Lussuria (New Version) (41 page)

Destiny

Looking around the covered floor of boxes in the lounge takes me back to the day I unwrapped them all. I was totally blown away then, and I’m totally blown away now. We’ve packed everything up to be sent home special air freight, and packed just enough things for the next few days, including my journal, Sofia’s recipe book, the diamond angel and all the expensive jewelery which Lucca has insured to the moon and back. I transfer the Marchesa gown into a suit bag and zip up Lucca’s tuxedo carrier.

“Good to go, baby?”

“Yes, so where are we staying?” I ask.

“It’s a surprise,” he says, kissing my lips.

I still quiver under his soft sensual touch. I hope to have this feeling forever and I pray that when we go home the stress and obstacles I’m challenged with will not affect our relationship. It has been lovely and secure here, but I’m preparing to face my reality very soon. Standing outside the farmhouse, I sigh.

Lucca puts his arms around me. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back anytime you want. It’s ours.” He kisses my temple.

“It’s not ours, it’s yours. But yes I’d like you to bring me back here. I have had the best time here with you and feel like I’ve really spread my wings. Thank you, Mr. Caruso.”

“Mine is yours now, Doc. Get used to it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I roll my eyes, but he shrugs nonchalantly, shaking his head as he opens the car door for me.

We arrive outside the spectacular Four Seasons Firenze Hotel. Lucca hands the concierge his car keys and they arrange to take our luggage.

This hotel has rendered me speechless and numb. I stare at the opulent grandeur designs, vast space, and intricate artistic perfection and restoration. This hotel is, in fact, a museum. Lucca tells me that the five hundred plus year old Palazzo della Gherardesca has been lovingly restored right down to the original frescoed ceilings and on-site chapel; I’m not sure what he’s talking about, but it sounds impressive. The other guests watch as we are escorted in and shown directly to ‘The Royal Suite – Della Gherardesca’ in the Noble quarter.

I have never seen anything like this. It’s the sort of imaginative vision you paint, an illusion of unreachable fantasy. Only I can savor this painting, touch it and see it and breathe it. It's a baroque explosion of vaulted ceilings, endless rooms, and gilding galore. The gallery boasts an original ceramic floor by Ignazio Chiaiese. The Royal Suite conveniently connects to the grand Presidential Suite next door, which would suit a large party celebration. It’s so grand and far too big for just two people.

The suite includes Michelin starred room service and private gardens. Every room boasts art on the vaulted ceilings, beautiful frescoes and stuccos and an original Capodimonte Maioliche-style, with elegant Pedersoli linens and heavy brocaded textiles draping the rooms. I tighten my grip on Lucca’s hand to reassure me I’m still awake. I suddenly feel nervous.

He smiles, then whispers in my ear, “Something special.”

“Lucca, I just don’t know what to say…”

He places his finger over my lips. “Don’t stay anything. I want to give this to you to enjoy.”

Another stray tear drops from eye; I am so emotional today. Catching the little diamond like tear with his lips before it cascades over my cheek, he kisses my lips, tracing the wet saltiness onto me.

“Hey, I want you to be happy. Please don’t be upset,” he begs.

“I am very happy. You have no idea how special this is, how lucky I feel, and how wanted you make me feel.” We hold each other and he sways me side to side while I try to compose myself.

“I thought maybe you would like to book into the spa for some treatments before we go to the ballet. You know, for some pampering,” he suggests.

“You’ve pampered me enough. Besides, I don’t really get treatments other than the usual waxing and nails.”

“Why not?” he asks, frowning.

I put my arms around my back and touch the scarring, “I’ve never trusted anyone. But you, on the other hand, can massage away.”

He sighs. “Okay, what if I come with you and we get the couple treatments side by side. Then you’ll feel safe knowing I’m there.”

I think about this, but the thought of another woman massaging him makes me agitated and fiery. “No, I’m not having someone else touch you. I’ll do it.”

He laughs and hugs me. “I only want your hands. You know that, right? So, what if you get your nails done, then come back up and we can massage one another. That sounds the better option to me,” he slowly husks into my ears.

“Okay, I can manage that. I want to be the only hands ever on your body, thank you very much.”

