Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (5 page)

C
hapter 2

Louise

I held Johan in the shower for a short while before I coaxed him out and convinced him to dry off. He changed into some of Dad’s lounge pants and a t-shirt. I had to hide a smile when I saw the bottoms were about three inches too short and the shirt clung to a very sculpted torso. Who knew that
G.I. Johan
was packing some serious muscle under those business suits. He wasn’t as tall as Dominic, but not many men were, he was practically a frigging giant. Johan still towered over  me, but most people did; at five-foot-two I’ve heard all the tiny jokes. It gets a little old, but what can I say, good things come in small packages.

I grabbed Johan another whisky and a glass of water and took it into my old bedroom. He was sitting on my bed cross-legged, with his head in his hands.

“I brought you another drink, and some water.”

He lifted his head. I hated the expression of devastation on his face. I preferred the verbal sparring and constant jibes we generally threw at one another. I placed the water on the bedside table and handed him the whisky. He took it and swallowed it in one go.

“Maybe you should try and sleep,” I said, reaching out to take the glass.

“I don’t think I could, not without...” He stopped as if he’d caught himself saying something he shouldn’t.

“We could put a film on if you want?” I pointed over to my ancient TV. When we moved we decided to take Eve’s larger more modern set.

He simply shrugged his shoulders.

“What about—d” My phone started ringing in the distance so I ran from the bedroom through the house into the kitchen to grab my phone. Panting, I answered without looking at the screen.

“Hello.”

“What was that text about earlier? Are you in a mood with me or something?”

“Darren? What? What text?” I asked, not expecting him to be the caller.

“You told me to
fuck off,
”
he whispered the last part and I realised he must still be at work.

“It wasn’t me. Listen—”

“What do you mean it wasn’t you? Who would say that and why would they text from your phone? And why are you out of breath? What were you doing?”

“Darren listen—” I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed when he interrupted again.

“So if you didn’t send it, does that mean you’re coming around tonight?” He sounded so hopeful I felt a little guilty turning him down.

“No, I can’t, listen—”

“No! Why not? I don’t get many nights off and you complain we don’t see each other.”

“Frigging hell, Darren, will you let me get a word in? Christ,” I scolded. I held my hand to my chest because I still felt a little breathless.

“Okay, love, go on.” God, I hated when he called me
love
. Coming from my parents or my granddad, fair enough, but when it came from someone my own age, it irritated the shit out of me.

“Eve was hurt really badly today. Elliott attacked her and she’s...she’s...” I gasped thinking about my sister; I had spent the day worrying about Johan’s erratic behaviour, so I hadn’t had time to process it yet. And saying it aloud seemed to make it real somehow.

“What? Are you kidding?”

“Yeah Darren, I’m going to joke about my sister being in a fucking coma because her arsehole of a boyfriend beat the shit out of her. He’s dead by the way and Jill, bless her, is sat next door all alone without anyone and I’m at Mum’s with Johan because he’s freaked out because he’s the one who found her.”

“Okay, love, breathe. You’re talking at the speed of light. So let me get this straight. Eve is in the hospital and Elliott is dead?” He spoke in a bedside manner that pissed me off.

“Yes,” I gritted out.

“Is she here at the L.G.I?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to go see if I can find anything out before I leave? See how she is?”

My anger dissipated. “Would you?”

“For you, anything,” he answered.

My heart fluttered and I smiled. “Thank you.”

“So can I see you tonight?” he asked quietly.

I looked down the hall towards my room. “Can I text if I’m coming over? Things are a little mental here. I have Johan all messed up, Ellie to collect from Joyce, I’m going to nip next door to see if Jill is okay, and I want to be nearby if Mum and Dad need anything.”

“Okay, love. Well, let me know.”

“I will. See ya later maybe.”

“Hope so. Love you.”

