November Foxtrot (Rhythm of the Heart Book 2) (2 page)

A knock came at the door with a soft, “Miss? You okay? I have your purse.”

She sniffled as she rose to standing and walked to the door, opening it a crack. The small woman standing there smiled softly. “Here's your purse, honey. You okay?”

Zoe took it from her and shook her head. “No, I'm not. I think I'm pregnant.” It was the first time she'd said it out loud and in a way, it made it real. She placed her hand on her stomach and her eyes went wide. “I think I'm pregnant,” she whispered again.

The woman smiled softly. “Honey, it's all right if you are. I'll keep an eye on your cart, you get yourself together and then you can come get it, all right? No rush.”

Zoe nodded woodenly and closed the door, locking it again and leaning against the cold metal. “I think I'm pregnant,” she parroted out again, a smile breaking out across her face. “Oh my God. I might be a Momma.” She cradled her hands around her stomach and closed her eyes. Then panic kicked back in.
What if Calvin isn't excited? I mean... I missed a couple of pills, I just didn't think about it. With moving and everything... Okay, I missed more than a couple, I guess. I missed a few all through August. So much going on...
She sighed and turned to the sink to wash her hands.

As she walked out of the bathroom, a small smile played at her mouth. The little lady, whose name was Doris according to her name tag, was behind the pharmacy counter, patiently watching her cart as she rang up customers. Zoe waved at her and smiled brightly as she took the cart and went back to the pregnancy tests. She grabbed three different tests and went to check out, grabbing a chocolate bar at the register. A young teenage boy was ringing her stuff up and he flushed as he came across the pregnancy tests. She didn't notice, so wrapped up in her cocoon of maybes.

After paying, she walked back to the car and loaded her few bags, grabbing a clementine and peeling it, almost choking on the sweet flesh as the juice flowed through her mouth. She found herself groaning at the taste and devouring the whole thing in mere minutes. It was the best damn thing she'd put in her mouth recently and she fought the urge to eat another one as she drove home, carefully keeping the little car under the speed limit.

Once home, she parked in the quiet parking lot and grabbed her bags, carefully balancing them as she walked down the hall to their door. She unlocked the door and hauled everything inside, sitting down at the kitchen table with a few shaky breaths. Bending and digging through the bags until she found another clementine, she sat back again and peeled it quickly before devouring the fruit. Juice dripped off her chin and she laughed shakily. “What the hell is with these oranges?” As she stood to wash her hands, her foot caught in the loop of the plastic grocery bag and one of the pregnancy tests fell out. She untangled her foot and glanced down at the little white box as though it was a huge snake waiting to strike.

At that moment, her bladder decided to ache with the desire to pee, so she picked up the little box with two fingers, holding it out in front of her like an offensive piece of trash. She walked down the hall and into the bathroom, dropping the box on the counter so she could wash her hands and face. The running water only made the desire to pee stronger, and she had to clench her thighs together to keep from pissing down her legs. Laughing awkwardly again, she ripped the box open and rapidly read the instructions. “Okay, five seconds in the pee stream, cap on, wait three minutes. Got it.”

Snatching down her pants and underwear, she hopped on one foot, then the other as she snatched the cap off the pregnancy test. It pinged off the wall and skittered under the sink. “Damn it to hell!” She squealed, dropping to her knees in a rush to find the damn thing so she could take the test and it be done right. Reaching forward, the ache to pee was unbearable and she employed every tactic she could to prevent the dribble that was threatening to run down her leg. Finally, her fingers found the cap and she jumped up and sat down on the toilet, fluids gushing out of her and completely soaking the pregnancy test. “Shit! I probably didn't need a full five seconds...”

She shook the drops of urine off her hands and capped the test, grimacing as she wiped herself and re-washed her hands, taking an antibacterial wipe to the toilet. Trying to fight the anxiety that threatened to crush her chest, she looked for something to do. Anything to keep busy while this test decided her fate.
Brushing teeth! Yes! That will take up two minutes!
Her hands shook as she grabbed the toothpaste and she squirted a huge blob down into the sink, completely missing her pink toothbrush. Wetting the brush and trying again, she started to brush her teeth, taking an immense amount of time. Rinsing her mouth out with the cool water and spitting, she braced herself on the edge of the sink, too damn scared to look, but too scared not to.

