Let It Burn (36 page)

I want to see you today. I’ll swing by with this, of course, and hopefully get some Sugar from you. Maybe make time for the periodicals again ;) If not I will call you when I’m done. I will make time for you, for us, Charli. I promise.

Miss me for now.

Cage

Cage was fast becoming my obsession. As I scrawled yet another note, and smiled at the book, Eleanor and Park, his sister had suggested, I thought maybe the same was true for him. It wasn’t as scary if he was just as twisted up and overwhelmed as I was. Cage spoke of his parent’s relationship, the painfully romantic way they found each other.

Things like this happened every day. Things like Cage and I. Who says fast or intense was bad? Who said months of dating, playing games to get to know them while you both kept yourself safe and closed off was any smarter than intense days of sharing everything and letting yourself fall in love? Once upon a time, maybe I did.

Then, I met Cage Cooper. After the heartbreak of loving someone I was never going to get close to in the ways that made love matter, I was of a new mindset. People don’t need time or to play it safe when it’s real.

Cage and I, it felt fucking real. Tucker was never the great love of my life, he was never my forever. Just like Cage said. Maybe it was too soon but if pressed now, I would say he was right because he knew something I hadn’t.

Cage just might be the great love of my life.

Whoever said nothing was as bad as a case of the Mondays never had a case of the Tuesday’s. It was rainy and gloomy out and my mood matched. Monday had been too long, too hectic and I was miserable all day Tuesday. After hands down the best weekend of my life, my week was going to shit. It had a lot to do with that awesome weekend. I missed my girl.

After spending almost every moment with her for almost three days, leaving her Sunday had been a lot harder than I expected. Thankfully, Charli seemed as miserable as me; which sounded fucked up but at least I knew I wasn’t in this thing alone.

We had made a deal that I had to text her after calls so she knew I was in one piece. To be honest that request did crazy shit to my head. Even crazier shit to my heart. It mattered a fuckova lot to me that she needed to know, no matter the time or what she might be doing, that I was okay.

Of course I complied. I knew, now that I knew the truth about her losses, how scary it was for her let me in. Once she had, I was doing anything and everything to make this work. Make it easy for her. Because I couldn’t lose her. Not now. If I had thought I was crazy about her, possibly falling for her before this weekend, I was clueless.

Charli was going to be the great love of my life. Even if I had considered it not so seriously before, I knew it to be fact now. From wanting to touch her, taste her, bury my cock in her sweet pussy, it changed with each part of me she let me have. Taking her the middle of the kitchen that first night, both of burning with need, had not quenched my need for her. It had set it on fire.

We had laughed and talked and fucked all over that house, barely a surface safe from me pinning her to it and pounding into her. Then sometime in the middle of the afternoon Saturday, after lots of talking and eating and laughing, I had her again in that beast of a bed.

It was warm and sunny that morning, light pouring in buttery and yellow on us both. We had shared breakfast, me wining points for serving her in bed, talking about our families. About me, about her. Shared things I was certain we never thought we’d share with anyone else.

Charli had been bright and open, as excited about us as I was. Often she watched me like I was changing her life just like she was changing mine. We talked about the future, careful about that topic but sitting in that sunlight with her, I knew she would be in mine. Just like I said. Food forgotten, I pinned her to the bed and slid inside her, a swell of intimacy so strong pulsing inside us both, emotion stung my eyes.

I made love to her for hours. Not fucking, not dirty talk and rough hands and bites meant to mark her as mine. I settled deep inside her heat and held her close as I took her. Really claimed her as mine. Showed her without words that would scare her what I meant. I loved her. I was so fucking in love with her and my chest tightened at the memory. Because when I looked into her eyes, I saw it.

Charli was in love with me too. Seeing her want me had done things to me. Powerful, carnal things. As I took her as mine, sinking into her in slow, delicious thrusts that left us both shuddering as we came together, seeing the love in her was indescribable. Every single part of me was alive with it. Welcoming the ache of need and want and love she gave me. Now I just wanted to tell her, to show her, for her to never doubt it.

It was too soon and I knew that. The rational part of me argued it was lust speaking. Testing that was why I had spent an entire weekend fucking her. Endlessly and literally all over that house, every single chance we got, I tested that truth.

