Ledge Walkers (11 page)

I figured that was the end of them. They were literally down for the count this time. Instead, Laura abruptly pushed Holly back. “Oh see, I like this way too much. I like being Holly on the outside with Laura on inside.

Then when I want you all I have to do is this.” She sat straight up, knocking Holly off of her. She grabbed her own breasts, squeezed several good ones, and then faked an echoing moan.

Holly dove. “Those are mine!"

Alison suddenly yelled, “Non-sexual, ladies!"

Like a trooper, Janice piped in, “I don't think it's sexual, Janice. I think she's just going for Supta Virasana."

"Oh my God!” Alison said. “The heroine position? Oh my God, you know yoga, too!"

The two of them started conversing wildly.Yes!

Suddenly there were arms around me from behind. “Is that you or me?” I asked.

"It's me,” she said. “And I want you back."

We decided to sit off by ourselves for a while. She rested her head on my arm, and I could tell that Earl was slowly winning the battle with Margarita. She seemed thoughtful again. We simply enjoyed each other and watched the chaos from the periphery.

Soon, she did one of her “Honey?’ whimpers, and I got worried.

"You've got me scared to go to the bathroom,” she said, “but I'vereally got to go! Can I break the seal or whatever?"

"Oh my God, hon! Of course, you can! You didn't have to wait that long. I was just kidding.” I stood up, laughing. I clutched her hand and pulled her up. “Come on. I'll take you."

When we got to the other side of the basement, we found Maggie sitting by herself near the stairs.

"Is Susan in the bathroom?” I asked, thinking I'd have to rush the rupturing seal upstairs.

Maggie simply shook her head. She seemed vacant and restless at the same time.

"Is something wrong, Maggie?” Claudia asked as she sat down beside her.

"To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. I think maybe I made of a mess of things."

She told us how she and Susan had played along with the role reversal thing and how Susan seemed to be so into it. She said, however, that no matter what she did or said, it seemed to make Susan frustrated and angry. “I told her we should just stop then, that it wasn't fun anymore. She said she needed some air and told me not to come with,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “I'll fix it when she comes back. If I hurt her or made her mad, I sure didn't mean to."

"Maggie, we know that,” Claudia said and then inquired, “How long ago did she leave?"

"About fifteen, twenty minutes."

"Claudia, you hit the bathroom. I'll go have a smoke and see if I can accidently run into her,” I said. I looked at Maggie. “Whatever happens, we'll deal with. You're not alone. It's probably nothing anyway. Maybe she did just need some air."

I started up the stairs and then stopped to shoot Charlize a look. Within seconds, he was seated alongside Maggie as Claudia made a desperate dash to the downstairs bathroom.

I hit the porch and cleared my throat and coughed a few times, trying to make my presence obvious. Nothing. I went into the backyard and displayed a sudden interest in the newly arriving stars. Nothing. I made the trek around the entire house. Not a thing. After coming back in through the front door, I checked every room. Not a frickin’ thing. I rifled through the keys in the brandy snifter. The “I think therefore I am vegan” keychain gave me a pretty good indication that wherever Susan was, she was not behind a wheel.

Then I headed back downstairs. A hopeful Maggie looked to me for reassurance. Charlize and Claudia were seated on either side of her.

"She's gone,” I said.

"I'm going to look for her!” Maggie shouted as she rose.

"No, you're not,” Claudia said, grabbing her arm. “If she's mad, it's safer for you two to deal with it here—not out there. We'll find her."

"I'll go,” I volunteered and spun on my feet to head back up the steps. “I'll bring her back."

Claudia grabbed my arm as well. “Are you nuts? You're not going alone. I'll go with you."

I assured her that I would be fine and that she needed to remain to make sure our next segment went off without a hitch—in case I wasn't back in time.

"Fine, but you're taking someone with you."

Laura and Holly stood near us now. I figured the entire room had caught onto what had happened. Laura stepped up and said she would go with me at the very same time Claudia asked Maggie, “Who does she trust the most?"

Maggie looked at Laura as she put her foot on the first step. “I think she's afraid of you."

"Aren't we all!” Claudia pulled Laura back. “Who does she trust?"

Laura looked hurt. Despite her bravado, I don't think she appreciated the fact that she intimidated someone she cared about. Wonders really didn't cease.