“I love how you are claiming me. It’s sexy as fuck when you get all fiery like that. You’ve got me horned up already, baby.” He smiles with bedroom eyes, adjusting his straining manhood. “On second thought, what if I massage you now, and then you get your nails done afterwards?” He scoops me up and takes into the grand bedroom, throwing me onto the impressive, lush bed.

“While I’m away, I would like you to maybe read my journal. That is, if you want to.”

He strokes my breasts, and then my face while I’m cradled into him. “Of course I want to. I’m so thankful that this has helped you. I love you, baby….”

“I love you too.” I lean on my elbow to look up to him. “Lucca, there are things I have noted down which I just can’t talk about. I ask that you understand and don’t press me on it. I’m sorry I can’t tell you directly.” I look down in shame.

He lifts my head and claims my mouth again until my lips feel bruised and he’s back on top of me for another session this time with more conviction; furious, hard and welcomed.

Lucca calls down to the spa to make a reservation and then we freshen up, I put on a black shift dress while Lucca puts on jeans and a tailored grey shirt we grab our shoes. He walks me through the suite and hotel until we reach the spa.

“You don’t need to stay. Go and read my journal, but please just keep an open mind. I’m so nervous about disclosing some of those things and of what your reaction will be. Please remember, Lucca, I love you.”

He leans over to kiss me.

“Nothing in there will change my feelings for you, I just want to understand, that is all.” He smacks my bum roguishly, then winks and walks away. Tania’s face is scarlet, we have made her uncomfortable. Politely and professionally she escorts me through the sweet scented tranquil spa area to the beauty rooms.

I decide to have a French manicure and polish to my fingers and toes and some other waxing treatments and a facial. I notice the hair salon and ask if there is time for me to have a trim. Tania and her colleague Natalia are very professional and attentive filling me with champagne while they attend to the treatments, its very relaxing and I’m enjoying it. Natalia then washes, trims, dries and styles my thick wavy locks; she’s very good almost as good as Harriet my own hairdresser. Afterwards I feel refreshed and revitalized

****

A nervous energy washes over me as I walk under the masterful decorated vaulted ceilings back to the suite. I’m worried about Lucca’s reaction to the journal entries. My stomach knots in two, and I twiddle my fingers tautly. I find Lucca slumped on a luxurious sofa in the library with a crystal decanter of amber fluid and my journal.

Oh no. Please no don’t let him be…

I watch him lift a crystal tumbler, then throw back the malted spirit. “Lucca what are you doing?” I panic. He doesn’t answer me; he just pours another full glass, throws that back, then shuts his eyes.

“Stop it! Turn around and talk to me. You promised!” I yell at him. “I can’t watch you like this. Please, talk to me, I’m begging you. You promised me.”

He rubs his forehead while shaking his head; his lips look swollen from where he has been biting them. His cheeks are rouge, his eyes are wild and wet, and he reeks of alcohol; he’s had more than a couple of drinks.

“Lucca, I need you to talk. I can’t go through this again. You’re scaring me.”

He slams his glass down, causing me to shudder. “I’m sorry,” is all he says, then grabs his suit jacket and storms through the suite. I freeze, not knowing wether to follow him or stay here. Panicking, I run after him and grab his arm, but he pulls away from me.

“I can’t.”

Not making eye contact with me, he storms through the gallery and slams the heavy ornate gilded door behind him.

He’s sorry? He can’t?

He’s leaving me.

I fall in a pathetic heap on the floor, shivery, hysterical and frantic. Leaning onto my knees with my hands in my face, I realize it’s the first in over two weeks since I have broken down like this. My chest is tightening, my throat is constricting, and I’m flustering under the effects of my panic. Heady and breathless, I know I’m having an anxiety attack.

I can’t talk? Or I can’t be with you?

I’m so fucking stupid letting him read the journal! What a complete fucking idiot!

Fuck!

File S for Scared. Scared to be alone, and scared to lose him.

“FUCK!!!!!!”

I feel dizzy with anxiety. He promised me...

How could he?

I’m crashing and burning...no, I’m drowning. That’s what this is. I just don’t know what to do. I call him six times, but it goes on to voicemail. I sob through my messages, then call again and again shaking and chattering my teeth together nervously. I finally call Cameron, and tell him what has happened.

“I’m so worried about him. I don’t know what to do,” I cry.

