Love By Accident (9 page)

He'd made her set her books aside when she got overwhelmed. They'd gone for walks, or bike rides. Because they were always so competitive, it usually ended in a race, but the outcome never really mattered. What had mattered was she'd come back on better footing, better able to cope. And always smiling. Heartsick, Lauren hung her head. How much did she want that again? More than life itself.

"In a heartbeat," she finally admitted.

"It doesn't have to happen overnight. Take it one step at a time. Matt's there 'cause this is what he wanted. And if all he wanted was to be a park ranger, he could have stayed in Waterton."

"Did he know I was here?" Lauren gasped.

Through the phone she heard Ted's low curse.

"Ted?"

"Yeah, he said he did."

How? She didn't know anyone in Jasper and Ted hadn't known Matt before he'd been transferred.

"Look, Lauren, it doesn't matter how he knew," Ted said, reading her thoughts. "The point is he knew and he came anyway. If he only wanted to curse at you and lay the blame, he didn't need to relocate to do that."

No, he could have driven up on a weekend and done what he'd done last night. Instead he'd moved. She pressed her hand to her aching heart. Was it possible? Could they really get their friendship back?

***

"You want me to wait for you, Lauren?" Carlos asked, throwing the day's dirty white apron into a green Rubbermaid bin Betty took home once a week to wash and bleach. "It's no problem, I just gotta call my Maria so she don't worry."

Lauren shook her head. "No, it's fine. Betty said I didn't have to do a deposit tonight; she has some banking to do tomorrow anyway. You can go."

He glanced at the big grease spattered industrial clock hanging over his grills. Ten o'clock.

"It's no problem, Lauren. And it's dark. It's the gentlemanly thing to do, to walk home a pretty lady."

Lauren smiled. Carlos was fifty five, bald as a cue ball and looked like the Pillsbury dough boy with a deep tan. Though she appreciated the sentiment, she doubted his presence would prevent any attack, although Jasper was one of the safest towns she knew. She never hesitated to walk alone, no matter the time of day or night.

"I'm good, Carlos. Go spend some time with Maria. Tell her I said hello."

His face creased into a smile and his chocolate eyes warmed. "If you're sure, then." He took his coat from the rack behind the office door. "Thank you, Lauren. My Maria, she thanks you, too."

She locked the back door behind him and leaned against it, sighing deeply. The silence was bliss. Well, until his old truck choked and sputtered to life. But at least there was nobody who needed to be waited on. No tables to clean.

Lauren double-checked the coffee makers were ready for the morning, swept the floor and tidied the bathrooms. She dug the keys out of her purse as she navigated the dim diner.

Outside, the wind had died down and the sky had cleared. After locking the door, she tilted her head back and looked up at the inky darkness dotted with stars, feeling as though she was a little kid again visiting a planetarium. No cars idled by. The street was dark and quiet. It felt peaceful.

"It's nice, isn't it?"

Lauren squealed. Her hand slammed to her chest, and her purse thunked on the sidewalk.

"Oh my God," she gasped. "You scared me!"

Matt moved from the darkness into the halo of a streetlight.

"Sorry. I didn't want to interrupt you at work, so I was waiting for you to come out."

He leaned down before she had the presence of mind to lift her purse off the cement. He held it out for her.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Silence descended, not quite as cold as the outside temperature. Why was he here?

"So...I...uh. Well," he ploughed his fingers in his hair. "Can I offer you a ride home?" he gestured behind him to the sleek Corvette parked at the curb.

Wow. When she'd seen the car at Ted's, she'd never suspected it was Matt's. Although, looking from it, to him, it suited him. They were both dark, both attractive.

And where had that come from?

"I'm okay to walk, thanks."

"Oh. Well then, can I walk you home?"

She nearly dropped her purse again. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Kinda hoping to make up for my being such an ass yesterday."

A funny little thing happened to her heart and she gave a quick smile. "I'm not mad, Matt. You don't need to do this."

There was enough illumination from the lampposts for Lauren to see his frown.

"What I said was inexcusable, and you should be ready to bust my balls over it. Why aren't you?"

She shifted her handbag to her shoulder. "You have reason to be mad."

"Maybe, but I don't have a reason to come into your home and bully you. Let me see you home. You don't even have to talk, okay? I just really need to do this."

His gaze held hers, not in anger or resentment, but in sincerity and for the first time since she'd seen him in Jasper, she saw the old Matt again. Baby steps, Ted had said.

"Okay. But you're just going to have to walk right back to get your car."

The tension around his mouth eased. "I don't mind."

Walking with him in the silence was almost like the times in college. A small, quiet town. Most people tucked into their homes, streets generally bare except for a few cars here and there idling by. It was cool but not cold, and for a moment she could fool herself that there wasn't still this huge gap separating them.

Matt's hands were tucked into his leather jacket. His collar was up, his breath fogged in the night. What was going on in his head? What else could he say to her that he hadn't already?

"You all right?" he asked, catching her staring at him.

"Yeah. Just thinking."

His lips twitched into a smile. "That was always a very dangerous thing for you, McKinnon."

A laugh bubbled out of her. "Only sometimes."

Because she had never dared to dream about recapturing moments such as these, she said nothing more as they walked to her house, settled onto her porch. Inhaling, she soaked up the familiar scent of Matt's Hugo Boss, along with the distinct smell of leather.

All too soon for Lauren, he broke the silence, reminding her that this wasn't the same as it had once been.

"I really am sorry, Lauren, for last night. It was an awful thing to say to you."

"Apology accepted."

"Just like that?" he asked incredulously.