Maggie looked around the room. “Both Kris and Ginny."

"They can't go. They have to be here,” I said adamantly.

"Holly, then,” she affirmed, and Holly was most agreeable.

"I'll grab my cell and let you know when we find her,” I shouted as Holly and I made a beeline upstairs.

I grabbed my cell from the counter and my cigarettes from the porch, and we were off.

When we hit the front curb, we had a choice. Our house was just barely within the city limits. To the left, we would head back into the city. To the right, we would encounter a rural area only a short distance down the road.

Holly deduced that if she were upset, she would not head in the direction of people and lights. That made sense to me.Should it have made sense? We headed to the right, toward pitch-blackness in the distance.

For quite awhile, we walked, watching for signs of movement and listening. Periodically, we'd yell out Susan's name. I vacillated between concern and anger. As one who did not like to cause scenes, I did not appreciate those caused by others. As shitty as things could get, you grabbed yourself by the balls that women didn't have and you dealt with it—however you had to—without taking anyone down with you. But that was me. And where the hell was Susan?

We continued to walk, and slowly, sounds in the distance began to give me hope. “Ducks!” I said. “Listen."

When we first moved into our house, we made the mistake of feeding the many—and I do mean many—ducks in the area. At first, a few began to depend on our daily offering of bread. It was comical, flattering, homey.

Until ... Early one Saturday morning, we awakened to a ruckus beyond imagination. We quickly followed the sound, only to discover a Hitchcockian assemblage of hundreds of ducks in the backyard, each demanding morning bread. They covered the lawn, the eaves, the roof, the clothesline. They flattened Claudia's flowerbeds.

By the time we shooed them all away, duck poop covered everything. As I tried to deal with my guilt about feeding them and then refusing to feed them, I learned about the county park about a mile and a half down the road. In the park, there was a huge lagoon that sucked off the river. The county fed the duck population there, in an effort to keep the defecating demanders out of the city.Oops.

"Listen!” I instructed again, more for myself than for Holly.

"What exactly am I listening for?” she asked. “Do you hear her?"

"The ducks,” I replied. “They shouldn't be making such a fuss at this time of night. Something's got them upset."

"Or someone,” she whispered. “Please don't let it be Vernon!"

We both laughed, remembering Kris’ brother-in-law coming at us all with a roaring chainsaw for no other reason than to scare the shit out of us.

Hope made our feet move quicker, and soon we neared the park's entrance. While it seemed we would be entering more pitch-blackness, I could begin to see the orangish glow of lights a distance down the road. We picked up the pace, and as we did so, the quacking became louder. When we finally cleared the forest-lined gravel road, we moved into a large clearing. A sign indicated a boat landing, a picnic area, and a playground.

No “duck lagoon,” but it was easy enough to determine their location. We followed the winding road toward the boat landing, and there we saw her. We stopped dead in our tracks.

Across the big lagoon spanned a very high walk bridge made of stone. The sides of it were maybe three or four feet high, and out of those sides jutted large metal rods that formed a fence to keep stupid visitors—and Susan—from falling over the edge. Only Susan had climbed up the metal-rod fence and was seated on the top two-foot overhang. She just sat there, staring off while ducks bitched about her intrusion and lack of food.

"Hey, Susan,” I yelled from our distance, not wanting to scare her with our approach.

"I'm not Susan,” she yelled back at me. “Go away."

Holly and I shot gaping looks at each other, and for some inexcusable reason, we laughed.

"Well, you look like Susan, so we're coming over."

"Please just let me be,” she shouted, as did many dozens of the ducks that looked up at her from the water.

We neared the bridge but stopped short of walking onto it.

"What the hell are you doing way up there, Susan?” I asked her, suddenly realizing that I should have left “hell”

and “Susan” out of it.

"I'm not Susan!” she spat. “Just leave me the hell alone."

"Who are you then?” Holly dared to ask, fearing an answer that would beg for Kris or a straightjacket.

"Maggie!” she asserted. “You made the silly game. I'm just playing along."

"That class is over,” I said. “You don't have to do that anymore. We want Susan back."

"I don't!” she screamed, and beneath that intensity, I could tell that an even bigger tempest brewed.

