Romeo of the Streets (18 page)

Lisa went back to her sister’s place and spent the next few days helping out at the store. Neither of us felt much like going to class at the moment (not least of all because Sal and those other Mafia hoods might be hanging around), so we both agreed that we would take a few days off to think things over. I promised her that I’d come up to see her so we could give each other some support but when the time came I just didn’t feel up to it so I sent her a text to cancel. Over the next few days I had several missed calls and texts from Lou demanding that I call him, but from the person I wanted to hear from the most, I heard nothing at all.

I called Gino, just to make sure he was ok, and when he assured me that he was (and I’d sufficiently ascertained for myself that it was true—even if I found it hard to believe when he once again sang Lou and Romeo’s praises for helping him out), I told him that I had the flu and wouldn’t be in to work at the café for the next week or so. I’d just about had my fill of irresponsible, lying men and after all I’d been through over the past couple of months I didn’t know when I’d be ready to see him again. If it was true that he’d narrowly avoided disaster yet again, I still didn’t know if I could bear it the next time it happened.

Rebecca moved back into the room and for her, at least, life seemed to be going pretty wonderfully. She didn’t say what it was exactly, but I got the impression that she’d met somebody special over in Italy and certainly, she seemed like a different woman from the uptight, anxious one who’d left three months earlier. She had a lot of catching up to do with all her friends and family and because of that she was barely in the apartment at all from then on and I was, for the most part, completely and utterly alone.

The evening after I’d cancelled with Lisa, there was a knock at the door and I opened it to see my friend, standing there in her big red mac, her hands stuffed in her pockets.

“It was open downstairs,” she said, “I hope you don’t mind that I let myself in. I know I don’t live here anymore and all…”

“Don’t be stupid, Lees,” I grinned, “come on in.”

I made us tea and we sat down in the living room. If I’d thought things had been bad before, they were about to get a whole lot worse…

I’ve got some news,” Lisa said, breaking the silence with a sudden finality that unnerved me, “it’s not good.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“I saw Lou this afternoon…”

“That
is
bad news,” I said, smiling sardonically, but Lisa just frowned, her eyes wide with what seemed, bizarrely, to be pity. Suddenly I didn’t feel much like joking any more. “Lisa, what is it?” I repeated, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Romeo,” she said, “Lou told me that his ex-girlfriend from New York has come to town especially to see him. He says they’re all certain that Romeo’s getting back together with her…”

For a moment I felt nothing, like I’d heard the words but they weren’t even processing. I smiled. “Uh, is that it?”

Did I even care? Certainly I wanted to appear like I didn’t and why would I anyway, for that matter? Hadn’t me and Romeo both decided that we didn’t want to be together? And compared to what she
could
have told me as bad news, it seemed like I’d gotten off pretty lightly here, right?

“I know you and him kind of had a thing together,” Lisa continued, still studying me with those big wide eyes.

I laughed, a choked, forced sound, that clearly didn’t have much humor in it and said: “Jeez, Lisa, it’s fine. What do I care? Seems like it was you and Lou who wanted us to be together more than anybody… Maybe I should be comforting you guys.”

“Well Lou
is
pretty pissed about it,” Lisa admitted.

I narrowed my eyes, suddenly remembering how mad I was at Lou in the first place. And wasn’t Lisa supposed to be mad at him too?

“So you decided to see him then.”

“Yes,” Lisa said, “I did. He had a lot of explaining to do and I thought I’d give him the opportunity to do it.”

“You shouldn’t have bothered.”

Lisa shrugged her shoulders awkwardly. “Sandy, he didn’t know. That stuff with Gino and those other guys happened practically before he even knew them.”

I stared at her, a hot rage bubbling up inside me.
Surely she wasn’t sticking up for him here?

“And what?” I demanded, “He knows now, doesn’t he? If he was half the man he lets on to be he would have walked away from those guys the moment he heard that stuff. Gino was like a father to us.”

