Only You (18 page)

“I’m going to open a gallery and craft shop. This area is for the display, and the cash counter will be back there. What do you think?”

He walked farther into the room. “You probably need another window or two along that wall for more natural light.”

“I’ve been worried about how dark it is inside. Thought I’d hang track lighting.”

“That would be good for the display area, but natural light’s better for the crafts, I think. If you didn’t want to use too much wall space, installing windows along the top would give you enough light, and you can put the crafts in the loft, close to the windows. That would give you more room down here.”

Her face lit up. “I love that idea. Anything else?”

“Well, I’m not an expert on commercial space, but having your cash counter along this wall, close to the entrance, gives you an excuse to engage with your customers. If you’re at the back, it looks like you’re chasing them when you come out to talk.”

“You’re good at this!”

He smiled at her. “You think?”

She gazed at him for a minute then sort of shook herself. “I thought these bookshelves would be perfect under the staircase in your living room. You don’t have to take them if you don’t want, but I thought they’d fit there.”

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” He ran his hand along the top shelf of the aged maple.

“I’m glad you like them. JD?”

He shifted his attention to her. He couldn’t interpret the look on her face, but he didn’t like it. He wished things were different between them, and he could take her in his arms and chase all that worry away. “What’s going on, Maggie?”

“I have something to tell you. You’re not going to like it.”

Every muscle in his body tensed. He waited, fearing the worst.

“I’m pregnant.”

The words burrowed into him like a fist to his gut. “Wow. Strangely, I didn’t see that coming. I was worried you were seriously ill.”  

“Dr. Cowan says I’m fine.”

“Congratulations, Maggie,” he choked out. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”

“Thank you. Um . . . I don’t know how to tell you this except to just come right out and say it. You’re the father.”

JD went numb. “No, I told you—”

“There wasn’t anyone else, JD. Only you.”

“Whatever you’re doing, stop it. I can’t have children. I told you.”

“Well, now you can.” Her voice was full of tears. “Did you ever have any fertility tests done?”

“Jesus.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “This is so . . . No. I’m not doing this.”

She stumbled back as if he’d struck her. “Fine. Don’t. I don’t need your help, and I’ll never ask you to be involved in her life. I’m fully capable and willing to bring this child up by myself. You’re welcome to do a DNA test once she’s born—”

“It’s a girl?”

“It’s too early to tell. But I talk to the baby, and in my head, it’s a girl.”

“And you’re going to live here and bring up the child.”

“Claire and Sammie are my family. I need to live close to them.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Except he felt as though his world had come untethered, and he was free-floating in some new kind of hell.

“You seemed okay with it until I told you that you’re the father.”

“Not really. I was trying to be supportive. You’re mistaken, Maggie. She’s not my child.”
She
. God help him. Imagine having a daughter who looked like Maggie.

Maggie’s face turned white. “I think you should leave.”

“I couldn’t agree more. Take care of yourself. I’m glad you got what you wanted.”

JD hit the sidewalk and strode away without looking back. He didn’t know what to do with all the energy roiling around inside him. He felt like he was splitting apart at the seams. Like his skin had grown too small for him.

He wasn’t the father. He and Lydia had tried so hard for so long to get pregnant. And Maggie wanted him to believe he got her pregnant in one night? Children were not part of his agenda. Not now.

But why would Maggie lie? It didn’t make sense. Like she’d said, she wasn’t asking for money or even emotional support. She was prepared to bring the child up by herself. She didn’t want anything from him. And she wasn’t the kind of person who lied. She might wish she could sometimes, but she wouldn’t. He’d bet his life on that.

Before Donnie had been born, he’d been unhappy. He’d gotten to the point where he agreed with whatever Lydia wanted in an effort to make their marriage work. He should have left her before she had Donnie, but he’d thought he could fix their marriage. He hadn’t wanted to believe he’d spent four years of his life with a woman he didn’t love, because then he’d have to admit he’d wasted precious years trying to have a marriage like his parents’. Not that their marriage had been perfect. They fought sometimes. But they loved each other. Were there for each other no matter what.

He’d always believed you had to work hard to form a bond of mutual respect and trust. But that solid feeling, that yes-this-is-the-one feeling had struck him the first time he’d met Maggie. His strong reaction to Maggie scared him, because he knew now that love like that didn’t come along often. But as exhilarating as the feeling was, it came at an enormous cost. After three years, he still mourned his son, and he’d sworn to never open his heart like that again.

His parents would be disappointed in him. They’d hate that he’d hidden from his life for the last three years, and they’d hate it even more that he’d pushed away a woman like Maggie. They would have loved her.

 He’d contact his doctor and set-up an appointment for a fertility test. And if he was capable of having a child? If Maggie was carrying his child?

He came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk as a million sweet memories of Donnie bombarded him. How much he’d loved him. How Donnie had returned that love. He didn’t think he could love like that again. There was nothing left to give. No one would expect him to give what he didn’t have. No one, except maybe himself.

“Jesse?” Maggie tightened her grip on the front door she’d just opened. The last person she’d expected to see standing on her front veranda was Jesse Mann. He’d frightened her as much as he’d made her angry that night in the bar.

She was suddenly conscious of how alone she was. If something happened to her, who would think to ask where she was until Claire and Sammie returned from San Francisco? They’d left early this morning to visit their families and wouldn’t return for a few days.

Jesse loomed above her, dressed in his trademark black jeans and cowboy shirt. He took off his black cowboy hat and turned it in his hands.

“I, ah . . . want to apologize for the other night. I didn’t mean to scare you. I may have had too much to drink.”

“Okay.”