With quivering hands, she reached over to pick it up. There was no, am I or aren't I question, the test glowed with the word pregnant. She dropped it, her hands shaking and tears flooding her vision.
I'm not alone anymore. I'm pregnant. Oh my God. I'm pregnant.
Her hand traced her stomach and it made her cry harder.
Calvin is going to miss almost all of this.
She shuffled across the hall to her bedroom and climbed up on the bed, kicking her shoes off as she went, the thud of them hitting the floor loud in the silence. She soon filled it with her tears, sobbing until she felt wrung out.

Digging in her pocket, she pulled out her phone and checked it again.
Nothing.
Her arms wrapped around his pillow and held it close, pretending, even for a moment he was beside her in the bed, holding her tight, his warm flesh beneath her cheek, his beautiful hand cupping her face, pulling her up for one of his slow, exquisite kisses. She smiled, her eyes drifting shut as just the thought of him being close comforted her.

* * *

He smiled as he dialed her number, knowing it had been too long since he'd heard her sweet, smoky little voice in his ear. Wincing as he shifted his arm, he waited patiently for the phone to connect through and it to ring. It was still early in Colorado, but he'd have to wake her, he couldn't wait another damn second to talk to the woman who had stolen his heart.

“Hello?” Her sleepy little voice asked, so small and the thought of her wrapped up in their bed, preferably naked and warm and soft nearly did him in. He could almost see her long, creamy legs tangled in the sheets, her black eyes flashing in desire, her arms wrapped around him and those beautiful lips touching him.

“Hey, beautiful,” he murmured, his throat tightening with emotion. He clenched his hand into a fist and leaned against the sand colored wall, blinking at the bright sunlight.

“
CALVIN
?” She squealed into his ear then promptly started to cry. He heard her rustling around in the bed and he throbbed at the visions floating through his mind.

“Baby, don't cry.” He reached out as if to touch her face, then realized his folly in that instant and fiddled with the Velcro on his pants.
Of course she's not here...

“Calvin, baby, it's been so long. Oh my God. Baby, I've missed you,” she choked out around her tears. “I kind of was starting to think none of this had been real and I'm just dreaming it all up. I've been hoping you'd call and here you are,” she breathed out, and he closed his eyes, relishing the sound of her voice.

“Beautiful, I've missed you so damn bad, too. All I can think about is you. Are you all right?” Concern tinged his voice and he knelt down and sat in the hot sand, the breeze picking up and cooling his sweaty skin. A group of soldiers walked by, the raucous noise getting on his nerves. He shifted and plugged his ear to hear her better.

“I... I'm okay, Calvin. So much better now that I know you're okay,” she murmured, the love she felt evident in her voice and his heart thumped.

“Baby, I'm okay. I was on a mission, and I couldn't call for a while. I... There was a small skirmish a few days ago, I was grazed by a bullet on my arm, but I'm all right.” He tensed, waiting for the panic he was sure to come.

“
YOU WERE SHOT AT
? Oh Calvin, are you okay?” A fresh round of tears started and he rubbed his forehead, his own eyes misting at his close call.

“Baby,” he whispered roughly, “I'm okay. I promise. Don't worry about me. Tell me about you. What are you doing?”

“Calvin,” she cried out. “You got shot. You're not okay! I'm... I'm fine. I haven't been doing anything, really, you know, the basics. Reading a lot.”

“You're lying to me, beautiful.”

He heard her sigh. “There's something I need to tell you.”

“Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.” The silence stretched over the miles and he glanced at the phone to make sure they were still connected.

“Zoe, baby?”

She sniffled and his chest tightened. “Calvin. I'm pregnant.”

He dropped the phone in the sand and he let out a battle cry before grabbing it back up. “You're
PREGNANT
?”

“Yeah, Calvin, I'm pregnant. I... I forgot to take a couple of pills and I... I mean, you've already taken on so much with me, I am so sorry to chain you with this too,” she rambled on, his heart breaking at her words.

“Zoe Hall. Listen to me. You never chained me with shit; do you hear me? I chose to be with you. I wanted to be with you. I love you so damn much it hurts. Do you know how happy you just made me? You made this shit totally worth it; you and our baby. My God. I can't wait to see you pregnant with my baby.” He grinned like a fool; the next soldier walking by he waved to and yelled, “My wife's pregnant!”

“Awesome, man! Congratulations!”

