Her Shameful Secret (12 page)

But she hadn’t. Because she had been acting out. She had lost Antonio, allowed her dream to slip through her fingers, and she hadn’t known why. She had tried to blunt the pain with drinking and partying. She’d sought comfort where she shouldn’t have.

She couldn’t change the past, but Isabella knew she wouldn’t make those choices again. Next time she would recognize the warning signs of her own behavior. She’d have to; her baby was relying on her.

Isabella rubbed a protective hand over her stomach and heard a noise in the hallway. She lifted her head from the pillow and looked at the door. Her pulse
skipped a beat when she saw a shadow underneath the door.

Antonio. He was coming to her.
Finally
.

She exhaled slowly as she stared at the strip of light underneath the door. She had been getting mixed signals from Antonio. He had refrained from touching her but she had felt his heated gaze. He had been the perfect gentleman but she sensed his self-control was barely contained.

Her restraint had been shaky, too. She wanted to be with him, but would it send her into a tailspin like last time? Did she want to be with him because she felt alone and scared of her future? Or did she want a do-over and nothing more?

Isabella watched the door as her heart pounded in her ears. Her chest was tight with anticipation. When she heard him mutter something softly in Italian and walk away, she bit her lip to prevent herself from calling out.

Antonio might want to relive the memories, but he obviously didn’t think it was worth the risk. He still didn’t trust her. Isabella sank back onto her pillow, disappointed.

She didn’t trust her decision-making. What if she had invited him into her bed? Would it have taken her down the same path and brought the same outcome? Would she have regretted it?

No. She would regret not giving herself another chance.

“Antonio?”

Antonio felt his shoulders bunch when he heard Isabella’s soft voice. He had tried to banish all thoughts of her by working, but his legendary focus was absent tonight.
He needed to lose himself in reports and e-mails. It had almost worked. He hadn’t heard Isabella enter his study. He didn’t have a chance to put up his guard.

He glanced up from his laptop computer. His chest tightened when he saw her at the doorway. Her long blonde hair was tumbled, her face free of make-up. She wore only a white T-shirt and panties.

Isabella was a tantalizing mix of innocence and sin. Antonio clenched the edge of his desk, his fingers whitening as he struggled for control. The shirt barely skimmed the tops of her thighs. The thin cotton couldn’t hide the shape of her breasts or the dark pink of her nipples. He didn’t know why she bothered wearing it. It would take only a second to tear it off her body.

Don’t do it
. The words reverberated in Antonio’s head as his gaze focused on her long, bare legs. His study was in the farthest corner of her apartment from the guestroom. It was his sanctuary and no one disturbed him when he was working. Antonio had thought he would be safe from temptation tonight. He hadn’t thought she would seek him out.

“Yes?” he said, his voice hoarse.

She looped her long hair over her ear. “It’s late.”

It
was
late. Too late to stop what he had put into motion. When he’d asked her to stay for a few more days he had been looking for more than a shoulder to lean on. He needed Isabella to return to his side—and also to his bed. But when she had asked about the guestroom, he’d known she wasn’t ready for them to become lovers again. After the way he’d treated her, the things he’d said, he couldn’t blame her.

But it didn’t stop him from hoping. Planning. Strategizing. He shouldn’t consider getting her back. He
should send Isabella away once and for all so he could focus on his responsibilities. Now that his brother had died Antonio needed to fix the mess Gio made of the family’s fortune.

Yet all he could think about was Isabella.

“You shouldn’t be working,” she said as she leaned against the doorframe. The movement caused her T-shirt to hike up, offering him a glimpse of her tiny white panties.

He pulled his gaze away but it didn’t stop the desire heating his blood. Antonio cleared his throat and pulled at the collar of his shirt. “I have a lot to do.”

“Do you need any help?” Isabella offered.

He imagined Isabella assisting him. Leaning over his shoulder as her T-shirt gaped. Sitting primly on the edge of his desk, her legs brushing against him as she inadvertently offered a glimpse of white silk. Antonio swallowed back a groan as his imagination went wild. Isabella would be more distraction than help.

