Imagined Love (2 page)

“Nah, I done already told Katrina to keep her mind off those little boys and try to learn something,” Cicely remarked then looked over at Willa before they both laughed. “Who am I fooling, right? My mama tried to tell me the same thing and look at me. But Jade is beautiful, Willa. And she ten?”

“She will be in July.”

“Hi, Mom,” Jade beamed and ran into Willa’s arms. “Mom, you shoulda seen me jumping between these big sticks. It was so much fun and Ms. Peterson said I can still be in the spring jamboree if I get my costume by April 17th. Oh yeah, Mom, this is my friend Katrina and she wants to come to our house if . . .” Jade trailed off. She got a good look at her mom and began to cry.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?”

“I hate Daddy and I’m gonna kill him one day!”

Completely caught off guard, Willa shot Cicely a confused look as if she somehow had an explanation for what was happening. The two of them had rushed to reapply Willa’s makeup in an effort to hide the cuts and bruises and keep Jade from being upset.

“But how did you . . .?”

“You only put this much stuff on your face when he hits you.” Jade said.

“Oh, baby,” Willa groaned, embracing her daughter tightly. She had never felt more ashamed or humiliated in her life! So many times she’d plastered her face with makeup thinking she was shielding Jade when it had only made her more aware of the violence in their home. “I’m so sorry, baby girl,” she said, looking Jade in the eyes. “But Mommy’s gonna fix everything. Next week you and I will be moving into our own place and we’re gonna be happy again. You’ll be able to have your friends over and we’ll have fun and not have to worry about anything.”

“We can’t, Mom. Aunt Lydia said Daddy will kill you if you ever tried to take me away from him!” Jade cried, hugging Willa tightly around the waist. “I don’t want you to die, Mom!”

Willa couldn’t believe her sister-in-law had been stupid enough to say something like that to Jade! No child deserved to have that type of burden placed upon her. Willa was a grown woman and she could barely deal with it. And considering the fact that her and Jade’s lives were basically in shambles, it was safe to say she hadn’t done a very good job of dealing with it. The first time Miles hit her should’ve been the day she took her daughter and walked out the door. Why she ever let Dorothea talk her into staying was a mystery. Panicked and unsure of what to do next, she began to cry. The apartment wouldn’t be ready for another week or so and she couldn’t afford to stay at a hotel. Going to Dorothea’s was not

something Willa could handle at the moment and involving friends in her marital problems was a mistake she chose not to repeat. Out of ideas on what to do next, she plopped to the floor and cradled her child. The only thing either of them could think to do was cry. So they did.

“Don’t cry,” Katrina whispered as she knelt beside them. “Please don’t cry. Everything gone be okay.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” Willa cried, pulling the girl into their embrace. She was touched by Katrina’s concern.

“Maybe y’all can come to our house,” Cicely volunteered. “We don’t live too far from here. The kids can hang out together while we talk, if you want. And you can take as long as you need to figure out what you wanna do next.”

“Can we, Mom?” Jade asked, as she wiped away tears.

“Pleeeease,” Katrina added, with puppy dog eyes.

Although Willa was a bit unsure about it, going to Cicely’s house did seem like the solution she needed. “Okay,” she finally said. “Oh, but wait, don’t you need to see the principal? I don’t want to keep you from your meeting.”

“That can wait,” Cicely said, helping Willa to her feet. “I’m sure Ms. James will understand, especially after the way her and that idiot secretary acted behind some rumors and gossip. I can’t stand folks like that,” she ranted as they headed out the front door. “They act like they so professional and superior but then they sit up gossiping and spreading trash about people. I still can’t believe they actually accused me of . . .”

“Mom, why is your luggage in the car?” Jade asked as she peered through the window.

Willa had completely forgotten about the suitcases and bags packed in the trunk and backseat of the car and struggled to come up with a reasonable explanation. Jade was too young to understand the truth and it was none of Cicely’s business. Willa reminded her that they were moving and hoped that would be enough to put an end to Jade’s inquiry. Cicely, however, grew even more suspicious. During the fight with her mom, Willa made it seem as if she’d been unconscious on the kitchen floor and then woke up and ran to get Jade. It made no sense to think she would have let her child sit outside for an hour while she put on makeup and jewelry and packed her car full of luggage. Plus, Cicely had been hit enough times to tell the difference between a fresh bruise and an old one. And the ones on Willa’s face were at least a day old. Something was definitely off about her story and Cicely hoped Willa would be more forthcoming later on.

