Revolving Doors (30 page)

CHAPTER
54

~*~*~

“Can we address the elephant in the room?” Ken asked.

Why would he do this to me now
? Mere days before he was to depart, he chose that moment to talk.

As difficult as it was at times, I’d managed to keep it all business and calm
because
we hadn’t revisited the past. I hadn’t prepared for how I would react when the time finally came to tackle the subject.

Here comes the can of worms…

I tried hard to keep my tone nonchalant.

“I’m open to that.”

“Let me preface by telling you that I may not have handled what happened in the most adult way and I apologize for that. I stayed away purposely yesterday because I needed to think. Since I got here, I’ve tried to push things to the back of my mind. It proved difficult because I didn’t realize what was happening. I didn’t know how I would ever react if I saw you again. I thought about it more than a few times, but I had no clue how intense the exchange would be. Then there were all the curiosities floating in my mind too, and I was in a tail spin that I had no idea how to get out of.”

I laid there holding my breath waiting for the shoe to drop.

“Please don’t think I’m judging, because I’m not,” he continued. “I would never do that to you. It’s just weighed heavily on my mind.” He paused, deeply inhaling before he continued. “I don’t want you upset with me, but I have to ask…What are you doing
here
? I mean, as sophisticated as this operation is, it still is what it is – a high priced…for lack of a better word…brothel. Mustang Ranch-ish, you know?”

“Mustang Ranch!
Wowww
. Are you kidding me? But you’re not judging, right?”

I don’t know why I became self-indignant in that moment because rightfully, he had every reason to feel the way he did. But then what exactly did he think he was coming to when he was referred in?

The nerve!

“Sounds like all kinds of judging, Ken. Not to mention the fact that I could ask you the same question. But since we do have history, I do want to give validity to your question.”

I sat up in the bed and pulled the sheets to my chest, suddenly feeling exposed…vulnerable.

“Truthfully, I’m not entirely sure why I continued after the first time, but it began to feel like somewhat of a release from the demands of my every day, regular life and I liked it. I come here for Carnival and to indulge in what I’ve come to view as
extracurricular
” I said using air quotes for emphasis. “I never gave it much thought – until you showed up, that is.”

I pondered quietly, in an effort to choose my words carefully.

“I have to admit that the Mustang Ranch reference has me feeling a certain way. We are more than that,” I admonished defensively. “Despite the like concept, the price tag alone puts us on a whole other level. Our clientele contrasts greatly in socioeconomic standing.
They’re
affordable, where only a certain echelon can even afford to request a stay with us.”

Ken moved closer to me, placing an affectionate hand on my back.

“Did I answer to your satisfaction? If not, let me know and I’ll close any gaps.”

“You answered just fine,” he said. “Thank you.”

He hadn’t asked how long I’d been going to Paraiso Belo, which would probably come as a shock to him if he knew. The greatest shock factor might have been the knowledge of
how
and
why
, it all came to be.

“Tell me about adult Gabriella. I’m guessing you’re still in
California, in the Bay Area?”

“Yes, you guess correct. I’m still in the Bay Area. I have an entire life there – a very demanding life.”

“What about relationships? I know there have to be a few men wanting to claim you as their woman – or already claiming.”

“It’s complicated…I do have a man in my life that I haven’t quite made a commitment to. Just can’t seem to do that. I haven’t learned how to do that yet.”

“Why not, Gabriella? Every time you crossed my mind, which has been often over the years, I envisioned you married to a man that treated you like royalty, big beautiful home and maybe a kid or two.”

“
Nah
. Not married and no kids. Maybe one day. What about you?”

“I’m not married. Never been married, though I had two serious relationships that ran their course. They happened about a year apart. Kids…never quite got around to it. And the big beautiful home is more like a big beautiful condominium. I didn’t know if I would be making
New York my permanent home so I never purchased.”

“
Well
…” I chimed in, next time you make it to the Bay Area maybe you can come visit me at my house. I would love to entertain you as my guest.”

I started kisses on his neck and down his chest before grabbing for his manhood underneath the sheets.

“Let’s play…” I told him. “I feel bad that you came all this way and now you’re being bored with small details of my life,” I flirted stroking his rod.

He placed his hand gently over mine to halt what I had in progress.

“I’m not bored, Gabriella. In fact, I’m far from that.
I want to know the details of your life
.”

“
Why
, Kenny? Know about the details of my life for what? Had you not seen me, you wouldn’t be worried about my life,” I said recognizing the tone, but not in enough time to retract.

“But I
did
see you,” he said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. “So now I want to know.”

“Just because you paid, doesn’t mean everything is full disclosure,” I snapped.

“I know what you’re doing, Gabriella and it’s not gonna work. I spent yesterday assessing my feelings and I’m not gonna let you run me away. I fucked up years ago,” he acknowledged. “
I know that
. If this weren’t a chance to redeem and clear the air, the moment wouldn’t have occurred.” He paused and looked through me with a longing stare. “I’m not walking away. I’m right here until it’s time for me to leave.”

