Secrets of My Hollywood Life #2: On Location (15 page)

My face darkens. Mom gave me the article Dad is refer ring to when I arrived home from Austins charity game. When I read it, I actually cried. I know better than anyone that a lot of these stories are made up, but this one was so on the mark with what I've been feeling lately that I couldn't stop myself. The "source" in the story said that the reason Hutch has been so difficult on set is that he feels he made a huge mistake in casting me over Sky to play Carly. The story went on to explain that Hutch thought I was a bad actor and difficult to work with. Laney was furious. "These types of articles could ruin your renewed likeability factor!" she yelled. I wonder if Hutch has seen the article. Usually when an article about him appears in the press, his mood turns from icy to downright blizzard conditions.

"You really don't know why Hutch is being so compli mentary?" Matt asks. I shake my head. "Haven't you noticed the
Premiere
reporter sitting next to him all morning?"

I look over at Hutch, who is deep in conversation with Daniella and Liz and a redhead I don't recognize. She steps back and begins writing furiously in her notebook. Oh.

"Let's see your trailer, Matty," Mom suggests. She gathers up her new dark brown leather Miu Miu purse, her maga zines (she hasn't mentioned any new stories--yet), and her large bottle of Fiji water, and heads to the waiting golf cart that will bring us back to the trailers.

"We don't have to go there, Mom." Matt looks alarmed. "Let's just go back to Kaitlin's trailer instead. It's closer."

"Nonsense." Dad pats Matt on the back. "I want to see the piece of machinery you're calling home these days. Do you happen to know what cylinder the engine is?"

I try to get Matt's attention as we drive across the lot to the parked trailers to reassure him that his trailer is fine, but he won't look at me. When we pull up outside the sixty-five-foot Honeywagon, Mom actually whistles.

"This is bigger than Kaitlin's!" She steps nimbly out of the cart in her three-inch spiky black sandals. Dad steadies her with his available arm and the two walk directly towards the first door they see.

"Uh, no, guys, you don't understand," Matt blurts out, racing to stop them before they open the door. "That one isn't mine. I'm the seventh door down."

"Seventh?" Mom is confused.

"He shares the trailer, Mom," I explain. "There's ten actors in this one and each has their own dressing room."

"Oh," Mom says quietly.

Matt takes her by the arm and leads her to his room. He opens the metal door and we peer inside the tiny space. There's just enough room for a desk, mirror, and chair. The four of us, not counting Rodney, can barely squeeze inside.

"It's very nice for your first trailer, dear," Mom says lightly. She holds her head stiffly as if to avoid looking around.

"Thanks." Matt looks miserable. I put my arm on his shoulder, but he pushes it off.

"Where's the bathroom?" Dad asks, feeling the wall for a hidden door. "I should go before the next scene."

"Can we go to Kaitlin's trailer," Matt begs. "Please? That's really my trailer too. I can't fit all of my stuff in here."

Everyone is quiet on the ride over, but the silence is bro ken when we pull up to my trailer and hear Nadine and Liz yelling. Matt perks up immediately and bolts for the door.

"Were you two fighting?" he demands excitedly as the rest of us quickly follow him inside.

Nadine and Liz's sour expressions give it away. "What happened?" I ask nervously. Liz's eyes narrow as she looks from me to my parents.

"Could the three of us have a moment in private please?" she answers frostily leading the way from our crowded kitchen and living area to the bedroom. Nadine crosses her arms and marches ahead of me. I shut the door and turn on my CD player to keep the others from listening in.

"What's wrong?" I thought now that Austin and I made up, my personal life would be drama-free for a while.

Nadine glares at Liz. "I am sick and tired of Liz thinking she's above doing assistant work," she spits out angrily. "Wardrobe just yelled at me for not bringing back your out fit yesterday. That was something I asked Liz to do!"

"I was helping Daniella scout a new location for the coffee shop scene," Liz yells. "I thought that was more im portant than returning a pair of ripped jeans."

"You show up late for work, go for a long coffee break with Madison, and spend the afternoon with Daniella," Nadine charges. "When exactly do you think you're doing as sistant work, Liz?"

Liz shakes her head and looks at her pink Converse sneakers. "I'm not Kaitlin's real assistant," Liz seethes. "Kaitlin knows I'm here to work with Daniella."

"But Kaitlin's paying you, which means you're supposed to actually help out," Nadine retorts. "Or are you so rich you forgot about your paycheck?"

