His Forbidden Debutante (19 page)

The feeble walls she’d used to surround her determination crumbled, her resolve crushed like a flower petal under heel. It was wrong, to fall further into his arms, towards an end that promised pain and heartache. She thought to pull back the slightest, recognising the mistake, but the promise of his kiss coaxed her to ignore good sense. Nothing mattered beyond the hot press of his mouth, the intimate caress of his tongue, the heady joy and exhilarating rush of desire realised after waiting and wanting so long.

He tore from her mouth and trailed kisses along her jaw.

‘I’ve dreamed of this. Envisioned you in my arms. You’re more beautiful than your letters, lovelier than any woman I dared envision.’ The adoring profession tumbled out, intermingled with kisses, panted breaths of urgency and relief, unspoken promises of passion.

Her heart pounded. Her intellect surrendered in kind. It was wrong, a mistake from start to finish. Yet it felt so good. Where lay the harm to engage in a few kisses? She would pay the price gladly for the exhilarating experience and then cherish the memory for the rest of her days, just as she’d kept his letters.

Fool. Little fool, an inner voice warned.

Perhaps…

The troubling quandary evaporated as his mouth advanced to her neck. She might have melted, her knees dissolving along with hesitation, and when he guided her to the edge of the mattress without breaking their embrace, she knew there was no turning away in protest. Sure-footed in her stockinged feet, she settled on the cushions with Randolph beside her, his greedy kisses urgent and deep, as if he wished to recapture past time and reclaim lost love. He murmured her name in a sensual tenor, again and again, the vibration of each syllable echoing in her soul as if he couldn’t say it enough, couldn’t believe they were united at last. What was she to do? If she agreed to forbidden temptation, an illicit moment of passion, there would be no forgiving the sin, no recovering from the decision, accepted in full knowing of its erroneous impact.

Her fingers trembled as she skimmed his broad shoulders, tugging at his cravat to gain attention, the knot slipping through her fingers, the linen falling undone. ‘We shouldn’t do this. You can’t break your engagement. You’ll be vilified, slandered, sued… worse.’ She untangled her fingers, taking his cravat with her.

He paused, his lips near her ear, his words spoken directly to her soul. ‘I was meant to kiss you. This pleasure worth any cost. Trust me. I’ll sort it out.’ His hands slid from her back upward to thread his fingers through her hair and remove the ribbon, allowing the length to fall through his hands. ‘Since our waltz in the hall and our heated quadrille at the masquerade, I’ve burned to taste your mouth. The evening at the opera proved nothing more than a tease to confirm what I’ve known so very long.’

She shivered in his arms. Delicate minutes passed, ticks on the clock, beats of her heart. His confession, the sensation of his fingertips against her scalp, the press of his lips to the tender area below her ear, breath by breath he destroyed her resistance, convinced the world did not exist beyond the four walls of the room.

And God help her, she believed it true.

Chapter Fifteen

He didn’t know where to begin. How did one approach a dream? How had his life’s problem become solved and intricately more complicated at the same time? As often experienced, his desires existed at cross purpose, but none of that would deter him from experiencing this moment with Lavinia. He’d longed to be in this self-same position and wouldn’t waste it with contemplation now.

‘May I?’ He lifted the dove-grey ribbons at her collar. ‘I doubt you’re comfortable in your travelling coat and I’ve so much to tell you.’

With a brief smile she nodded in assent, somehow knowing his explanation exceeded the bounds of simple reasoning. He removed her coat and folded it with care, draping it nearby on the ladder-back chair before lying his coat upon the seat. He settled beside her, matching her gaze with hope to communicate the miraculous joy pulsing through him.

‘I must explain. Had I believed and not given up that we would somehow unite…’

She placed her hand on his arm and he waited.

‘You needn’t try to assuage your actions. I, too, let go of the dream.’ She laughed softly, as if what she was about to confess amused her. ‘After our kiss at the opera, I could no longer languish for Randolph. I believed that part of my life finished and a new romance begun. Little did I know I was saying goodbye to you, so that I could in turn offer my loyal affection to you.’

As she’d spoken, he’d pulled closer, their mouths separated by a thread of anticipation, nothing more. It seemed every wish, hope and desire had melded into this one moment, a pinnacle of years of wonder.

