Past Lives (17 page)

“Well, let’s see if we can help you conquer another obstacle, shall we?” Dolly helped him back into the chair, and he wheeled over to the two long support bars, meant to train people back into walking upright. I made my way to the other end, taking my place as his final destination. I tried to squash the butterflies in my belly as our eyes met and locked. His muscles strained as he grasped onto the bars and heaved himself up onto his legs, standing perfectly still. His brow blossomed with sweat, his gaze intense as he focused all his energy into moving just one leg forward.

The thing with this type of recovery is that it takes time and patience…something the American mindset is not equipped for. We get instant gratification for everything in our lives, from food to movies to information. The hardest part of recovering from an illness is the willingness to slow down and allow time for the healing process to occur, and I watched the frustration and fury play out over Sebastian’s face as he tried over and over to kick one leg forward.

Finally, he made it one step…two steps…and nearly collapsed. Dolly caught him easily, guiding him back to the chair where he could sit and come to grips with the time it would take to make it through his recovery. He breathed heavily, avoiding eye contact with either of us. Kindly, Dolly put a hand on his, and he allowed it to rest there.

“The fact that you can move your legs at all is a gift…remember that,” she said, addressing the open disappointment in his expression. “If you ask more of yourself than you can give, you’re in for a long road.”

Sebastian paused, then nodded, finally casting a shy glance back at me. I smiled encouragingly, and was rewarded with a small nod. Dolly clapped her hands together.

“I think that’ll be enough for this morning,” she said, her tone brisk. “J, can you please escort Sebastian back to his room?” I nodded, waiting for him to get his bearings back and wheel over to me at the door. He pulled his Pelicans hat from a side pocket in the chair and slid it on.

“Interesting team choice,” I said, casting him a sideways glance. He smiled, a true, warm smile.

“It belonged to a friend of mine. We served together. He was a complete idiot…he would do things just to piss people off all the time. I’m pretty sure he picked this team as his favorite because they’re the worst in the league, just to choose something that no one else would,” he laughed, pulling the cap from his head and gazing at it wistfully.

“He died in the same raid I was injured in. I was trying to save his life when the bullet caught me, and I wasn’t able to get up again,” he whispered, so quietly I almost didn’t hear. We continued on in silence, and I stood awkwardly outside his room, not knowing if I should leave. He glanced up.

“I’d love some company, if you’re allowed,” he said, providing me with my answer. We made our way to his room, where we chatted about pop culture and music. I realized then that getting to know Sebastian would be one of the first meaningful things I would do with my life, and I sat at complete attention as he told me funny stories, keeping it light after such a tough session.

As great as the stories were, his lips were my primary distraction. I wondered just how they would feel against mine, and then mentally slapped myself for being so foolish.

Chapter Twenty
-
Two

A Dark Breeze Blows

I spent the next two weeks looking forward to our sessions, the school year closing in too quickly. From when we first started to the day before class, Sebastian had been able to walk a few steps, and we all cheered at the progress he made. Afterwards, I would sit with him in his room for a bit, chatting about what it was like growing up a world apart. I didn’t envy him the life of a military brat, and he didn’t envy me the quiet boredom of the country. I told him about my mother and how I wanted to go to Africa someday and see where she and my father had worked. He told me about life in the Middle East, how it was so different from us and yet so glaringly similar.

“There are the same types of people everywhere,” he declared on a rainy afternoon, the smattering of water against the window forcing him to raise his voice slightly. “You’ve got jerks and really amazing people, and the people who just want to get by every day. The human condition is so universal that war is really laughable when you think about it.” I gazed out at the rain-soaked forest, pondering.

“You’re going to school tomorrow,” he said, changing the subject. I nodded, making a face. He laughed.

“You should enjoy it while you have it, J. You never know what curveballs life will throw at you next,” he said, and I sighed.

“You’re right, I should be more excited than I am,” I admitted. “I just…don’t think I’m ready for the change that comes after this. I’m so excited to see everyone in class again, get a new schedule, learn new things, but then what? In the summer we’ll promise each other that we’ll be friends forever, but then college will come and drive us apart, whether we want it to or not.”

