New Kid Catastrophes: 1 (TJ and the Time Stumblers) (13 page)

“Sweetheart?”

“Answer him,” Tuna whispered.

TJ turned to him and said,

“                                        .”

She scowled and tried again.

“                                                         !”

“What’s her problem?” Herby asked.

“I am uncertain,” Tuna answered. “She didn’t say.”

“Or think,” Herby added.

Both boys looked at each other and groaned, “Oh no . . .”

“It has also shorted out,” Tuna sighed. “We can’t hear what she’s thinking because she’s not thinking.”

TJ turned back to him and shouted,

“                                           !”

“Honey, can we talk?”

The three looked at each other in a panic. (Well, the two boys looked at each other in a panic. TJ was looking at them in a               
.)

“Imitate her,” Tuna whispered to Herby.

“What?”

“As you did before!”

“Oh, right.” Herby cleared his throat and gave another awful impersonation of TJ. “I’m okay, Poppsy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I just need a little time to myself.”

“Well, all right,” he said. “But I’m here if you need me.”

“I know you are.”

“And take care of that cold. It sounds like it’s getting worse.”

“Okay, Poppsy. I love you.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

Tuna raced to the door and pressed his ear against it until he heard Dad walking away.

Meanwhile, Herby was busy clicking and reclicking the pen, while occasionally

it against the desk, trying to fix it.

All this as TJ stood around, frantically yelling,

“                             !”

Suddenly her cell phone rang.

Without thinking (literally), TJ reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone, and answered,

“                                   ?”

“TJ?” an all-too-familiar voice asked.

“                  ,”
she replied.

“TJ, It’s Naomi. Your best new friend.”

“                          .”

“It must be a bad connection; I can’t hear you. But if you can hear me, turn on the TV. Hesper Breakahart is on Eye Witless News, and you won’t believe what she’s saying.”

TJ answered,
“                      .”

“Sorry. I’ll try later. Bye.” With that Naomi hung up.

TJ turned to Herby, who was still busy

the Acme Thought Broadcaster.

She turned to Tuna, who had just pulled something the size of a postage stamp from his pocket. He started unfolding it until it was the size of a notebook. He continued unfolding until it was the size of a computer monitor.

She looked on and would have wondered what he was doing (if her wonderer could wonder) as he continued unfolding it until it was the size of a giant TV (LCD of course). Without a word, he hung it on a nearby wall, clapped his hands twice, and the picture appeared.

There, in all of her plucked-eyebrow, two-hours-of-makeup-and-wardrobe glory, sat Hesper Breakahart. Actually, she wasn’t sitting; she was lying in a hospital bed. Both legs were elevated, both arms were in casts, and most of her head was bandaged.

“Yes,” she was sobbing, “this is the price one must pay for fame (and having such clear skin).”

The camera zoomed in to a close-up as tears streamed down her face. “But tomorrow I will find the courage to return to school and face my attacker. There I will offer her the olive branch of forgiveness.”

“Can you believe this?” Tuna moaned.

Herby
thwack
ed.

Hesper continued, getting her voice to tremble, her bottom lip to quiver, and her eyes to water all at the same time. (She’s a professional; what did you expect?) “And perhaps the two of us can live together in world peace and harmony.”

Suddenly the beam

shot from the pen.

“Got it!” Herby shouted in triumph.

“Oh no,” TJ moaned in defeat.

Because, even now, as she stared at the TV and her thinker began thinking more thoughtfully . . .

TRANSLATION:
It took a moment before all of her brain cells were finally up to speed.

Thelma Jean Finkelstein realized the war with Hesper Breakahart wasn’t over—not by a long shot.

CHAPTER EIGHT

School Daze

TIME TRAVEL LOG:

Malibu, California, October 12

Begin Transmission:

Subject insisted Tuna and I stay home. How zworked. If she’s lucky, she will return from school safe. Then again, we all know about her luck
.

End Transmission

There’s another little difference between Missouri and Malibu. In Missouri, they don’t have television crews running all over the place with cameras.

To be fair, the crew really wasn’t running all over the place; they were just running all over whatever places Hesper Breakahart was being wheeled around.

Wheeled around, as in . . .

“What’s she doing in a wheelchair?” TJ asked Naomi as they entered the hallway. Everywhere they looked there were lights and crew members—except directly in front of the camera, where Hesper sat. “I mean, she just has a broken nose.”

“Just a broken nose for you,” Naomi said as she pulled out a makeup mirror and checked her face. “But for Hesper Breakahart, it’s a gold mine.”

“What do you mean?”

Naomi put the mirror away. “Follow me.”

They pushed their way through the crowd until they got close enough to see dear, darling Hesper, smiling bravely as she wheeled herself toward her locker. It was a touching scene that even had TJ choking up (or gagging), until an older guy with a goatee (which looked more like a hairy patch of bread mold) shouted, “Cut! Cut! Cut!”

Suddenly Hesper’s brave, darling smile turned into an angry snarl. “What’s wrong with that?” she yelled.

“I need tears, babe,” the man said, “lots more tears.” He turned around and shouted, “Makeup!”

“Cooming, I em cooming.” A woman responded with a French accent (and more hair under her arms than the man had on his face). She dabbed some sort of oil under Hesper’s eyes and they immediately started to water.

Meanwhile two other people worked on Hesper’s hair.

“It’s all for publicity,” Naomi explained, pretending to be bored. (She might have pulled it off if she wasn’t madly brushing her hair, touching up her lipstick, and applying eyeliner . . . all at the same time.)

Finally the makeup woman shouted, “Vee half tearz! Vee half many, many tearz.”

“All right, folks!” the man yelled. “Let’s take it from the top. Places, please. And action!”

Once again, darling Hesper rolled toward her locker. But this time she bravely smiled through her many, many tearz.

TJ could only shake her head in disgust, amazement, and—even though she hated to admit it—awe.

An hour later, they were back in Mr. Beaker’s science class.

The good news was TJ had convinced Tuna and Herby to stay home and work on their time-travel pod.

The bad news was, well, that Tuna and Herby had stayed home and worked on their time-travel pod.

She had no sooner sat down beside Chad (which was a good thing ’cause her knees were still a little weak around him) when the door opened and in rolled Hesper.

“Oh, Hesper!” Elizabeth, her best friend since forever, cried. “You’ve joined us!”

Hesper looked up and smiled bravely (she was getting a lot of mileage out of smiling bravely) when another student rose to her feet and started to clap. Another student also stood and clapped. And then another and another, until the entire class was on their feet giving Hesper Breakahart a standing ovation.

It seemed a little over-the-top, even for Hesper, until TJ noticed the film crew coming in the door behind her.

“Thank you.” Hesper bowed her head humbly. “Thank you.” Then she looked up and gave (what else?) a brave smile. “Thank you; oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”