Distraction
. That was putting it mildly. As he silently declined Isabella’s offer with a shake of his head Antonio realized that Isabella had become an obsession. Thoughts of her interrupted his daily life. She invaded his dreams. He was addicted to her touch to the point that nothing else mattered.

This woman had destroyed him once. Yes, she had sent him soaring to the heavens, but she had also sent him crashing into hell. And he was willing to risk going through all that again if it meant one more night together.

What was it about this woman that made him so reckless? Was it how she had fit so perfectly in his arms? Was it her soft curves or the warmth of her smile?
No, it was more about how she had brightened his day. Just her presence had transformed his mausoleum of an apartment into a home.

But was that enough to make him forget that this woman had been unfaithful to him? That she’d cheated on him with his brother?

That reminder should have burned like acid, erasing any desire for her. He waited for dark emotions to wrap around him like a heavy cloak. But they didn’t this time. He felt conflicted because he wasn’t sure if she
had
cheated on him.

What is it about me that makes it so hard to believe?

“Excuse me?” Isabella frowned and pushed away from the doorframe.

Damn. He hadn’t realized he had spoken out loud. “I was thinking about what you asked earlier. Why I have a difficult time believing you.”

“You never gave me an answer.” She crossed her arms and the cotton strained against her full breasts.

Antonio’s mouth went dry. “I don’t think I have one,” he answered gruffly.

“You never asked me about my sexual past, but maybe that’s because you didn’t think you would like the answer.”

He’d never asked because he didn’t like the idea of her with another man. He had struggled with the unfamiliar possessiveness. Had he been willing to believe she was unfaithful because she was so incredibly sensual and eager? Had he assumed she was like that in bed with any man?

“I kind of have a reputation back home—but I didn’t earn it,” she said. “A lot of guys brag that I slept with them, but it isn’t true.”

It seemed Isabella was
always
struggling with her reputation. She was beautiful and sexy, and she wasn’t cautious. The girls in her youth must have been jealous, but he also suspected that a few teenage boys had misread her friendly smile and bold attitude.

“I want you to know that I only had three boyfriends before I met you. And there was never any overlapping between. I also think you should know that I never had a one-night stand. I don’t jump into bed with just anyone.”

Three? That was it? Antonio was deeply grateful she didn’t ask how many sexual partners
he
had had. He wasn’t surprised that she had fallen into his bed the first day they’d met. They’d had an instantaneous connection and it had been so powerful she’d done something she wouldn’t normally do.

“That day we met was special. Perfect,” he said in a husky voice. “Too perfect.”

“Too perfect?” She raised her eyebrows. “Is there such a thing?”

“Yes, because I always knew something that perfect couldn’t last.” He had often thought that Isabella had broken down his barriers, but now he realized that wasn’t true. She had knocked some of them down, but he hadn’t been as unguarded as he’d thought.

“It was supposed to be a fling,” Isabella said. “It lasted longer than it should have because … Well, I held on longer than I should have.” She looked away as she blushed. “I didn’t mean to do that. I pushed too hard and I clung on tight when I should have let go.”

“No, that’s not true.” When she’d pushed, he’d known she cared. When she had deferred her college education, he hadn’t taken it for granted. He wasn’t used to his loved ones choosing him first. It had felt strange and
temporary. As if somehow he would mess it up and her loyalty would be taken away from him. That was why he had always been on his guard. “Maybe you should have pushed harder.”

Isabella couldn’t hide her surprise. “Are you kidding me?”

Antonio wasn’t sure how to explain why he’d acted the way he had. He wasn’t comfortable exposing this side of him. “We had a whirlwind affair. Everything was fast and furious.”

“What’s wrong with that?” she asked with a smile.

“I tried to shove a lifetime of memories into a few months, knowing it couldn’t last.” He frowned as he thought about what he had just said. “
Expecting
it wouldn’t last.”

“I don’t understand,” Isabella said, her smile fading. “
Why
couldn’t it last? Did you
expect
me to cheat on you?”

