Starless Nights (Hale Brothers Series Book 2) (9 page)

His nose flares and his eyes narrow as he lets out a deep sigh. “Whatever you say, Leila.”

“Whatever I say?” I repeat back to him. He hears the tone in my voice but doesn’t acknowledge it.

A moment of silence passes and neither one of us break eye contact. The tension is so thick, the air around us is heating up.

My hands shake as I go to open the door before his warm hand grabs me by the arm, stopping me from climbing out of the Tahoe.

“Leila, I really am sorry you saw that.” The look of pity has returned and the air instantly chills.

“Stop saying that to me! You aren’t sorry at all! You stopped giving a shit about me a long time ago.” His eyes widen and the tears that had been swimming in my eyes spill over. “You never used to lie to me Beau, so don’t start now.” I jerk my arm away from him but continue to sit there looking out the front window.

Part of me knows this is it. We are at an impasse. It’s now or never. I should get out, walk away, and keep my mouth shut, but those margaritas either made me super brave, or really stupid.

“Oh god Beau, why do I still feel like this? When will all of this go away?” I look up at him and forcefully pat my chest directly over my heart. “Why did you ever become my friend? Why did you call me your best friend, when I really wasn’t? Why did you kiss me that day on the bench? I could have given that moment to someone who would have cherished it and me. Why?” My tears still drop.

Beau’s face is blank. He’s watching me but giving nothing away.

My hands clench into fists and drop to my lap. “I just . . . don’t you get it? I know exactly what it feels like to have nothing, or no one. Why? Why did you do it? I lost everything, even the things I had from you. I kept them in this box and I took it to the house to show you before I left but it burned in the fire. And back then, I thought that was going to be the worst of it.
But
noooo
, over this last year, you’ve made me feel so much worse!” I’m bordering a little on hysterical, but I need him to talk to me, give me answers, something.

“Leila, you need to stop,” Beau says, his hands have moved to the steering wheel and his knuckles are white as he grips it.

“No, I know I’m rambling, but you have talked to me once in three and a half years to tell me that you aren’t my friend anymore. Well now it’s my turn. Last summer, after I returned and saw you on the beach, you know what you did . . . you walked away from me. That’s what you should have done years ago instead of giving me the silent treatment. I missed you so much for so long, and what was the point? You could have ended this the right way, instead of treating me like I am just a no body. You are a coward!”

His eyes dart back to mine and a flush works its way onto his cheeks. The temperature in the car is back on the rise. He’s mad and it’s radiating off of him.

Good let him be mad, I know I am!

“You’re drunk and you should go inside,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Maybe, but what, can’t take the truth?” I snap at him.

“You don’t know what you are saying. You’re slurring your words and quite frankly, embarrassing yourself.”

“Embarrassing myself? I’m sorry if the delivery here isn’t perfect enough for you, but then again I never have been or will be and you remind me of this daily. Why I ever thought you were someone important, someone special, I’ll never know. You know what? I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. I finally give up, after all of this time . . . you, my wasted hope, and everything else about the past year, including your uppity bitch girlfriend, can all just burn in hell for all I care.”

Beau gasps and his look changes to one of pain.

I’ve hurt him. I wanted a reaction from him, and now that I have it, I regret it. My hands are shaking and the visceral change in his body language to my words is almost alarming.

His whiskey eyes glisten back at me and then narrow, “Are you finished?”

Continuing to glare at him, I say nothing.

“Get out of my car.” His voice is low but it drips with pure hatred.

And just like he always does, he gets the last word. I step out onto the road and slam the door never looking back.

I DECIDE TO not drop back into the café. I’ve thought about it plenty of times, even found myself walking that way, but what would be the point? She has a boyfriend and knowing this just reminds me that she never cared enough for me to be one.

Mostly, my days consist of the same routine; tennis with Nate in the morning, lunch at the loft with Matt, and then we set out exploring.

New York City in the summer is a great place to be. There are tons of street markets, festivals, and live outdoor concerts. So far, our favorite activities have been to head down to Brooklyn Bridge Park on Sundays to Smorgasburg and over to Washington Square Park for the free music.

