Saving You, Saving Me (17 page)

“Collins,” I said, wanting to reach out to him.

“You wouldn’t call me back for days and when you emailed me, it wasn’t the same. I needed to hear your voice. No matter how. So I was desperate. I tried to call you at Sawyer House to talk to you there because you weren’t returning my calls on your cell and at your parents’ house. I needed to talk to you, Sam. I didn’t realize how much until you walked out of my house that day I presented my conditions. I’ve always had conditions, Sam, ever since I started accumulating wealth and had been burned by a few girls I knew.”

At the mention of other girls, I felt a pang of jealousy.

“It’s part of my calculated risks plan. It’s worked in my business life, so it should work in my personal. But when it came to you, everything went to shot. I didn’t care anymore about the conditions. All I wanted was you, Sam.” He ran his hand through his hair before setting adoring icy blue eyes on me.

“I didn’t mean to become Daggers over the phone to you, Sam,” he choked. “I had called in to find you at Sawyer House, thought you would be working in the administration area, not the call center itself. You had been avoiding my calls, and I had to talk to you, at least hear your voice to see if you were alright. When you begin talking to me, as Susan, and made me feel so comfortable about opening up, were so accepting of all the deep dark things I was telling you, I couldn’t stop myself. It was like a dam that had been broken, and you were the kindest, sweetest person in the world for me to talk to, to feel like I was not this two-headed monster, but a human being.”

He came over to me and bent down to take my hands in his, “I love you, Sam, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the love we have for each other.” He reached into his pocket to pull out the paperwork and tore it in pieces. “I don’t need this anymore with you. And there won’t be anyone else.” He kissed me ever so gently on my lips before pulling me to his chest. “All I need is you.”

Sunday – 1 Month Later

           
A
nother kiss – and then another. We spent hours kissing in bed every morning since Collins and I officially became a couple. At first, it came as a shock to everyone, but I couldn’t be any happier, and the smile I got from Collins every morning, said he was just as happy.

            There were so many changes after I moved in with Collins, against my parents’ wishes. I had reservations at first about moving in with Collins so quickly, but he had agreed I would have my own room and that I could have my own space. Because he felt the need to talk to me every day and to know I was not going to have another breakdown, ways of helping each other cope with our messed up demons; moving in together was the best solution for us. Dad, who never said anything about the argument he had with Mom, barely acknowledged me since the day I moved out. The only thing he was worried about was about how his congregation would see him. Mom, on the other hand, was glad I had left home, just to be away from all the negativity.

            She said when I was packing my things, “Sam baby, you’re legally an adult now. You could move out, but I’ll still be worried about you. It’s what mothers do.”

            It was Sunday, and I had opened my eyes sleepily to see Collins gazing at me, with love in his eyes.

            “Hi,” I said, shyly, “What are you thinking?”

            “How lucky I am to have you.” He traced his finger on my cheeks. “I can’t seem to stop touching you. Your skin is so soft and flawless.” He took both of my hands, entwining his fingers through mine and lifted my arms above my head as he kissed my mouth slowly and thoroughly.

            “Hmm, Mr. Hot Bod and Perfect for Me,” I said sighing to myself. “Now that’s how a girl gets awakened in the morning.”

            “Mr. Hot Bod?” Collins asked, raising his eyebrows.

            “Just something me and the girls call you,” I said wriggling playfully underneath him.  I grinned. My girls, Lola and Serious Susan. My id and my ego. My subconscious pleasure side and my subconscious reality side.

            “You call me that?” Collins began tickling me.

            I struggled underneath him, trying to avoid him from tickling me.

            He shifted so his hips were straddling my hips, and his thighs tightened against mine, keeping me from moving. He started tickling me with his fingers all over my stomach until I had tears in my eyes. “Stop stop!” I cried laughing.

            Collins pulled back a little while I tried to move underneath him. The harder I struggled, the tighter he held me with his thighs. “Will you stop wriggling,” he groaned, “you’re going to… oh screw it,” he bent down and began kissing my mouth until both of us were breathless.