“I love you too.” I ended the call and stared out of the kitchen window towards Jill’s house. I decided to  go check on Johan, set a film up for him, and then go see if Jill was okay. I was angry at Elliott but I hated to think of her all alone and dealing with what had happened today. Especially seeing as she’d lost her son. I rubbed my hand over my hardening tummy. I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing this little one and it hadn’t even been born yet. I couldn’t wait to find out the sex so I could stop calling it an
it.

I walked down the hall and when I got to the bedroom door I paused and smiled at the adorable sight before me. Johan had curled up on my bed, his legs tucked up to his chest, his arms curled into his body hugging my sweatshirt. He looked so vulnerable laying there. I walked over to him and as gently as I could pulled a fleece blanket over him. I couldn’t resist running my fingers through his dark, almost black hair. He turned his head into my hand and I wanted nothing more than to trace his jaw with my finger. At that thought, I pulled away. I grabbed Dad’s key for Jill’s house and went next door to see her.

Out of courtesy I knocked before I used the key. I didn’t get any answer so I walked into the house and stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Jill was at the dining room table with a photo frame in her hand and a cigarette in the other.

“I thought you quit?” I asked lightly. Hoping it would break the proverbial ice.

She jumped and dropped the frame onto the table. She glanced at me quickly before standing slowly. I wasn’t certain, but I thought it was a look of
fear
etched into her beautiful face.

“Lou, I...I’m sorry...” She stepped back, and positioned herself behind the chair as if shielding herself from me. I frowned and stepped towards her. She immediately held out her hand to ward me off.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jill, I came to see if you were okay. Not to argue.” I gently stepped towards her.

Her shoulders slumped, she bowed her head, and started to shake with silent sobs. I bit my lip to stop myself from following her into a teary mess.

“I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know...how could he? How did I not know? How—”

“Stop! None of us knew, they hid it from us, expertly. I kind of feel a little angry at her for not trusting us, but she was terrified.” I paused when she let out a loud cry. “I can’t imagine how you feel right now. We had time to get used to the abuse side of him, but this...”

“Like crap. I feel like my heart has been dragged out of my body, stamped upon and set back in place,” she whispered before taking a long drag of her cigarette. She held the smoke before letting it out in a lengthy breathe. I hated the smell of cigs. She pointed towards me. “You never imagine such a precious little baby can grow up to cause so much heartache. And I never thought I would be...that I’d have to...God, how am I going to bury him, Lou? How do I do something like that? I mean, going through it with Adam was bad, but this—” She gasped and grabbed hold of the chair to steady herself.  “How does a parent live through that?”She sobbed. “Do you think he would have been like this had Adam not...do you think I failed him...that I missed some emotional development or maybe—”

“Jill, none of this is your fault.”

My heart broke for her, but at the same time I hated Elliott with every fibre of my being, I wanted to scream and shout and say he didn’t deserve her grief. But he was her child, her first born. How was I expected to offer support when her son had nearly killed my sister?

“Why are you here Lou?” she asked quietly.

“Because I hated to think of you alone, someone should be here with you.”

She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’ll need to learn to get through it alone. Dominic...I saw him at the hospital. I didn’t know about Eve when I saw him, he thought I was talking about her when I said we needed to...”She took a drag of her cigarette and walked to the kitchen sink to look out the window. “He had come to see Eve and I was there because the police had called about the accident. They never said anything about Eve. When I said Elliott’s name, Dominic just pushed me away. He just stared at me then left me in the entrance to the hospital. I haven’t seen your parents. I can only imagine how they feel. I can’t process it, Lou, he’s gone. My baby is never coming back and I have to deal with what everyone is saying about him.” Her head fell and hung between her shoulders.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“There is nothing to say.” She murmured so quietly I almost missed it.

“I have Johan asleep next door, he’s pretty messed up. He was the one who found...her.” I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth because it was such a fucked up thing to say.

She let out a loud sigh. “Thank God he did.”

We stood in silence for a few awkward minutes before she straightened and turned to me. “Thanks for coming round, Lou, it means a lot to me that you did.”