Smorgasburg is a weekly food festival that has over 100 different vendors. On each trip down to the park, Matt and I have tried something different and unique. It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I love food but here, it has been exceptional. My favorite to date is the falafel burger with tatziki sauce. I’m determined to learn how to make it.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been watching Matt pretty closely. He’s quieted back down. It’s strange. He goes through these phases where we think he is coming out of his shell, talking and socializing more but then he’ll revert right back. I can’t figure out what the trigger is that causes this.

“Little dude, what’s wrong with you?” I say stretching my legs out in the grass of the park. The sun is out today. There’s a slight breeze, and lucky for us, we found a spot in the shade.

He looks down and takes a sip of his Vermont maple lemonade.

“I want to stay here with you.” He has mentioned this several times but I know that Mom will never go for it. I wouldn’t mind. He’s a good kid and I could always threaten with the one slip up and he’s shipped back.

“I know you do pal, and if I thought for one minute that mom would agree to it, there would be no further discussion. I want you here, you need to know this.” We’ve all spent so much of our lives feeling unwanted. More than anything, I want life to be so much better and different for Matt.

I do understand where he’s coming from. Just the thought of being in that house alone with mom makes me uncomfortable.

Our father was a very abusive man, both emotionally and physically. Well, physically to me that is. For years we lived in fear of him and tried to stay as far away from him as possible. Month after month, and day by day though, he seemed to get worse.

He loved being in the public eye and he lived his life like he was entitled. He worked his sick twisted charm on unsuspecting people, and over time, had most of the community singing his praises.
Most
that is.

Drew is a swimmer. Dad never took his frustrations out on him. Only me. So much time has passed that the only two things I will remember of my childhood are Leila and him beating me.

In the end, I wish that I had stood up to him, but instead I cowered down. It was Drew who finally finished our decade of torture. Drew walked into the kitchen that April afternoon, took one look at what he had done to our mother and me, and something in him finally flipped. Drew pulverized our father, and in return, saved us. Once all statements were taken, in combination with him running his mouth, the charges filed against him were enough to send him prison for life.

Matt wasn’t there and I thank God every day for that. The blood, the destruction, the fear in the air, the police, the ambulance carrying off Mom, no twelve-year-old should have to witness this.

Maybe Drew and I can talk her into selling and buying a new home. One that isn’t haunted and tainted with so many horrible memories.

He looks over, his dark hair flops over his eyes, and smiles at me. God, I love this kid.

The weekend finally arrives for Drew and Ali’s birthday beach house get-a-way. Matt and I pack up after breakfast and arrive right after lunch. I expected the traffic up into Long Island to be worse than what it was, so we actually made pretty good time.

Drew told us that the house he rented is waterfront and out on Dune Road in the West Hamptons. Although I’ve never been to any of the beaches in New York, it’s been almost a month since I have stepped out into the sand and my body is humming with excitement.

As we pull into the circular driveway of the house, I slow the car and double check my directions. I’m pretty sure that Matt and I are both speechless. The house is huge and in the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder how much this is costing Drew.

The home is solid white, elevated up on stilts, and then three stories high. It has a gray shingled roof and wrap around porches on both the first and second level.

“Whoa! This place is awesome!” Matt jumps out of the car and skips up the steps to the front door. Ali comes out to greet us and Matt jumps into her arms. I know exactly how he feels. Her smiling face and warm eyes have a way of calming a little bit of the storm that has been brewing in me.

Ali came into our lives almost two years ago. She moved to Anna Maria Island after her mother passed away and her father relocated them. Drew used to say he didn’t believe in things like love at first sight but that changed the second his eyes locked onto Ali’s. All of this was during the darkest time in our family life but as the months passed, she became a big part in helping all of us heal, and slowly the light filtered back into our days. She is the other half to my brother and she is perfect for all of us. I couldn’t love her anymore if I tried.

“Hey, Tiny. Nice place you’ve got here,” I say while grabbing mine and Matt’s bags.

“So, I hear you have been in town a lot longer than we realized.” She throws her hands on her hips. The look on her face is a mixture of anger and disappointment.

I walk up the steps and stand in front of her. I always forget how small she is, and although she’s trying to act pissed, it’s not really working.

“What? No hi, hey, hello, how are you?” She raises her eyebrows at me, which causes me to chuckle. “Straight to the point, huh? Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t call. I just needed to get here and get settled. I needed to do this on my own.” I lock eyes with her hoping that she will understand.