Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

Within thirty-six hours, the team exited the plane to a more somber homecoming. Bates had family on the east coast, so his funeral and memorial would be there. Nick heard a few guys might fly out for the funeral, but no details yet.

Nick always knew it could end this way, but never wanted it to. Bates knew the price he might pay, and when Nick hesitated, lost in the confusion of a gunfight, the kid, the SEAL from Virginia, didn’t. Nick could wear the weight of that his whole life, or he could honor Bates’s sacrifice every time he stepped on the field, letting go in order to function at full capacity.

Wives and families waited to welcome them home. Nick didn’t know what to expect after his absence. The weeks had stretched without his girl. He scanned the gathering crowd and stopped on an auburn-haired beauty in an ivory and tan dress. She smiled and waved, unsure. Nick hated her hesitancy. Before he knew it he was jogging.

She darted from the crowd, running to meet him. His bag slid from his shoulder and hit the ground as she flew into his arms. He lifted her into his embrace and crushed her to him, ignoring the pain in his arm. The scent of lavender, of home, filled his senses. “I missed you so much.” For the first time, he realized how close he had come to returning in that box instead of Bates. Kaylan would have been devastated.

He set her on her feet and met her anxious green eyes. “Are you okay? Did Logan talk to you in time?”

“Whoa, slow down, babe.” He smoothed her hair back. “What are you talking about?”

“This man showed up at our place. Well, he showed up at the coffee house before then. And he threatened you and the team. He said you would end up in the ocean if you didn’t stop chasing whoever you are chasing.”

He squeezed her waist tighter. “What man, Kaylan? Did he mention a name? Anything?”

She shook her head, his grip tight on his arms. “No. Some Russian guy. Logan was going to try and contact the team.”

“We were probably already finished and getting ready to head back so they didn’t need to act on anything.” He bent down to kiss her again, fear thrumming in his veins at the thought of her in danger again. Because of him. Because of his job. “If anything had happened to you . . .”

“I’m okay. We’re both okay. And you’re home now. We can handle this together.” Her eyes filled with hesitation that broke his heart. “I’m so sorry, Nick. So incredibly sorry. I want this, even if it means I have to wait months. I want you.”

He groaned and crushed his lips over her own, tasting her lip gloss. His fingers found the gentle contours of her face and wound into her hair. A fire smoldered in his heart as she molded into him, responding to every touch.

At the sound of several wolf whistles, he broke away and rested his forehead on hers. “Kaylan, please forgive me for leaving like that. For not being the man who fights for us, even when it’s hard. That always has to come first. I was a jerk. I am so sorry you were terrified and in danger again because of me. And I wasn’t there. ”

He kissed her again.

“We’ll figure it out. I’m just so glad you’re home,” she murmured against his lips.

He grinned, feeling a little lighter. “You’re going to have to help me learn how to balance all this, because with a welcome home like that, I may get court-martialed for ignoring my next deployment to stay home with you for an extended honeymoon.”

Her laughter soothed the tattered places of his soul. He kissed her forehead and then rocked back on his feet as something collided with Kaylan and wrapped around his back.

“My turn,” Micah mumbled as he sandwiched Kaylan between him and Nick.

“Micah,” Kaylan giggled, trying to twist away from his bear hug.

“Seriously, we have got to get you a girl.” Nick punched Micah’s chest, eliciting a yelp. Micah let go and Kaylan turned around to hug her brother. Nick immediately missed the absence of her body curled into his.

“I haven’t met a girl who could handle all of this just yet.” Micah grinned and crossed his arms.

Colt came up and wrapped his arms around Micah from behind. “That’s one fine specimen of a man.”

“No doubt. But get off me or you’re going to ruin my reputation.”

Colt stepped back with his hands raised in surrender.

“There’s someone out there, I just haven’t found her yet,” Kaylan informed her brother.

“
You
haven’t found her?”

“Well, clearly
you
aren’t trying very hard.” Kaylan put her hands on her hips. Nick wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back into his chest as Kaylan began to hum.

“Kayles, don’t you dare start humming that `Just haven’t met you yet’ Michael Bublé
nonsense.”

“Well, then stop messing with my mushy moments.”

He tweaked her nose. “Quit having them in public, little sis. But don’t you dare have them in private either. Just don’t.” Micah fixed Nick with a brotherly glare, but Nick only grinned in return.

