Murder in Gatlinburg (4 page)

+++

I dropped Lou by his place
after lunch then hurried home to try out my new phone. I knew who would be my
first call. Jennifer.

"Hello."

"Guess where I'm
calling from?"

"Is this the guy
who's about to skip town without me?"

"Not because that's
the way I want it. Guess where I am."

"I don't know. Your
house."

"Yeah, but guess
where in my house."

"Oh, I get it. You
must have found someone to teach you how to use your new phone. I bet it was
Mark."

"Did anyone ever
tell you that you're smart enough to be a detective?"

"No, I figured that
out on my own."

"Guess what else I
can do."

"I don't know. Rub
your stomach and pat your head, and then change hands."

"I'm not sure about
that, but I can take pictures with my new phone. How about if I come over and
take your picture. That way you will be with me when I'm gone."

"But then maybe you
won't miss me as much. You might stay away longer."

"And I might decide
to leave the group and hurry home to you."

"Okay, you can come
over. Are you coming now?"

"Not only that, but
now I can talk to you all the way over to your place."

"Not if I'm to look
presentable when you get here."

+++

While we hadn't had a
murder in Hilldale in a little over four months, which meant we got to loaf
when we weren't training Heather and Dan, being officially retired still felt
different. No longer did we get up each morning wondering if we would have to
go to work that day. Our days were our own. We spent a lot of our time at home
reading, but some days we were out and about. One beautiful sunny day, Lou
backed his 1957 Chevy out of his garage and we were off to pick up Jennifer and
Thelma Lou, who knew a perfect picnic spot. They packed a picnic basket with
foods we all liked, and all we had to do was drive. Well, Lou had to drive. I
always drove when it was just the two of us, and while packing the four of us
into my VW didn't sound all that bad to me as long as Lou drove my car, we
always took his car when we double-dated. The girls picked a nice isolated spot
underneath a cover of trees, next to a stream and not a car passed us the whole
time we were there.

As I said before, Jennifer,
who was Thelma Lou's cousin, had recently moved to Hilldale, so we would get to
see more of each other once Lou and I returned from our vacation.

"You know, Cy,
Thelma Lou and I've been talking. We were thinking about sneaking down to
Gatlinburg while you're there. At least for a day or two. Maybe we could sneak
in a meal or two together, and a kiss or two, too. But we won't do it. We'll
stay here and suffer, but all you get the day you return is to sleep until noon. After that, you'd better be available."

I just looked at her and
smiled, and thought back to the blind date I didn't want to go on. It was the
only time I can ever remember being wrong about anything. There's something to
be said for a selective memory.

+++

The fact that Lou and I had
been semi-retired for a while, and only worked when someone had been murdered, probably
helped us get through those next four weeks. We had found a way to spend some
of our time after we left full-time employment behind. We have always eaten most
of our meals out, and still do, but a while back we learned of a mystery
bookstore in our area and had done our best to keep the place in business. Our
vacation was almost upon us. We were running low on unread books. We would
either need books to take with us, or books to read when we returned from
vacation and were too tired to do anything except read. So, the next day Lou
and I went to the Scene of the Crime Bookstore to stock up on retirement reading
material. I can remember the first time Lou and I visited that bookstore and
how helpful the owner, Mrs. Evans was. Lou and I had decided that because of
our line of work the kind of books we were most likely to read were mysteries
of one sort or another. Back then I didn't know there was more than one kind of
mystery, but Mrs. E educated us as to the different types of mysteries. The two
of us tried a little of this and that, sampling many different mystery authors,
and we liked most of the ones we tried. Along the way we narrowed our reading
list to twelve authors we would read regularly, and then when we got caught up with
one author we added another to bring the number of authors we were reading to
twelve. But on each trip to the bookstore, Mrs. E. recommended a few authors we
hadn't tried, so we bought a book by some of those authors, too. Lou and I read
at about the same pace, so we settled in reading the same authors at the same
time. We were up to book eight of each of the authors we were reading, and that
made it easier when we went to purchase our next set of books. Three of those
authors were from the Golden Age and were no longer around.

We started reading
Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot books first, so we were up to
Thirteen at
Dinner.
Other books we purchased that day were
The Case of the
Sleepwalker's Niece
by Erle Stanley Gardner, and
The Casino Murder Case
by
S. S. VanDine. But we found modern day authors we liked, too. Next on our list
were
Loves Music, Loves to Dance
by Mary Higgins Clark,
Southern
Ghost
by Carolyn Hart,
"H" Is For Homicide
by Sue Grafton,
You Have the Right to Remain Puzzled
by Parnell Hall,
The Partner
by
John Grisham,
The Collectors
by David Baldacci,
The Enemy
by Lee
Child,
The Woods
by Harlan Coben, and
Never Look Away
by Linwood
Barclay. We also left with Mrs. E's suggestions of
Open and Shut
by
David Rosenfelt,
Still Life
by Louise Penny, and
The Blue Zone
by
Andrew Gross. Rosenfelt and Penny's books were the first in a series. Gross's
book was a stand alone. Lou and I were smiling when we left the bookstore that
day. We had a lot of new reading material. And Mrs. E. was smiling, too. She
had a lot of our money. We were undecided as to whether or not we would take
any books on the trip, and finally we decided to take two books each, just in
case the place was dull.

A couple of days before
we left I started having second thoughts. I picked up the phone, my
old-fashioned one, and called Lou.

