Authors: Maia Underwood
Surviving Passion (14 page)
Selena watched him leave as her emotions bubbled. She threw her bundle of rushes at the ground, hard, and turned her back to him, biting back tears.
I can’t do anything right. Nothing is good enough, even when it works
, she thought, feeling like tearing her hair out.
For a long time, Selena stood there breathing deeply and trying to release her raging emotions without crying. Finally she sighed and remembered that she was supposed to be past all this with him. She wasn’t supposed to care if he disapproved, or thought she was crazy, or hated her. Selena winced at the thought and wrapped her arms around herself, wondering why his damn judgments mattered at all.
Footsteps sounded behind her, but as they drew closer she didn’t turn.
“Selena,” Clint called to her.
“What, Clint?” she asked impatiently. She was in no mood to deal with him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m on top of the world.”
He came close and put a hand on her shoulder, “I don’t mean to be hard on you but I told you this would happen. He’s all up in your shit because he’s probably got a thing for you. If you want me to talk to him I will. I’ll tell him to leave you the hell alone.”
“Clint,” she sighed, stepping away from his touch, “that won’t be necessary. I can handle myself just fine.” And she wondered how many people she had said that to in the past two weeks, and how many times. She was so tired of saying it.
“He’s just gonna keep bothering you–“
“So are you. I don’t want to talk, Clint. I want to be left alone. I don’t need your ‘help’ and I don’t want it. I’m not trying to be mean, but I really need time to myself. And it’s none of your business.”
“All right, whatever,” he said sounding pissed, and stomped away.
“Not my best day,” she muttered, feeling shamelessly sorry for herself. Still, she was glad she had gotten that over with. Subtlety seemed lost on this crowd.
Gathering her rushes again, Selena finally made her way back to the nearby camp. There was little conversation and she wondered how much they had all heard. She made eye contact with no one, and dropped down next to Shane.
“How are you feeling?”
“Oh I’ve been better,” he chuckled, wincing.
“If you start feeling pressure or you think your temperature is going up, tell me right away. I’ll check on you again in the morning,” she told him reassuringly.
“Thanks,” he smiled warmly, even through the pain.
One by one, they all drifted to sleep, except Ben, who kept the watch faithfully.
“Ben,” Selena called to him from her place on the ground, nearby.
“Hmm?”
“Let me know if you need sleep later. We can switch off if you want.”
“Nah, that’s fine, thanks. I got plenty of sleep last night,” he answered in his usual flat tone.
Selena shook her head and chuckled to herself before slowly drifting off.
When morning broke, everyone looked refreshed and ready for the day. The first thing Selena did was check Shane’s wound. To her vast relief, there was no sign of infection. Not yet. She changed his poultice and bound the shoulder again before they got underway.
Their journey was uneventful. They went at a steady pace and managed to reach home by sundown. When they crested the top of the hill, Selena never thought she’d be so happy to see someone else’s home. This little crater was growing on her, and it felt like a safe haven after the recent violence she had endured.
Before they were halfway down the hill, the children had found them and were dancing around, yelling with excitement. Bear scooped up his daughter and set her down on the saddle in front of him. When they were at the bottom of the hill, Selena spied Susan walking toward them slowly. When she saw Bear alive and well, such was her relief that she doubled over, using a tree for support as she breathed. He dismounted, still holding Becky, and shared a tearful embrace with his wife. One by one, the rest of their group greeted her cheerfully, and she gave up trying to hide her tears of happiness.
“I’m so glad everyone’s okay,” she kept repeating. Their absence had clearly left her overwrought. “I can’t believe you’re back so soon!”
Everyone but Shane took care of their own mounts, freeing them from their burdens and turning them loose. After that was done, one by one they got their things together, and disappeared into their respective cabins. Gina took it upon herself to help Shane back to his cabin to get settled. It wasn’t until then that Selena became aware of how comfortable they seemed around each other. She wondered if they were together and just private about it. Everyone else probably knew, but Selena blamed her ignorance on the short span of time she’d been around them.
Selena hurried to her cabin and bolted the door behind her, leaning against it with relief. It felt wonderful to be alone for a few moments. Despite all her stress and worry, she felt good and set about storing her things. Blaire had packed twice as much food as necessary but no one thought that they would be back so soon.