            Then he turned over onto his back. “What you do to me, Sam…I’m supposed to be up and dressed, getting ready for a trip to Chicago, but all I want to do is tickle you and kiss you.”

            “I don’t want you to go,” I said, pouting.

            He got up from the bed, wearing his soft pajama pants that clung to his firm butt in a way that made me flush. “I have to. They’re letting him out, for good behavior. I have to go get him.”

            I gulped. “I’m sorry I can’t go with you to meet your brother.”

            “Technically, my half-brother,” Collins said. “He’s going to be a handful, Sam. I think it’ll be easier if I met with him first before introducing you.”

            He walked into the closet while I got out of bed, wearing a UC Irvine t-shirt and Collins’ boxer shorts.  I went to my side of the closet, pulled out a green silk halter tie dress. I pulled my t-shirt off and dropped my shorts, while slipping the dress over my head. I turned around and saw Collins standing there with a big grin on his face.

            “What are you grinning at?” I asked.

            “What a lucky guy I am,” Collins said, slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me in for a kiss. “It’s only for a few hours, but I’m going to miss you. We haven’t been apart a day since you moved in, and that’s how I like it, but…”

            “I can always skip lunch with my mom and work at Sawyer House and go with you,” I said.

            “No, you haven’t seen your mom for almost a month. I know you two have things to talk about. Sawyer House – I’m proud that my beautiful girlfriend can spare time away from me to help others. It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

            I rubbed his shoulders, massaging his back with my thumbs. “Tate’ll be attending the same school as me, right? That’s why you were at my school the day we met,” I said.

            Collins leaned into me. “I remember every detail of that day, Sam. I think I fell in love with you the moment you bumped into me and flashed me your hearts.”

            “Hearts?” I asked.

            “The hearts on your boy-style underwear,” he laughed. “I’ve never seen a girl wear those before, and it was so darn cute but sexy.”

            “It’s a good thing I’m of legal age, Mister,” I said, “and a consenting adult or what I’m about to do to you would have my parents calling the authorities.”

            “Is that a threat?” Collins said in a low voice.

            I put my fingers to his lips and began rubbing his lower lip. He closed his eyes for a minute in anticipation of what I had in mind. When he opened his eye, he saw me bend down under my dress and slip off my underwear. It was the multi-hearts boy-style one I wore the first time we met. He smiled, and then I took it and tucked it neatly into the inside pocket of his jacket.

            His mouth opened in astonishment, I closed it with my fingers. “That’s to remind you of me,” I said, “and to get you to come back as soon as you can.”

            His eyes were shining with amusement, love, and desire. “Having this with me all the time is going to keep me distracted all day. I can imagine what TSA will think if they find it in my jacket pocket.”

            “That you must be a pretty happy guy,” I said kissing him.

****

            Vincent drove Collins to the airport while I drove my white Honda Civic to Dad’s church. I hadn’t been there since finding out the truth about what he thought of me. He had said he only married Mom because she was pregnant, and he thought I was his.

            When I got there, it felt strange being in the back. Service was already underway, and Dad was standing in the pulpit, while everyone was standing in their seats singing. Mom and Nydia was sitting in front, where I was conspicuously missing.

            My heart fell. Despite everything, we were still family, and I missed them more than I cared to admit. I got up from my seat in back and walked down the center aisle to take a seat next to Mom. As I walked, I felt all eyes on me. The looks I got were mixed with anger and indignation.

            “Have you heard she’s living with an older man out of wedlock,” I heard someone whisper.

            Lies! Collins wasn’t an older man. He was only a few years older than me.

            “They say she drove Mrs. Sullivan to drink.”

            I was furious now and leaned into the face of the girl who said that. “You’re at church, ladies, it’s not nice to gossip,”

            Their mouths dropped open for a second.

            “For your information, my boyfriend is only a few years older than me, and I did not drive my mother to drink.”