“I know,” Lisa said, “and believe me Lou does too. He’s pretty cut up about the whole thing Sandy and he’s doing his best to look out for Gino, but the fact is that if Lou wasn’t so friendly with these guys then they would have come back for Gino a long time ago. Between the two of them, Lou and Romeo are the only ones holding the wolves back from his door in all of this.”

It was too late, all that hurt, all that anger, was boiling over now and ready to erupt. At the mention of his name I was not myself but somebody else and I rose from my seat, levelling my finger in anger at my friend. “Don’t you mention those two to me ever again Lisa,” I warned, “I swear to God from now on I want nothing to do with either of them and if you insist on staying involved with them, well you can just go ahead and sign your own death warrant, because that’s how this shit ends—somebody dies and if it’s not you then it’ll be one of them. Now I know you don’t live here anymore but I presume you can still show yourself out.”

With that, I turned and strode from the room, slamming my door and ignoring her pleas to enter until finally, without another word, she gave up and left the apartment. I was alone again, hating myself now more than anybody.

The only thing I wanted to do then was sleep and not because I was tired but because I couldn’t stand the thought of being awake anymore. And, as if some primitive self-protecting instinct kicked in, a black all-encompassing shadow passed over me then, pulling me under into a deep, formless sleep that was bereft of any dreams or comfort. It was dark when I next awoke, late, and I felt completely and utterly alone.

I paused to listen at the door to hear if Rebecca was in and when I was certain that the apartment was empty I stepped out into the hallway and made my way down to the living room. I checked the clock on the wall and felt even worse to see that it was only half past midnight. Now I regretted going to sleep so early, as it meant that I would have to sit up in darkness and silence, spending the rest of the night in solitude.

I turned on the TV and flicked through the channels, feeling listless and numb, barely interested in what I was watching, which was unsurprising because there was nothing much on anyway. When the long hand of the clock had travelled halfway around its face again, the buzzer rang and—reasoning that it could only be Rebecca calling this late, probably having lost her keys or something—I got up to buzz her in. If it had been anybody else I don’t think I would have answered at all.

Clearing my throat, I lifted the phone from the receiver, hoping that my voice wouldn’t sound too miserable. I didn’t feel like having to explain all the heartbreak and drama right now, especially not when Rebecca herself seemed so happy with life. It wouldn’t be fair to bring her down to my level.

“Hello?” I said, pretty much failing completely to keep the pain from my voice.

“Sandra, it’s me. Can I come in?”

I inhaled a sharp breath. It was Romeo.

He looked good. Fit and lithe and toned, with his jacket opened over a dark t-shirt and jeans, and his hair slicked back over his handsome brow. In comparison, I must have looked even worse in my grey sweatpants and tank top, my hair messed up and only the lightest touch of makeup from earlier on my face.

His expression was solemn as he stood in the doorway, his deep eyes peering in at me from the dim light outside. “Are you ok?” he said.

I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Gino, for one thing,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said, “well I’m about as ok as I could be, all things considered. I suppose you better come in.” I turned around and walked back to the living room, Romeo closing the door and following behind me.

“Lou told me you’re not speaking to him,” Romeo said, “you know that you’re all he has, right? You and Lisa?”

I turned around and looked at him levelly. “What about you?” I said, “Doesn’t he have you too? Or is it just business with you guys as well—the way it is with him and Gino?”

Romeo winced. “Gino…” he said. “You know, when I heard what Sal and those guys had done to him I wanted to go down to that nightclub and pound that greasy piece of shit into the ground.”

I raised an eyebrow. Wow, I thought. Weren’t those guys supposed to be his superiors or something? If the wrong people heard him saying that then even I knew the repercussions could be disastrous. I was both surprised and a little concerned for him. Nonetheless, I had to have my say—I’d been bottling it up for too long not to and, rightly or wrongly, I wanted him to feel some of the pain that I was going through. I
needed
him to.

