Sex for Sale~Prostitution, Pornography and the Sex Industry (40 page)

Some differences in the perception of prostitution-related stigma emerged between the male and female escorts. Some of the men acknowledged the stigma associated with prostitution among mainstream society, but argued that subcultural norms within the gay community framed being paid for sex as a sign of prestige:

Escorts in the gay community are kind of exalted because anything in the gay community that has to do with physical beauty, whether it’s being a bartender or a go-go boy, if you have a higher level of that, you’re automatically accepted.

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Another man claimed that within the gay community, being offered money for sex is so common as to be nearly unremarkable. This man discovered that disclosing his work as an escort did not result in a loss of social status, as he had feared it would:

I came out [as an escort] and I had such wonderful support, and people thought it was fun and glamorous, and they wanted to hear all my stories. And I found out that practically every attractive gay man in New York City has done it once, or been offered [money for sex]. . . . Virtually all the people I knew.

For these men, perceiving sex work as being at least somewhat normative within the gay community helped them feel more comfortable being honest about their work with friends and partners. In fact, among the men who reported being in committed relationships (35%), all but two were open with their partners. The women who reported being in committed relationships (33%) were less likely to tell their partners—only half of these women were honest with their partners about their work. In other words, 88% of men in relationships were open, while only 50% of the women were. It is possible that cultural differences in the meaning of non-monogamy and casual sex between the gay community and heterosexual norms may have contributed to the higher levels of disclosure among the men.

Some male and female escorts rejected the stigma attached to prostitution, instead reframing their work in a positive light. These individuals were more likely to be open about their work, and expressed pride in the services they provided to clients. One woman states:

A lot of people think that we are in the business of selling sex. I don’t think we are. I think that the sex is a vehicle to get us into a place where a lot of healing and connection and love can be made. Sex gives us the opportunity to get them in the door or to make the connection. . . . It’s just that little glimpse of heaven that everybody wants and it’s so nice to know that someone can leave their busy day and take a little vacation for a few hours and go out and not have the road rage that they might have had, and then be nicer to their families, and feel like more of a man, and have more self-confidence, and be more successful in their life. You know, because they are able to take a little bit of time for themselves.

This narrative reflects the framing of escorting as akin to a helping profession such as counseling, where the sex worker contributes to the wellbeing of the client through the provision of needed services.

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The progression from reframing sex work as a positive form of employment into engagement in social activism was a logical step for a small portion of the male and female escorts. This social activism was often linked with a pre-existing political and social identity, such as feminist, gay, or genderqueer.

These men and women took pride in their identity as sex workers and engaged in social activism aimed at de-stigmatizing sex work. One man related: There’s this whole part of me that’s sort of, sex workers of the Euro world unite.

I do feel that the services that I provide to some very lonely people are very valuable. I find prostitution to be in some ways . . . to be a noble profession. It doesn’t hurt anyone, and it helps a lot of people, and I’m always really happy when I visit sites like that, that are for other escorts about people that are very noble and very out there. They are identifying themselves with their name and their picture and everything out in the whole world as escorts, and they’re sort of trying to promote escorting as a viable career alternative. It is really hard work, and it takes a certain type of well-rounded personality and some savvy to be successful in it.

Some of these escorts felt that their approach to love and sexuality exemplified a healthy alternative to more mainstream relationship models.

For these individuals sex work was part of a broader self-image as sexually liberated, adventurous individuals:

I’m not one to hide it. Not really any aspect of my life. I mean everyone knows.

All my friends know that I have this fantastic, longish relationship with a person that I really love and who really loves me. And for me to be able to do this and for it not to cause any problem, I’m aware, is a kind of hard pill for people to swallow. So, it’s kind of nice when I do meet people who are a bit conservative in their monogamy and whatever, that I can actually tell them that. And I make a point of doing that, because I think it might be edifying for them. You know, relationships don’t have to be one way. There doesn’t have to be jealousy.

These men and women embody what Unger calls “positive marginality,”

the experience of persons who learn to take pride in their marginalized status while resisting and redefining the social meanings associated with their group identity.33

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S E XU A L N E G OTI ATI O N

Escorts who engage in sexual contact with their clients are, by nature of their business, at risk for infection with HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. The advent of the HIV pandemic has brought increased attention to the role of sex workers as potential “vectors of disease transmission,”34 and a focus on HIV has dominated much of the research on sex workers, particularly men.35 Yet the findings on safer sex practices among male and female sex workers appear to vary based on the venue of the sample.36 Overall, research on indoor sex workers indicates that the majority of these men and women practice safer sex with their clients.37

Research on the practices of escorts has identified a variety of meanings attached to condom use during sex with clients. Moore found that male and female sex workers took pride in their competent use of condoms and other safer sex techniques with clients.38 For male escorts, condoms are associated with having a professional identity as an escort.39 Both male and female escorts have been found to value condoms as an emotional barrier between themselves and their clients as well as tools for protecting themselves from HIV.40 Having managerial and social support from other escorts normalizing condom use with clients increased agency-based male escorts’ desire to use condoms with clients,41 and was associated with nearly universal condom use during anal sex with clients.42

Among our male and female independent escorts, there was broad agreement of the risks associated with unprotected anal and vaginal sex, and condom use was considered an “industry standard” for these activities. However, client requests and preferences for unsafe sex were common. One man states: It is a big thing. I’m really shocked at how people are taking risks. It’s amazing.

