Hay and Heartbreak (14 page)

The urge to seek out illegal methods for coping with life wasn’t going to overtake him, either. Dan didn’t want to turn to drugs, or even alcohol, or anything else in an attempt to dull the pain when he was hurting or to hide from things that scared him. He was an adult, and he’d been through hell. He was strong enough to survive and flourish.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to make mistakes. Everyone did, and that was part of growing. He just wasn’t going to make the same mistakes repeatedly.

There was a future to start seriously considering. Goals to set. He’d find out how to get the kind of career he wanted.

And maybe he’d somehow volunteer at the foundation that had helped him out. His confidence was growing and he was as close to happy as he had ever been. When he was with Hector, he felt like a good man who deserved to be happy. One who was worth love, both the giving and receiving of it.

I’m in a bit of a mess.
The thought almost made him giggle, something he hadn’t done since he was a kid.

“You’re lookin’ mighty amused over there,” Duke called out to him. “Smiles work for you, brother. I’m glad to see you finally wearin’ some.”

Dan ducked his head down, then raised it back up. He had nothing to be ashamed of, and Duke wasn’t being mean.

“He’s a handsome man, isn’t he?” Hector asked. “Y’all being from Alabama, you can say your own kin’s hot, right?”

“Aw, fuck off, pervert,” Duke quipped, shaking his fishing pole at Hector. “I’ll whap your ass until it’s red and you can’t sit for a week if you keep makin’ jokes like that.”

Hector looked pointedly at Duke’s casted leg. “I think I’m safe.”

“For now,” Duke tacked on. “Frankie’ll tackle you for me. Don’t think he won’t. Then it’s on, boy.”

“Boy?” Hector scoffed. “I don’t think so, geezer.”

“Geezer?” Duke spluttered a mix of bad words and nonsense until he finally shook his head. “You’re gonna beg for mercy and I ain’t gonna grant it. You been warned.
Boy
.” Duke harrumphed and stuck his nose in the air.

Dan studied his brother, trying to decide if Duke was joking or not. The truth was, he didn’t still know Duke very well, but they were getting there, building a bridge to each other. A lifetime of ignorance couldn’t be compensated for in a little time as he and Duke had been reconnected.

He finally saw Duke’s lips twitch and thought his brother was definitely pulling Hector’s leg.

For his part, Hector let out a whoop and began reeling in another fish. “Yeah! Who’s the badass fisherman today, huh?”

Duke cast his bait out. “Fixin’ to be me.”

“What kind of trout is that?” Dan asked when Hector pulled his catch up to show it off.

“Mountain whitefish,” Hector informed him. “Been catching them my whole life. Well, as long as I can remember, anyways. Isn’t it a beauty?”

“Just like your other six were, yeah,” Dan assured him. “You think maybe something’s wrong with my bait?” He hadn’t had so much as a nibble in the past three hours. Reeling it back in, he scowled at Duke and Hector. “Y’all are hogging all the fish.”

“I’m doing no such thing,” Hector protested.

Duke nodded. “I am. And Hector’s lyin’, he is too. That should get him a penalty. No nookie for you, bud.”

“Hey!” Hector exclaimed. “That isn’t your call, and I sure ain’t lying. I’d send the fish Dan’s way if I could.” He winked at Dan.

Dan resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. The truth was, the joking and teasing had gone a long way to ease him today, and make him feel younger than he had in years. He was happy, and he liked it. “Sure you would, Hector. Don’t worry. I’m not cutting you off. That’d be like punishing myself, after the way you—”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” Duke hollered, pressing his uninjured hand over one of his ears. “No. No, there’s a rule y’all can’t break—no tellin’ me about y’all’s diddy-boppin’ with each other. I’m a wounded man. Have mercy on me.”

“Diddy-boppin’?” Dan repeated.

Duke pointed at him. “No sayin’ the ‘s’ word or ‘f’ word in regards to you two doin’…stuff.”

Dan would have picked on Duke, maybe, but he saw that his hook was stripped of bait. “Well, damn. That minnow didn’t last on there for long at all.”

“You know what?” Hector got up from where he’d been sitting on the ground. “Let me look at that hook. You keep losing your bait and aren’t getting any bites at all?”

“Not since the fish that got away.” And Dan would have sworn it was a big one. It’d nearly jerked the rod out of his hand before making off with the bait.

