Girl (6 page)

When I woke up I thought Darcy was pulling on my shirt and my head was all heavy on one side and when I opened my eyes Scott Haskell was straddling me. His pants were down and he was holding my shirt up and he was masturbating on me. And I was so stunned I just stared at his penis which was purple and pointed right at me. And his hand was going like crazy, milking it like a cow and he was like
shhhhhh
and I hissed at him: “
What are you doing
?” I grabbed my shirt back and tried to get up but he held me down. And the stuff started coming out and I kicked him and said, “Get off!” And the stuff got on my leg and I kicked him really hard and he fell off the couch. And it was on my leg, this gross slime, and I grabbed the towel and it was like having an insect on you, I wanted it
off
. And I stood up and wiped my leg and Scott Haskell was groaning and rolling around on the floor. And I kept finding more of it, this gross stuff, and
some was on my arm and some was on my shirt and I was so pissed. And Scott was still on the floor, sneaking his pants up while he pretended to be passed out. And then he said, “I am
so
wasted,” and I stepped over him and I swear, I almost stomped on his face.

I ran to the pool and it was dark now but Darcy was still sitting there reading a magazine. And Renee and Mark Pierce were getting cozy in the deep end of the pool and I told Darcy we had to leave right now. She asked why and I started to explain but just then we both heard this horrible gagging noise coming out of the bathroom window. It was Scott Haskell throwing up. “
That's
the problem,” I said and Darcy listened for a second and there was another gagging noise and then a splattering sound and Darcy made a face and said, “Gross!” I said, “That's not the worst of it,” and I made a motion like a guy jerking off and she looked at me and I showed her the wet spot on my shirt. And she gave me this suspicious look and I was like, “Darcy,
I was asleep
!” And she listened while Scott gagged some more and I noticed that Renee and Mark Pierce had separated and were coming over toward us. They wanted to know what was going on. Especially Renee. She was like, “What's the matter, Andrea?” and she had that catty look she gets and I thought
you bitch
but I smiled and said, “Oh nothing, I just remembered I have to go home.” And I grabbed Darcy and we got out of there.

Darcy drove. She was in shock. And I felt sorry for her because even though she knew how crazy Scott was she still felt like he was her boyfriend. And she said he'd been bugging her for a blowjob and she was thinking about doing it but now no way because what he did to me was so uncool. And the more I thought about it the madder I got and I said maybe I should tell everyone at school. But Darcy said not to because it would make her look stupid and me look stupid
and guys would just twist it around and make it our fault. And then we stopped at 7-Eleven to get some ice cream but we didn't get out of the car because all of a sudden we both understood our situation with Mark Pierce and Scott Haskell. We were groupies. We were these little sophomore sluts who guys like Mark Pierce and Scott Haskell jerked off on. And all this time we had tried so hard to not identify ourselves with them and that was exactly what they wanted. They didn't
want
us to be their girlfriends, they were
glad
we were stupid and didn't make any demands and just hung around so they could fondle us whenever they wanted. And Mark Pierce never loved me, he didn't even
like
me, he just liked how stupid I was. And he was probably having sex with Renee Hatfield the whole time, probably right this second they were in her parents' bed doing it and laughing their heads off. And then Darcy said, “I don't feel like ice cream.” And I said, “I feel sick.” And Darcy started the car and drove us both home.

Three days later was graduation. I wouldn't have even gone except Darcy's brother was graduating and she didn't want to go by herself. And I looked all around in case Scott Haskell was there but I didn't see him. In the gym Darcy sat with her parents and I sat with Rebecca Farnhurst, who was telling everyone that Mr. Angelo said we were a bad generation and in ten years the kids would be good again. And then she started gossiping about how Cindy wanted to videotape having sex but Dave didn't want to and they were arguing about it at lunch right in front of everybody. And all I could think of was Rebecca finding out about Scott and spreading it all over school. So I just stared straight ahead and tried to ignore her. I watched the seniors line up to go on stage. Mark Pierce was in the line. And Brian Babbit. And Jim Dietz. And they were all laughing and having the greatest time. And then the line started moving and up they went, getting
their diplomas and shaking hands with Mrs. Katz, our principal. And all the parents took pictures and celebrated and congratulated each other, as if a monkey couldn't graduate from Hillside. And Rebecca nudged me and pointed to Mrs. Parmeter, who was picking at something in her ear. And everybody giggled and made fun of her and also Mr. Angelo, who was sweating and dabbing his face with a napkin. And I thought about how we were just a job to them. We were like so much grass growing, or weeds maybe, they watered us and fertilized us and when it was harvest time, they chopped us down and cleared us out and started over with the next bunch.