Sebastian frowned, his eyebrows pursing together in thought.

“Only if you let it,” he said sagely. “True friends stay with you until the end of time, so they say.”

“So they say…” I said, letting the subject drop. Our time together passed quickly as it always did, and before I knew it I was back home for the night, preparing for my first day of high school for the last time. My dad was sitting in front of the wood stove, reading a book on Obamacare. I padded my way down the stairs, shivering in my shorts and tank top against the air-conditioned room. He looked up as I headed to the kitchen to pack my lunch.

“Back to school tomorrow then,” he said, not looking up from his book.

“Yep,” I agreed. This was the same conversation we’d had pretty much since I walked my way to kindergarten.

“No B’s. With your experience at the hospital, high test scores, a perfect GPA and a solid entrance essay, you should be able to get into a great school next year. Only the best, J,” he finished, nodding in appreciation of his own speech, satisfied.

“Mmmhmm,” I agreed, filling little plastic baggies with a sandwich, some chips, and baby carrots. Always the best…always the same. No involvement beyond that. My father in a nutshell.

I fell asleep surprisingly easily, with the rain falling gently against the roof. I snuggled underneath my duvet, grateful for a bed, a shelter, and a full belly. I reminded myself of how many people lived without these basic things as I slid a bare leg across my cool white sheets and rolled onto my stomach, embracing the warmth of a dreamless slumber.

I parked in my usual spot the next morning, meeting up with Giselle as we walked our way to our favorite pre-class hangout spot. I waved to friends as we passed by, yawning. Didn’t adults realize that having kindergarteners go to school at noon and high schoolers go to school at seven a.m. was totally backwards? We need sleep too, people!

I was laughing at some ridiculous joke, giggling and glancing back at Giselle, when I ran into a brick wall.

“Ow, you bitch!”

Papers scattered all over the ground, and I stared at them in bewilderment, not sure who had just insulted me over a simple mistake.

“Excuse me? It was an accident,” I said, miffed. I bent to pick up the papers and noticed that the girl wasn’t doing the same. She was actually watching me, enjoying my efforts on her behalf. I could tell by her coloring and features that she was one of Sebastian’s relations, which immediately made me sad. I hated her already. I thought about throwing the papers back on the ground for her to pick up, and reminded myself that sinking to a bully’s level was the last thing one should ever do. Peevishly, I handed her the pile.

“You could do with some better manners,” I said, trying really hard to assume the best in her. She was tall and very skinny with clothes that were a tad too revealing. I knew she’d be called out and asked to adhere to the dress code immediately, her pink bra straps flashing from her bony shoulders. She raised a heavily penciled eyebrow at me, her eyes caked in black mascara, her lips glossed to death.

“It’s not my fault you’re a moron,” she said, flipping her hair and turning in the opposite direction. I stared after her, my mouth agape. Another girl, the other of Sebastian’s relations, came up to us holding her notebook self-consciously across her chest like it would somehow provide protection from the raging masses of teenagers.

“Don’t mind her. She’s just ragingly insecure…and an idiot. She curses people out so that they won’t learn that she still counts on her fingers in math class.”

Giselle and I snorted at that. I was relieved that there was at least one normal one.

“I’m J, and this is Giselle,” I said, holding out my hand. She took it, her handshake limp.

“Jackie. Jeanie there is my cousin, to my great misfortune,” she said, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips. Giselle and I expressed our deep remorse for her circumstances before we all realized we were in AP World History together and made our way to class. Life assumed its regular course, full of desk drawings and teachers trying to crack jokes so we’d think they were funny and relatable. Our history teacher hinted at a major World War II project that we would have to complete by the end of the semester, and we all groaned.