He grinned wide and the high was incredible. Until she whispered the next words so quietly he could barely hear them.

“Calvin, there is a chance... A chance the baby isn't yours.”

A pin could have dropped and anyone between Colorado and Afghanistan would have heard it perfectly. The whole world crashed down around his ears and he wiped at the tears in his eyes. “What?” He could force nothing else out.

“Calvin... I slept with Derek in early August. I slept with you in late August... Even on birth control pills... my period has never been regular. I don't know if it is yours or his. I am so sorry, Calvin. So sorry. I will understand if you can't deal with this. I will raise it on my own; I would never ask you to take care of another man's baby... I'm so sorry. This is killing me, thinking you really did mess up with me.” Her voice ended on a sob and it broke his heart all over again.

He leaned his head back against the wall and took a few slow breaths, trying to slow his pulse. “Zoe, listen to me. That baby will be mine, whether or not it shares my DNA. Do you understand? I love you. I love our baby.”

He heard her sob and his chest tightened as she whispered, “I am so sorry.”

Calvin clenched his fist and beat at the wall behind him. He focused on the pain in his fist instead of the ache in his heart. “Derek deserves to know.”

“What?” she cried out. “No! No he doesn't, Calvin. I don't want him to know.”

His sergeant yelled his name and he rubbed at his forehead again. “Baby, I need to go. I love you.”

She looked down at the phone in her hand and a fresh round of tears started to fall. He was hurt and there was nothing she could do about it.
In more ways than one, thanks to you,
she thought. She didn't give a shit that it was just a minor wound in his arm, now thanks to her carelessness, a major one festered in his heart. “Damn it, Calvin,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I don't want Derek to know. I want this baby so badly to be yours, only yours.” With a sigh she crawled out of bed and felt the nausea rise up in her throat. Running for the bathroom, she made it in time again, worshiping the porcelain God with heaves that shook her shoulders.

Dawn broke and she watched through the small window in the bathroom the sky flickering from blue to gold. With a tired smile she pulled herself up and peeled her clothes off to shower. The water beat against her shoulders and it was soothing in a way. A weight was off her chest since she'd heard from Calvin, she was petrified knowing he'd been shot, but relieved he was okay. Her palm skimmed over her soft belly and she smiled, imagining herself big and pregnant and making a nursery for their baby.

There was no way she could be pregnant with a man's child that she hated. Then again, her luck had always sucked.
We won't know until later. Isn’t there some test they can do while you're pregnant? Fuck, I don't want to deal with this. Can we just ignore it?

She could imagine Calvin pursing his beautiful lips and shaking his head. He'd say, “Zoe, you know if the roles were reversed, I'd want to know. I'll support you and love you, no matter what.”

Lathering shampoo in her hair, she scrubbed out her frustration, wincing as her nails scraped her scalp. With a sigh, she rinsed out the soap and then turned to lather up a pouf and washed her body, circling the mesh on her skin, mesmerized at the trails of bubbles, her mind with him. As the water ran cool, she jerked to attention and rinsed quickly, shivering under the icy spray. She turned the water off and stepped from the tub, roughly drying her skin until it pinkened from her assault. Coffee actually sounded fantastic this morning, so she rushed through getting dressed in another of his shirts, this one saying, “I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself”. It made her smile, because it was just like him. She pulled on underwear and a pair of jeans, frowning at the slight gap in the waist.
Guess I really have lost some weight. Damn.

Padding barefoot through the house, she set up the coffeemaker with some of her favorite chocolate flavored coffee and poured herself a bowl of cereal. Once the coffee was done, she sat at the table and tried to keep her mood up, not thinking of being alone.
You're not alone, the baby is here,
she reminded herself with a soft smile. The coffee went down okay, but the cereal made her stomach turn and she groaned, starving but too nauseous to eat.

Touching her phone, she glanced at the clock. It was after 7:30, and she could call the hospital to make an appointment. She needed to set up some prenatal care. She dialed slowly, her heart in her throat, not sure she could handle it. The operator was kind, finding an appointment with an OBGYN later in the afternoon, and she took it, her throat tight.
This is really real.
Hanging up the phone, she drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, laying her cheek against her knees.

Her phone rang, the sound harsh in the silence and her heart lurched into her throat as she glanced at the screen, hoping it was Calvin again. She needed to hear his voice. It was Grams. She picked it up and whispered, “Hello?”