“Yeah, so…” Hector lifted the hook up and looked it over. “That’s what I thought. It’s bent, and your bait’s probably slipping off when it hits much of a current. Let me swap out your tackle here.”

Dan could have done it, but he had a feeling Hector was trying to show him something. He’d been attentive, funny and flirty all day. Maybe he really was just trying to make sure that he’d get laid. Dan didn’t really think that was it, though. Hector should have known Dan would bend over for him in a heartbeat after their joining in the barn last night.

And it
was
a joining. Dan knew what sex had been like for him before, and Hector had shown him just what he’d been missing
. A lot. A hell of a lot!

Mosh had been a selfish sexual partner, and, in a way, he’d had to be like that. To show affection to Dan could have been interpreted as a weakness, and weak wasn’t something anyone wanted to be seen as in prison. Plus, if anyone had thought Mosh had true feelings for Dan, then Dan would have been a target for Mosh’s enemies. As it was, Mosh had shown more concern for his officers, as he called them, who were the men who did his dirty work.

As Dan sat outside enjoying the clear blue sky and the companionship, he began to open his mind. It was the only way he could have described it. All his life, he’d thought in strict terms of how things were, what everything meant.

Now, he felt like he could breathe in a way he hadn’t before. The wide-open space comforted him even as it made him feel small. That feeling of being small, it forced him to look past himself, and to realize that he’d put his views on everyone else. It was as if he’d only thought people could think the same way he did, which was crazy and he knew better. But, as with his epiphany regarding Mosh, he was able to take himself out of a situation he’d been in and consider it from someone else’s point of view.

Which meant he needed to talk to Hector tonight, if not sooner. With him having lost two siblings to drugs, he should be informed about Dan’s past. Even if Hector was only in it with Dan to get laid.

The idea that Hector could just be interested in fucking Dan kind of hurt. Dan ignored the pain because he didn’t believe it to be the case. He wasn’t going to start day dreaming of picket fences and two-point-whatever kids, but the possibility that he and Hector could have something more than a couple of weeks of sex was very appealing.

Dan had a lot to consider. It’d be easy for him to sit back and wait, see how the rest of his visit played out, if he and Hector were still interested in each other.

It’d be easy, but wrong. That was all there was to it.

* * * *

After they got Duke inside and situated on the couch, and showed Joaquin their contribution to his fish taco meal, Dan went to shower. He had plans to bring Hector back to his room and talk to him. There was a little ball of worry about it, that Hector would cut things off with him. Dan hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

He washed quickly, knowing there’d be others waiting for a turn to shower. Dan left the bathroom wearing a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Everyone else in the bunkhouse might think it was warm enough to run around in just shorts or even underwear, but to Dan it was a little chilly.

Voices drifted down the hall to him. Dan stopped and cocked his head. Those were hushed tones, not the usual boisterous ones the guys used when they were all hanging out.

For a moment, he worried that something bad had happened on the ranch. Then he caught the hushed excitement in a voice, and he concluded everyone in the living room was either watching porn or gossiping. There could have been other things, of course. Dan just thought those two were the most likely.

So he didn’t expect for all the talking to stop when he entered the room, and he really didn’t expect the way Hector wouldn’t look at him. Everyone else sure was staring at him.

“What?” Dan asked, refusing to be scared. He’d lived through worse than whatever was being said or thought about him.

Curt coughed and Ramsey poked him. “Stop being a wuss. You were all eager to come in here and tell everyone what your snooping turned up. Now be a grown up and face Dan.”

Joaquin made a disgruntled sound as he glared at Curt.

Dan’s gut cramped. Hector still wasn’t even acknowledging his presence.

Well, that was fine, Dan told himself. So Curt had gone and Googled him or whatever, and likely found out about Dan being in prison and all of it, the drugs he’d used, everything he had talked about in the interviews—and he’d shared as much as he’d been able to make himself give up. If he could help someone else by talking, that was what he’d wanted to do.

What he hadn’t done was tell Duke and Frankie about the interviews, mainly because he
had
shared so much.

And it sure seemed like Curt was going to choke on his tongue before saying anything.

Dan was already tired of it all. “Are y’all done yakking about it? Got any questions?”