‘This isn’t a mistake.’ He needed to know she wanted their future as much as he.

‘Isn’t it, though?’ Her sigh of resignation whispered past his jaw and he nuzzled her cheek, urging her eyes upward to match his.

‘I will see this through, Livie. You will be my wife, no one else. You must trust and believe in me. Can you do that, my love?’

Her eyes grew wide behind her petite spectacles. Perhaps she hadn’t expected such a bold assertion of dedication, but by damn, if he didn’t act now, when his future lay within grasp, he’d forever regret the words he hadn’t shared. He didn’t confess that he’d give it all up, his title, wealth, easily sacrificed for the affection of her heart, meant to express how highly placed his regard.

Silence stretched thin with fine-spun emotion until the slightest smile curved her lips. ‘Oh, yes, I trust you beyond all limits.’

And then all boundaries disappeared, as if they’d waited with fragile patience for consent and now were granted permission to pursue their heart’s wildest desire.

He captured her mouth in a plea that quickly turned uncivilised. Hands skimmed fabric, fingers tugged ribbons and yanked buttons loose, the two falling to the mattress in a tangle of arms, legs and hot, deep kisses. Instinct overruled sensibility, desire conquered etiquette, and any wisdom which warned his actions were inherently wrong was dismissed without the slightest consideration. His ardour ramped with her assertive exploration, the play of her tongue against his, as if they duelled, both seeking to win the match. She tasted fresh and rare, like fine expensive brandy, and he drank her forbidden flavour; addicted, seeking and anxious for all she offered. Her hands skimmed his waistcoat, her fingers pressing into his shoulders, and he tensed and tightened, wanting so much, so fast, he could not hold back. She was warm, soft and inviting, every physical fantasy he’d nurtured for so long; the ache to explore her velvety soft skin, to touch, possess and pleasure her as she’d never experienced, drove him to the breaking point.

He pulled away from their kiss, heaving hard breaths, his pulse racing. He undressed at the bedside, watching, his eyes locked with hers as he shed his waistcoat, pulled loose his tails, his hands stalled motionless at the fall of his breeches.

He waited. How dare he ask for such a gift?

Livie rose from the mattress, her hands at her shoulders where she lowered the fabric of her gown, smoothly to her waist, exposing layers of feminine armour. He’d enjoy plundering past each wall of silk and cotton. Her expression grew curious as she set her spectacles aside, then more so delighted, and when he knew his patience frayed through to an end, she extended her hand, offering herself and inviting him to the bed.

He bent one knee upon the mattress, leaning forward, his heart thundering with urgency, yet his desire to please commanded the action. ‘Is this what you want, Livie? Once our hearts are joined… you will own mine forever.’

A glow of reverence flooded her face and she laid her palm across her breast, her eyes teary. ‘You already have mine. You’ve kept it safe for more days than I can count. Do not disappoint me now.’

He climbed upon the mattress, his hands cradling her face and the pads of his fingertips resting against the delicate underside of her jaw, the tender skin whisper-thin where he could feel her pulse quicken, the moment’s exhilaration rushing through her veins, the same as life’s blood poured to his groin, hard and aching for release. He reclined beside her, her hands sliding with gentle insistence over the layers of linen and cotton. His breath caught. He would never last. He wanted her skin, to touch the heat of her pulse with his lips, the velvet softness of her breasts, the warm silk of her thighs. Heat pumped through him, strong and insistent, like a fever out of control. He needed to undress her, love her with his eyes before devouring her with his body. He worked the buttons at the side of her gown, unlacing and revealing, her carefree laughter invigorating his actions, the rush of their playful discovery so much more than he’d ever experienced, their connection complete.

‘Lavinia…’ She settled on her back, her body bare aside from a thin chemise and pantelets. He waited a few beats, her beauty arresting his speech. At last he forced the words. ‘Once this is done, there’s no reclaiming what’s passed.’

She shook her head the slightest. ‘Randolph, I came here to find you. To claim our past… words and feelings begun years ago and now realised. I want this, as much as you, or perhaps more so.’

Her voice held conviction and honest intention.

He sighed an exhale of relief.

