Fort Lenordwood, Missouri was hot as hell in the spring, and even hotter in the summer which happened to be the time that Jensen Ackles arrived for basic training (24 page)

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Ryan,

05Sept2006

PMS much?

Mark

PS How come I was last on your list?

***

Phil, 05Sept2006

You are such a kiss ass! No wonder we got married. I was too young to realize all the bullshit you slung. You just want someone to spank Ryan so you can watch. If it turns you on that much why don't you do it?

Kenneth said to tell you he got a hold of Beaver. I'm not going to ask what that means because if I find out you been telling my boyfriend to get some beaver, I may have to kill you. Katie would be upset...But hey since Ryan is in the picture I may be able to swing it. She likes Ryan more than you anyways. (Kidding. Katie wanted me to tell you she loves and misses you.)

Sandy

451

***

They communicated through emails, phone calls and the occasional cam-to-cam chats. For Mark it became routine. He woke up at three am just in case Patrick would send him an IM through Yahoo. Most of the time he had several emails waiting for him in his inbox. He might or might not go back to bed afterwards. It all depended on what was going on that day, or if his friends were keyed up over something. In a war zone everything was subject to change and it did so daily.

He had been deployed and knew the drill. When he didn't get any messages for a while he knew that it was normal. They could be on blackout due to a death or the Internet could be down. So the fact he hadn't heard from anyone for a week didn't make him nervous. What made him nervous was the cold ache that entered him. It was the chill of foreboding. Like, subconsciously, he knew something was wrong.

452

Even knowing that didn't stop the tendrils of fear when he heard a knock on the door. Patrick had named him as his POC, point of contact, if anything should happen to him. He always paused when he heard a soldier was killed. He knew that the Army would contact him before news leaked, at least he prayed they would.

It was seven in the morning and he was making coffee when the persistent knocking began. The cup in his hand clanged into the sink. He never had company this early. Even though the sun was already peeking through the curtains it was still too early for people visiting. There was only one knock that would be coming this early.

He walked slowly to the door, staring at it, not wanting to believe it was happening. His brain began to work in overdrive, telling him that he knew this could happen. He knew that this could be his reality but he didn't want to think in it. He wanted to remember that he and Patrick were getting married when Patrick came home on R & R. That…he watched as his hand reached out for the door knob. It was like it was on slow mo and it was someone else's hand reaching for it.

453

The door opened slowly. In Mark's mind, behind it would three Army officers: the CO, a chaplain and another guy stuck on Rear D. Mark only prayed it wasn't Brandingham. Patrick hated the fucker. He wouldn't be held responsible for what he did to that homophobic bastard.

When it was open he was shocked to see Kenneth and Sandy. At first anger coursed through his body. They knew better than to do this shit. He nearly told them so, but as soon as his mouth opened he noticed the looks that were on their faces.

“Oh. Oh,” Mark said, stepping back. It felt like a boulder was sitting on his face.

“I…You shouldn't...”

Sandy was shaking and crying -crying too hard to speak. She tossed up her hands and looked up at Kenneth, who was an unnatural shade of white. He too was shaking, but tears weren't falling. They just pooled in his dark-blue eyes.

“It's Phillip,” Kenneth croaked out.

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“Fuck. No.” Mark stumbled backwards. He couldn't believe it. Not Phillip.

Phillip was larger than life. Out of all of them he was the guy who could survive anything.

“What? When?” Mark asked, clearing his dry throat.

“A...suicide bomber...They were clearing the streets...he wasn't in the Brad...They...He tried to get…The bomb went off fifteen feet from him. His back was turned...They...uhh. Don't know if he's going to make it. They're airlifting him to Landstuhl...If...When he is stable.”

Mark turned, not willing to look at them. Sandy's soft sobs filled the room, making him swallow hard.

Then he grabbed Kenneth and pulled him to the side. “What's your professional opinion, Kenneth? What do you think will happen?”