When it was over everyone threw their graduation caps in the air. Some of them zoomed really high and others just sort of flopped up and fell right back down. And everybody cheered and hugged and I snuck outside as quick as I could. And I just wanted to leave but then I couldn't find Darcy and I was stuck in the parking lot, moving backward as the people poured out. And people were loading their cameras and hugging each other and then I saw Mark Pierce with his parents and my whole body cringed. So I hid behind some other people and watched him through the crowd. They were taking pictures: Mark with Mom, Mark with Dad, Mark with Brian Babbit, Mark with Jim Dietz, who everybody wanted in their picture, Mark with Renee Hatfield, who tried to kiss him but she just got his cheek because Mark Pierce never looked anywhere but straight into the camera.

And I was getting a headache and it seemed really muggy all of a sudden and I leaned on a car but it was hot from the sun and it burned me. And then I burped and I remembered the tequila and Scott Haskell and his horrible penis and it was so awful I almost threw up. And I felt dizzy and weird and I looked for someplace to sit down but everything was
cars and barkdust and asphalt. And my neck started to tingle and stars came in my head and I had to kneel down really fast so I wouldn't fall. Then I went to a different place, a place totally away from Hillside and Darcy and everyone. It was peaceful there and nice but then I came back and I was in the gym and all these people were running around and waving air at me and sticking stuff in my face. And Mrs. Schroeder was giving me water and telling everyone to stand back. And Darcy's dad was there and he was slapping my hand and Mrs. Schroeder told him not to worry, that every year someone fainted at graduation, it was just such an exciting moment for young people.

Once school was out
the big question became, what would I do over the summer? My parents thought I should go back to Camp North Pacific. It was up in the San Juan Islands above Seattle and my mom knew someone who knew someone and they had sent me there for two summers in junior high. But I was sixteen now and I was too old to go there as a camper, even if I wanted to, which I definitely did not. So then they suggested I be a counselor but I was way too late to apply. So then they said I could go on the grounds crew or something and they were serious. In fact they were adamant. I was like,
the grounds crew
? Their argument
was what else was I going to do? And they were obviously worried about me hanging out downtown and wearing weird clothes and Cybil shaving her head, though they wouldn't admit it. And I was totally caught off-guard and didn't have any arguments against them. And my mom still knew the someone who knew someone. So they won. I got signed on to the maintenance crew. I was going to wash dishes and cook and do laundry for ten weeks for almost no money. I felt like I was being sent into exile.

The first week was the worst. The people on the maintenance crew were the lowest people in the whole camp. They were from Harper's Ferry, the little town nearby, and they had accents like Canadians, like “ay?” all the time. There was an older woman named Rita and a boy about my age named Brad who looked like Scott Haskell, blond and with freckles but sort of dopey and not really as cute. And the girl counselors were all girl-counselor types, rich and perky and cheerful. And the boy counselors were the same, big teeth and Izod shirts and just too perfect. And being on the maintenance crew they wouldn't even notice me anyway except some who remembered me from before and they just looked at me like
What happened to you
?

The work was super hard and at first I was so tired I could barely stay awake at night. I'd eat dinner and crawl in my bunk and that was it. But after a while I would read some, just whatever books and magazines were lying around, and then Rita started giving me better books. One was about these artists in Paris who had sex all the time. I read that one a lot but it made me horny which made me lonely which made me depressed. But then after the first couple weeks I got used to everything and it wasn't so bad. Our building was separate from the rest of the camp and we could stay up as late as we wanted and we had a little porch and steps to hang out on.
And one day I passed one of the counselors with a group of screaming camper brats and I was actually glad I was on maintenance.

