position were exhausting as Sally tried to absorb everything that went on. She needed to know the finance allowed for each new season and who the regular agencies were from whom they bought. They visited two during the first week and she knew she would use neither of them again. Being offered old stock at a discount was not how she envisaged her new role. Finding others meant extra long days and Sadie was always happily playing at Mrs Taylor’s when she arrived to collect her.

On Sadie’s third birthday there was no real party planned, just the family plus Jimmy and a couple of children Sadie knew from when she had attended nursery. At least she’d have a party at Mrs Taylor’s, she consoled herself, and I’ll do better next year. She made certain she was there to collect her daughter herself and although there was evidence of a party with balloons and a partly eaten cake on the table, there were no signs of any guests. Gwen’s voice was excessively jolly and Sadie didn’t respond; she just clung to her mother in a very unusual way. Sadie had always been a confident child and Sally was worried as she went back to Mill Road.

She prepared their meal and encouraged Sadie to talk about her day. ‘Do you like going into the garden to play ball with Gwen?’ was one of the questions she asked.

‘Not Gwen. Only Sadie,’ Sadie replied solemnly. ‘No ball, I played with cat.’

‘A real cat?’

‘The cat in the flowers,’ was the casual reply.

After they had eaten, instead of putting Sadie to bed, Jimmy came
and Sally was glad. She needed to talk to Valmai and while he played with Sadie and her new toys, she told Valmai that all was not well with the arrangement with Gwen Taylor.

Jimmy stayed a while longer, reluctant to go home, and Valmai whispered to Sally that only his father was there and he would wait until his mother came home. He usually had a difficult time when only Walter was there, taking the blame for everything wrong in his father’s life and there was plenty – some real, most imagined. He had painted a card for Sadie with cats and rabbits on it and once she saw it, Sadie refused to put it down and carried it for the rest of the evening.

While Jimmy amused the little girl, Sally explained more fully her doubts about the care Gwen was providing and Valmai promised to call in and see what was happening, during her afternoon break on the following day.

That night Sally’s sleep was troubled. She had been wrong to take the job. It was too soon to leave Sadie in the care of someone else. She was wide awake at midnight and went down to get a drink. She was quiet, not wanting to wake the others, and when she opened the door of the living room she was surprised to see Gwilym standing at the window, leaning on his sticks. As she watched he moved across the room and back again, several times, then sat in his usual chair and seemed to settle for sleep. Silently, hardly daring to breathe, she went back to her bed.

Before returning to the hotel for her evening session next day, Valmai went to telephone Sally to report what she had seen.

‘I went round to the back garden without knocking on the door and there was your Sadie in the garden, wrapped up but shivering with the cold. The “cat” she played with was a concrete statue in among the dead flowers. No toys, not even a ball in sight. Sadie hadn’t seen me so I crept away and came to tell you what I’d seen.’

Phoning to tell her boss she’d be a couple of hours late, Valmai waited for Sally and together went back to Gwen Taylor to find Sadie sipping a glass of milk and with biscuits in her hand. The room was immaculate, everything polished and nothing out of place. Sadie looked very subdued and didn’t get up when they walked in. Sally picked her up and asked, ‘What have you been doing today, darling?’ 

‘Talking to Cat. I’ve got a biscuit,’ she added, holding one up in a hand that was red with cold.

Sally pressed her head against her neck and her cheeks were like ice. ‘Why is she so cold?’ Sally asked. ‘She’s been outside too long.’

‘I can’t get her in, the little love. She likes playing ball and riding the little bike. With me holding her to keep her safe, of course.’

‘I called earlier,’ Valmai said. ‘She was standing out there on her own, the door was closed and she was shivering with cold. There was no sign of you and certainly no toys to amuse herself.’

‘Can I go home now, Mummy?’ Sadie whispered.

‘Well, yes, I do leave her for a moment or two,’ Gwen said, ignoring the child’s comment. ‘I have to get our lunch, and clean the house. Mothers do the routine things even if they have half a dozen children, don’t they? They don’t need watching every minute.’

‘They do when that’s what you’re being paid to do,’ Sally said, turning towards the door. ‘She won’t be coming again.’

