Inconsolable (3 page)

“What?”

“I got accepted into beauty school, Momma!”

“Anna! That’s amazing baby girl,” she wipes her eyes and I hug her.  “I’m so proud of you, love bug.” 

“Thanks momma! I’m gonna go get ready for tonight!” I jump off the bed and run back to my room. I am aware I could have handled that a whole lot better than I did, but I was excited. I’ll act like an eighteen year old in ten minutes. For now,
I can act like an eight year old going to Disney World for the first time.

Two hours later and I am walking across the stage to get my diploma.  I am now a graduate of Hickory High School.  It is an amazing feeling.  Now I can cut loose and have some fun with the guys.  Tonight is about celebrating and making memories with friends. Tonight is the last night of our lives before the real world comes out to play.

Watching Jackson and Andrews walking toward
those men, I had this horrible feeling inside my gut.  I knew we should have turned around, but this was our job.  I didn’t know that the feeling was what it was.  It was a warning, trying to save myself.

“Carter, down the road,” I chance a glance back at Carter, to see him surveying the area.  He can sense something isn’t right here either. 

I walk up a little to tell Kyle to fall back a bit,
but he just shrugs me off and walks closer to Miller.  I keep looking around and waiting for something to happen, the shots to fire from the men’s guns in front of us, but it never happens.  That’s when I hear Jameson scream.

“LANDMINE JACKSON! MOVE YOUR ASS!”

I don’t know what is happening but all of the sudden I am jerked off the ground and the air is taken from my lungs.  I am laying there with someone on top of me screaming until they finally pass out.  My ears have a deafening ring inside them and I can’t hear anything from the pounding in them.  I lay there for I don’t even know how long before pushing at Jameson who is laying on top of me. 

I stand and look down. Seeing a hand and an arm severed and looking right at me, I scream out. This is something that will haunt me forever. I keep looking for Kyle, but I don’t see him. I see his back pack. A few hundred yards over,
I finally see what is left of him.  Along with the rest of my brothers that are scattered around the desert.  I trip and fall on top of Carter and I just start to cry.  I notice then that the guys are heading for us.  I grab Jameson’s gun and I lay behind him seeing his chest rising and falling I sigh in relief at least one of us made it out.

I wasn’t the best sniper but I did better than most. I didn’t score enough to make it through to having the title, but I am glad I didn’t because until today I didn’t have the will to murder someone. Until today I never had a reason, but laying in the middle of this bloodshed I have found it. There are four men walking to me, an eye for an eye, right? I pull the trigger on the gun and put a bullet into each of the men’s foreheads. I check around and make sure everything is safe. When I realize that they won’t be getting back up I look at Carter.

“Shit!” I mutter and take off my belt then his and wrap them around his legs. They are bleeding badly and if I don’t get him back to safety I fear he won’t make it out alive. When I pick him up he lets out a scream and passes out again from the pain.

“It’s gonna be okay Carter, I got you man.  You should have just let me die there.  You shouldn’t have thrown yourself in front of me.  What the fuck were you thinking?’  I sigh and keep walking the two mile trek back to the compound. 

I walk up to the base and scream for anyone that will listen. “HELP!!! WE NEED HELP!  MEN DOWN!” 