“No promises, Bulldog.”

Nick didn’t have to see Kaylan’s face to know she was beet red. He silently thanked God that he never had to guess when she was embarrassed or upset. God had seen fit to hardwire that response into her DNA.

“Go away, Micah.” Kaylan shoved her brother.

“So it’s come to this.” Micah held out his arms in defeat as he backed away with Colt. “You’ve finally chosen him over me. I’m hurt, sis. Hurt.”

“Well, when I find you a girl, you won’t even notice.”

A warning glint appeared in Micah’s eye, and Nick chuckled. “Be careful, Kayles. Don’t pick one that will result in payback.”

With a wink, Micah jogged off.

Kaylan turned in Nick’s arms and threw her arms around his neck. “I have to go back to work for a few hours, but I have a surprise for you tonight before we go to Logan and Kim’s for a party.”

“A surprise, huh? Does it include coffee and maybe cake?”

She stood on her tiptoes and placed a quick peck on his lips, leaving him wanting more. “I think we can arrange that. Go take care of business and maybe sleep a bit. Meet me at our new apartment at six.”

“Now, Kayles, you know there’s none of that until after the honeymoon.”

She shoved him. “Don’t get fresh, Hawk. You’ve been around the guys too much.”

He snagged her hip and pulled her close again, stroking her back. “All right. I’ll behave. See you there in a bit.”

With a new energy to his step, he followed his team to close up remaining details of the op. With the wedding roughly six weeks away, he wondered when or if he would deploy again beforehand. He didn’t have much control over it if they called his name, but he could always make an appeal. They’d wounded the snake, but the head still remained in place, and Nick wanted to be the one to sever it. He didn’t want what haunted him on the battlefield to keep following him home. He needed to keep his girl safe while he was gone. It was time to call in reinforcements.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Kaylan fluffed up the throw pillow, put it in place, and then stepped back to survey her work. Everything needed to be perfect. Tonight, Nick would know she could and would take care of life without him when he was gone.

Organization had never been her strong suit, but with a mother who owned an interior decorating company, Kaylan knew how to make a home cozy. Thankfully, she knew what Nick liked. After Megan showed her the apartment, she’d found a faux brown leather sectional in January on clearance and had snapped up the deal. Logan and Kim had passed on their breakfast table that was now too small for their growing family. With distressed wood and four iron chairs with plush seat cushions, it gave the room a classy feel without being over the top. She’d spread a picnic on the living room floor, had Caveman install Nick’s television in the living room, and had the furniture company deliver the mattress they’d picked out.

She ticked through a mental list. Everything was ready. She hoped. A key scratched in the lock, and she pivoted in the middle of the room, smoothing down the dress she’d never changed out of.

“Honey, I’m home.” His voice tapered off as he stepped into the room and took in her handiwork. His jaw dropped. “Babe, this is incredible!”

“You like it? You can tell me if you don’t. We can rearrange or take things back. Well, except the sectional since I got it on clearance. It was such a good deal and—” She stopped talking when his finger rested on her lips.

“I love it.”

She melted into him, relief mixing with a surge of pride. She could do this. No doubt. He trusted her. She’d begun to wake up every day and give Nick and her fear to the Lord. Slowly, the fear receded, leaving in its place a quiet confidence and resolve to put one foot in front of the other and just trust. Such an overly simplified concept. Trust held the weight of the world with a single decision.

“Can I see the rest?”

“Uh, maybe don’t open the guest room.” Over the last couple of months, wedding gifts had poured in from family and friends in Alabama, their friends in California, and from SEAL teams around the country, and even some of her dad’s patients at the hospital. She’d stuffed the unopened gifts into that room.

He wound his fingers through hers and walked down the short hallway that ended in their bedroom. He grinned and placed a hand on the doorknob. “Will I get a taste of what our apartment will actually look like once we live here?”

“Hey, don’t be mean.” She moved in front of the door and blocked his entry. The rise and fall of his chest quickened at their nearness. “You will get a glimpse of the chaos of wedding planning. I left you some presents to open.”

“All the good ones I hope.”

“All the ones from REI.”

“You do love me.” He placed a quick kiss on her lips. “And the final door?”

“Um.” She couldn’t stop the blush that climbed up her neck and into her face. “That’s our room. It still needs a bit of work, but . . .”