"We need to
talk."

"You mean we need
to go over this again. I told you to make sure you pay all the bills that will
come due while we are gone and to cancel your newspaper for a week."

"Not that! I've
taken care of that. It's just that I'm having second thoughts."

"Cy, you're not
getting married. You're merely going on a vacation. It will only last a week.
Then you can come home and do whatever you want, even if you don't like the vacation."

"It's not the
vacation part. Well, maybe it is a little bit. I'm not sure I want to spend a
week with a bunch of strangers who might be lunatics."

"Why not? It looks
like I'm going to spend a week with at least one lunatic. And it's not like
you'll have to shower with all the other guys. You'll have your own room.
Remember? You don't even have to share it with me."

"Okay, maybe I can
handle that part, but what if retirement doesn't agree with me?"

"Then you take two
pills and call me in the morning."

"I'm serious."

"Maybe you can get
a job as a night watchman."

"I mean it."

"You'll be okay.
Maybe we'll have a murder on the trip, as sort of an easing into retirement
thing."

"Yeah, maybe
someone will strangle the guy in the next seat."

"That might happen
for me, but I don't think it'll happen for you. Besides, we're retired. That
means no murder solving. Understood?"

"I'll be fine. If I
even hear of a murder I'll call the authorities and let them handle it."

"What if it happens
on the bus?"

"Well, then I'll
call the authorities if I don't solve it by the time we get to Gatlinburg."

"Cy!"

"Okay, I'll try to
stay out of it. No matter what."

"Do you think you
can?"

"Sure. I realize
that I'm retired, and any murders while we're gone will be out of my
jurisdiction."

"Cy, all murders
anytime will be out of your jurisdiction. Remember, retired means retired. Now,
can you handle it?"

"Yeah. We've both
worked too hard all these years. We have a perfect record. No murder in
Hilldale has ever gone unsolved all the time we've been the homicide division
here."

"And what will
happen if someone falls over dead next to you?"

"I'll cry. I'll
miss you."

"What if it's a
stranger?"

"Then I probably
won't cry, but I'll be a little sad."

"And you won't try
to solve it?"

"Of course not.
Unless I'm asked to help."

"Are you okay now?
Ready to head down there and really enjoy a vacation?"

"Rollercoasters
here I come!"

"Atta boy! And if
you feel the need to work when we come back, you can always count down the days
until you're old enough to be a greeter at Wal-Mart."

"We don't have a
Wal-Mart in Hilldale."

"Lucky us."

"Maybe I can find a
Wal-Mart nearby, and I can be the head of the homicide division there?"

"From what I've
heard most Wal-Mart greeters are also the head of homicide. It's just that they
don't have many murders at Wal-Marts."

"Yeah, I guess I'll
have to request a transfer to the New York City Wal-Mart."

"Do they have one
there?"

"I guess. They're
not just in small towns anymore."

"But we don't have
one here."

"I already said
that. So, I guess I'll have to relocate or commute."

I hung up, still as
disturbed as I was, but I didn't want to let Lou know. Besides, I was sure
there wasn't a police department anywhere that wouldn't want my help in case
there was a murder and I was in the area. But I still wasn't feeling any
better. I turned around, and even the dog looked disturbed. That was disturbing
in and of itself, because I don't have a dog.

+++

Several good books made
the last three weeks pass quickly, and finally the day before we were to leave
arrived. Some people believe in getting up when the sun comes shining in
through their bedroom window. I wouldn't have a problem with that. The sun hits
my bedroom window a little after 2:00 in the afternoon. While I've never lived
in the country, I've always thought it would be nice to get up right after the
rooster crows. Of course if anyone in my neighborhood gets a rooster, either
that rooster will crow only once or I'll be looking for a new neighborhood. But
there are times when God makes you appreciate those days when you get to sleep
until you wake up naturally, and for me that day was the day we left for
Gatlinburg. Lou and I had two choices. Either we would have to get up at 3:00 a.m. and drive to Lexington, or we would have to drive to Lexington the day before,
and shack up in a couple of rooms at the Marriott, where the bus would be
leaving from. Getting up at 4:30 didn't look the least bit good to me, unless I
compared it to getting up at 3:00. So, in the middle of the afternoon of the
day before we left, we took off for Lexington and settled down at the Marriott
on Newtown Pike, the place from which we would embark on our journey long
before God intended for us to get up the next morning. We checked in and got
two rooms and decided to eat dinner at the motel. J.W's Steakhouse turned out
to be a very good choice, but I couldn't afford to eat there everyday. Both of us
chose a smaller steak than what we had been used to eating most of our lives. I
took my phone with me and took a picture of Lou, just as he was putting a bite
of steak in his mouth. He waited until I had a bite of baked potato in my mouth
before he reciprocated. I told him we should cool it, because I didn't want
anyone to get the wrong idea about us. He acted like he was going to come
around and give me a kiss on the cheek, but I think the steak knife I had in my
hand convinced him otherwise. We both had a good laugh and then behaved so we
wouldn't be thrown out of the restaurant.

We had decided to eat
early, because we wanted to go  to bed early. We both arranged for a wake-up
call, plus I set the dratted alarm clock just in case the person at the front
desk took a nap and didn't wake up in time to call me. At 9:00 I went to bed, and lay there tossing and turning, and wondering how Lightning would do without
me for a week.