"I'm sick of you treating me like your intern," Liz com plains. "Why am I the one who has to arrange Kaitlin's weekly birds-of-paradise flower arrangement and get her Coffee Bean &Tea Leaf fix and pick up her dry-cleaning?"

"I can't trust you enough to do anything else, that's why," Nadine replies bitterly. "I worked my way through college and I've been assisting Kaitlin for a few years so that I can pay for business school." She glances at me. "And I care about this job and work hard to do it well. Why are you here? So you can tell Daddy you have a real job? You're just a spoiled rich kid who thinks the world owes her something. Well, you know what? It doesn't." Nadine's face is almost the same color as her hair.

Liz lunges forward, but I hold on to her Pucci t-shirt with my right arm. WHOA. I've never heard either of them so an gry. Before they started working together, they always got along.

"How dare you talk to me like that?" Liz counters. "It's not my fault you're stuck working as Kaitlin's slave."

"Slave?" I jump in, getting upset. "I guess that spa week end I gave Nadine in Palm Springs last month was torture."

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER THIRTEEN: Nadine and Liz's job isn't a picnic, but it isn't all chores either. Nadine has some pretty great perks as a celebrity personal assistant--a nice paycheck, first-class flights anywhere she goes with me, her own hotel room, killer freebies (Jacob &Co. recently gave her some pretty nice bling that's usually reserved for celebrities), and a sideline view to all of the Hollywood ac tion. I should remind them that not all personal assistants have it this easy. Sky makes her ever-changing assistant do heinous things like pop her zits (EWW!). A teen country music star I know makes his assistant run all over town to find Air Force One sneakers (he never wears the same pair more than twice). Another acquaintance makes his assistant have his Evian purified by a shaman before he'll drink it. And one of my married costars on
FA
makes his assistant, um, pay his girlfriend's bills on the sly.

Liz sighs. "I'm sorry, Kates. I didn't mean that. I got car ried away."

"Me too," Nadine grumbles.

"I don't want to lose either of you," I plead. "Now that you've both said everything you've been holding in, maybe you can just make up?" I suggest hopefully.

Nadine and Liz continue to glare at each other. "I'm a professional," Nadine says stiffly. "Working together won't be a problem."

"Whatever she said," Liz mutters.

Well, neither actually apologized, but I guess this is a start.

Liz opens the door to the living room and walks out without looking back. She picks up her Sidekick. "Accord ing to Nadine's tight schedule, I'm supposed to get you cof fee right now," Liz says to me. "What do you want?"

"I'll take a Mocha Frappuccino," Matty calls out from the couch where he's watching
Dr. Phil.
Mom sits next to him reading the latest issue of
Hollywood Nation.
"With extra whipped cream."

Liz and I look at each other.

"This came for you, Katie-Kins, while you were inside." Dad holds out two sheets of white paper. "It's tomorrow's schedule."

"I'll bet it is," I grumble. "Can one of you double-check this?" I ask Nadine and Liz.

Liz sighs loudly. "I can't believe you still think Maddy is trying to sabotage you--"

Nadine snatches the paper. "I'll double-check it," she in terrupts. "I'm starting to think there have been one too many mistakes involving Madison for them all to be accidents." I smile gratefully.

"Why would someone give you a fake call sheet?" Dad asks.

"Madison hates Kaitlin." Matt yawns. "So do Sky and Drew. And Hutch half the time." I glare at Matt.

"You mean the
Nation
article is true?" Dad looks confused. "I heard Hutch was a screamer and bad with staying on sched ule, but I can't believe anyone would hate our Katie-Kat."

"You knew all that and didn't tell me?" I'm incredulous. "Why would you let me work with someone like that?"

"You've always admired him, sweetie, and Mom thought the role was good for your career," Dad says gently. "You're a fighter! We knew you could handle him. Besides, this is your first two-million-dollar paycheck. Isn't the headache worth it?"

I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Before I can do ei ther, Mom lets out a small sob.

"Who the hell is Hayley Meyers?" she asks, holding up an article with a picture of Austin and me. "And why is she talk ing to
Hollywood Nation
about your relationship? Or about
that boy's
ex-girlfriend?"

I look from Liz to Nadine, since they still won't glance at each other, and try not to laugh. Hayley. The poor kid prob ably got cold-called and didn't know what hit her.

"Seriously, Katie-Kat, do you think this relationship is worth it?" Mom starts, but she's interrupted by Nadine's walkie-talkie.