The suitcases were placed on the floor so all four girls could sit on the backseat. Cicely’s daughters were so excited to be in the car that having to prop their feet on top of luggage didn’t bother them at all. They were happy and the sound of their laughter actually lifted Willa’s spirits.

“Girl, this is nice,” Cicely said, admiring Willa’s black 1981 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. “And this is the new one too. Man, y’all must be rich, huh? What do you and your husband . . .?”

“So where to,” Willa interrupted, hoping Cicely would take the hint and quit asking questions such as those.

During the two minute drive, Willa recognized the area as being what some referred to as “welfare city”. It was a housing community which catered to low income families, most of which were recipients of government aid known as welfare. Cicely began explaining how she’d ended up in the neighborhood and that it was only temporary until she got back on her feet. Katrina asked if eight years was temporary since that’s how long they’d been living in their house. Willa and the girls laughed, but the scowl on Cicely’s face made it clear she was not amused. She turned around to give Katrina a piece of her mind when a young woman walking down the street caught her attention.

“Now see, that don’t make no sense. It’s girls like her that give women like me and you a bad name, Willa,” Cicely proclaimed, shaking her head in disgust. “She can’t be no more than eighteen and she already got four kids! I don’t know what’s wrong with these young girls. They think it’s cute to be sitting up with all these babies and no husband. They ain’t like me and you who got a missus before our name. That’s why folks be thinking we trash around here ‘cause of stuff like that,” she said, pointing towards a similar young woman. “I be telling Katrina she better watch herself or she gone end up just like those girls. That’s what trying to be fast and cute lead up to. You hear me, Katrina?”

The girls were laughing and talking so loudly they didn’t even hear Cicely’s rant. Willa heard her and was starting to recognize some of the traits she hated in her own mother. However, she didn’t want to seem judgmental towards Cicely or the neighborhood. Anybody could fall on hard times and need assistance. Though, Willa had to admit it did make her angry that everyone else had to work like slaves to make ends meet while they had all of their needs met simply for having one illegitimate child after another. It seemed so unfair, but as they pulled in front of Cicely’s house Willa felt a tinge of fear. Miles was the primary breadwinner and she hoped her decision to leave him wouldn’t lead to her and Jade becoming residents of “welfare city”.

Willa smiled as the girls hopped out of the car still talking a mile a minute. It was good to hear Jade laughing and to see her having fun just being a kid.

“Thanks for the ride,” Katrina said, as she hugged Willa tightly. “When I get big I’ma get me a car just like this one. I’ma have a big house and a lot of clothes and a bunch of boyfriends too! I ain’t getting married or having kids. I’ma be free to do whatever I wanna do.”

“Well, I heard that, little lady. And I don’t blame you,” Willa smiled, as she hugged her back. “I’m glad to finally meet you. Jade talks about you all the time.”

“I don’t blame her. I am fantastic!” She struck a model’s pose then burst out laughing.

“Katrina!” Cicely yelled. “That’s a grown woman you talking to! I done told you . . .”

“Oh, no, Cicely, it’s okay. I know she was just kidding. Besides, I like her personality. I think we’re gonna have a lot of fun together, right, Katrina?”

“That’s her problem, Willa. She always having fun instead of trying to learn something. I don’t see nothing fantastic about somebody getting Ds and Fs on they report card! Do you?”

Without thinking, Willa promised to do something special for the ten-year-old if she brought her grades up on the next report card. Katrina screamed in excitement and promised to do her best. Then they all went inside. Little did Willa know, on the other side of town Miles was loading his newly purchased 38 Special preparing to follow through on what he said would happen if she ever tried to leave him and take his child away!