He opened the door and pulled her inside with him. “Kaylan Richards, look at you. You even made the bed.”

A twinkle crept into his eyes, and she yanked her hands out of his, taking a step back. “Don’t get any ideas, Nick Carmichael.”

“Why not?” He took a step toward her, forcing her back into the wall. He encased her with his arms, both palms on the wall.

“Nick. Behave,” Kaylan said but couldn’t help but laugh at the passion she saw him holding at bay.

He leaned forward and kissed her nose, then her lips, pulling back to look in her eyes, before kissing her again. Teasing her. Her pulse rose as she ran her fingers down his strong jaw and fisted her hands in his shirt.

His lips explored hers, his hand drifting to her waist. “Nick,” she murmured against his mouth, scared they would both be out of control if they kept going.

Nick pulled her from the room and closed the door behind him. “We are going to keep that door shut for another six weeks, and we probably shouldn’t be here together too much. Or at all.” He laughed, running a hand over the back of his head. When he finally looked at her again, he looked like a kid whose hand had been slapped.

“Sorry, babe. We might need to keep this lighter.”

She chuckled. “Agreed.”

He kissed her gently, the kind of kisses that made her want to marry him even more than the passionate ones. These were the kind that spoke of vulnerability, that he treasured her. “You got it. By the way …” His grin made warmth spread through her body. “Loved the room. And the comforter you picked? It’s perfect.” He led her back to the living room and they sat on the blanket she had spread out on the floor.

“I’m glad you like it. Nick, I didn’t handle it well when you left, and I . . .”

“Hey, hey, no more apologizing. Neither of us handled that well. I’m as guilty as you are. I need to know that you can let me go when I need to, though. Seriously, Kayles, I can’t do that again. I can’t have you fight me on timing I can’t control.”

“I know.” She nodded at the room. “It took me some time to let go of my fear. To talk to the Lord about it. I was angry at you, at Him, but more at myself. But once I finally surrendered all that, I was able to look to what I could do to help and continue on with life, and I landed on all this. It’s been fun.” She shrugged. “It let me know that I can survive the absences. And now you have a place to come home to that is just ours.”

“No more Bulldog, huh?”

“Well, I’m sure my brother will be over here quite a bit, but we have a Sandy now instead of a Bulldog.”

“Yeah, about that . . .”

“Hey, you want me to cope with the deployments better, and now I have a companion. Did I mention he is very protective and well-behaved?”

“So he’s better trained than Micah, then?”

“Nick . . .”

He chuckled and began to divvy up the food she’d prepared. “Kayles, thank you. For this. For making a home. For letting me go. It helps knowing you’re here. I wouldn’t handle the waiting and not knowing very well. I can’t fault you for that. You have a tough job, too. I just want you to know that I appreciate it, and I couldn’t do it without you.”

His assurance healed all the sore spots of Kaylan’s heart. More than anything, she wanted a companion, someone who didn’t need her but wanted her and wanted to need her.

“You’re welcome.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Candlelight danced off the walls as they talked about the plan for Logan and Kim’s.

“How long do I have you home for?”

“Hopefully until the next deployment. But I don’t know, Kayles.” His voice held a warning, but she steeled herself against any other questions. “We may have one more op left to wrap up something big. If we time it right, though, it shouldn’t take long. We’ll see. Could be before the wedding.” Her heart quickened a beat. “Could be after,” he rushed on. “Could be while we are deployed next year, and you will never know about it. All just depends.”

“I guess I will have to get used to not planning.”

“Plan away, Kayles. Just be flexible when plans change.” In the gathering silence and shadows, a distance crept into his eyes.

“You saw her again, didn’t you?”

His gaze swerved to hers but he stayed silent.

“It’s okay. I don’t need to know. I can just . . . tell.”

He set his glass down with a thunk. “Let’s talk about your guest, Kayles, and what to do if he shows up again.”

“You mean beyond calling the guys?”

“Yeah, beyond that. They are always an option and will always be here for you, but I think we need more than that now. I don’t want a repeat of what happened last fall. I can’t handle it, Kayles. I never want you to go through that again.” He reached over and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers trailing down her cheek before falling away.

“He threatened us, Nick. He threatened you. I was worried you were walking into a trap.”