"Kaitlin Burke. Matt Burke. You're needed on the library set in ten," Hank shouts cheerfully.

I've never been so happy to get back to set. "I've got to go," I say quickly, snatching the magazine from her hands to read the article on the golf cart ride over. I gather my cue cards and motion to Rodney to get the door.

"Kaitlin, I'm talking to you," Mom persists. "We need to discuss getting the confidentiality agreements signed by the Meyers. What if the whole family is trying to make money off you?"

I grab Matty's arm and race out the door. I've had enough drama for one day.

WEDNESDAY 7/11

NOTE TO SELF:

Thurs. Calltime 8 PM--Canyon Creek Park Fri.-Sun. On location in San Diego, calltime 6 AM--(PACK SUITCASE! Have Nadine check hotel res. Does hotel have masseuse???) 7/21 Hollywood Girl bash

FourTEEN:
Your Typical

Hollywood Girl

"Kaitlin, where are the three-carat diamond earrings we borrowed for you to wear?" Mom demands.

I'm so happy to be cuddled next to Austin in the black stretch limo that I completely forgot anyone else was here. I look across the aisle at Mom, who has her right eyebrow raised menacingly. I slowly reach up and touch my unaccessorized earlobe. Uh-oh.

"Rodney turn the car around," Mom commands. "I can't believe you forgot your earrings!" she scolds. Her own dia monds chandelier earrings sway as she shakes her head.

I smile sheepishly but I'm at a loss for words. Liz and Nadine are in the dog house so I didn't expect them to pipe up, but my other limo mates--Dad, Matt, Austin, and Rodney--don't jump to my defense either. I guess Mom can be pretty scary.

I've been so looking forward to tonight. Not only because I'm being honored by
Hollywood Girl
magazine as one of their five women of the year, but also, and most important, because I get to spend the whole evening with Austin. Even though we've been speaking and e-mailing every day, I've been counting down the hours till I could see Austin (and drool over him in a suit). He's been on a family vacation in San Francisco. He brought me back a cool t-shirt and Hayley got me a box of saltwater taffy. Austin said his mom grounded her post-vacay for three weeks for talking to the press. Poor girl.

But all thoughts of Austin flew out the window when Rodney and I got home and found Mom, hair half-done, still in her True Religion capri-length jeans, yelling at Na-dine and Liz, who had left the set early to pick up my gorgeous, one-of-a-kind white chiffon and silver sequined dress. Laney was fighting with them too--she was scream ing obscenities over the speaker phone.

"You two are supposed to have Kaitlin's back!" Mom said frostily as she paced back and forth while Nadine and Liz looked on, white-faced. "Instead, you're adding to her problems!"

"WHAT WERE YOU TWO THINKING?" Laney yelled over the roar of the highway she was probably speeding down. "YOU
NEVER
DISCUSS YOUR BOSS IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE...WHAT? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T MAKE A U-TURN HERE?"

"Laney, we didn't discuss work in front of anyone but Kaitlin," Liz squeaked as Mom glared at her. "Someone must have overheard us fighting that day in her trailer."

"Please! It's obvious you two haven't been getting along," Mom snapped hoarsely. "No one had to overhear your con versation to know that."

"What's going on?" I demanded wearily. The three of them jumped. I don't think any of them realized I was home yet.

"Well, tell her." Mom folded her arms across her chest and motioned to Nadine and Liz.

"There's an article about all of us in this week's
Hollywood Nation
," Nadine said quietly, her eyes on our Italian marble-tiled floor instead of my face.

"We're so sorry Kates." Liz stepped towards me as Mom smacked the magazine down on the black granite-topped kitchen island. Rodney and I looked at each other and rushed over to read it.

KAITLIN BURKE'S ASSISTANT BLUES

Family Affair
star Kaitlin Burke is making enemies even inside her own camp. Sources close to the star, who is currently shooting Hutch Adams's as yet untitled actioner, say her assistants are ready to walk off the job. Just last week, executive assistant Nadine Cobb and re cently hired best pal turned gofer, Liz Mendes, were caught bickering on set over their boss's increasingly outrageous demands. "Liz was saying how over she was of picking up after Kaitlin's wannabe actor/ brother Matthew and Nadine was saying how tired she was of making Starbucks coffee runs three times a day," says the source. The pair reportedly fought over who would have to get Kaitlin's green tea and who would stick around set to have lunch with the star. "By the end of the heated argument, both were saying how much they hate their gigs." Looks like Kaitlin Burke has another war raging--in her own backyard!