It was flawed because I loved cooking for her, watching her cook for me. Waking up with her and watching her do her routine, which was cute and clearly a strict regimen for her. Waiting for her in bed each night and holding her all night. Watching her sleep with my arms around her and my name on her lips. That was what had counted this weekend. That was what I really craved. That magic, sweet as Sugar pussy was just a bonus.

“Hey bro-seph. You need to go see your girl-soon-because I’m having withdrawals
for
you.” Finn had been relentless since I came back from Charli’s. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was as excited about us as I was.

“Yeah I do,” I grumbled as we rode behind a blaring ambulance, my head throbbing from the sound that had been endless the past two days, “I’m going fucking insane after seeing her every single day. Might rip that fucking siren off the wall if it keeps up like this. I need time with my girl.”

Though we had texted frequently and I never missed that text after a call like I promised, it wasn’t enough. I spoke to her a few times on the phone and I could tell she missed me too, so that made it better. Monday I had tried to get to her place long enough for a quick dinner, but no luck. The minute I started to head to her place, a call came in.

Charli said she understood and I was glad she hadn’t planned dinner with me or I would have felt like a dick. Now it was late Tuesday afternoon and I was grumpy. The rain wasn’t helping it because I knew she loved the rain. Charli said it let things breath again. Also she thought it was erotic so I had plenty of visuals about the rain pouring around us as I fucked her so I could breathe again.

“Go see her after this,” We were headed for a fire call and I was antsy and knew I had to rein it in and focus, “you been a miserable fuck all day. I need it as bad as you do; I hate when you get like this. Well...I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this, but...you’re a downer right now, bro-tato-chip.” Running my hand over my wet hair and down my face, I sighed and apologized.

“I know, man I’m sorry. If I hadn’t seen her every single day since we met it might not be so hard. I kind of doubt that, but it sounds good, right? Jesus now I know why Pop’s such a dick sometimes. All work and no Gwen makes Deacon a dull boy, apparently.” Finn laughed and I joined in, knowing I was hard to be around right now and no one deserved it.

“Explains a lot. How serious is it with Charli Doll,” I cut him a look and he cleared his throat, “oh shit...so it’s like that? Like, it’s
really
like
that
.” Finn watched me for a moment and it seemed like he was processing what he saw.

“Abso-fuckin-lutely. Call me on my bullshit all you want. I was waiting for her. I fucked my way through enough mistakes to know when it’s right.” Finn sobered and a heavy hand came at my shoulder, a squeeze showing he understood.

“Lucky you. Lucky her too. Time to take her home to Gwen then, huh?” Mom was without question the matriarch of the family.

Not only was she an amazing mother, there for all the ups and downs, she was a wise woman who knew good when she saw it. We all had her on a pedestal, not just Pop and my sisters; everyone who knew her. Sara and Mom were as thick as thieves, had been since Sara first fled Ireland.

Even she, as strong and impressive as of woman as she is, made no secret her quiet awe of Mom. Of her strength to raise four strong willed, diverse children. All while being a wife to a man who, though devoted to her, was often preoccupied and even distant.

Gwen tolerated his distance but when it was too much, she lassoed him in and reminded him he was a father, a husband. I think Pop loved her even more for how she ran things, himself included, always taking charge and making her presence felt.

It was important that my Mom liked her. More important than the girls or Pop liking her. I knew I was ready to take her home and tell them, tell the entire world I was in love and Charli was it for me. What I was not ready for was my close knit, loud, opinionated and overbearing family to scare her away or worse, hurt her.

Charli losing her mom left her fractured. The loss of Tucker and the distance I knew was there between her and her brothers made my family converging on her worry me. Mom would no doubt pick up on it right away; on that sadness.

I didn’t want either of them to think I wanted Charli because I wanted to fix her. I wanted her because I didn’t want anyone else fixing her. I wanted her just as beautifully broken and imperfect as she was right now.

After a fire that was bigger than I expected and took most the lunch hour, I was more anxious to see Charli than ever. I hated to think of her home alone all night while I was at the fire station just blocks away. My twenty-four hour shifted ended at ten and I could go be with her. That was too long away and I wasn’t the only one aware of it.