Selena set out with the remainder of hers to see if everyone was pooling their leftovers. Blaire was already at work in the kitchen by the time Selena found her. She had to admire the woman’s industriousness.
“How you holdin’ up, Selena?” the older woman asked pointedly.
“I’m good. Pretty worn out, though.”
“You mean them boys,” Blaire hinted.
“Yes,” Selena sighed, sitting on a barstool and resting her head and her arms on the counter. “And the battle, of course,” she added with a dismissive wave of her hand.
“Well I’m no expert with these things, but I guessed you told Clint to shove off.”
“Yes I did, but he seems unpredictable, so who knows? He could pick up tomorrow right where he left off.”
The other woman went about her work quietly for a few moments before speaking again. “Maybe if you clear things up with Dan, you’ll hit two birds with one stone.”
Selena lifted her head from the counter, “Clear things up?”
Blaire shrugged, “Well, what’s going on with you two? I’m not trying to be nosy or nothin’.”
“I don’t know what’s going on,” she answered, dropping her head on her arms again. “All I know is he doesn’t like anything I do.”
Blaire chuckled. “That’s how it looks. Truth be told, I’ve never seen him so …”
The front door sounded as Ben strode in. Selena frowned when Blaire’s thought was left hanging.
“Hey. I’m gonna take whatever produce we got that’s still good and bring it back underground,” Ben told them.
“Here you are,” Blaire said as she plopped a couple of heavy sacks down in front of him. “There might be more.”
He scooped one up, grunting at the weight. “Selena, you wouldn’t mind carrying one of these, would you?”
“No, not at all,” she said hopping down from her perch and grabbing one, adding her own leftovers to the sack. “Yikes,” she said, hoisting it over her shoulder with difficulty. “That’s heavy.”
They trudged their way to the cellar and climbed carefully down the stairs. The darkness took some getting used to, but Ben lit a lantern and set to work separating the fruits and vegetables. Selena joined him in the sorting.
“So, umm,” Ben started uncertainly, turning to face her as he worked. “I don’t know what’s going on or anything, but ... it looks like Clint is really pissed.”
Selena sighed, “Yeah, well I don’t know what to do about that. I’m not interested but he just keeps it up. I told him to leave me alone. I don’t really care whether he’s pissed or not.”
“Well, the thing is,” Ben was clearly having trouble figuring out how to say what he was thinking. “He can be a little
off
. I guess what I mean is, I’d just watch him if I were you. I actually don’t know much about him myself, because I don’t hang around with him if I can help it, but I don’t trust the guy. I’m just saying keep your guard up.”
Selena nodded solemnly, and Ben went on, “I’m saying it because I don’t think anyone else will. They’re all easy on him for some reason. I dunno. I don’t think anyone’s judging him right. Personally I don’t like him and I think we’d all be better off without him, no matter how much labor he puts in. Maybe I’m worrying too much but I don’t know what he’s capable of. Just thought I’d let you know. You seem really cool so I hope he doesn’t scare you away.”
She was touched. Ben had turned out to be as genuine as Blaire. Selena was very refreshed with his laid-back personality as well as his honesty.
“Well thanks for the warning,” she told him honestly. “I feel the same way about him and I’m surprised if no one sees it but us. There are some people here who don’t seem to miss much.”
“You’re talking about Dan, and you have no idea,” he raised his brows for a rare emphasis and pondered for a moment before continuing, “Gina’s pretty sharp but she’s really forgiving. Bear and Susan are both kind of naive, but that’s changed a bit since John got killed. Personally, I get along well with Blaire. She’s no bullshit. Shane is a nice guy, Cal’s alright because he hates Clint too, Jimmy is weird, Sara likes ‘shrooms and Clint is an idiot.”
Selena blinked at the unexpected volume of information and couldn’t withhold a snicker. “That’s very open of you. Thanks for filling me in.”
“Anytime,” Ben offered slyly. “Also, the kids are some of the coolest people around here. You might notice that over time. Sara’s kid Jay is smarter than she and Jimmy put together. Yeah. I don’t know how it happened either.”