I do get a lot of requests. . . . Unless I bring it up or get out the condom, they would just sit on my dick and without even asking about it.

Experiences such as those just described led many men to become proactive in their insistence on condom use with their clients: I usually take the first step to bring up the issue. If you, the sex worker, make the first thing about safe sex, then they know that you’re serious and responsible, and it’s not just about money. It’s about your will. You, for a sex worker, to make the first comment about “it has to be safe” [are] risking losing business, and they know that. So that impresses them, and that makes them know that you are really going to be safe.

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Requests for sex without a condom were less common among women escorts. On the occasions when clients requested unprotected sex, women relied on verbal negotiation to reassert the need for safe sex: Yeah, in the rare occasions that that’s happened—perfect example, I had a physician. . . . I think he was trying to get me drunk, to see if I would change my boundaries and he was trying to get me to have sex without a condom. And I’m like “no,” and he’s like “but I’m fixed,” and I’m like “that doesn’t matter.”

I said, “We’re still using a condom.” And he said, “But I don’t have any diseases,”

and I was like, “and I don’t either and it’s gonna stay that way. This is how I am with everybody—it’s consistent.”

Condom use for vaginal and anal sex with clients was viewed as expected and normative among the men and women escorts. However, some differences emerged between the samples along lines of HIV status. Among the HIV-positive men who participated in the Classified Project (16%), some occasionally acquiesced to requests for unprotected sex. But even in these situations men would often attempt to reduce the potential for harm: I don’t really like to do barebacking [anal sex without condoms]. If they insist on it, I will, but I just don’t think it’s a safe thing to do, not for my own safety.

I am selective doing that. I don’t bareback on the bottom. I will bareback top, but again, that’s their choice. But I let them know up front that I am positive when they want me to do that. So, I’m advising them at the time. . . . I would feel badly not telling them that and doing it.

For this man and some other HIV-positive men in the sample, the risk associated with unprotected sex was seen as being greater for the client than it was for them. This may have contributed to a relaxing of standards for safe sex with clients who were also HIV positive or who were aware of the escort’s status and still wanted to proceed without condoms. Ultimately, however, the majority of men and women across both projects agreed that condom use for anal and vaginal sex was not negotiable while on the job.

C O N C L U S I O N

For the most part, female and male escorts share more similarities than differences. Regardless of gender, many independent escorts expressed a dislike for the restricted working conditions and reduced fees associated with
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working for an agency. These negative experiences were often described as motivating their transition into independent escorting. Women and men described similar advantages to working independently: setting their own rates, creating their own schedule, and having the ability to screen and be selective about their clients. Lastly, escorts of both genders emphasized the importance of condom use for vaginal and anal intercourse with clients, although the use of condoms for oral sex was more variable.

However, female and male escorts did differ in some notable respects.

Overall, women charged much more than men, and also varied more in their prices. The average fee for a female escort’s time was $400–$500, and as high as $1000 an hour; men charged an average of $200 an hour or session, with far less variability in rates. Unlike other industries, women have a distinct financial advantage in escorting. However, women of color reported hiring discrimination when they sought employment through escort agencies, and as independents commanded lower fees on average compared to white female escorts. Racial differences in earning power were not noted in the male escort sample, although men and women of color were both likely to report being confronted with clients requesting racially stereotyped fantasies about “big black bucks” or “slave girls” and clients who made denigrating comments about their worth.

Both the men and women described offering specialized services such as domination and role play, or catered to niche markets for clients who desired escorts of a specific type (such as “BBW” or “leather daddies”). However, women working in niche markets reported lower wages on average than women in the more mainstream market; this wage difference was not seen among their male counterparts. Thus, while women earn higher wages in escorting than men do on average, they also experience greater wage discrimination associated with their skin color, service niche, age, and body shape. Future research on clients of male and female escorts would benefit from further exploration of client’s desires for different types of escort and the reasons why different escorts and their services are perceived as being worth different amounts.

Perhaps the most striking difference between male and female escorts emerged from comparison of their experiences of work-related stigma.

Although about one-third of the escorts in each study reported being in romantic relationships, it appeared to be much less of an issue for the men to disclose being a sex worker to their partners. Similarly, sex work appears to be much less stigmatized in general within the gay male community. Where many national gay magazines have published how-to guides or career tips for escorting,43 it is doubtful that a national women’s magazine would publish
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such articles. Ultimately, escorting appears to be more socially acceptable within the gay community, relieving many men of the stress associated with living a double life, a common strategy for the female escorts. While gay and bisexual men face stigma in the heteronormative mainstream culture, being a member of the gay community appeared to be a “protective factor” reducing male escorts’ experience of stigma within their own community.

There is a clear need for more comparative research on sex workers. To identify other differences by gender and venue, future researchers should sample men, women, and transgender workers in sufficient numbers from all venues of sex work—street, brothel, agency, and independents. This will help to clarify the role of both gender and type of work in shaping sex workers’

experiences.

N OTE S

1. David Bimbi, “Male Prostitution: Pathology, Paradigms, and Progress in Research,”
Journal of Homosexuality
53 (2007): 7–35.