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Kenneth swallowed and shook his head. “It doesn't look good, Mark. Both of his legs were broken in the explosion. They said he has multiple fractures. Muscles and tendons were torn. They had to pump five pints of blood into him. His back...they said he has to have skin grafts if he survives. They had to put out the...fire. The concussion threw him twenty feet away. They said it was pure luck he didn't break his back. If...If I were there...I would red tag him and possibly lean toward black tag. He's tore up, Mark. Bad.” Kenneth swallowed hard

“So what's...the…fuck...” Mark felt a tear roll down his cheek. “Chances?”

“Forty to sixty if we're lucky.” Kenneth said quietly. “But I haven't seen him and I've not taken his stubborn streak into consideration.”

Mark nodded and didn't say anything. “Has his family been notified?”

456

“We're going to head that way. They don't need to have this told to them over the fucking phone. They called at six this morning and fucking TOLD Sandy all of this over the phone. I had to take the phone and talk to them,” Kenneth said bitterly.

“What about Ryan? Any word?”

“No. If I know Ryan he's ready to kill everyone standing in his way. Has Patrick called?”

“No, haven't heard from him in a couple of days,” Mark said. “Want me to go to San Antonio with you two?”

“No, we wanted to know if you could keep Katie for a bit. We're going to get her. She needs to know.”

457

Mark nodded. It's the kids that suffered the most during deployments. They were the ones who had to steel themselves for this shit. “She can stay with me as long as you need her to.”

“We need to contact Brendon. Umm and William, if he's close to Phil.”

“I'll make the calls.” Mark said. “You two tell Phil's parents. Do you know where he's going to be sent after...after Germany?”

“The Intrepid Center,” Kenneth guessed. It was a Military hospital at Ft. Sam Houston in San Antonio, in the Brooke Army Medical Center.

Mark knew that Kenneth hated his father, but for Phillip and all concerned, he would pull every string he could.

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“I told him I would kill him,” Sandy said suddenly, tears drying on her face. “I told him it would be fine...because we had Ryan. Oh god. That was the last...” She burst into tears and Kenneth quickly wrapped his arms around her.

“Shhh, baby he knows it was a joke. It's okay. I promise. He probably laughed at it,” Kenneth soothed. “We need to go get Katie. Come on, babe. We'll go get Katie and then go see the Grabowskis.” He looked up at Mark, who waved them off.

After they left Mark stood in the middle of his living room, wondering what he should do first. He picked up his phone shakily and dialed Brendon's number. It was Friday. Brendon should be getting up for PT.

“Hey Mark! How's it going?”

Mark swallowed and cleared his throat. “Brendon?”

“Dude...what's wrong? Which one?”

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He could hear Brendon's voice change from being friendly to intrepid.

“It's Phillip. He...Brendon, it's bad.”

He heard Brendon start cussing, and heard something bang against the wall.

“What happened? When? What about Ryan? Is he going to…? Don't...Fuck.”

“They were clearing the road. Phillip was out of the Bradley directing traffic or something. Suicide bomber. He was looking away from it. He's pretty broken up. We aren't sure what is going on, but if they get him stabilized they're shipping him to Landstuhl in Germany.”

Mark could hear Brendon breathing hard. He could hear tears in the other man's voice.

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“He can't...He just can't, Mark. He's fucking Superman. Superman doesn't die.”

“He's flesh and blood, Brendon. He can and we have to--”

“Fuck you Mark. No he can't. He and Ryan...This isn't happening.”

With that said Brendon slammed the phone down.

Everyone had ways of dealing. Mark's way was to take charge and do the grunt work. Kenneth's was to get clinical. Sandy went emotional. But Brendon dealt with it like he dealt with basic. Unlimited hero worship. Mark knew that the younger man had looked up to Phillip and himself like they could do no wrong. Nothing could ever happen to them because they were with the Drill Sergeants. They were indestructible.

***

461

When the phone rang again Mark answered it on auto-pilot.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Mark couldn't help but feel the wave of relief course through him. He felt guilty as hell for it, but he pushed that aside.

“I love you, Patrick. I love you so damn much.” Mark choked.

“I know, babe. I do but what the fuck is going on? We had a blackout and I heard a
couple guys from the seventh got killed and a few more fucked up badly. What's going on?”

Mark gave Patrick the ‘no bullshit’ story. Unlike with Brendon he didn't sugar coat it. That would piss Patrick off to no end.