“Zoe, baby? Did you go to the store?”

“Yeah, Grams, I did.” She rested her cheek back on her knees.

“And?”

“Test said yes; a big, fat, glowing yes. I talked to Calvin earlier.”

“Well good, Zoe, at least we know. You gonna see a doctor? And how is my boy doing? I am glad you heard from him. We've been worried.” Her soft voice soothed Zoe's nerves and she smiled.

“He's okay, there was a small accident and he got grazed by a bullet on his arm. He says he's fine. I see the doctor this afternoon.”

“Lord have mercy. He was shot? Jesus, I need to call and put out a prayer circle for him and for you. He's gonna be all right, you hear me? Are you doing okay? Don't let this all tear your nerves up. You need to stay calm for the baby's sake.” Zoe heard Grams smile. “I'm going to get started working on some blankets, you'll need them in Colorado. You call me and let me know what the doctor says, you hear me?”

“Yeah,” she whispered back with a smile. “I hear you, Grams. Give Pops and Layla my love, okay? I am going to go.”

“You got it baby. Hang in there.”

She hung up and the bittersweet emotion rolled over her. It was good to have someone love her, but hard because they were so damn far away.

* * *

A goofy little grin pulled at his face for the rest of the day, and everyone was remarking on it. He felt light as a damn feather, happy as hell. “Calvin, what you grinning about?”

He couldn't help but tell everyone, “My wife is pregnant!”

The soldiers loved a good celebration and soon there were sodas and a makeshift BBQ set up, no alcohol allowed while they were on guard, not that Calvin would have drank anyway. He ate a charred hot dog. It could have been a dehydrated dog turd and it wouldn't have mattered; it was a good time, regardless.

“Hot damn, son! You got married and her knocked up on leave? You, sir, are fucking magical,” one of his subordinates, D'Arcy told him with a wide grin, holding his can of soda high in salute.

“Dude, shut up,” he laughed, the tension he'd been feeling finally breaking loose.

Rodriguez was on his way back to the states, he had to get patched up before they decided what to do with him, so D'Arcy was his new battle buddy. Calvin was beating himself up repeatedly over not paying more attention out on the field and his battle getting hurt.
Maybe if I hadn't been consumed with Zoe, he'd still be okay. She's okay, the baby will be fine, fuck if it's mine or Derek's. I will raise it; all will be good. She'd never go back to him... Would she? No... No way, she wouldn't.

He was broken from his reverie by a rough shake to his shoulder by D'Arcy. “Man, did you hear a damn thing I just said?”

Calvin sighed and shook his head, “No, I didn't. What is it, D'Arcy?”

The boy sighed and rubbed his face. “When do we go out for the next maneuver?”

Calvin sat down on a box and shrugged. “Soon. You ready?”

D'Arcy nodded. “Yeah, I'm ready. Are you?”

“As ready as I'm gonna get, man. Best thing I can tell you is to kick back here and get a little sleep ‘til they are ready for us.” He leaned back, his head against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest, closing his eyes and dozing in the blustering heat. He was consumed with thoughts of her and their baby. The future was bright.

* * *

She'd been poked and prodded, blood drawn, peed in a cup, blood pressure and temperature taken and she waited patiently in the doctor's office, waiting for someone to see her. It had been twenty minutes of watching the clock and panicking. Finally a short
tap tap
came at the door and a grizzled older gentleman walked in, looking a lot like a skinny Santa. She couldn't help but smile as he held out his hand and his eyes twinkled. “Hello, Mrs. Hall, I'm Dr. Pat and I hear that congratulations are in order!”

Her cheeks flushed and she nodded. “Yeah, I am pregnant.”

He nodded and looked at his paperwork. “When was the first day of your last period?”

“Um,” she started, thinking carefully. “It was July 28
th,
but I'm never regular. I ovulate late.”

He flipped out a small calendar and tapped his silvery mustache with his fingertip. “All right. We are in the middle of October now... We are looking at you possibly being around eight to ten weeks.”

She gripped the edge of the exam table and her head swam. “Eight to ten weeks?”

Dr. Pat eyed her cautiously. “Why don't we lay you down? Take a few slow breaths for me. It's all right, Zoe. I'm going to do an ultrasound today and we'll be able to pinpoint where you are at, okay?”