            I sat down next to Mom. She looked up, joy filling her eyes, with a tinge of sadness.

            Nydia, on the other side of Mom, was beaming.

            “I’d knew you would show up!” she squealed and had to be hushed.

            “Of course I had to if you’re here,” I chuckled.

She hushed me back. My how I missed my sassy little sister.

            When service ended, and everyone in our row stood up, I felt a touch on my elbow and turned around.

            Young Pastor Michael was smiling at me. “Sam, good to have you back.”

            “Collins wanted me to go to church today,” I said proudly.

            Michael kept his gaze on me. “Then he seems like a bright guy.”

            I tilted my head and cocked my eyebrows. “Coming from you, that is quite a compliment.”

            “No, I mean it, Sam,” Michael said. “He knew a good thing when he saw it and grabbed the opportunity before it slipped away. No wonder why he’s so successful.”

            “You don’t believe in all the gossip then, too,” I said. “You’re not bothered by it?”

            “It’s just gossip. I don’t care much about it because I know you and I’ve met Collins. It’s not a December/May kind of thing you two have. When I saw Collins leading you away that day, I knew I didn’t stand a chance with you.”

            I reached out and squeezed his hand. “Thank you for telling me. Now we can avoid any awkwardness, right?”

            “Oh, hey, of course,” Michael said. “Of course. Well, I have to go lead the youth group class right now.” He smiled at me, his eyes taking my face and dress in. “It was good seeing you again, Sam. Don’t be a stranger,” he said walking away.

            “Whew,” Mom said, “Now we can go have lunch.”

           
A
fter we took Nydia to music class, I drove Mom to A Restaurant, a swanky restaurant in Newport Beach that Collins and I often go for Friday night chicken pot pies.  It was the kind of restaurant that felt very grown up, and she picked up on it as soon as we entered the door.

            “Very impressive, Sam,” she said, taking in the rich dark tones of the restaurant furnished in red leather and woods. She looked proud, yet sad at the same time.

We ordered and while waiting for our food, Mom said, “I know I haven’t been much of a mother to you, Sam, but I’ve always been there, watching you grow up. Now you’re all grown in the way you dress, the restaurants that you choose, and staying with Collins McGregor.”

            “I know Mom, but you have to admit, I’ve always been more grown up than other kids.”

            “Not really, Sam,” Mom said. “You were playful, fun, and carefree as a child. When you turned thirteen, that changed. You became so serious, less sociable, and even angrier. I thought it was because you had become a teenager, but not all teens act that way. I should have been worried, but there were pluses, like you started taking homework more seriously and did not date at all.”

            “Mom, in a way, I wish I was more like a regular teenager, but I’m fine with who I am. I don’t want you to blame yourself for how I turned out because I think I turned out alright.”

            “No thanks to me,” Mom said.

“Mom!” I protested. “You’re fine. No matter who disagrees with you, and despite your drinking problem. Despite the drinking, you’re a great mom.” There. I said it. Lola was clapping, and Serious Susan was clapping, too.

 “Sam, I’m trying to stop drinking.  Believe me, I try but it’s been hard. But I’ve made some progress at a local Alcoholics Anonymous. I had too. For Nydia’s sake. She’s still little, not like you. In a way I’m glad you moved out.  It wasn’t until you left to stay with Collins that I realized how bad my drinking problem has become.”

“Mom, I’m proud of you for trying though. Does Dad know? I know he worries about you, especially when you’re drunk.”

“Yes, he does, baby, your father knows about me going to AA. But it’s too late. My drinking has already caused a rift between us.” Mom began shaking. “He’s already filed for a divorce.”

I reached over and pulled my mother in for a hug. “Mom, I’m sorry. I know Dad thought you were pregnant with his baby so he felt forced to marry you and start a family in the first place.”

Mom gasped and recoiled from me. “How do you know about that?”

“I heard you and Dad arguing that morning. I heard him say some hurtful things, yet I didn’t know if he meant them.