Someone runs and takes Jameson from me.
I fall down completely depleted of energy. I take a few deep breaths then
pass out.   

~~~~~~~~~~

Twelve months.  I made it twelve months without something horrible happening.  I don’t know why I couldn’t have made it the full eighteen.  I am dreading the welcoming I’ll get from Momma and Dad.  Right now though it’s time to man up and see what is going on with Jameson.

Walking into Jameson’s room the next day is beyond anything I can explain. Knowing you owe someone your life is not an easy thing. Yet, it’s the truth. I owe Jameson everything. If it weren’t for him I would be in this bed, or even worse, in the ground. I grab his hand as he lays in the bed. I wonder what Ms. Jennifer is going through
or even Mary-Beth.  I am sure the men will be knocking on their doors.  As I think this, I can’t help but wonder what Kate is going through right now.  All I can imagine is her holding onto Matthew and crumbling on the floor. 

I woke up this morning in a covered in sweat and screaming. They had to give me a sedative to help me calm down. My hand shakes as I watch Jameson laying in that bed. They say it will take a month or so before he can even head back to the states. He will then
have to stay in the hospital for at least four more months.  After the four month stent he will go onto therapy to learn to walk again.  The doctor says the damage is pretty bad. He probably will lose both legs.

“J, man I don’t know why you jumped in my way.  I should be the one laying here, not you.  You always were looking out for me, protecting me and I have no clue why.  I always thought I was the smart one, but it’s you man.  You knew you were cut out for this.  I shouldn’t have been here to begin with.”  I lean over and put my head in my hands that are being held up by my elbows on my knees.  Looking at this man, I can’t even call him a kid, being twenty is far from being a kid.  I can’t believe it’s him lying here.  It should have been me. 

I hear a crashing noise outside the door.
I let out a scream and roll under Jameson’s bed, afraid I’m about to feel the heat of a bomb. Then nothing at all. I lay there for fifteen minutes in a ball, just trying to bring myself to move. I hear footsteps and see some white shoes standing beside the bed.

“Come on out of there, Blake.  Patty hit a tray and it toppled over.  You’ve been under there for twenty minutes now.  Ain’t no bomb went off, yet,” I hear come from Marsha’s mouth and I roll out. “Have you talked to the doctor yet?”

“No ma’am. I was hoping I could overcome this by myself.”  I mutter and look down at the floor, embarrassed.  She places a hand on my shoulder and pats me in a way that only a mother can do. I look up into her worn hazel eyes, with the wrinkles permanently etched into the skin around them from the years she has on her.  Her light blonde hair is pulled back into a clip and a pencil is behind her ears.  She’s holding a clip board and some white scrubs. 

“Baby, I watched my husband suffer with that for years.  You need to go on and talk to Dr. Taylor.  He can give you some medicine to help you with it.  He can recommend someone who you can talk to about it.  What you went through would be hard on anyone.  I will bet you my life’s savings that Jameson will go through it too.  Just you wait and see.”  She gives me a sad smile and turns to walk out the door. 

I sit back down in the chair and watch as Carter sleeps.  Hopefully something will change and he will wake up soon enough.  They want me to go back to the states this coming week, but I told them I wasn’t leaving my brother behind.  I just had four leave me, I won’t leave the last. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Two months later I set foot on American soil at Fort Polk army base in Louisiana. They wanted us to fly to Fort Bragg. Since
Jameson needed to be in Louisiana for the rest of his surgeries, they let us land here. The whole flight to America, I was gripping the seats and trying to act like nothing was wrong when I was shaking on the inside. I promised Marsha I’d get some help when I got home, but I just don’t think I need it. I can handle this. I’m sure I can.

“Thanks for riding home with me, Johnson,” Carter says from the wheelchair he’s been given. They said he has to undergo more cosmetic surgeries when he gets settled in at
the VA hospital in Louisiana. I just hope that he does okay. I am heading to my home in the small town of Adams Mississippi. It’s only a two hour drive if Jameson needs anything.

“Anytime my brother.  I owe you more than you will ever know.”  I give him a smile and then start to walk away as they load him into another vehicle to be transported to the hospital. 

“Blake!” I turn to see my mother and father standing
by the gray Range Rover they got me for my graduation present. Couldn’t they have just
settled for a nice Ford F250 like I picked out?  Mom is dressed to impress with her crisp white pants and coral shirt.  Her red hair is pulled back into a perfect twist. 
Dad has on his gray pants and light blue shirt that shows off his bright blue eyes, the eyes I inherited.  The only difference is his are not as warm as mine.  They have a hidden truth behind them that I haven’t quite figured out yet.  He is the harshest lawyer in town though.  Maybe that’s why he is always looking at people like he’s trying to see through their façades. 

“Hey Momma.
Dad.” 

“Son, I’m glad you’re safe,” my
Dad says and wraps me in a hug, something I haven’t gotten from him in over five years.  “I’m sorry I haven’t always been there for you, Blake, but it’s going to change.”

“Sure Dad,” I grab my
mom and she breaks down in my arms. “I’m sorry for worrying you,
Momma, but I’m okay. It wasn’t that bad.” I lie trying to save my mom from the gruesomeness I see every time I close my eyes.

“You had me scared to death Blake!  What would I have done had you not come home safely!  This is why you should have went to Harvard and studied law like your father.”  She pats me on the chest and I roll my eyes.

“Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t want to be like my father?”

“What?” Mom lurches back like I have slapped her. Her face showing all the hurt I’ve just ensued with that sentence.

“Not here Linda,” Dad grabs her hand and shakes his head.  Of course he’s going to diffuse the situation before it can get out into the public. “Just let it go. He doesn’t have to be a lawyer. He can be whatever he wants. He’s safe,
that’s all that matters.”

“Thanks Dad.” I say
then climb into the back of the Range Rover. Well, I’d say that welcome home party went well.

It’s been over a year since Jameson’s been gone.  When I get a text at 2:10am saying:
something’s
wrong, I can feel it in my bones.  Please come stay with me. – MB.
I get up and put my clothes on.  Of course she would text me that.  She’s been missing Jameson something crazy for the past two months.  They just skyped tonight before he went off to do something in the field. 

On my way.
I type out,
get up and grab my keys.  I write a note to momma to let her know I am going to Mary-Beth’s.  I start the car and head over.  I drive the five minutes it takes me to get to Mary-Beth’s and park my car beside hers in her grandparents driveway.  We are supposed to be moving all of her stuff into Jameson’s townhouse next week.  She’s been so excited about it and Jameson can’t wait.  He proposed to her before he left and she’s glowing now that she can actually wear the ring.  He told her he wanted her to wait until after graduation.  I mean the day after we walked down that aisle that woman had that ring displayed. 

I open the front door with the key MeeMaw gave to me, trying to be quiet and not wake anyone on my way to Mary-Beth’s room.
I walk into her room and climb into bed with her. She lets out a small sigh.

“Thanks. I just know something awful has happen.”

I wrap my arm over her side and just snuggle up against her. I can’t count the number of times I have done this with Mary-Beth. Her dad beating her like he did has really done some damage. It’s a good thing the beauty salon is closed on Mondays. “I don’t know what is going on, but I don’t think it’s anything good,
Anna.” 

“Mary-Beth, everything will be fine.  Jameson is probably running around playing basketball or drinking a beer with Matt.”  I lay beside her on the pillow and she pats my hand.  I feel like she still needs reassurance and that she is seeking comfort for something that no one can give her. 

“Thanks Anna.” She rolls over and faces me and holds my hand in hers, then closes her eyes. “Night.”

“Night Mary-Beth.” I watch as her breathing starts to even out before I let myself fall asleep. I pray to God that nothing happens to Jameson
because I honestly don’t think Mary-Beth can live through that kind of torment.