Sorrow's Muse (5 page)

CHAPTER
SEVEN

“S
he’s
gorgeous, Jay. Where in the world did you find her?” Paul asked.

“I’m not antisocial all
the time,” he said.

Paul shot him a skeptical
look.

He chuckled. “She lives
two condos down.”

“
This
is the
neighbor woman you’ve been hanging out with?”

“Yeah.”

“Why the hell didn’t you
mention she was gorgeous with a body for days?”

Julian shrugged. “I guess
I never really thought about her like that.”
Liar! It’s because you didn’t
want him to start sniffing around.
The thought shamed him. Paul really is a
good guy. He’d never cheat on Gina, but he’s a huge flirt. Julian liked having
Colette to himself.
Pitiful.

“You like her, don’t
you!”

“
Shh!
”

Paul leaned in and
lowered his voice. “Are you thinking of making a move on her?”

“What? No? Why would I
ruin what we have now?”

“Because, I’m pretty sure
she wants you too. Haven’t you noticed the way she looks at you?”

“Like I’m her only friend
in the neighborhood and we get along well?”

“Umm, no.” Paul shook his
head. “That twinkle in her eyes is attraction.”

“Remember the last time
we thought that?”

“You have to let the Beth
thing go. Most people aren’t that shallow and callous.”

“My experience with
people says they are.”

“You can’t really believe
that, Jay. Not with the music you write.”

“Those songs are
concepts. They’re how I hope the world can be one day. I’m not naive enough to
believe we’re there yet.” He knew he sounded like a Danny Downer, but he had to
make Paul see where he was coming from. It wasn’t easy to put himself out there
and the last time he’d been persuaded to had been a lie. Given, Colette was
nothing like most women.

He glanced through the
sliding door of the balcony where Colette was making an impromptu buffet for
their lunch. She lifted her head and flashed a warm smile when their gazes
locked.

He gave a flicker of an
answering smile back before he turned to Paul. “I got so distracted with
introductions I forgot to ask you why you were here.”

“Just seeing how the next
tracks are coming along. The artist loved the clips you’ve sent him so far.”

“It’s almost done. It’s a
new sound, but I dig it. I’ve been really inspired lately. I can barely control
the flow of creativity. I wake up in the middle of the night and I
have
to write. It feels like it did when I was just starting out and trying to make
a name for myself.”

“It looks like you have
some new inspiration in your life Jay,” Paul teased.

“Hmmm.”

“Well, now that I know
everything’s good here, I’m going to head back home. Gina and I have a hot date
tonight. I’m going to stick my head outside and say good-bye to Colette.”

“Okay.” Julian followed
Paul out onto the veranda. He pondered his friend’s words. Why did he think
Colette was into him? For a brief moment, he allowed himself to imagine it was
true. The warm and fuzzies set in and Julian knew he was on his way to being in
deep trouble.

“All right, I’ll see you
later, bro,” Paul said.

“See you later, Paul.” He
turned back to Colette.

“Our mini-feast is
ready,” she said.

“Thanks for setting it
up.”

“Hey, you provided the
food today, so this was the least I could do.”

Cold cuts, sliced pieces
of wheat bread, assorted bottles of condiments and a grape, strawberry and
melon medley were lined up in square plastic Tupperware on the middle of the
patio table. Two bottles of water sat on either side of the table.

He took the seat that put
his back to the window and she followed suit in the seat across from him.

“Paul’s nice.”

“Yeah, he’s been my best
friend for ages.”

“How did you two meet?
You seem more like brothers than friends.”

He tensed. This was the
first time their conversations had ventured into his past in such a personal
way. Up until now, it’d always been generic: What bands did you like growing
up? What did you think you wanted to do when you were in high school? He
shifted in his seat and averted his eyes. “We met in high school. We were
foster brothers from sophomore year on.”

“No wonder you trust him
to be your manager.”

Her easy acceptance and
obvious avoidance of asking more made him wary. This was too good to be true.
He ate a few more bites of fruit. “That’s it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not going to ask
me why I was in a foster home?”

“You didn’t seem
comfortable with the conversation and I’m here to enjoy our time together, not
to pry.” She arched an eyebrow. “Did you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly.” He
shook his head. “You’re a strange woman, Colette Starvos.”

“I’ll take that as a
compliment.”

“Good, because it was
one.”

“I was out for a walk and
I saw Thursday evenings they have a farmers’ market near the beach.”

“Yeah, it’s been going on
for a while.”

“Have you ever been?”

“No.”

“Great, then we can
experience it together for the first time.”

“Colette...”

“What? You’re in the
house too much. I’m an artist too, but sometimes you have to get air.”

“You know why I stick
close to home,” he mumbled. His face flushed. Anger threatened to blow in like
a dark cloud.

“I do. But Julian, that’s
their problem.” She set down her fork, reached across the table and took his
hand in hers. “I would really like you to do this with me.”

“You’re asking for a
lot.”

“I promise people are
more kind than you think.”

He grunted and gently
removed her hand. “I wish I had your optimism.”

“It’ll be at night ...”

“You aren’t going to stop
until I agree, are you?”

“No.”

“Fine…I’ll go.”

“Yes!”

“On one condition.”

She sobered. “Okay,
shoot.”

“We leave when I’m ready,
no questions asked,” he said.

“Deal.”