Her eyes filled with tears and she broke down, sobbing as he simply held her hand. “You don't
UNDERSTAND
!” she cried out. “I had sex with my ex-boyfriend and my husband in the same month. I don't know whose kid it is. Oh my God, I am going to be on fucking Maury!”

His mustache twitched. “Zoe, honey. You need to calm down. We will work through paternity later and I promise, no one will put you on Maury, okay?” He patted her knee awkwardly and reached beneath the table to hand her a paper gown. “Can you put this on for me? I'm going to be back in just a few minutes, I need everything from the waist down off, please. We will need to do a vaginal ultrasound. This may pinpoint closer to when you conceived and hopefully relieve some stress for you, okay?”

She nodded woodenly and hopped off the table as he left the room. Her fingers shook as she unbuttoned her pants and slid them down her legs, followed by her underwear. She kicked her shoes off and kept her socks on, grimacing at her hairy legs. She had definitely not planned on the doctor seeing her legs, so there had been no point in shaving.

Sliding her butt back up on the papered table, she waited, awkwardly swinging her legs back and forth. A few moments later he
tap tapped
at the door again and came in with a young nurse, who wore Dora the Explorer scrubs and a bright smile. “Are we ready?” He sat down on the stool beside the table and fiddled with a machine beside her, the nurse helping him put lubrication on the wand and a condom like thing over the top. He liberally lubed the outside of the wand and smiled at her patiently. “Zoe, I'm going to insert this into your vagina and take a look around, okay?”

She grimaced at the cold, clinical terms; they always made her skin crawl. “Okay,” she whispered, letting the nurse ease her back and putting her feet into stirrups. He inserted the wand and she jumped at the cold lubricant.

“Sorry about that, we don't have a warmer in here,” he said apologetically, his brow furrowed as he looked at the screen, clicking a small mouse and murmuring to himself. A few minutes passed as he probed and pressed against her stomach, making more notes on the computer. He finally looked at her again and smiled tightly. “Zoe.”

She nodded, her heart high in her throat and strangling her. “Yeah?”

“I am afraid there is a problem...” he started slowly, gently patting her bare, hairy knee. She lost focus at that point, simply watching his hand gently touching her Chewbacca leg and ignoring the words. He shook her shoulder and she couldn't respond. The world had suddenly gone very dark and it was hard to breathe. The bands of anxiety had tightened around her and she panicked, grabbing at her throat. She watched the doctor check her pulse and grab an oxygen mask, fitting it over her face. The clean scent infiltrated her nostrils, but nothing could get through.
Something's wrong...
Her eyes slid shut, a tear glistening at the corner of her lashes and splashing down against her cheek.

She woke up in a hospital bed, the oxygen mask still on her face and an IV attached to her hand,
drip dripping
something clear into her arm. Slowly she sucked in air and struggled to sit up. The perky nurse with Dora scrubs happened to walk in her door just at that moment and smiled at her sadly. “Lay back, Mrs. Hall, let me get the doctor for you, okay?”

Zoe sobbed, feeling more alone than she ever had in the cold, sterile hospital room. Dr. Pat did his awkward
tap tap
at the door and let himself in with a sad smile. “Hello there, Zoe. You were a little dehydrated so we hooked you up to some saline and we're giving you a little oxygen for now, your anxiety is high. Do you think we can try talking?” He sat down on the edge of the little hospital bed and she shifted her legs to give him room.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, sweetie. I'm afraid that the baby's heart isn't going as fast as it should be. Your baby is measuring perfectly at eight weeks, but the heart rate is very slow, we are barely picking it up. By eight weeks, we should have a strong heartbeat.” He patted her knee again, and she swallowed.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, usually that a miscarriage may be coming. We can let nature take its course, whether that means you continue to carry the baby and it grows fine, we don’t know. But the chance is there that you could miscarry. We can keep an eye on your hormone levels every few days and just let things play out. As of right now, things don't look the greatest.”

“Is it anything I did?” she sobbed, her voice cracking.

He patted her knee again. “No, honey, unfortunately miscarriages are common.”

“I haven't been eating a lot... I haven't been taking vitamins.”

“Honey, it's not your fault. We may be able to check the baby again in a week and things could be perfect; I'm certainly not God. I just want you to go home and relax. Is your husband here?”

“No,” she whispered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, the IV in her left hand scraping against her cheek.