By July I felt pretty settled. It was getting hotter at night and we'd sit outside and Rita would smoke and Brad would read comic books and 1 would write letters to Darcy and Cybil. Darcy was working at The Gap at Sunset Mall. She had a sort of boyfriend named Michael who worked in the mall except she thought he was gay because he would never touch her except sometimes he would let her give him back rubs. She said it was driving her crazy and she was so horny she thought she might explode. Cybil was practicing with Richard and Greg and trying to get a job. She didn't write as much and her letters were mostly about fights with her mom or the new Girl Patrol record or some weird girl she met at the mall. Her biggest news was that she had convinced Richard to change their band name to Sins of Our Fathers. I wrote to Darcy to be careful she didn't get AIDS or become a fag hag or whatever and how boring camp was and how stuck-up the counselors were and how cool Rita was and how cute Brad was, which was a slight exaggeration but she would never have to know and it made me feel better. To Cybil I mostly asked questions and tried to encourage her and tell her how much I liked her band and how sometimes their songs came into my head. And I asked her what she thought I should do next year in terms of which boys should I like and how should I dress and what did she think of boys from Learning Center? She never really answered these questions but that was okay. And sometimes I wrote song lyrics for her band, not that I would ever show her but just for fun and to see if I could do it. And sometimes I fantasized that Kevin and I were in a band together and went on stage at Outer Limits and everyone talked about us, even Todd Sparrow. And mostly I just wanted a boy to think about, and
not
a
camp counselor and after a couple weeks I started thinking about Brad because he was shy and nice and he was really the only boy around.

And he must have been thinking about me because one night before bed he came and sat with me on the steps. And he didn't usually smoke cigarettes but he bummed one from Rita and smoked it really fast. And when he finished it he bummed another one and smoked that one really fast. Then he whispered to me if I wanted to go into town with him that night. His plan was we'd sneak his motorcycle out of the main garage and walk it out of camp and then start it and ride into town which was about ten miles. I was pretty reluctant but he said he'd done it before and then Rita said, “And while you're there get some cigarettes.” She'd heard the whole plan and by saying that I thought she was sending me a message of
go for it
so I said okay.

And it was weird because I'd convinced myself that Brad was cute but as soon as I was involved in his plan he seemed sort of dopey again and as we walked to the main garage he seemed really bony and awkward. He smelled nice though and he pulled me over to the trees and then went by himself into the garage and wheeled out his motorcycle. It made a soft whirring noise and I didn't usually like motorcycles but I liked his. And we walked it along the road and coasted it down the hill and all the time I kept looking back. But no one had seen us. We had done it. We had escaped Camp North Pacific.

Brad started his motorcycle. He revved it a couple times but quietly and not in that loud obnoxious way that I hate. He got on and I got on the back and grabbed his T-shirt but he made me put my arms around him and sit close because it was safer. So I did and he started going, slow at first and with the headlights off because the moon was out and you could
see okay. And it was scary but sort of fun and then he turned on the light and speeded up and I grabbed hold and we were
flying
! And there were little pockets of cold air and warm air and everything smelled like pine trees and cinder dust and I rested my chin on Brad's shoulder and scooted forward on the seat so I was totally against him. And when we got to the main road we went super fast and that was really scary because we didn't have helmets and the pavement was old and gravely. But Brad zoomed straight ahead and I closed my eyes and put my face in his back and I figured if I died it was my parents' fault because they made me come here.

But we didn't die. We got to Harper's Ferry and the only problem was, what were we going to do there at 11:30 at night? We drove down the main street and Brad told me to watch for cops because they knew him and they'd tell Mr. Fitch at camp. And the only thing open was Lenny's Tavern anyway so we zipped through town and into this poor neighborhood with these shack houses and junk cars. We pulled into a vacant lot and parked and I asked Brad where we were going and he said we were visiting someone. And then he took my hand and we snuck through some trees and we came out in the backyard of this horrible little house. And I was getting scared and I said I wouldn't go any further until he told me whose house it was. So he did, it was his mom's.