Damn, I’m a fool.
Maybe, but the sparkle in her eyes made him feel like a new man. It was an
emotion he was beginning to crave. She made the impossible seem attainable.
Perhaps he could live a normal life and be seen as someone of value outside of
his ability to write music people enjoyed. Julian’s anxiety spiked.
Can I do
this?

Colette glanced up
smiled. “It’ll be fine. Let’s finish our lunch. I know you want to do more work
on your music and I want to take advantage of the light.”

“You’re right.” He took
another bite of the fruit salad. The taste had fled and the melon seemed to
stick in his throat. He washed it down with a swig of water and declared
himself done. They wrapped lunch shortly after and he escaped to the safety of
his work.

*
* * *

As darkness chased away
the sun, nerves threatened to get the best of him. He was dressed to blend in,
with a pair of blue jeans and a lightweight blue-and-black button-down T-shirt.
Was it too late to back out? His doorbell chimed.
Apparently so.

He jogged down the stairs
to open the front door.

Black skinny jeans hugged
her curves and a white tank top with a deep V and a zebra print showed off the
round globes that haunted his dreams. She stepped inside as though they were
lifelong friends and pulled him into a hug. Her curves molded into him.

His libido went through
the roof. Julian bit his bottom lip to keep from moaning aloud as he wrapped
his arms around her.
She has no clue what she’s doing to me.
He wanted
to linger, rest his head on her shoulder and take the comfort she had to give.
Step
back now before you embarrass yourself.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah, let me grab my
keys and we’ll go.” He stepped back and thought of ice-cold water as he made
his way into the kitchen and grabbed the keys off the counter. He returned to
her side and she offered a soft smile.

“We’ll have fun. I
promise.”

He grunted.

She slipped her arm
through his and guided him out to the crisp night air.

He locked the door and
they began the short walk to the area near the beach where they blocked off
streets and the vendors set up shop. The blacktop of one street was covered
with tables and tents lined with different wares. The other focused in on food.
With hot dogs, hamburgers, natural foods and fruits, it reminded him of a
carnival.

He winced at the memory
of his first carnival.
“I thought this was a carnival, not a circus
sideshow.”
The voices of the other children were still as clear as that day
twenty-five years ago. His stomach knotted. His skin prickled under the weight
of eyes. Murmurs and whispers reached his ears as they walked. Julian scowled
and met the gaze of one of the gossipers head-on.

The teenager looked away
immediately.

“Oh, those are gorgeous,”
Colette said.

Her words sliced through
his personal hell. He turned away from the stare down. The awe covering her
face chased away a good portion of his anger. He followed her gaze to the
flowers that filled silver buckets. Vivid orange reds, yellows and shades of
pink filled his vision.

The elderly woman behind
the counter smiled. “A beautiful bouquet for a beautiful woman, perhaps?” The
woman cast a quick look in his direction. Shock twisted her expression, though
she had a swift recovery. She smoothed her facial expression back to hide her
emotions.

She’s nicer than most.
“You
should get some, Colette. Maybe you could do a painting of them?”

“That’s a fantastic
idea.” She went to dig into her pocket.

He held out his hand. “I’ve
got it.”

“But—”

He shook his head. “Pick
out the ones you want,” he said before he turned to the lady behind the table.
“How much do I owe you?”

“Five dollars.”

He dug out the money,
pleased that she managed to treat him like any other customer. “Thanks.” There
might be something to Colette’s words. She’d been pumping him full of positive
words, thoughts and hope like an IV drip going into a dehydrated patient.

“You’re welcome.”

Colette chose a pink-hued
bouquet of roses, daises and a couple of flowers he didn’t know the names of. “Thank
you!” She lifted the flowers up to her nose, inhaled deeply and released a
pleasure-filled sigh.

A shiver slithered down
his spine.
Steady, she’s not for you.

 
She
slipped her hands in his, intertwining their fingers and led him away from the
booth.

For a split second, he
thought of pulling away. No, he’d allow himself this small pleasure.

As the night wore on, he
began to loosen up. She kept up a steady stream of conversation and playful
teasing that kept his mind off the occasional whispers. He was out for reasons
other than necessity and the sky hadn’t imploded. It was a small step, but the
first attempt he’d made in years.

Colette’s body brushed
against his and he peered down to see a shy smile on her lips. She rose onto
her tiptoes. His eyes went wide and his body locked into place as she came
closer, inch by inch, until their lips connected. Her lips were even softer
than they’d been in the dream. The whole thing made his head spin.

“He must have a shit ton
of money for her to be kissing him in public!”

The words hit him like a
bucket of ice-cold water. He pushed back away from her. “This can’t happen,
Colette. I’m not the right man for you.” He shook his head and waved off her
protest with his hand. “No. I’m not going to argue this with you. I enjoy your
friendship. Let that be enough, ’cause it’s all we can ever have.” He turned on
his heel and walked away from the scene.

Why did she have to screw
up their arrangement? It wasn’t as though she couldn’t get any man she wanted.
He wasn’t just scarred on the outside. Something inside of him had broken long
ago. He couldn’t subject her to that. If he were anyone else, tears would be
forming behind his lids, but he was all cried out. Julian learned long ago,
tears did nothing.

You just walked out on
your one chance at love. Go back and beg her for forgiveness.

He ignored the frantic
voice echoing in his brain and walked as fast as he could without running. The
farther away he got from the farmers’ market, the better he felt. Despite her
good intentions and misguided emotions, society would pick them apart piece by piece.
He cared enough about her not to subject her to that kind of torture. She was
an ethereal creature who deserved beauty, love and light in her life.