Willa wasn’t quite sure what she expected to find walking into Cicely’s yellow and white two-story, three bedroom house but was pleasantly surprised by how warm and inviting it was. A great deal of care had obviously been taken in keeping it clean and orderly and she was impressed by that. Willa smiled as she stopped to look at all the pictures covering the living room wall and mantle above the faux fireplace. Cicely approached from the adjoining kitchenette with two cups of coffee and began identifying everyone in the photographs. It was then that Willa learned the three girls she assumed were Cicely’s only children were in fact the youngest of seven! Which made her comments about the women they saw on the street seem hypocritical.

“So you never planned to have more kids?” Cicely asked.

Willa debated how to answer that question and decided a simple no would suffice. She’d learned to pick and choose what to say when it came to telling her personal business. It was the one piece of advice from Dorothea she’d actually taken.

“I love kids,” Cicely stated, once she realized Willa had no intentions of elaborating. “I always wanted a lot of them even though people talk about me like a dog for having so many. Why they so worried about it anyway? I’m the one raising them and I don’t ask for nobody’s help!”

Willa disagreed with that statement and felt other taxpayers would too.

Cicely’s fourteen-year-old son Landon sat on the edge of his chair in the den listening to his mother lie about how much she loved and adored children. He hated her and couldn’t wait for the opportunity to expose her as a fraud. Landon knew a beating would be in store for him but it would be worth it just to humiliate Cicely in front of the pretty lady she’d brought home. Besides, at 6’2” and 165 pounds it was getting harder for his mom to hurt him the way she used to. He knew it was only a matter of time before he could overpower Cicely and inflict the same type of punishment she did to the kids she claimed to love so much! Landon smiled, waiting for the opportunity to show his mother what he really thought of her—which wasn’t much.

Jade was upstairs in the girls’ bedroom playing with Katrina and her little sisters Honor and Raquel when the cutest boy she’d ever seen barged through the door and stole her heart.

“Where’s my football?” he demanded.

“Get out of here, stupid! You know dang on well you ain’t got no football,” Katrina shouted. “Mom barely buy us food so you know she ain’t buying no dang toys!”

“Shut up!” he snapped, embarrassed his sister would say that in front of company. Even though it was true, it wasn’t anything he wanted outsiders to know. “Who is this?” he asked, pointing to Jade.

“My friend, nosey,” she laughed, enjoying the chance to aggravate her older brother. “Girl, what’s wrong with you?” Katrina asked, as she caught a glimpse of the shell-shocked look on Jade’s face.

“Nothing,” Jade whispered, trying to hide the fact that she was blushing and starting to sweat.

“Goof ball,” the boy snorted before leaving the room.

“Who was that?” Jade asked when she thought he was out of earshot. “He is so cute.”

“Girl, you need some glasses if you really think Alonzo is cute!” Katrina said with a disgusted look on her face.

“A lot of girls be saying he so fine or he so sweet, but that’s ‘cause y’all don’t know him like we do,” nine-year-old Honor added. “He a jerk that don’t do nothing wrong if you let Mom tell it. She let him get away with everything. He can talk crazy and act crazy but let one of us even look like we gone do something and she be ready to beat us to death!”

They all jumped in response to a loud kick on the door. Katrina knew it was Alonzo having a fit after eavesdropping on their conversation. He was the type of kid who could talk about and laugh at other people but couldn’t bear being the butt of someone else’s joke. And Katrina made it her business to talk about him everyday just to watch him come unglued. She hated the way Cicely doted on Alonzo and made it seem like he was better than the rest of them. Worst of all was how he had started to believe it and thought he could treat his siblings like dirt. With the exception of sweet little Raquel, none of them liked him very much.

Cicely and Willa spent over an hour swapping basic information about their lives. They both married young, but only Willa admitted that it was an unplanned pregnancy which led to her walk down the aisle. Cicely went on a delusional spiel about how she and John were in love and got married three months before she became pregnant. Yeah right, Willa thought. That just didn’t add up with some of the things she’d already said.