I walked towards her, pausing when she flinched. I continued my path and stopped in front of her, then wrapped my hands around her waist and hugged her. She cried out and hugged me tightly. I fought and won the battle against the tears threatening to spill. I wanted to be strong for her, I needed to be tough and hold it together.

***

I walked back into my parents’ house and froze, immediately assaulted with pained screams and cries of desperation. I threw the keys on the kitchen counter and ran through the house towards the screams.

“
No! Stop, please stop, it hurts. Stop! Momma it hurts, mommy, mommy help me, momma, I’m sorry mom.”
Johan writhed and fought against the sheets, sobbing and crying out. I covered my mouth in shock, watching his pain. I knelt beside him on the bed and called his name softly. I reached out and touched his shoulder, but he pulled away, crying out.

“
Ryan, I’m sorry, don’t leave me. Momma, come back. Don’t leave me.”
He sobbed. Tears welled in my eyes at his desperate cries.

“Johan, you have to wake up, sweetheart. Johan.” I reached out again and grasped his shoulder firmly, shaking him. “Sweetheart, wake up. Show me those beautiful blue eyes.”

“
Eve,”
he called out in a strangled cry before his eyes shot open. He glanced around the room bewildered.

“Sweetheart, I’m here, it’s Lou.” I felt like I needed to affirm who I was because he was calling out to my sister.

“Lou...” He grabbed hold of me so quickly I gasped. He pulled me to him on the bed and wrapped his arms around me and held on so tight I struggled to breath.

I stroked my hands up and down his back trying to soothe him and calm his erratic breathing and wild heart rate.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” I asked quietly.

He shook his head adamantly and buried his face in my neck. I shivered as his warm breath fanned across my skin.

“Okay.”

“Just...just let me hold you.” He sucked in a breath and buried his face in the crook of my neck “I know it’s weird,
I’m
fucking weird, but just...I need this right now.”

“Okay, sweetheart, I’m here,” I whispered. He let out a long shuddering breath and his body relaxed. After a few moments his breathing returned to normal, I inched away from him slightly and he released his hold on me.

“Feeling better?”

He nodded his response.

“I need to go pick Ellie up, it’s getting late and I need to keep her in a routine so she isn’t too freaked out.”

“Can I come with you?” His boyish nervousness touched my heart. The cocky irritating Johan I usual dealt with was completely missing. But the one who replaced him was so terrifyingly broken, I prayed for the former one to return.

“Sure, we can get her Maccy D’s and us a Chinese takeaway. What do you reckon?”

His beautiful dimpled smile appeared making me grin in return.

***

“
Jo-haan
?” Ellie drawled, trying her best to get the pronunciation correct. From the day she had met Johan, she’d called him Joanne, but after a few months we were finally getting somewhere with her.

“Yes my little pumpkin.”

“Weeeeelllll.” She drew out the word, making me smile because I knew the deviant little minx was gearing up to ask for something she knew was out of bounds. “If you’re staying at my house can I stay up with you and watch a DVD so you not get scared.” She leaned forward in her car seat. “It get real dark and scary at night time.”

“Ellie, you little sneak, you have a night lamp and no, you are not having a DVD,” I chided, trying not to sound as amused as I was.

“Me wasn’t saying it to you.” She sulked.

“Hey don’t be cheeky young lady and it’s
I
not
me.
”

“Sorry,” she muttered.

I hated when she got upset. I chastised kids daily but this was my baby sister and she had a special way of making me feel like poop when I didn’t let her have her way.

“Maybe we could watch half, so G.I.—”

“Stop calling me that,” Johan snapped in a tone not to be messed with.

I glanced at him quickly, averting my gaze from the road long enough to see his jaw clenching tight.

“Sorry,” I muttered, feeling like the witch in the car. “We can watch half of the film, Ell, until bedtime, okay?”

“Hmm,” she huffed. I felt like the shittiest person around for pissing them both off.

We continued the drive in silence.