Love & Light (7 page)

Amanda grins. “I guess that’s a yes, then?”

I hesitate, but not for long. It doesn’t have to be a date, I tell myself. Nothing like that has to happen. But no way can I pass up an opportunity to see Randy Collins. “It’s a yes,” I tell Amanda. “I just need to run upstairs first. Give me ten minutes.”

I dash up to my room, and Lucas isn’t there anyway. I guess it is a good thing Amanda came along or I might have been eating alone. I toss my backpack on my desk and change shirts—into something slightly nicer—and I’m back downstairs in less than ten minutes.

I probably shouldn’t, but I let Amanda hold my hand as we walk the three blocks from campus up to the comedy club. There’s already a pretty good crowd when we get there, but some decent tables are left.

“Shall we grab that one in the third row?” Amanda points to it. “Close to the front, but not too close.”

“Good thinking,” I say. Since I don’t know for sure what to expect from this act, it may not be one you want to sit in the first row for, where sometimes spectators are ripe for being picked on and embarrassed. “Since you got the tickets, I’ll get the food. What do you want?”

“Burger and fries,” Amanda says. “Thanks.”

“Coming up.” I go up to the counter to order our food, making sure I show them my student ID card for a discount. The food’s not great here, just a step above fast food, but that’s fine. I’m not here for the food, or even the company. I’m just here for the comedy act.

It starts out with failed pick-up lines, and I get a chuckle out of a few. I don’t care as much for the political jokes, and I’m really glad he steers clear of religious ones. The best part of the night, at least for me, is when he gets into the sports jokes.

Collins knows his audience, that’s for sure, tossing out some New York Rangers jokes that leave most of the crowd laughing, before launching into the big hit—Yankees jokes—which turn the laughs into howls. All in all, I enjoy the act, but Amanda has a bored expression on her face by the time it’s done.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” I ask.

She shrugs. “It was okay, I guess. Not really my thing.” It’s a reminder that I don’t have much of anything in common with her, which is one reason why things sort of fizzled out for me after a few dates.

“Sorry about that. I liked it, though. Thanks for inviting me.”

“I know you like comedy,” Amanda says. “And I haven’t seen you in a while.” We get up to leave, and she links her hand through mine again. “So where are we going now?”

That’s the problem with accepting her invitation. She probably thinks it’s a date and I’m hers for the night, when I really only wanted to see Randy Collins. “I should probably just go back to my dorm,” I say, feeling a little guilty for possibly leading her on and making her think something might happen between us.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Amanda says. “Come back to mine. I told you my roommate’s gone.” She leans closer to me, and I pull away and wrench my hand free from hers.

“No thanks. Not tonight.”

“Jeez, what happened to you?” she pouts. “You used to be fun, but no more. Is it the ghost girl? Has she sucked all the life out of you?”

She doesn’t use a name, but I know who she’s referring to, and it pisses me off. “You don’t know anything about her, Amanda. If you did, you wouldn’t say things like that. Or maybe you would, because that’s the kind of person you are. Either way, you’re not someone I care to hang around with anymore.”

~Kori~

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. I’m fine with the former, but the latter sucks. I like my space, my peace and quiet, my me time. I can handle alone just fine. Lonely I don’t do well with. And tonight, I find myself feeling lonely.

Not just lonely, though. Confused.

If my mom were still here, I could talk to her. Or if I had an older sister... I’ve always wanted a sister. Sure, my kid brother is great, but I can’t exactly talk to him about a guy. I can’t really talk to my dad, either. As for friends, I don’t exactly have a whole lot of them. So who does that leave?

I lay back on my bed and dial Colorado. My uncle answers. “Hi Uncle Paul,” I greet him. “Is Aunt Alison there?”

“Sure, I’ll get her. Is something wrong, Kori?”

I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “No, I’m okay. I just want to talk to Alison.”

Less than a minute later, my aunt is on the phone. “Hey, Korinne. This is a surprise.”

Alison is one of the few people that calls me by my full name, and it’s something she only started after my mom—her sister—got sick. It’s like she knew she’d kind of be taking on the mother role in my life. Not that anyone can fill that void, but Alison tries and I love her for it. “Is it a bad time?” I ask.

“No, not at all. We’re going to the Avs game tonight, but we don’t have to leave for a half hour or so.”