Willa didn’t have a problem owning up to the fact that she’d married Miles because of the baby and because she couldn’t stand being in Dorothea’s house for another second! And even though she was ridiculed for being the only pregnant wife in high school, Willa was determined to graduate with her 3.8 grade point average in tact. And she did so in June of 1971 with Miles cheering her on, proudly professing his love and devotion. And a few weeks later, on July 15th, he was right

by Willa’s side at Methodist Hospital telling her how beautiful she looked holding their baby girl.

“So wait a minute. If you didn’t graduate until ’71 then you must be what, twenty-six, twenty-seven years old?” Cicely asked.

“Yeah, I just turned twenty-seven last month.”

“Oh, girl, you just a baby. I’m pushing thirty-five but I know I don’t look a day over twenty-one, right?” she laughed.

Willa laughed too, silently acknowledging that the tall, milk chocolate- skinned woman with the cute face and fairly fit body didn’t look thirty-five. A few minutes later Cicely resumed telling Willa about her life and more about how she’d come to live in “welfare city”. As their conversation continued, however, Willa got the distinct impression that Cicely thought she was a fool! She never came out and said John was the father of all seven of her children but she definitely implied it, which was ridiculous. Any sighted person could tell those kids didn’t share the same dad. She had already told Willa that John had full custody of her older son Eric and that she hadn’t seen him in almost six months. So that either made John a jerk for caring for one child and abandoning the others or Cicely was full of it!

Even still, Willa didn’t judge her. She knew it wasn’t exactly flattering to admit having a bunch of kids by different men, especially to a virtual stranger. Besides, Willa knew she was in no position to cast stones. It wasn’t like she had been a virgin bride or that Jade was her only child, for that matter. And as much as she’d argued to the contrary, she hadn’t been a faithful wife either. So Willa knew better than to pass judgment on anyone.

Jade, with her new best friends in tow, came into the living room as a reminder that dinnertime was fast approaching.

“Can we have pizza, Mom?” Jade asked.

“Sure, baby, that works for me. Maybe we can order . . .”

“Oh no, girl, save that money,” Cicely interrupted. “Maybe we can grab lunch tomorrow while the kids are in school, but right now I got beans and rice on the stove. All I need to do is make up a pan of cornbread and we’ll be all set.”

Landon stomped up the stairs then burst through the door of the boys’ bedroom. “Ooh, I can’t stand that tramp!” he groaned before throwing his book at the wall.

“What’s wrong with you?” his little brothers Alonzo and Robert asked.

“That pretty girl’s mama was about to get us some pizza but our stupid, poot butt mama said no! Of course she managed to get something for herself by saying they can have lunch while we’re at school tomorrow! So that leaves us eating stupid beans and rice again like we haven’t had that mess everyday for weeks!”

“Are you serious?” thirteen-year-old Robert pouted. “We don’t never get to have nothing! Why she always do that?”

Alonzo turned over on his bed and buried his face in the pillow. He didn’t want his older brothers to see him crying. Little did he know, Willa had no intention of eating beans and rice and was already on the phone placing an order at her and Jade’s favorite pizzeria. The owner of Luigi’s was more than happy to offer Willa a great deal and promised to have three large pizzas hot and ready by the time she arrived.

“We getting pizza!” Katrina squealed, as she burst through her brothers’ bedroom door. “We getting pizza,” she sang.

“But I thought Mom said no,” Landon said.

“Jade’s mama don’t care what old stupid gotta say,” Katrina whispered. “She ordered the pizza and some pop and she just left to go get it! We gone get some pizza. We gone get some pizza.”

Jade didn’t quite get what all the excitement was about as she watched them jump and dance around. It was just pizza, after all. Yet, she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off Alonzo and how adorable he looked smiling and bouncing around the room. At that moment, Jade decided she was going to marry him!

About fifteen minutes later, while Jade was downstairs in the bathroom, Cicely walked into the boys’ bedroom. “Don’t y’all act no fool, you hear?” she warned. “And don’t be acting like no heathens that ain’t never had nothing either. You get a slice and go sit your butts down somewhere, you hear me? Y’all better not embarrass me.”

“We know how to act!” Landon snapped.

“Boy, who you think you talking to?” Cicely yelled, as she crossed the room and stood directly in front of him. “I told you about that smart tongue of yours. You keep on talking and I’m a blast those raggedy teeth right out your mouth!”