Having finished the task at hand, they left the cellar and went their separate ways. Despite Ben’s warning, Selena felt a little better. She had finally talked to someone who saw things eye-to-eye with her. Not only that, but her social experience was so paltry, she badly needed the help of an observant person.
It was getting late and she wanted a comfortable night of rest in her own private quarters, away from all the issues that seemed to crop up around her. When Selena returned to her cabin, however, she found herself not quite ready to sleep so she tinkered with a new pair of shorts to help her survive the warming weather. Tomorrow, she decided, she would spend the day exploring their nice little valley that she was fondly beginning to think of as home. When she was nearly finished stitching, her weariness finally overcame her and she slipped into her usual restless sleep.
Nine
The dawn broke clear and bright the next morning. Scattered rays of sun came through the trees and spilled into Selena’s window to find her already awake and finishing her current leather project. On such a peaceful morning, she couldn’t have imagined how the events of the coming day would unfold, and how they would change her life forever.
Holding up her new shorts for inspection, she decided not to don them until she found a secluded spot at the pond. It was still early enough that the morning meal would not be ready, but that was a good thing. She needed to check on Shane first.
Selena left her cabin realizing that she had no idea which was his. In fact, she didn’t know which buildings belonged to most of the people here. Thankfully, she spied Gina heading to the kitchen and intercepted her.
“Good morning, Gina.”
“Hey, Selena.”
“Could you point me to Shane? I just realized I don’t know where he sleeps and I want to check on his shoulder.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s in the second cabin back that way,” and she pointed to one that was nestled cozily among the trees.
“Okay, thanks.”
As she set off, Selena realized that Gina had been coming from that direction. Now she felt fairly sure that there was something between them and resolved to ask Ben later.
She knocked on his door and heard a soft reply. She opened it and poked her head in.
“Hey, Shane? I just wanted to see how that shoulder was doing,” she called, glancing about his quarters with interest. It looked like a snare workshop and there were decorative eagle feathers, teeth, bear claws and other symbolic trophies on display. It was obvious that the man respected his quarry.
“Yeah, it’s not too bad this morning,” he replied, walking around the corner and greeting her with a smile. “I think it’s gonna heal up okay.”
“Well, sit down and let me have a look,” Selena prompted, unwrapping the cloth when he complied. Breathing another sigh of relief, she confirmed his assessment.
“Looks like it’s healing normally,” she said checking his temperature by touch. “And you don’t have a fever, but if anything changes you have to tell me right away. You’re not totally safe yet. I thought you would certainly have some infection
.
You’re incredibly lucky.
”
Shane nodded, stretching his good arm, “Can’t really say I feel like that at the moment, but I guess you’re right.”
Selena smiled and headed for the door.
“Thanks for checking on me.”
“Anytime. See you at breakfast.”
By the time Blaire rang the bell, she was already in the kitchen helping her with the preparations. When everyone was seated and eating, she hardly listened to the conversation. The others were enjoying filling Susan in on the details of the raid, but Selena was busy pondering how she would spend her day. At some point, Shane ventured to tell Susan about the part Selena played in the battle. No one else had mentioned it, but it seemed like Shane wasn’t concerned with anyone’s negative judgments of her actions. She appreciated that. A quick glance at Dan, however, revealed the opposite. His mouth was a thin line, but that was all that betrayed his feelings on the matter. Selena reddened when Susan praised her bravery.
When the meal was over, Selena was the first one out the door. She went back to the cabin, grabbed her shorts, her sling, and a few other things before running to the storm cellar for some fruit to tide her over through lunch. Then she was off.
She started her journey behind Shane’s cabin where the forest was especially thick. It went back a ways, she soon discovered, before the land began to slope steeply. The trees were mostly oak, but they were so twisted and dense, she could have climbed from one end of the forest to the other without ever touching the ground. She made no serious effort to quiet her steps, and her crunching footfalls flushed a horned owl from its daytime perch. She stopped to admire its silent wings beating in flight before moving on. Several minutes later, the forest began to open up. As she emerged from the tree line, a small field spread out before her. The grass was yellow from the hot, dry weather and she guessed it would remain so for a long time. The year had seen very little rain.