At that, Nick winced, his hand covering his left arm. She heard the faint sound of cloth rubbing against a bandage. “Nick Carmichael.” She grabbed his arm and heard him bite back a curse. “What did you do?” She ran her hand up his arm until she felt a bandage wrapped around his bicep.

“I did my job and I came home.”

“Nick, I’m serious.”

“Kaylan.” He stilled her hand with his. “I’m fine. I did my job, got a little scratched, and I came home to you. It will heal. I just have to keep it clean and keep applying fresh bandages now and then. I could have got scratched worse in a bike accident.”

But Kaylan doubted that. “If only you had known in time. If only . . .”

“Kayles, we knew exactly what we needed to know. We went in prepared. Things happen. It was exactly as we suspected. No trap. But I need you to tell me what happened here.”

Kaylan slipped away from him and onto the couch. She pulled her legs up to her chest. “Well, it was me, Megan, Sandy, and . . .” She stopped, her hands sweating. “Please don’t get upset.”

“You not answering is not helping me not get upset.”

“That was a lot of
nots
.”

“Kayles,” he warned.

“And Natalie, Nick. Natalie was there with us.”

He was on his feet before she knew what happened, the candlelight making a giant of his shadow on the TV wall behind him. “I’m sorry, say that again, because I’m pretty sure I asked you not to involve my sister in this.”

Kaylan was on her feet now, too. “Look here, buddy. You have searched for your biological family for years. I am not going to let your uncertainty and fear rob you of the option of having a sister. You got it? So, yes, I went to see her.”

Silence engulfed them, his posture and the look firing from his eyes warning her, but she refused to back down. “I love you. I love you too much to let you hurt yourself more here. And I love you too much to allow you to live with regret. You wanted me to hold down the homefront, and I did. Only I expanded it a little, too. And guess what? She came to see me. She wants to meet you.”

Shock fought anger and fear as she watched him process. He gripped her arms, his voice low, fear dripping from every syllable. “Kaylan, did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want to draw any attention to her until I was absolutely certain this Janus stuff was over and done with?”

Kaylan’s heart sank. She hadn’t thought of that, but then again, she didn’t know all of it, didn’t know what fears he harbored. “I wish you would have told me that, but it doesn’t matter now. The man knew who she was, Nick. It’s better that she knows the truth, or at least as much as I could tell her,” she finished quickly as his muscles tensed, “than to be out there with no clue and a man she doesn’t know watching her.”

Nick relaxed his grip on her arms, his fingers forming circles where moments before there’d been pressure. She felt his body relax, his forehead coming to rest on hers. She curled into his chest, knowing they both needed the comfort. “Thank you,” he finally said, “for wanting to love me enough to give me what I’ve searched for. Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

He wrapped his arms around her and looked into her eyes. “Next time I ask you not to do something, can you trust me enough to know it’s for your good or to protect someone else?”

She chose her words carefully. “I can do that. Next time, can you trust me enough to let me in on why you are asking me to do that if it is not job related? That way I can know whether or not I can ask questions that you can answer.”

He nodded slowly.

“Nick, I trust you to protect and serve and love. But you can love to your own detriment. I need to know when something is job related and when something may be an area you just don’t want to deal with, and I need to push. As your wife, that is the only way I can help you be better. And if we are both being honest, I think your request to not meet Natalie was as self-serving as it was job related.”

She watched him process, watched the corner of his mouth twitch. Then she saw acceptance. “So what you’re saying is we need a code word.”

Kaylan laughed. “A what?”

“I mean when I ask you not to do something or to do something and I am not be able to talk about the details, we need a code word between the two of us so you will know why I am asking but know not to ask any more questions.”

“That was a very long-winded and confusing explanation.”

“Code word means job related. Don’t ask anything else.”

“Short and sweet. I like it. Now what’s our word?”

He poked her side, causing a squeal as she twisted into him. He chuckled. “It has to be something that neither of us says on a consistent basis.”

“How about pickles?”

“Pickles?” He laughed. “Where did that come from?”

“Well, I think they smell gross, and I don’t buy them very often, and it’s random enough to make us laugh when it is said.”

He grinned. “Pickles it is. Now let’s get out of here before we get ourselves in trouble and go celebrate with the team.”

She kissed his cheek. “You got it.”

“Kayles, one more thing.” He reached in his wallet and pulled out two business cards. “If this guy shows back up or you feel unsafe around someone in any way while I’m gone, I need you to call this guy.” He handed her the cards.