“Well, the reason they’re raggedy is because you and the dude you claim is my father never took me to the dentist,” Landon said. His teeth were definitely something he was sensitive about and his mother knew it.

Cicely slapped Landon so hard that his legs gave way and he dropped to the floor. She was about to hit him again when she heard a knock at the door and assumed it was Willa. “I’ll deal with you later,” she snarled.

Although Landon’s siblings wished he wouldn’t egg Cicely on, they understood why he continued to do it. She was always chastising, belittling, and punishing them for simply existing, it seemed, and he was the only one brave enough to challenge her and say out loud what they all felt in their hearts.

Katrina kissed Landon’s cheek and wiped away his tears. “That stupid hooker will get hers,” she whispered then hugged him tightly.

Willa couldn’t hide her annoyance at the way Cicely rationed out how much the kids could eat while greedily devouring one piece after another. So Willa took it upon herself to put extra slices on each kid’s plate to be sure they got their fill. They were so appreciative that it made her glad she’d ignored Cicely’s protest. She was certain they didn’t get many treats and it was nice to be able to give them one.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Landon said then gave Willa a hug.

“I’m not even thirty and already I’m a ma’am?” she laughed. “You can call me Willa. That whole ma’am thing is a bit too much for me to take right now. But I like how polite and well-mannered you are. Your mom’s doing a good job raising you,” Willa smiled.

Cicely cut her eyes at Landon almost daring him to say something out of line. Without realizing it she clenched her jaw and fist waiting on his response.

“I just try to learn and do my best so I can have a better chance of getting up out of here and doing something worthwhile with my life,” Landon stated, as he stared at his mother.

“I heard that, baby. And don’t let anybody stop you,” Willa said with conviction. “You can be anything you wanna be.”

“Y’all gone and get started on your homework,” Cicely instructed.

Then one right behind the other, her children thanked and hugged Willa before going off to their rooms. Jade was heading upstairs as well when her mother stopped her.

“Where are you going, little miss? It’s time for us to get out of here. Get your book bag and shoes so we can go.”

“What?” Cicely chimed in. “You leaving? To go home?”

“Well, yeah, Cicely. I can’t run away forever. Eventually I’m gonna have to deal with Miles so I might as well get it over with so I can move on with my life.”

“I’m not going home, Mom,” Jade whined and began stomping her feet.

“Look, little girl,” Willa snapped, snatching her child by the shirt. “I guess you forgot but you don’t tell me what you not gone do! Keep on and I’ma knock you out! In here acting like . . .”

“Okay, okay, maybe we should just talk for a while, Willa. Let her gone up there with the girls and we’ll figure something out, alright?” Cicely pled, surprised by the woman’s reaction.

“I knew I shouldn’t have come back,” Willa mumbled.

“What you say?” she asked, hoping Willa was ready to tell what really happened. However, when she started crying Cicely just hugged her and promised everything would be okay.

Willa recognized that she was out of control and thought it might do her good to unburden her heart. So she decided to trust Cicely and admitted that things hadn’t happened the way she’d said in the school’s office. Her fight with Miles had

taken place the day before when he found the divorce papers she had hidden in the dining room curio and flew into a rage. Willa was lying in bed when he stormed into their room and snatched her to the floor by her hair! She was about to scream but Miles slapped her in the mouth a few times and threatened to do more if she woke Jade who was sleeping soundly in the bedroom the next door over.

“Stop, Miles!” she yelped. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Shut up!” he said, as he lifted her off the floor by the neck and threw her back on the bed. “You must be a fool if you think you just gone waltz up in here with your little divorce papers after all the mess I put up with! And you better get taking my daughter out your head or something a lot worse than this is gonna happen to you,” Miles threatened. He ripped the divorce papers into confetti like shreds and tossed them all over her. “You can think I’m playing if you want to, Willa, but I swear if you try to take Jade from me you will regret it. I can promise you that.”

“No, what I regret is marrying you! If I had any sense I would’ve been more selective in choosing a sperm donor,” she spat, dabbing blood from her lip. “You used to be somebody worth loving but now all you are is a big bully and . . .”