She'd drawn her legs to her chest and toyed with the laces on her black Reeboks. She nodded. "Just like that."

"Why?"

"Why what?" she asked, looking into his troubled blue eyes.

"You should be tearing a strip off my ass for the things I said."

He stared at her and the intensity of it unnerved her.

He shifted closer, his jacket creaking. Now along with the scent of leather she smelled the mint on his breath. And for the first time in her life, she caught herself looking at Matt's mouth. Looking and wondering...

"You didn't deserve what I did."

His words snapped her momentary trance, but instead of meeting his gaze, she looked again to her shoes.

"I'd hate me if I were in your shoes. You went through hell and I wasn't there. I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure I'd do it any differently if I could, but I'm sorry it hurt you."

"Look at me, Lauren," he requested softly and she did.

"I was wrong. When I didn't get the answers I wanted, I got a little crazy. I deliberately thought of the most hurtful things I could do or say and then I executed them in such a cold-hearted way I still can't believe I was capable of that. I'm not proud of myself, Lauren. And I wish I could take it back."

With a flick of her fingers, she shoved at her bangs. "I wish I could take it back, too. All of it. But I can't."

Matt moved, his thigh slid against hers. His hand closed over hers, gave her a little zing. The encouraging squeeze he gave offered support.

"When did you find out about Gil?"

It was like a knife to her chest. She pressed her free hand to her heart, almost surprised when she only felt the cold nylon of her jacket and not the warmth of blood.

"I can't talk about that. Please don't ask me to." She clenched her teeth and cursed herself silently to pull it together. "I can't talk about...him. Anything else, I'll give it my best."

"I won't push, Lauren. Just tell me what you can. There's so much I don't know."

"I wasn't speeding. I wasn't drunk. It's like I told you. The car hit ice, I panicked and over-compensated. It skidded and spun off the road.

"In Emerg, they stitched up my head and wrapped my sprained wrist. Then the RCMP came in. I gave them a Breathalyzer, gave them my statement. It was deemed an accident. I was fined." Her gaze begged him to understand. "I felt bad. I knew it was a pittance considering what had happened, but I was so relieved not to be going to jail."

Matt's eyes moved over her face. "Once I was awake enough to learn everything, I wished you were in jail. But I'm really glad you never had to go. I mean that, Lauren."

His words, words she'd never thought she'd hear, filled her heart, stole her voice. Blinking back tears, she squeezed his hand, telling him silently what she couldn't verbalize.

"When I was free to go," Lauren said after a long silence in which she struggled to contain her emotions, "the nurses let me into your room. You were still on the backboard, your neck was in a brace. They kept talking of spinal injuries and they were poking at your feet. Every time they poked, there was no response from you. It was never said outright, but it looked like you were paralyzed.

"I couldn't bear it Matt. You loved life, and all I could think about was that I'd stolen it from you. Because of me you'd never hike, mountain bike, swim or play golf." She bit her cheek, willed them back, but the tears came fast and hot. "There was nothing I could do or say and I knew your parents were on their way. Matt, I was breaking inside, facing you, your parents, everyone, I couldn't take it. I needed to get out. I know it was pure selfishness, but it was also survival." Through her blurry vision, she found his face, and bless him, he was still listening.

"The one thing going through my head was that if I thought it was cruel and unfair for me to walk away unscathed, what would the rest of you think? Nothing I can ever do or say will make up for leaving you, I know that. But that's what was going through my mind. I didn't know how to deal with what had happened. But believe me," she begged, "I am so glad you can walk again. I'll thank God for it the rest of my life. It's a miracle I never dared hope for."

His hand cupped her cheek and the warmth of it curled around her heart.

"Knowing you came to see me, even once, means a lot to me, Lauren. It killed me knowing you didn't care enough to say goodbye."

"I cared," she said as the tears continued to fall. As Matt's eyes glistened with moisture. "I still do."

***

From his perch on the roof next door, Gil watched and listened. Hell, he got a little weepy himself. He'd tried to get in there, was still pissed off he wasn't able to, no matter how he'd tried. Once, just once more, he'd have loved for it to be the three of them again. Instead the best he could do was look and eavesdrop.

Matt and Lauren were making progress. They were talking. It was a great start.

But they had a long way to go.

Before it was over there would be more tears, more heartbreak. And a true test to a friendship that was still on shaky ground.

SEVEN

The Mountainview was jammed. A tour bus of seniors travelling from Edmonton filled every table but one. The coffee gang held their usual spot by the window in their tight little fingers. Since it was eleven thirty, and they were having fun talking to the other seniors who'd arrived, they'd decided to stay for lunch.

Donna grabbed Lauren's free hand as she swept by with a pad full of orders. "I have a catalogue for you."

"Catalogue?" Before Lauren's brain could fill in the missing pieces, Donna handed her a glossy booklet. Confused, Lauren made the mistake of looking at the shiny cover.

A woman stood wrapped around a dance pole, bathed in a spotlight on an otherwise dark stage. Naked, her arms and legs barely keeping her modest, her head was tossed back, ecstasy was written all over her slumberous expression.

Lauren gasped, whipped the magazine face down against her thigh. "Donna!"

The coffee gang hooted and hollered. The others sitting nearby looked over in interest.

"What? I told you I'd bring you a catalogue." She looked innocent with her pixie cut grey hair, but the eyes gave her away.

"You didn't have to bring it in here!" Lauren hissed. Then, mortified, she raced to the office and jammed the catalogue into her purse. She had to fold it in half in order to get the zipper on her bag closed but no way she wanted anyone to see her with such a thing in her possession!