Cameron tells me to call Marco to try and get a hold of him. “Lexi, I’ve read your journal. There is some pretty eye opening stuff in there, no wonder he’s went inferno on you. You need to let him cool off and give him time. He loves you. I don’t doubt it for a minute. He’ll come around.”

I’m sobbing unconditionally into the phone. “I think he’s leaving me, Cameron. Why else would he storm off?”

“He probably doesn’t want to hurt you by confronting you and causing you any more pain. I’ll try calling him, but you need to calm down. Breathe, Lexi, for fuck sake. ”Have you tried calling Marissa?”

“No, she’ll worry and drive over here, and I don’t want to drag them into this,” I blurt out, fisting my turbulent stomach. He stays on the phone until he calms me down. When we hang up, I call and leave a message with Marco. He calls me back immediately, offering to come over which I’m entirely grateful for, but I convince him not to. I just want him to contact Lucca.

I pour myself a glass of wine from the drinks cabinet to calm me, but I’m exhausted, shaky, and feel sick. I sit outside on a garden sofa hugging my knees into my chest and watching the sunset going down on my own. There is nothing tranquil about how I feel right now. I run my fingers over the journal and shake my head. How could I have thought this would help? I’m such an idiot.

I look at my phone still no calls, so I call again and again. My tears have dried up, my eyes are sticking and my throat is tight and swollen; I lay my head down on the sofa and close my eyes once darkness sets in, losing myself to a restless sleep. I have the most haunting of dreams; a horrible vivid nightmare.

I wake hours later when heavy arms lift me up and hold me tight.

Lucca carries me back into the suite and into the bedroom. His shirt is open and rolled up at the sleeves, he looks exhausted...strained. He sits on the bed and cradles me into him, rocking me back and forth and stroking my hair.

“Thank God you’re okay. Fuck, Lex, I’ve been worried sick. I’ve been pacing around the suite like a fuckin madman, I thought you had left. I didn’t realize you were outside behind the sofas. I was about to contact the police. I’ve already called Mr. Boveri the manager and gave the doorman a fucking grilling as he said you never left the suite. What are you thinking?” He kisses the side of my head.

I’m speechless. I want to shout at him, rant and scream, but I can’t. I’m just thankful he’s holding me.

Picking up a purple velvet throw, he wraps it protectively around me. “Where were you? Why wouldn’t you answer my calls or talk to me? I was frantic! I thought you were bailing on me,” I croak.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’d never leave you, I’ve told you that. I’ll never let go of you. I needed some air and I had to walk off my frustration. I switched my phone off, then walked around the city until I came across an open cathedral. I stumbled in and sat in silence for what seemed like hours, praying and trying to clear my head. I lit a candle for you, for your mother and for Cameron. I thought maybe I could make some peace with what’s happened to you.”

His voice is breaking, so he swallows before continuing. “I couldn’t stay here in case I hurt you emotionally by breaking down in front of you. I was afraid of upsetting you.” His shoulders slump.

He was protecting me from his anger.

“Lucca, I was sick with worry. You really frightened me and I thought you were leaving,” I sob, clutching onto him.

“No. Fucking. Way. I told you, you are my forever, my something special. I just couldn’t handle...couldn’t stomach some of the things you wrote about. I’m thankful for your honesty, and I need to know about your life, but I love you far too much and it pained me terribly. I’m trying to get my head around it, but it will take some time. I can’t accept that you were subjected to that fucking torture, Jesus. I wish I could take it all away, dolcezza.”

“When I calmed down and sobered up, I left the cathedral and listened to the voicemails. I had no idea where I was and I hadn’t taken my wallet with me. I fucking crumbled when I heard you crying. I listened to a message from Cameron saying you were having an anxiety attack and making yourself sick. I felt so fucking angry for leaving you like that. Baby, I’m so sorry. I just found it hard to comprehend that shit, and that’s why I had the whiskey. I wanted to forget what I had just read. I’m sorry, it’s no excuse, and I shouldn’t be turning to booze like that. I just can’t handle knowing those things happened to you, Doc. That you were put through that. It’s ripping my fucking heart apart.”

I’m crying hysterically now, clutching my arms around his neck. Lucca has tears strolling down his face as he rocks me forward and back, entwining my hair in his fingers as he grasps me. “I don’t want you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but when you’re ready, I’m here for you. I will never let anything bad happen to you ever again. I promise.”