Surprisingly, I didn’t know what to do or say. I was angry before when I thought he was dismissing me and the history we shared, and now that he was, I was rebelling against the effort and I was tongue-tied!

I was afraid of what I would say if I began speaking. But then before I knew it, I was off the bed and taking small paces along the side.

He turned to watch me as I walked back and forth. He held onto his silence. He was waiting for me to speak. I avoided eye contact with him because I didn’t know what I would see. I was afraid that seeing the remorse in his eyes would produce a rush of tears.

“Gabriella…talk to me,
please
.”

I stopped pacing and remained still, as my heart began racing.

Say something, Gabriella! You wanted this!

“You hurt me Ken
ny,” I confessed in a low whisper, fighting back tears. “You hurt me to the core. I was damaged and haven’t admitted it to myself until now. You’re the reason I’m incapable of giving my all to a man.
Body
? Yes.
Mind and soul
? Not quite.”

“
Shit
…” he uttered. “Gabriella---”

“No, Ken. You asked. Let me finish,” I snapped. “You asked me earlier what I was doing here. Well, coming here allows for unattached, non-committed relations. I come in, and walk away with zero emotional attachment and it’s worked for me…” I hesitated before revealing, “
For
10 years
…”

A look of shock was what I saw when I looked at him.

“Ten years?”

“Yes! Ten years!”

“My first time here…”

I paused because there was so much emotion pounding at my chest and I needed to catch my breath before continuing.

“My first time here…was days after we broke up…
days
. I came to clear my head. I didn’t know how to deal with the pain. It was too much. At the time, I didn’t come specifically for Paraiso Belo…that just kind of happened.” My voice trailed off, “…and I’ve been coming ever since.”

It was his turn to grow silent and tension in the room was high. I knew he had things to say, but processing all that he had heard was probably digging at him.

“I’m sorry, Gabriella,” he managed. “I was young. I never meant to hurt you, especially to a point that caused you to close off your heart.”

“But you did, Kenny. I was young too, and most people would think I’m crazy for holding onto the hurt for so long, but you meant the world to me. I only wanted you, and I didn’t know how to want anybody else, therefore I trained my heart to not want anyone else.”

“I get it. I promise you, I get it. And just so you know, I didn’t stop loving you just because we were no longer together. It was more than puppy love for me as well. But again, I was young. I know that doesn’t make it better. I owed you more than walking away. Trust me, I regretted it.”

“Really? You regretted it? At what point? Why didn’t you say anything? You cut me all the way off. All I wanted was to hear you say that you were sorry and that you really did love me. It would have still been hard to let you go, but I don’t think it would have been as bad as feeling like I didn’t matter.”

“I tried to convey my remorse in the letters, but in the end, I couldn’t blame you for one second when you didn’t respond. I figured after the fifth attempt went unanswered, it was time to give it up because clearly I was a non-factor in the equation that was your life.”

He was talking so fast, I didn’t have a chance to interject, so I waited until he paused for air. As he talked, I reclaimed my place in bed, looking at him intently and trying to process what he was saying and more importantly, if I heard him right.

“I’m confused, Kenny.
What letters
?”

I felt lightheaded.

“The letters I sent with all the apologizing, explaining, begging…” he chuckled. “I came home on a visit and went by your house as a last ditch effort, but there was another family there. I was crushed.”

Letters! What happened to them
?

Shock overtook me. He had come back for me. How different would life have been if I had been there to answer the door? Would I have accepted his apology and taken him back? What would life have had in store for us?

“When I saw you here, all the emotions came sprinting back,” he confessed. “I couldn’t bring myself to express them because when I thought you’d gotten the letters and dismissed them, I figured I had to detach. It was difficult as hell.”

I looked into his eyes with tears in mine and let my guard completely down.

“
I love you,
Kenny!” I blurted out.

He took both my hands in his. “You do? So I’m not there by myself?”

“No. I’m right there with you. I never stopped loving you. Too much intensity there.  There was always something missing in my interactions with other men, but I never gave it too much thought. I just accepted it as a way of life for me. In an instant, though, it all became clear as I walked to you that first night. I could barely feel my legs.”

He laid back onto the pillows, pulling me on top of him, body to body…heartbeat to heartbeat. We stayed in place, talking out the past, present and what could potentially be our future.

When the sun finally peeked through the room, Ken and I were still deep in conversation. We condensed years, into hours and covered a lot of ground – the most important being we were determined to be a part of one another’s lives.

Paraiso Belo gifted me with a happiness and comfort that could not be taken away. In the end, however, it also served as my revolving door. It was there for me when I lost Kenny, yet also ended up being the force that brought us back together. It gave life a whole new meaning.

~*~*~

Kenny gently moved me to the side, guiding me onto my back and mounted me. I could already feel his erection against me, when he whispered, “So, Gabriella…where are you willing to go from here?”

Before I could provide an answer, his lips were on mine kissing me hungrily, as I followed his lead.

A gasp escaped my mouth as he parted my legs further and entered me softly.

Looking into my eyes, entering me like soft waves, he asked again.

“Gabriella…where are you willing to go from here?”