Ramsey smirked at him and gave Dan a thumbs-up. Barney was, as always, calm and decent. A few of the other men looked uncomfortable. Dan made certain to meet the eyes of anyone who so much as glanced at him.

“Idiot,” Joaquin muttered.

Dan jerked his head around to confront him, but Joaquin was glaring at Hector, who was glaring right back at him.

“What’s going on?” Frankie demanded.

Dan didn’t turn around. “Curt decided to dig around and share what he found with everyone.”

“Dig around about what? Oh,” Frankie said. “Really, Curt?” He stomped into the living room, his footsteps announcing his irritation with every impact of heel to floor. “
Really?
What the fuck is your problem? Did you just decide to see if you could be the biggest dick in, oh,
ever
? You know that’s called overcompensating.”

Curt’s face and neck were bright red. “No! I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I didn’t! He’s just so—”

“
He
is standing right the fuck there.” Frankie pointed at Dan. “Right. There.”

Curt gulped and finally peeked Dan’s way. “You’re all mysterious, and the scars, and Duke never mentioned you until last year.”

“All you had to do was ask me,” Dan said with a patience he wasn’t feeling. He wanted to be a good person. He also wanted to punch Curt.

“Or you coulda told us,” Curt snapped.

“Oh
please
. Like he owes any of you, and I mean
any
of you, an explanation of his past,” Frankie said, just short of yelling. “He’s been here about a week, he isn’t marrying any of you, none of you are his friends, not really, and I bet none of y’all have told him all the shit that’s happened to you. So what are you
really
pissed off about?”

Dan wasn’t sure who Frankie was asking that to.

Joaquin held up a finger. “Frankie left one thing out, didn’t he, Curt? The part about how you hoped maybe you could find something on Dan to drive a wedge between him and Hector.”

Curt closed his laptop and leaped up off the couch. “I did not!”

“Did too,” Joaquin drawled. “Yes, you sure did.”

Something passed between Curt and Joaquin, some understanding that had Curt tucking tale and scampering out of the living area.

Dan stepped aside, as did Frankie, letting Curt pass them so he could get to his room.

“That was a whole passel of stupid,” Ramsey said.

Joaquin sent Hector a disgusted look. “Curt wasn’t the only passel of stupid.”

Dan rubbed at his chest, where a dull ache was beginning to spread. It wasn’t a physical pain. Still, as he waited another moment with Hector continuing to ignore him while everyone filed out of the room, Dan felt that pain spread every time his heart beat. “Hector?”

Joaquin sneered and walked over to stand by Dan. Then, to Dan’s surprise, Joaquin pulled him into a hug. Joaquin was bigger than Hector, both taller and broader, thickly muscled. Dan wasn’t the least bit aroused by his touch. He didn’t think he was supposed to be.

“He’ll stop being a fuckhead eventually,” Joaquin said as Hector stood up. Joaquin cupped Dan’s cheek and blocked his view of Hector. “And if he doesn’t, he’s a bigger fool than I thought.”

There seemed to be more Joaquin wanted to say as Dan heard Hector walking away.

“He’s still watching us,” Joaquin whispered, his breath tickling Dan’s ear. “I’d kiss you, but you’d think I was doing it to piss him off, and that wouldn’t be why I did it.”

Dan jerked back. “What?” He couldn’t get a read on Joaquin’s expression.

“I’m not an ass like Curt.” Joaquin released him. “I don’t want to hurt you in the hopes that you’ll come running to me, and that’s what Curt did. He’s wanted Hector— Well…”

“Well, what?” Dan frowned.

Joaquin shrugged. “Just isn’t my story to tell, not on either side. If you need to talk, my door’s always open to you.”

“Fuck off, Joaquin,” Hector snarled.

Dan pivoted and found Hector standing on the porch, holding the screen door open. For one second, Dan was confused, until he figured that Hector had gone out of the back door only to come around through the front.

“Why? So you can keep on being an ass?” Joaquin taunted. “Making yourself judge and jury?”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, shut up already. I get it. Now let me fix it.” Hector came in and closed the heavier wooden door.

Dan was now more confused than before. Hector was glaring past him to Joaquin.

Then Joaquin patted Dan’s hip. “You know where to find me if you need me.”

“He doesn’t,” Hector said, flat and cold.

“That’s not your decision to make.” Joaquin walked away.