“No, not exactly. I expected that it wouldn’t take much for you to leave my side,” he said. “I had nothing to hold you. You didn’t want my money or enjoy high society. The sex was amazing, but I didn’t think it was enough to keep you in my bed. For all I knew it was always like that for you.”

“I was interested in
you
, Antonio,” Isabella said. She looked stunned, with wide eyes and parted lips. “You were my world. I thought it was obvious. I would never have chosen your brother over you.”

“But I didn’t know that.” He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. Isabella had been faithful. He, however, hadn’t shown any faith in her. “You were right: all Gio needed to do was plant a kernel of suspicion. I took care of the rest.”

“Because you don’t think anyone can be loyal to you. I understand that now.” She rested her shoulder against the doorframe and sighed. “I wish I had known that a long time ago. I should have seen it.”

“But you
were
loyal,” he insisted. “You always took my side when you read the news or when my brother tried to rile me up. I noticed, but I didn’t trust it. It was too good to be true. Even after all I did you didn’t give up on me. You stayed here. You kept fighting for us.”

But he had refused to see it that way. When she had remained in Rome with Gio he’d thought it was evidence of her infidelity. He had twisted her actions into proof that she’d betrayed him.

“Yeah,” Isabella muttered, “that wasn’t one of my better ideas.”

Antonio barely heard her as he accepted he had been wrong. He’d allowed his insecurities to poison something beautiful. His actions sickened him. Isabella hadn’t destroyed him.
He
had destroyed everything. He was his own worst enemy.

“I’m sorry, Isabella.” His throat felt tight, but he had to get the words out. “What I put you through was unforgivable. None of this was your fault. I’m to blame.”

She stared at him in surprise. It was obvious she’d never expected an apology and that shamed him even more.

Isabella nervously darted her tongue along her lips. “It’s not
unforgivable
.”

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Your kindness,” he said slowly. “Even now, after all I’ve said and done, after I promised you a ticket back to Los Angeles, you’re still here. Simply because I asked.”

“Well …” She nervously pressed her hand against her
chest and cleared her throat. “My motivations aren’t
that
pure.”

Antonio heard the sensual promise in her voice and his heartbeat began to gallop. His gaze slowly traveled from her eyes to her feet. “So I gather.”

Isabella didn’t know what she was doing. No, that wasn’t quite true. She had plans to seduce Antonio. She had done it dozens of time before without second-guessing herself. But this time she wasn’t sure. Would he reject her out of guilt? Bed her and then have a change of heart once the sun came up? He’d asked for forgiveness, but would he cruelly kick her out of his bed again?

His reaction could be even worse. What would Antonio think of her if she propositioned him? She had told him the truth about her sexual past, but did he believe her? Her brazen act could blow up in her face. He could twist it around and believe that her passionate nature couldn’t be contained. That she wanted a man—any man. He might even believe that she’d seduced Giovanni in the same manner.

That thought made her want to run back to the safety of her room. But she didn’t want to play it safe anymore. She didn’t want to stand on the sidelines and wait for permission. She wanted to live again. Love. Be with Antonio once more.

She took a step forward. Her legs shook, but there was no way she could hide it. Isabella knew she should have worn something different. She wished she had sexy lingerie or something more feminine. She shouldn’t attempt to seduce someone as sophisticated as Antonio wearing an oversized T-shirt. In the past it hadn’t mattered what she wore, but then she had been confident
of the outcome. This time she needed all the help she could get.

She shouldn’t even attempt this, she decided as she took another step forward, but she knew she hadn’t been bold since the moment Antonio had kicked her out of his bed. She had lost everything that was important to her and become too afraid to make a move. Those days were over. She wanted to be her old self again.

Antonio closed his laptop computer, his eyes never leaving hers. He rose from his chair and walked around his desk. He was silent and his movements were deliberate, reminding her of a hunter circling his prey.

Isabella’s stomach clenched as her gaze traveled down the length of him. Antonio Rossi was effortlessly sexy. His shirt accentuated his broad shoulders and muscular arms. She shivered as she remembered what it was like to be held in his embrace.