‘About the money you owe—’

‘Money?’ Valmai snapped. ‘You’re lucky we aren’t suing for cruelty!’

Although she was heavy, Sally carried Sadie back to Mill Road and didn’t let her go until Valmai had made hot drinks.

‘I’ll have to forget any thought of full-time work until she’s older. I’d never have a moment’s peace wherever she was after this.’

‘Don’t think about it tonight. Tomorrow’s another day and I have a few ideas,’ Valmai said.

‘There isn’t an idea I can imagine that would solve this. I really thought Gwen Taylor was suitable, the way she went at once to talk to Sadie, became her friend. I’ll phone first thing in the morning.’

‘Two days, just give me two days.’

Valmai was thoughtful when she cycled to work for her evening shift. She was late and at once apologized to her boss. The meal was well underway and she checked the lists and began setting the tables to be ready for the guests and others who had booked for the evening. It was late when everything was finished and the last plate washed and in its place. Then she began to discuss how her hours could be changed to allow her to look after Sadie.

It was too late to talk to Sally that evening, finishing as she did at about eleven o’clock, but after her morning shift, she rang the office
again. She had to stop Sally from handing in her notice. Sadie was with her.

‘It’s all fixed,’ she announced when she answered. ‘Sadie is going to nursery full-time and I’m changing my hours. I’ll be free in the evenings until seven, by which time you’ll be home.’ She didn’t tell Sally about the drop in her wages. She owed her a great deal after the way her son had let her down. ‘My Gwilym is thrilled. Can’t wait to see more of her. I’ll pick her up from the nursery at four and she’ll come to us until you’re back. Now,’ she added, as Sally began to make doubtful noises, ‘doesn’t that sound better than you giving up on a job you’ve hardly started?’

‘Thank you, but I can’t ask you to cut your hours for me.’

‘Rubbish, glad I’ll be to ease up a bit. So, will that be all right?’

‘I’ll be renting a flat as soon as I find one and I don’t know where we’ll be living.’

‘Deal with that later. One thing at a time or we’ll never get anything sorted. Now,’ she said, quickly changing the subject, ‘I bought a dozen balloons today, will that be enough for a party? After her disastrous birthday she deserves another party. A three-year-old has to invite all her friends. Sunday all right?’

Enquiries around the neighbours revealed that Sadie had been either shut in the kitchen or in the garden for most of the time she had been with Gwen Taylor and the more she learned the more anxious Sally became about the importance of her daughter’s care. Valmai was the obvious – in fact the only – choice. A flat must be found, but it had to be somewhere in easy reach of Valmai.

The party took place in Valmai’s overcrowded house and Sadie invited several friends from her nursery. All her cards were displayed, including one very large one from Rhys. In this instance, the less you care the bigger the card, Sally muttered when Sadie opened it.

Valmai helped with the food and Jimmy came and played with the children, feeling like a little boy enjoying a treat himself. Gwilym made small cat models for each girl and the occasion was one Sally felt sure would give everyone happy memories. She wondered where they would be on Sadie’s next birthday and, in a weak moment, whether Rhys would be there. The thought was immediately stifled with anger. Sadie was his daughter but he had lost all rights to be involved in her life, by lying and cheating.

During those first weeks of her new appointment Sally had spent a lot of time following members of staff to acclimatize herself with the way the business was run. She made a few changes and in the middle of May, she arranged to go to Bristol on her own to visit a warehouse and to see a fashion show to view the autumn styles. The
arrangements
with Valmai meant Sadie was safe and happy, giving her a mind free to be able to think about the job and all it entailed.

Bristol was scary as she expected to bump into Rhys every time she turned a corner, but most of the time was spent in the hotel where the fashion show was taking place and the day went off without that unpleasant meeting happening. She drove home in the firm’s car she had been given and greeted a happy Sadie soon after six o’clock.

She met up with Amy again, who was keen to hear about the new job and sympathized over the worries of Sadie’s unfortunate
childcare
. ‘So now all is well except you’ll probably need some more decent outfits if you’re going to go gallivanting around the country dealing with expensive clothes, eh?’

Amy was easily tempted by the idea of a mild spending spree and they talked enthusiastically about British and Paris fashions.