Holly and I looked to each other, horribly afraid that we were in over our heads, that something had gone terribly wrong with something that was supposed to be so innocent.

"How much did you have to drink, Susan—I mean—” What the hell did I mean? Did I foster her delusion and call her Maggie, or did I piss her off? I did not like this. I tried again. “How much did you have to drink, bud?

Are you level two?"

"I'm not drunk! A little tipsy maybe, but not drunk. I wish to hell I was! What the fuck is a gladiator anyway?”

She moved suddenly and nearly lost her balance. “Okay,” she admitted. “Maybe a lot tipsy."

I wanted to walk my ass over to her, grab her by the scruff of the neck, and pull her back to earth. I knew she wouldn't plunge to her death or anything, but a tipsy and pissed off person in the middle of a deep lagoon was not a good thing. I chose to do nothing but cross my fingers.

"Are you going to tell me what a gladiator is?"

I grimaced and carefully said, “Somebody who gets very argumentative and starts thinking she can kick the world's ass."

She let out a big laugh. “Well, that's not me. I'm too damn busy getting my own ass kicked."

"Susan, just tell us what you're thinking. Please!” Holly implored.

A nasty face twisted to Holly's direction. I knew what was coming, and she delivered. “I'm not Susan! Goddamn it, I don't want to be Susan!” She let out a thunderous scream.

"What's so bad about Susan?” I dared yet again. “I like her."

"I like her, too,” Holly quickly added.

"I can't stand her! I want to be like Maggie. Maggie's so okay with who she is. She's so fucking free!” With that, her hands clutched each side of her shirt, and she forcefully pulled, busting buttons as she went. She removed her shirt and threw it into the lagoon to a chorus of ducks that greedily tested its edibility factor. She stretched her arms wide.

I suddenly remembered how innocuous it had seemed when Susan whipped her bra across the basement. Now, she sat there bare breasted, but the least of what she exposed was flesh. She hurt. Bad.

"Bud,” I yelled, “getting arrested for indecent exposure while sitting above a ‘Do Not Climb’ sign is hardly going to help your feeling free."

"She's right. Just come down, and we'll talk about it. We care about what you're feeling. We really do, hon!"

If anyone could sweet-talk a half-naked woman off a bridge, it was Holly. I whispered to her, “Turn on your charm, Holly. Keep her distracted. I'm going in."

Holly nodded and meandered down the poopy shoreline a bit so that Susan had to look further ahead in order to see her. “It's awfully pretty here, isn't it? I wonder what it's like when the sun is out. Have you been here when the sun is out? Is it pretty enough to paint? I always look at things in terms of whether it's worth my oils or pencils."

Channeling Rambo's stealth, I started up the bridge.

"Like when I drew that picture of Maggie today,” Holly continued. “I knew her pretty face belonged there. She is pretty, isn't she?"

Susan nodded, looked down, and started swinging her dangling bare feet.

"She is awfully worried about you. She wanted to come find you, but we wouldn't let her. She was too upset. I bet she'd come now if you wanted her to, hon."

"You think I want her to see me like this? I'm surprised she's stayed with me this long."

"Hon, she seems to thinkshe did something wrong, not you."

"Her! She didn't do anything but act like me and spew all that crap I spew at her everyday. I'm the idiot. It just felt so fucking good not to be me. I just needed to try it on. I just needed to move."

"And you just had to move all the way up that stupid fence there, huh?” she asked with a cautiously big grin on her face.

I was getting close. So was Holly.

Susan smiled halfway. “Maybe this sounds stupid, but I needed to feel big. I needed to look down on things."

"Instead of yourself, you mean?"

She screamed. “I fucking hate this! I'm dying in here, but I can't seem to get out!” She started sobbing and beating her chest as if she could force the demon out.

And then I jumped. I stood on the wall, shoved my legs and arms through the bars, and hung onto Susan as tightly as I could. I startled her. She looked down at me, and I really expected her to be pissed off and fight me, but she didn't. She just stared.

"Will you come down now, so I don't look like a big dink hanging here?” I begged.

Holly was suddenly behind us, reaching her hands up to Susan. “Kate looks like a big enough dink all on her own. Let's not make it any worse. Come on down, hon."