Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) (9 page)

"Ouch, seriously?" I jumped on my non-throbbing foot.

"Cassie?" Mom turned.

We don't even have a dog, but Addie buys this stuff with her allowance. She is beyond weird. I kicked the brush away harder than I needed to and it banged against the cupboards. Mom cringed at the noise. "Sorry," I said.

"It's okay, but your sister's still sleeping." Mom smiled, but I could tell she had been crying. I could see faint red streaks down her white cheeks. "I was just sitting her thinking about your dad. I can't help but think of him when the water looks like this."

My heart pounded. I hated and loved talking about Dad, but I didn't want to hear his story right now, not today. "I don't want you to be sad, Mom."

Mom turned away from me, leaving one of her hands in the air as if she was holding the hand of an angel while saying the Our Father during Mass. I swallowed and walked across the creaky, hardwood floor, taking her hand in mine. Her fingers were cold. "You know, your father and I dreamed of this island, but we had nothing."

"Not a cent," I said, smiling. This was Dad's story, the way she always told it. I knew the words by heart.

"So we took everything we had and planned to buy this house, the restaurant."

"And a boat," I said.

"That's right." Mom pulled a wooden chair around the table with her other hand and patted the seat so I had a place to sit. "And your dad, he loved to sail. He loved that boat."

"But not as much as he loved us."

"That's right. And one morning I woke up. I'd had a dream, a really bad dream about your father and a fish. I'd seen him swimming underwater with a school of big, gray fish."

"And when Dad woke up that morning, you told him not to sail."

"Yes. I told him to stay with us."

"And with me because I was in your tummy. Right, Mom?" I heard a voice over my shoulder and turned around to see Addie standing in the doorway. Eyes still puffy with sleep, she wore hot pink, furry pajamas with feet, the kind that made my toes sweat too much. She hadn't combed her hair.

"That's right," Mom said. "We all walked down to the dock. It was stormy, but your dad was brave and he loved the water and he wanted to make sure the Valor was seaworthy, so he rigged her up and sailed out into the cold, gray water while we watched. And then a big wave came from the other side of the world."

"That looked like a whale's tail." Addie spoke quietly from the door.

"And your father waved once," Mom said.

I never believed this part.

"He waved and then he went beneath the sea. And ever since then, it's been us… me and my girls."

"Just us." Addie ran from the doorway and jumped into Mom's lap.

"That's right. We’re the strongest, bravest girls on the island." Mom's voice caught and my whole body tensed. "Addie, darling, will you go upstairs, brush your teeth, put on your clothes and then please find my reading glasses."

"Why?"

"They're next to my bed."

"Why?"

"It's morning, honey, time to get dressed and I need them."

"Why?"

Mom gave Addie a look and she caved. "Fine. Always doing chores." She shuffled her feet as she walked across the hardwood.

Mom reached over and squeezed my hand and didn't look at me as she spoke. "Cassandra, I need you to listen to me carefully."

If it's possible for the blood in your veins to turn to ice, mine did. I felt cold. And maybe RD was right about me being psychic. I knew even before Mom spoke that these were the words that would change my life forever. Not Priya's lies, not Nick's rejection, but these words, this moment.

"I apologize. I apologize for not telling you this sooner, but I wanted to make it better and I can't. I'm sick."

The fog on the water had begun to melt outside the window.

"I'm sick. It's cancer. And it's not good, sweetheart. In fact, it's bad."

She kept talking, but I don't remember exactly what she said. Words like "special treatment" and "good doctors" and “being positive." I remember my chest started to shake as I kept my tears locked inside. I would not cry in front of her.

"You're my oldest baby, Cassandra, my big girl, and I need you to be brave, for me and for Addie, all right?" She turned and looked at me, her eyes so tired I felt foolish for thinking she just needed sleep or the restaurant needed more customers. Strands of gray hair stood out around her forehead. Usually she plucked them out, but she hadn't bothered and her lips looked dry and chapped.

"My sister, Lucy, is coming here today. She and I haven't always gotten along, but that's over, in the past. It is the present and we need to live in it, each of us."

"Aunt Lucy?" I remembered Aunt Lucy, sort of. She'd been around the island the summer Dad died, but she and Mom hadn't spoken since. "I thought you hated her?"