The minute we got back to the station, after a quick stop at the library that proved fruitless, Finn told me to cut out early. It was barely six and I refused, but man I wanted to. Lola had taken my sisters’ book for Charli; my most recent note tucked inside. Charli had been busy with the program so I missed her again.

This week the mentor was a doctor, a friend of Mom’s. In fact, most the men and women who had signed up for the program were friends of my parents. It bugged me a little that my girl would be spending so much time with guys like me, who weren’t me. Good guys, with solid careers and well respected by the community.

Most of them were a lot less likely to blow her world apart just doing their job. It ate at me, but I wasn’t the jealous type. At least not before Charli. When Lola mentioned she was busy with the kids and Dr. Patel, I sure as shit felt jealous. I missed her and if I didn’t respect her and those kids, I would have barged in and showed her how much.

Instead I headed back to the station with Finn nagging at me to get the fuck out of there. I was crazy about Charli and wanted to spend time with her but I also loved my job. Charli loved hers too and I would never want to interfere. Instead of taking the temptation of cutting out early, I sulked and texted her like a moony teenager.

Besides, I was fairly certain my sister was sneaking in here to hang around Finn. Which explained his readiness to cover for me and get me out of there. I wasn’t about to allow that. Even when my girl argued my sister’s case without even knowing Gigi.

Charli:
You let them be. I will bail you out and fight by your side all you want. When it’s right. Your sister is grown. Finn, I know.

Me:
I know how he is. I’ve seen him in action. I don’t want that for Gigi.

Charli:
Baby...if my brothers met you once upon a time...would they want you for me?
Well fuck, she had a point and one that stung and made me feel guilty as shit.

Me:
No. I don’t know if I want me for you. Too late for that, you’re mine.

Charli:
Yes sir, I am. Do you think it would matter to me what my brothers said now? If there really is something going on between them, you interfering will only fan the flames. Will make them want it more. Maybe it’s just fun to rile you up. I know I certainly enjoy it ;)
Damn she was perfect and I knew she was right, but I wasn’t ready to let it go.

Me:
Still don’t like it. If something is going on they don’t have my blessing. Will I need your brothers’? That matters to me
. As I texted her, the commons loud with Cops and the guys, I watched Finn texting and knew it was Gigi. To be fair, he looked about as excited to be talking to her, if he was, as I felt talking to my girl.

Charli:
They will like you. I want them to like you. But it doesn’t matter if they don’t. Because I do. I gave up enough of my life for others. I won’t. I won’t give you up too, Cage
. Well fuck that hit me right in the feels and I hated that she ever had to hurt, had to sacrifice for anyone.

Me:
I’d bail you out and fight by your side too, baby. Fuck I miss you. I never knew shit this good got this hard. Did you get my book?

Charli:
I miss you too, baby. It is so good so the bad seems worse. How long are we suffering tonight? I did, I already read half of it, and Gigi has good taste
.

Me:
I get off at 10, Sugar. Which means we
both
get off soon after. I miss your body. I mean...I miss being inside you and making you come. But I miss holding you and feeling you on my chest while we slept
.

Charli:
I miss it too. This is so crazy, Cage. What are we doing?
Panic gripped me and I felt the air around me still. Charli was ready to run again.

Me:
Don’t. Don’t you try to run. Not now, Charli. It’s good. This is so good and you know it and it scares you but that’s okay. Be scared with me. I’m crazy about you and you’re crazy about me. That’s what we’re doing.
My chest was pounding and I shot to my feet to pace behind the couch, Finn watching curiously.

Charli:
Cage....
The dots danced for a long while and pain tore at my chest, clawing and threatening to rip me open for the guys to watch me bleed out.

Me:
Baby, please.
I was ready to fuck off the rest of my shift and go to her place. Touch her and taste her and fuck her until she couldn’t even consider running.

Charli:
My instinct tells me to lace my sneakers and pound pavement. You consume me. Thoughts, senses, feelings, moods. It’s not healthy.... it’s not what I want. I am miserable now because I miss you. The weekend together spoiled me. Let me think it might be easy. It won’t be easy.
I couldn’t breathe and my blood was pounding in my ears. Then the dots kept dancing, even as I headed blindly down the stairs to head for her place.