With his dark coloring, he looked dangerous, but his sheepish smile softened his demeanor. “So, you really bought this house?”

It had been three days since she’d told JD about the baby, and she still felt bruised by his curt dismissal of what she thought was the most wonderful news in the world. She wasn’t insensitive to his having lost a child, but in her mind, the two weren’t connected. This was
her
child, and the baby was perfect already. But she sure could use a distraction from her monkey mind, especially with the girls away in San Francisco.

“We really bought the house. Want to come in?”

“Sure. I mean, if that’s okay. I don’t want to intrude or anything.”

“Actually, you could give me a hand moving all those boxes to the kitchen, if you don’t mind. I must have pulled a muscle in my back. It hurts to bend over and pick them up.”

He grinned, and the light from a window caught in his earring. Gosh, he was a good-looking devil. “I’d do just about anything to make up for my poor behavior the other night.” He grabbed a box from the front hallway and followed her to the kitchen. “I don’t mean to be like that. Sometimes I kind of lose it.”

 She motioned for him to deposit the box on the counter.

“You could always stop drinking.” She pulled a chair over to the counter and climbed up on it. The box was marked platters, and she planned to put them on the top shelf. When Jesse laughed, she frowned at him over her shoulder.

He choked. “Jesus. You’re serious.”

“Someone is going to have you arrested one of these days.”

“You’re probably right, but I don’t have a clue where to start.” After a minute he asked, “You know what I’m afraid of?”

“What?”

“I’m afraid if I start digging around in the whys and wherefores, I’m going to stir up such a frigging mess I’ll go crazy.” He pulled out a cigarette and flipped it end over end with his fingers.

Maggie stopped unpacking the platters and turned to face him. “You’re not alone. You’ve got friends who will help, Jesse.”

“Do I?” He stared at his cigarette. “Most of my friends aren’t what you’d call supportive.”

“I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you.”

“You know what I wish?” He looked up from his cigarette.

“What?”

“I wish you weren’t JD’s woman. I wish I had a chance with someone like you. I know my life would be better for it.”

“That’s lovely, Jesse, but I’m not JD’s woman. I’m my own woman. Period.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Miss Maggie. I’ll get the rest of those boxes.” He poked his head back into the kitchen. “Mind if I have a smoke in your yard first?”

“No problem.”

Strange how things turned around sometimes. Maggie shoved the used newspaper into the empty box and sat as she waited for Jesse to bring more boxes for her to unpack. A few nights ago, she’d have said she never wanted to see Jesse again. But now she realized maybe no one had ever believed in him, and he needed a break, like having a good friend. If she hadn’t had Sammie and Claire to rely on, her life would have turned out differently. Even with their support, she still sometimes doubted her decisions.

She put her hands on her stomach. But not this one. She was already head over heels in love with her child, and oh, how she wished she could share that love with JD. How amazing it would be if they were both excited about this child. But that was too much to ask from him, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him any more than he’d already been hurt.

“You okay, doll?”

“What?” She opened her eyes and swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “Of course.” She jumped to her feet, turning her back to Jesse.

Jesse put his hands on her shoulders and gently turned her to face him. “I can’t dump my problems on you if you don’t return the favor. That’s the way it works. If JD’s giving you grief, I happen to know I can take him in a fight. All you have to do is say the word.”

“He told me.” When she leaned her head against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. “Can you keep a secret?”

“For you? Absolutely.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Whoa. That’s huge. Everything okay? You can’t be climbing on chairs now, Maggie. You unpack. I’ll put stuff where it belongs.”

She gave him another hug and pulled away. “I’m fine. Really. A little weepy sometimes, but with my hormones going all wonky, that’s normal. I’m okay up on the chair, but maybe you can hand me the extra glasses from that box.”

She climbed on the chair and waited for Jesse to unwrap a glass.

He handed her a glass, frowned at the next one he was unwrapping. “Who’s the father? JD?”

Hmm. She hadn’t thought this through. “I’m, ah . . . I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. But you know, if you need me to talk to the father for you, just say the word.”

She laughed. “Not everything is solved by punching a guy in the nose.”

He grinned. “It sure expedites the process.”

“What’s going on here?”

Maggie twisted around to see who had entered the kitchen. Her foot slipped, and JD caught her in his arms as she fell. Clay, Ellie and Dr. Cowan crowded in the kitchen door. Ethan brought up the rear.

JD deposited her on her feet, but kept an arm around her shoulders. He glared at Jesse. “What are you doing here?” 

Maggie shrugged out from under his arm. “What does it look like he’s doing? He’s helping me.”

Jesse folded his arms and a shit-eating grin formed on his face. Maggie relaxed a bit when Dr. Cowan stepped between the two men. “What’s that I smell?” She sniffed delicately. “I think it’s an overload of testosterone. Wouldn’t you say so, girls?”

Maggie spared her a smile and noticed the doctor looked at Jesse with a spark of interest. “Have you two met?” Maggie asked. “Doc Cowan, Jesse Mann.”

“Gwen, please.” She shook Jesse’s hand.

Jesse edged toward the kitchen door that led out to the side yard. “Looks like you’ve got lots of help now. I’ll see you around, doll.”

“Don’t go, Jesse. There’s iced tea in the refrigerator and probably a beer or two. It’d be nice to take a break outside with everyone.” She massaged her aching back.

“What’s wrong with your back?” JD demanded.

“Just a sore muscle.”

“You shouldn’t be climbing on chairs and carrying heavy boxes. Isn’t that right, Doc? Don’t you have any sense?”

Gwen tilted her head as she studied JD.
Busted
. He might as well hang a sign around his neck that read
Expectant Father
.