I had my last period of the day with Jeanie, who gave me a saccharine smile from the back when I entered the room and took a seat in the front row. Ironically, it was a math class, and I wondered meanly if she would have enough fingers to count our algebra equations on her hands. I played solitaire on my phone while waiting for class to start, trying to ignore the massive flirting going on behind me. Not surprisingly, Jeanie was already popular. Not only was she new, but she was attractive and dressed provocatively. It was teenage boy kryptonite, and they fell all over themselves to sit by her and laugh at her stupid jokes.

Class passed by as most first day sessions do…a lot of syllabus discussion and going over everything we forgot over the summer. When the bell rang I couldn’t wait to get out—I hated math, but also being around Jeanie made my skin crawl. As I was almost out the door, something caught my shoe, and I tumbled to the ground in an unceremonious heap. Crimson faced, I got up quickly, turning as Jeanie made her way out of the room, shoulders back.

“You really should learn how to walk, J. It’s a great skill to have,” she said, sauntering out as the pack of wolves followed closely behind, offering to carry her stuff. I glared at her back, angry that this wasp would now do her very best to make my senior year a living hell. I decided a trip to visit Sebastian was just what I needed. Once at the hospital, I tossed on my scrubs quickly in the nurse’s locker room and headed to the physical therapy room. I was surprised to find Jackie there, alone.

“Hello,” I said, unable to keep the surprise off my face. After dealing with Jeanie today, I was ashamed to admit that seeing another female relative of Sebastian was the last thing I wanted. She smiled as though she was quite used to this reaction.

“Hi there!” We hesitated.

“I haven’t seen you at a session before,” I said. She shrugged.

“We were staying with family in Colorado for the summer before school started, so we literally just got in the other day. Believe me, I would have much rather been here, but the General thought it would be better for Sebastian to have some time to himself first.”

I thought it was weird that they all called their father the General. Maybe that’s just what it was like in military families?

“Jackie!” Sebastian wheeled in quickly, and Jackie bent down to embrace him in an awkward hug.

“Come to watch me suffer?” he asked, smirking. She smiled back, the first time I saw genuine happiness in her.

“Come to watch you triumph, more like.” Sebastian laughed.

“Yeah, right. You’ll be redefining that when you see me struggle like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, and never forget it,” Jackie said, her eyes fierce. I could tell that the bond between them ran very deep, to the point where I felt bad that they had been separated at all. She turned back to me.

“Thank you for helping my brother. He’s a stubborn mule, like pretty much every man I’ve ever known, but that certainly has a way of getting him through things.”

I smiled. “It’s been a pleasure working with him,” I said, casting a glance his way and relishing in the warmth I got back. We’d managed to become friends in the short weeks we had worked together, something that often happened between trainers and their patients. Still, our friendship often hinted at something deeper. We were just too scared to acknowledge it.

It was actually fun having Jackie in the session, and her presence resulted in three more steps than Sebastian had been able to walk before. He still wasn’t without the support bars, but his progress was promising. It was becoming more and more likely that he would get full use of his legs back. Toward the end, everyone was all smiles, Dolly congratulating us as a unit for providing a loving, supportive atmosphere in which Sebastian could fully heal.

“Next time you should invite Jeanie,” I said sarcastically. “I’m sure she’s just buckets of support.”

Both Sebastian and Jackie winced at my comment, and I immediately regretted it.

“We’re really sorry about her,” Jackie said, and I realized that their wince was on my behalf, not for Jeanie’s benefit.

“She’s always been pretty nasty…the stuff she would pull on us was insane. Because we were on base, discipline was one of our first rules, so she managed to learn how to be ridiculously sneaky so as not to get caught. There were some kids she just terrorized…and there was nothing we could do about it. Both our fathers were the highest ranking officials on base,” Jackie explained. Suddenly, I felt extremely bad for her. If Jeanie was anything like she was today, I couldn’t imagine having that as a part of my everyday life—having to
live
with it.

“I’m sure it’s just something she’ll outgrow,” Sebastian said, dismissing the topic.

And that was that. Still, I had a deep-rooted feeling, an instinct beyond anything I had felt before, that she was so much worse than she seemed. I hoped, for everyone’s sake, that I was wrong.