“Sounds like fun,” I say. She and my uncle are big Colorado Avalanche fans and have season tickets to the games.

“The season’s almost over, and probably no playoffs. Again,” she says. “Anyway, I know you didn’t call to talk about hockey. What’s up? How’s school going?”

“Pretty good. I had a test today in Psychology, and I think I aced it.”

“Hey, that’s great!” my aunt says, and I can tell she’s happy for me.

We talk for a few more minutes about school and my classes before I get to the point of the call. “I met someone. A guy.”

“Oh!” Alison exclaims. “Do tell.”

I chuckle at her enthusiasm. She’s only ten years older than me, and sometimes seems more like an older sister than an aunt or maternal figure, which is great. It’d be even better if she didn’t live so far away. “He plays on the school baseball team, and he’s really sweet and smart.”

“And cute?” my aunt urges.

“Yes, that too,” I say. “And he asked me out.”

“Then why on earth are you calling me on a Friday night?” Alison demands. “Please don’t tell me you said no.” I don’t answer right away, and she sighs. “You said no, didn’t you? Oh, Korinne, what am I going to do with you?”

I sit up and fold my knees underneath me. “I
wanted
to say yes. Does that count for anything?”

A lull of silence follows before Alison says, “Yes. It’s progress. It tells me maybe you want to keep living.”

“Of course I do,” I insist. It’s figuring out how that I struggle with.

“Good. Then do me a favor. The next time this cute, sweet, smart guy asks you out, say yes, okay? Or better yet, the next time you see him, ask him,” she challenges.

“Or what?”

“Or I might just have to fly all the way across the country to give you a kick in the butt,” Alison says, laughing. “Because you know that’s exactly what my sister would want me to do, right?”

“Yes, I know,” I say quietly. As usual, she knows exactly the right thing to say. “Thanks, Aunt Alison.”

“The best way to thank me is by doing what I tell you. The next time I talk to you, I want to hear about a date. Got that?”

“Got it,” I say. We talk for a few more minutes about the weather, my brother and my little cousin, and by the time I hang up, I feel better. My aunt is right about what my mom would want and what I need to do. The next time Landon asks me out, I’m going to say yes. It’s time to start living again.

~Kori~

T
here’s no baseball game this weekend since the team played on Thursday afternoon, but there is practice. Funny how I know these things now. The games, the practice schedule, all of it. I haven’t told Landon if I’ll be at practice, but it’s usually kind of understood by now. I’m sure by showing up for practice all the time now, I’ve probably created the impression that I am dating Landon. All the more reason to take that next step, right?

Today’s a nice, sunny late-March day, and it feels great to be outside. There are more people in the bleachers today, and I wonder if that’s because it’s the weekend, or the nice weather and the fact that the ream is winning. Either way, I’m not the only one here.

The pitchers are doing some drills and I spot Landon right away, but he’s so engrossed in what he’s doing he doesn’t glance over this way. I open the bottle of green tea I brought with me and settle in to watch.

I’m there about twenty minutes when someone else comes and sits down beside me. It’s that Amanda girl, the one who draped herself all over Landon a few weeks ago and wouldn’t even glance in my direction when he introduced us. The one he insisted wasn’t his girlfriend, and now she’s here.

“Hi,” she says with a smile that seems fake.

So now she wants to talk to me? Yeah, right. “Hi.”

“It’s Kori, right?”

I nod. “Uh huh.” I still don’t know why she’s suddenly interested in talking to me, so she better not expect much from the conversation.

“I bet you’re here watching Landon practice,” she says.

“Yes. I’ve been coming for a couple weeks. I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Oh, you know. So much going on this semester,” Amanda says. “I rushed Delta Zeta and I got in.”

“That’s nice.” Does she think I care?

“Anyway, Landon says you’ve been watching his practices and that you even went to a game. I know he’s trying to be your friend, since you’re sick and all.” She looks at me with pity, and I glare at her in return.

“I’m
not
sick.”

“Sure, whatever.” She waves a hand around as if she doesn’t believe me. “I think it’s so sweet of Landon, though, to try to be your friend.”

Try, as if I’m just a charity case. Exactly what I don’t want to be. “Yes, he’s very nice,” I say, although if what Amanda’s telling me is true, that’s not the case at all. “So are you two seeing each other?” I ask. “Because he said you’re not.”