"Honey, I need her now. We need her. I am not doing as well as the doctors had hoped. I've been going to the mainland for the past few months and I am going to have to go more often. I need help."

"Are you telling Addie?"

Mom inhaled. "Not yet." Tears flooded her eyes. "I want to protect her from this for as long as I can. I wanted to protect you both, but I knew you were on to me." Mom laughed as if I'd caught her hiding Christmas presents in her closet.

She wanted me to protect Addie. Of course, I would. I would do whatever she asked. But Mom's words felt heavy. I had no idea how big a weight this would actually be.

"Sure, I won't tell her."

"Not yet."

"No, not yet." I swallowed, my stomach turning. "You're going to get better, Mom. Right?"

"I don't know," she whispered. I wasn't crying, but Mom pulled me to her chest anyway. She said more about her cancer, about what was happening, but it didn’t really matter. It had started in one part of her body, then moved to another. That's what it does. It's like a horrible gypsy that nobody wants, so it travels from place to place setting up camp and moving on, but these camps burn holes through your skin and eat you from the inside out.

"What's wrong?" Addie asked when she saw us.

"Nothing, baby." Mom looked up and smiled at Addie.

"I'm just sad," I said.

"About that retard, Nick?"

"Addie!" Mom looked shocked. It's amazing how, even in the face of a huge crisis, she remained Mom in her bones. I saw a flash of her old self in that moment. "We do not say words like that. We do not degrade people."

"Sorry." Addie rolled her eyes. "I meant that
loser
, Nick."

"Addie." I laughed and Mom started to laugh, too. She threw her head back and giggled the kind of laugh that sounds like a hum, but builds until it spills out, a tumbling, flowing laughter. I imagined our laughter mixing together, swirling whirlpools of energy with the power to wash away Mom's sickness, to take away my pain.

Later, I went upstairs and closed my bedroom door. I could hear Mom and Addie in the kitchen downstairs, Addie's voice animated and chattering, Mom's low replies. It sounded so normal, but nothing was the same and I felt like the only person in the world who knew it. I wasn't mad at Mom for asking me to keep a secret from Addie. I understood. If Addie knew Mom was sick, she'd go into research mode, the Internet, the library. She'd probably skip out on baby camp and take the bus to the University of Washington to meet with specialists. My sister had a hard enough time being a kid already.

I lay on my bed and stared at RD's text.
You are GOOD
. I wanted to call him, but he hadn't responded to my message, which made me worry that I'd done something wrong. My fingers itched to dial him. I needed to talk to someone. Normally, I would have talked to Priya, but now I felt like I had no one but RD.

"Call me. Please call me," I whispered, staring at the phone.

The phone rang. I almost dropped it.

"Hello?" I whispered, my heart pounding.

"Cassie?" RD whispered back.

"Yes."

"Why are we whispering?" RD's deep voice reached through the phone and covered my whole body.

"I'm hiding." Then a wave of emotion surged up and I almost burst into tears. "It's my mom. It's bad." I breathed, unable to say more.

"You're going to be okay."

I nodded, but then realized he couldn't see me nodding through the phone. "I need someone to talk to."

He paused, not saying anything.

"She told me today and I don't know what to do, I don't know..."

"I'm on the boat," he said. "You want to help out today?"

"Sure," I said, my heart racing. "When?"

"Any time. My social calendar is pretty wide open."

"I'll be right there," I said.

I tiptoed downstairs, trying to slip out unnoticed.

"Where you going?" Addie asked, sneaking up behind me.

"Nowhere." I quietly opened the hall closet, grabbing a sweatshirt. I didn't know what time I'd be back and I didn't want to be cold on the dock.

"Can I come?"

"Not today."

"Does Mom know where you're going?"

"I'm just going out for a while."

Addie had Dad's old camera around her neck. "Mom says Aunt Lucy might live here for a while, which is great because I'm going to take our pictures. The Safire girls, like we're jewels, but we're not because we're people."

"That's cool, Addie."

"Can I go with you and take pictures?"

"Not today. I have stuff to do," I said, trying to be nice, but wanting her to quit talking so I could escape.