“But you still hang around with them, right?” I said, “What is it, that the money’s too good? And by the way Romeo, you still haven’t answered my question—doesn’t Lou have you to rely on? Or is your relationship with him just business too?”

Romeo’s brow furrowed for a solitary second, as if the wave of emotion had been too powerful for him to subdue, before he did just that and made it disappear, leaving me wondering if it had ever been there in the first place—and whether I should feel guilty or not for having caused it.

“He can rely on me Sandy,” he said. “So can you. Whatever happens I promise you that much.” He looked at me then and his face seemed so pained now that I forgot all of my own hurt and anger in an instant. Once again, I had to fight the urge to just fling myself into his arms and let him know how I truly felt about him, for better or worse. But no, I couldn’t let myself do it. I had to stay strong.

“But I’m not going to be around here forever,” Romeo continued. “Like I said, I could get called away at any time without warning. If anything bad ever happens then Lou’s going to need you Sandy—you and Lisa have to be there for him.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” I said, but there was no bite to my words anymore, in fact now my tone was soft and gentle. Now it was taking everything I had to resist throwing my arms around him right there and then and holding on for dear life—both to comfort Romeo and to give myself the comfort that I so desperately, achingly, craved from him.

“Romeo,” I said, “why do you even hang around with those guys if you hate them so much? What’s going on with you?”

He shook his head and suddenly I felt like there was a rift between us a thousand miles wide, one that neither of us would ever be able to cross, no matter how much we longed to.

“Sandy please,” he said, “it’s nothing. You can’t ever ask about my work, I told you that.”

“If you’re going to do something,” I said, ignoring his request, “then you need to tell me right now.”

“Nothing,” he said, “it’s nothing. But know this Sandy: together, we paid off Gino’s debts, me and Lou both, but mainly Lou, and you don’t know what lengths we had to go to to pull it off. In fact if you ask me, I think that guy would do anything for the old man. Deep down he’s got a heart the size of Lake Michigan—just like you do—and someday soon he’s going to need you to be there for him. When that time comes, you’re going to have to give it all you’ve got.”

It wasn’t fair—dropping all this on me now, it didn’t seem fair—and yet I knew it had to be said. If it was true that Lou had bailed out Gino yet again then I knew that Romeo was right, regardless of all the other stuff those two were into. Lou being connected hadn’t caused Gino’s accident but it had, paradoxically, saved him from further disaster and despite everything I believed in—despite how much I disapproved of his entire lifestyle—I had to admit that this time I owed him one.

“Before I go,” Romeo said finally, “I think I should mention—I heard Lisa told you about Sara…”

My heart sunk in an instant. “Who?” I asked, as if I didn’t already know exactly who he meant. Did we have to do this now, I wondered? Couldn’t we just leave
it unsaid?

“My ex,” Romeo continued, oblivious to my distaste or maybe not, “she came down from New York a few days ago. I thought… I thought I should say something to you.”

I forced a smile, but it wasn’t easy. “Romeo,” I said, “we agreed to be just friends. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I know but…”

“It’s fine, really,” I insisted, hoping now that he would leave soon—leave now—because I wouldn’t be able to hold the tears back for much longer.

“Are you sure?” Romeo asked, “Because Lou’s pretty mad about it. I thought maybe…”

“Romeo, it’s fine. I’ll talk to Lou. Now no offense or anything, but it’s getting late and I have class in the morning.”

Yeah right, as if I’d be going to class the next day. I’d be doing well just to pull myself out of bed, the way I was feeling.

“Sure,” Romeo said, “of course.” He moved to go before pausing and turning back to me. “Sandy, listen… if things had been different…”

My voice was quiet. “Don’t,” I said, “just don’t.” I turned away from him, feeling the tears beginning to well in my eyes and waiting until I could hear his footsteps as he walked away.

“Goodbye Sandra,” he said and when the apartment door opened I almost turned and called out to him, but it was too late—with a dull creak the door shut and he was already gone.