He didn’t know where to touch first; every inch of Livie seemed a fantasy – the slope of her shoulder, curve of her waist, long, slender legs. He’d dreamed, how he’d dreamed, of the feel of her beside him, but nothing had prepared him for the deliciousness of her skin. He needed to temper his desire. How long could he keep ardour on a tight leash? His cock hardened with insistence, urging him to get on with it, while his mind scolded she was an innocent, and he hardly a rake given to scandalous passion. He would not ruin the moment. He couldn’t.

He began with a kiss to her temple, for he loved her mind first, before whispering adoration in her ear as he made way to worship her mouth. One kiss melted into another and he adjusted his position above, her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him in place as their mouths played and teased, his body tight with want. They communicated in silence, the truth of their intimacy expressed through sighs and murmurs. She was fluid beneath him, melting in his arms, perfectly fitted, his thighs aligned within hers, cradled, fiercely aroused. Did she know what to expect?

She slid her palm between them and brushed across his erection as if she’d read his mind and wished to answer his question.

‘Does it hurt?’ Her voice was nothing more than a precious whisper against his mouth.

‘It is a pleasurable pain, if that makes sense.’ He smiled. He couldn’t help it. He never shared conversation during intimacy, most certainly never like this… never with Livie.

‘Will it be the same for me?’

The erotic question stirred his blood or maybe it was more so that she stroked the front of his trousers again. He gritted his teeth in patience, willing himself to focus on answering her question. ‘I am told it may be a more painful pleasure.’ He couldn’t expound further. He’d never been with an innocent, his conservative experience reserved for widows and discreet females generous with their favours.

‘Then we will experience it together.’ Her voice sounded enthralled, happily anticipating what was to come, and she wriggled free from where he’d sheltered her with his body, gaining space enough to cross arms over her chest and remove her chemise. Any comment he might have uttered dissolved on his tongue. Perhaps he’d behaved too tentatively. Still, he would not leap upon her though his pulse jumped, his heart bounded.

One breath became two. He pulled her forward, embraced against his chest, holding tight as their hearts beat in sync, breathing steadied in tandem, absorbing the quiet pleasure of her scent, the arch of her back against his palm, the caress of bare skin. He kissed her temple, rubbed his chin against her cheek and captured her mouth.

The lazy fire in the grate, mute to this point, hissed and snapped with startling interruption and she nestled closer, offering trust. So many things remained unfinished, disguised behind layers of words and emotion, but temptation overruled rational thought and with each of her innocent entreaties he grew hot, too hot.

They had little time, no time, really. Their story unfolded in the wrong order, yet this, this was now and there was no reliving the past, and he would have what he’d desired for so long.

Her hands inched the hem of his shirt upward as if she knew and grew impatient, so he removed it, flung to the side with abandon, while her fingers smoothed over his muscles, traced the scar above his ribcage, investigated every ripple and tightened reflex until at last she laid her cheek against his heart and closed her eyes. He pressed a kiss to her scalp and breathed deep, her scent filling him, but she didn’t allow the tenuous silence to endure. She reached for his hands, intertwining her fingers, and tugged him over her, her pantelets against trousers, the rigid press of his arousal cradled against her soft sex. He lost all hold on temperance and surrendered to desire.

She was beautiful; high breasts, lush curves and sweet skin, burnished by fractured firelight so pale and pink, he couldn’t think straight for the sight. God take him, he wanted her. Daring to touch, he dipped his mouth to taste her breast and her hands flew to his biceps, gripping his upper arms, making a sound that expressed precious pleasure as she wriggled beneath him. He angled to the side, cupping her smooth flesh, teasing the tip of one breast then the other. He couldn’t wait. He wouldn’t last. Yet they had so little time. Only this time.

He smoothed one hand down the front of her pantelets, his fingers seeking the lace-trimmed band and then further to the opening where he traced a line as the fabric parted. Then he sank into soft, heated flesh. He heard her sharp inhale, found her hot and wet and ready. She trembled to the core, the sensual vibration echoed in his groin and he stroked with delicate pressure, a tease that tortured him in equal measure. Never had he exercised such temperance. A whimpered, willing cry escaped as she ground her hips into the bed, attempting escape but inviting attention with each tentative movement. This was new, the experience unclaimed; and anxious to please, he rubbed harder, deeper, stroking her sweet, slick centre, the tight bud of sensitivity against his fingertip, then the warm wet path to her centre.