"Mom!" Addie called. "Cassie won't let me hang out with her."

"Addie, seriously?" I said, knowing that this was the part of the fight where Mom usually chimed in and reminded me that I needed to include my sister in my life. "I'm going to the Hideaway and the marina."

"Take me with you and I'll make it fun."

"Next time," I said. "I promise."

"Addie!" Mom called. "Leave your sister alone. It's her day off."

"Fine," Addie said, stepping aside so I could go out the front door. "You promised."

"Bye, Mom!" I called. "Going for a bike ride. I might swing by the Hideaway." I left before she could ask me any questions. I needed to see RD.

Riding down the hill that leads to the parking lot of the Hideaway, I picked up more speed than I expected. A blue truck backed up, suddenly moving right into my path. I braked. Gravel spitting, wheels sliding, I banked right to avoid the truck and hit the ground, my bike on top of me. When I opened my eyes, I was staring at a railroad tie that marked the edge of the parking lot and a pair of black Converse.

I knew those shoes.

"Let me help you," Nick said. He stood above me, holding out his hand.

My skinned knees throbbed and my heart felt bruised and swollen. "I'm fine," I said. Pulling myself to my feet, I shook my bike. A few rocks were lodged in the spokes of my front wheel.

"She okay?" I heard a man's voice. The driver of the truck stood with the door open. He looked familiar, like maybe he was the dad of someone at my school.

My cheeks burned. "I'm all right." I waved. "Sorry! My fault. I was going too fast. I'm okay." He nodded and got back in the truck.

"Cassie, you should let me help you," Nick said. "Let me help you up the hill."

"I don't need your help." I tried to move past him, limping.

"You're bleeding."

"I said, I don't need your help." The words came out as individual punches. He took a step back "Thank you," I said. "Now get out of my way."

"Don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"Like that. It's just, I didn't... I shouldn't... I..." I met his eyes and it was as if he couldn't speak. He stared at me, his mouth moving like a fish.

"It's just you're
what
, Nick?"

"It doesn't have to be this way," he said. "We're not even together."

It took me a moment to realize he wasn't talking about the two of us. The sunlight caught his face and I saw tears in his eyes. In a flash, I wondered if he was actually missing me, missing the girl he'd known since first grade, but then I realized he was probably hurting because things with Priya hadn't worked out.

"You won't even look at me," he said, his voice unsteady.

I stared at the gravel, breathing. My whole body hurt and I could no longer feel my knees. I bit my lip to keep from crying, but right then, I wasn't thinking about Nick. I was thinking about Mom and wondering if she was okay. Nick knew nothing about my real problems. It wasn't that we were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, we were no longer friends at all. "Please move," I said.

"Cassie."

"Please." I felt so tired.

He stepped aside.

I walked past him. Legs shaking, I locked my bike on the railing and punched the code into the gate. Harbormaster Bill was walking up the dock. Bill had sandy-blond hair that he wore long in a ponytail.

"What's up with the carnage?" he said, glancing at my knees. He spent a lot of time sitting in the harbor office playing guitar and burning "incense."

"Bike crash," I said, not stopping. I didn't want to talk to Bill. Since Bill was engaged to Mariah, he probably knew everything about my Nick drama and, even worse, he probably knew more about my mother than I did. "I'll get a Band-Aid in the office," I called over my shoulder.

"Don't bleed all over the floor. I mopped in there, like, last month." He snorted at his own joke. "Keys above the fire extinguisher. I'm outta here for the day."

I waved so he'd know I'd heard him. Crazy. Bill getting baked and then disappearing for the day. What did Mariah see in him? Was love really that blind?

RD spotted me before I made it to the bathroom. He stood in the cockpit of the boat, stretching as I walked by. "Punctual. I like that." His eyes widened when he saw my knees. "Jesus, did you skid here?"

"Bike wreck," I said, embarrassed.

"I got something," he said, pointing below deck. "Come aboard, we'll get you fixed up."

I climbed aboard and took a seat on the bench, my knees stretched out, trying not to bend them. The blood had stopped and looked sticky. I would have some really wicked scabs soon. When RD came up from below, he held a red first aid kit.