“Oh, you know. On again, off again.” There’s the hand wave again. “He’s busy, I’m busy.” She leans closer to me, as if she’s about to share a special secret. “Definitely on again, though, after Friday night. If you get my drift.”

I get it. I definitely get it. I was too scared and stupid to accept Landon’s invitation, so he hooked up with Amanda. I guess he didn’t want to wait. That’s assuming he was ever interested in me in the first place. “Good for you, then. Congratulations.” I stand up to leave. “Tell Landon I said hi, but I had to leave. If he cares.”

I can practically
feel
her gloating as I walk away, but it’s Landon who calls after me.

“Kori, wait. Where are you going?”

I turn around to face him. His hair is damp and sweaty from practice, and if it’s possible, he looks even cuter that way, and I hate that I’m thinking that, especially now. “I have to go. Didn’t Amanda tell you?”

“Amanda? She’s here?” he turns around to look at the bleachers, then back to face me. “Okay, fine. But why would I be talking to Amanda?”

He looks confused, which only serves to confuse me. “I don’t know. Maybe because you slept with her?”

~Landon~

“What?” My brain’s trying to catch up, process this conversation, but it’s not making much sense. I have no idea why Amanda’s at practice, or why Kori thinks I’d be talking to her, and suddenly, Kori’s accusing me of sleeping with Amanda. All before I’ve had a chance to shower and change out of practice clothes. “What are you talking about?”

“You. And Amanda. And you sleeping with her.” Kori’s tone is clipped, and I can tell she’s angry, but there’s something else there. She’s not just angry, she’s hurt.

“She told you that?” I ask incredulously. Kori’s not the only one angry.

“Not in so many words, exactly,” Kori says. “But she definitely implied it. She said you guys had been on again, off again, but after Friday, very much on again.” She lets out a laugh, but there’s not a trace of humor in it. “Silly me for thinking you were interested in me and would wait until I was ready to go out with you. I’m glad you found someone who moves a little faster. I hope you’ll be very happy together.”

She stomps off, and I have to run after her. Once I pass her, I whirl around to face her. “Stop, please. Don’t I at least get a chance to explain?”

“Explain? So it must be true, then.” She sounds defeated, but at least she stopped running.

Maybe explain was the wrong word, but I have to tell her the truth. “Yes and no.” I rake a hand through my damp hair. “Yes, I slept with Amanda, but not recently. It was months ago.” It wasn’t one of my smartest my moves, and I hope it’s not going to cost me a chance with Kori, but I’m not going to lie to her. “Before I met you, for sure, and only once. I don’t even
like
Amanda that much.”

“And you weren’t with her on Friday?” Kori looks hopeful, like she wants to believe me, and I feel like even more of an idiot, because I’m about to hurt her. All because I wanted to see Randy Collins.

“I was, but it’s not what you think,” I say, hoping she’ll believe me. “It wasn’t a date. She had tickets to a new comedy act down at Clark Street, someone I’ve really been wanting to see.”

“So you agreed to go with her.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Which was probably pretty selfish and jerkish of me, because like I said, I don’t even like Amanda. I like
you
, Kori. I wanted to be with you on Friday.”

“But I’m an idiot and I said no.”

I shake my head. “No, you’re not an idiot.” I don’t want her beating herself up. “You’re not ready to go out with someone right now, and I’m cool with that. I get that. So I’ll wait until you are.” I just hope it doesn’t take too long.

“I don’t want you to wait,” Kori says.

“What?” Now I’m more confused than ever. “I thought you said I had a chance.”

“Yeah, I did. You do.” She smiles. “I don’t want to keep you waiting, though. I can’t keep letting life go by while I stand still feeling sorry for myself. So I’ve decided to embrace life. I’m ready. I’m saying yes if you still want to go out on a date with me. Or better yet, I’m asking you out on one. How about tonight? I think there’s a movie showing at the Union.”

She’s talking so fast it’s hard for me to keep up. A few minutes ago, she was accusing me of sleeping with Amanda, and now she’s asking me out on a date. I think. “Are you asking me out now?”

“Yes. So what do you say?”

“No. I mean yes...but not tonight.”