My body temperature was high. I could feel every inch of him and it felt good. So good it was difficult to find my voice, but when I finally managed, through a series of quickened pants, I answered, “
With you, Baby…With. You..
.”

CHAPTER
55

~*~*~

On my last day, Valentina hosted a farewell gathering in my honor. As always, we laughed, we cried and hugged. It would be another year before we all met again, but Skype made the separation a lot easier than before since we could still see one another in a virtual environment

Yet and still in person was always better.

When it was time to leave, I was surprised to find out that Valentina would be accompanying me to the airport.

She wanted to have a private conversation without interruption.

~*~*~

When we got into the limo, Valentina poured glasses of champagne and she looked as though she had something heavy on her.

“
Uh-oh
,” I exclaimed. “Champagne
and
private conversation?
Am I fired
?”

“
Noooo
!” she laughed. “The only person who can fire you…is you.”

“Well that’s good to know! I said relieved. “So then what’s going on Lady of the Manor?”

“You do know that I consider you family, right?” she said.

“I do, Valentina, and you’re mine.”

“Well, then you know that what I’m about to say is from the heart.”

Oh…boy…

“Jacob left, or should I say, Ken left and I don’t know where the two of you left off, but he shared with me that he loves you. He did so without hesitation and much prodding.”

“
Wow
…I can’t believe he told you that?”

“Yes, he did.”

“How did that even come up between the two of you?” I asked baffled.

“As a newcomer, we had something like an in-person follow up on his stay. While I was interviewing him, he expressed his satisfaction with the resort and the “
beautiful Gabriella
,” as he put it. But I’m pretty observant. I could tell there was more in the way he spoke about you. I’ve
always
gotten rave reviews for you,” she smiled, proudly, “but this was different. I’ve been in this business long enough to recognize lust from love. And Mr. Augustine – he’s
in love
.”

I fought back tears as the realization sunk in that he genuinely wanted me. I hadn’t doubted it when he told me, but the fact that he shared his feelings with someone external to our situation, added weight. He expressed his feelings to Valentina not knowing who she was to my life.

“He did tell me that he loves me,” I admitted.

When I looked across at Valentina, she was smiling.

Reluctantly, I asked, but already knew the answer, “I’m assuming he told you that we already knew one another?”

“He did and I sat wondering why you hadn’t told me.”

“I didn’t know how, Valentina. I wanted to tell you that he was the very reason you and I met. That he was the one I told you about during our very first conversation. I wanted to tell you that I was falling hard all over again. I just didn’t know how because in one second I was fighting it and in the other, I was getting used to the idea. I feel like a giddy high school girl right now,” I blushed.

“He’s a very honest man and wears his heart on his sleeve…at least where you’re concerned. I like him for you. I know you have a quote-unquote
situation
at home, but I also know that your entire heart isn’t with that situation.”

“You’re right, it’s not,” I confided.

“I’m sure you’ll take care of everything in a way that will make you happy. It seems Ken won the prize – that being your heart.”

All I could do was smile. She was right. He had my heart from day one until now.

“If you choose Ken, then I’m sure you’ll pass on Paraiso Belo to focus on your relationship. Every year since you’ve been coming to the resort, I’m delighted and would be hurt beyond belief if you stopped---”

“That would never happen,” I interjected.

“It wouldn’t be the same if you ceased coming.
But
…” she stressed, “…a great love only comes once in a lifetime. Not that love can’t penetrate multiple times, but
great
…just once. I had mine in Dionisio and I believe that Ken is yours. Treat yourself to the good life – the right life. I think he’s your fit.”

I took a deep breath. I couldn’t help thinking about the irony of all that was taking place. I remembered the day I sat in Valentina’s office telling her about Ken and him being the reason I decided to indulge in my first rendezvous at the resort. Years later, I was having a similar conversation with her about the same man.

“Thank you, Valentina. I appreciate your advice. I needed to hear all of what you said and will be taking it into account where Kenny is concerned. I also decided to end things with Robert. It won’t be the easiest thing to do, but it’s the right thing to do.”

“Good for you,” she exclaimed proudly.

Valentina didn’t know all the details of how Ken and I parted ways, that it was on good terms…
really good terms.
We were moving forward with picking up where we left off. I decided to keep it to myself for the time being because I needed to see how everything played out away from Paraiso Belo.

Adding complexity to the situation was that we lived on two different coasts – him on the East coast, and me on the West. 

We had to make sure that all these intense feelings we felt, weren’t a result of us being caught up in a romantic moment, in a magical place. I was confident they were solid, but a little bit of
real time
would be a better judge of that.

We were so deep into our conversation that neither Valentina, nor I noticed when the town car had come to a stop. When the back door opened for me to exit, that’s when we were made aware that our time was up. I leaned in and held onto her in a tight hug. 

“Eu amo voce, Valentina.”

“Eu amo voce também, Gabriella.”

I exited the vehicle and headed toward curbside check-in. I looked back before heading through the sliding doors and saw that Valentina was peering through the window. I yelled to her, “O vereino próximo ano!”

She waved in response, and then rolled up the window as the vehicle drove off.