There was silence for a few moments before he heard Patrick sniff.

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“What about Ryan?”

“No news. He hasn't contacted anyone yet,” Mark answered.

“That's not like him,”
Patrick said.

“I know. I emailed him but didn't get anything back yet.”

“I love you Mark. I…fuck.”
The sob did Mark in. He began to cry and didn't even try to stop it.

The call lasted fifteen minutes exactly. Mark knew because he counted the time off in his head. They said they loved each other. Mark promised to email him if he heard anything.

***

463

Katie was sitting in his front room watching TV. She hadn't said much since she got there. He watched her closely and noticed she wasn't really watching TV, just staring at the screen with acute disinterest.

“Uncle Mark?” she called hesitantly.

“Yeah, Katie-bug?”

“Is my daddy going to die?”

Six little words spoken so quietly that Mark had to strain to hear them. “Katie-bug...” he started; she turned and looked at him.

“Is my daddy going to die?” This time her voice was hard. She was demanding an answer.

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Mark knew both Phillip and Sandy had been very honest with her. While it was a low probability it was still there.

“He could, Katie. But I have never known a man more stubborn or with as much fight as your dad,” he said, clearing his throat. Thirteen-year-old girls shouldn't be dealing with this shit.

“Is he hurting bad?”

Mark swallowed hard. “Probably not, he's in a coma.”

“Okay.” Her small shoulders shook as tears began to stream down her face.

Mark walked to her and pulled her into his lap. “Shh baby. He's...gonna be fine.”

“Don't lie to me, Uncle Mark. He might not be.”

465

It hurt to hear those words coming from a girl whose biggest concern should be

'what should I wear today?'

***

Hey Folks

15Sept2006

I sent a letter to my wife. If you're reading this it means she's sent it to you. I couldn't get into details through my email but she can.

Last week we went on patrol on Route Whiskey. The Iraqis had a huge-assed cluster fuck going on. We had to dismount. Phillip got out because his BC was driving him crazy. Ryan and I just got out. Anything beat staying in that hellhole. We had enough guys to cover with the big guns anyways.

Phillip had nearly gotten hit by some asshole. Who ever thought every Iraqi should be given a driver license needs to be shot. It was the fifth time someone almost 466

got ran over. He was screaming and hitting the guy's hood with his M16. Ryan was about fifty feet from him, grinning. You know Ryan.

A few minutes later I heard someone yelling about a guy walking between cars.

It happened so fast that no one even fired a shot. The guy detonated it. After the smoked cleared we all ran towards the guys that were down. Besides Phillip he got Gregg, Mercer and Hawk. Gregg was killed instantly. The other two are still in the trauma center.

Ryan isn't doing well at all. They are trying to get him to take something to sleep but he won't do it. The LT got him in to see Phillip before Phillip was shipped to Germany. He still hasn't talked about it.

All I can say is thank God for LT. Kripke. He's been dragging Ryan into his office. Ryan normally comes out with new information and the LT is trying to get Ryan's R & R bumped up.

Alexander

***

467

After Alexander's email Mark called Tory to thank her for it. She burst into tears and Mark damn near started to cry himself.

“I feel awful. When Sandy called all I could say was thank God Alexander is safe. God,
I'm horrible.”
She sobbed.

“No it's normal. I did the same thing with Patrick,” Mark said, clearing his throat. “Still feels like shit,” he agreed.

They didn't talk long. When he hung up he sat down on the couch. Kenneth and Sandy were on their way back from San Antonio again. Mark had gotten Katie to pack a small bag. They were all heading back that way first thing in the morning.

Kenneth had pulled every string he had to get Phillip transferred to The Intrepid Center at Brooke Army Medical Center. He was being brought in tomorrow.

Everyone was getting ready to leave and head that way. Patrick knew that Mark would be there. Hopefully he could leave voice mails or text if he got in.

468

***

The hospital was cold; sterile; it smelled bad. And Mark had a hard time breathing. Sandy was holding his hand tightly when they entered the family waiting room of ICU.

Phillip's parents and siblings were already there.

“Sandy.” Gerry greeted her, pulling the young woman into his arms. Katie came over and he slipped an arm around her too.