Tactical Strike (5 page)

Her impassioned speech stunned him, but the remark about him
being led by his cock stung. “That’s pretty damn harsh, don’t you think? Not to
mention sexist.”

She shrugged. “It’s not sexist if it’s the truth. Oh, come on,
are you really going to stand there and deny it?”

“Yeah. Because you’re wrong.”

“You don’t like being judged, huh? Well, neither do I. And
that’s what happens to me on a daily basis out here because I’m a female officer
on a gunship crew. You know it’s true. I can’t afford any gossip that could ruin
everything I’ve worked for. It’s different for me than it is for you.”

A fierce pride radiated from her, but the glimmer of self-doubt
and uncertainty he’d seen in her eyes tugged at his heart. “I know. I...” Unable
to stay the impulse, he reached out to stroke his thumb across her cheek.

Her eyes rounded and she jerked her head back, but he followed
the movement and maintained the contact, despite the risk that someone might see
them. Public displays of affection were forbidden on base, but he couldn’t
contain the need to touch her any longer. Her skin was soft and warm against his
palm as he cupped the side of her face.

“I never meant to offend or embarrass you. I like you a lot,
and I’m just—okay, I’m worried about you.”

She stared up at him, her full lips parting in genuine
surprise. “Why would you...”

Yeah, dammit, he was worried about her. Like he wasn’t capable
of that kind of emotional range? “I can tell you’re not getting enough sleep.
You’re exhausted.” Her eyes lit with a spark of denial, but before she could
reply he dropped his hand from her cheek and continued. “You’re done in—even I
can see that—and you should be sleeping right now but instead you’re out here in
the cold, drinking coffee like you’re doing everything possible to keep yourself
awake. What’s going on?”

Something flickered in her eyes. Guilt maybe. “Nothing’s going
on.”

“Bullshit. You’re either afraid to go to sleep, or you’ve got a
bad case of insomnia. Which is it, and why?” He wasn’t trying to be high-handed;
he was just concerned. “Is it because of what happened to Devon?”

When she stilled and broke eye contact momentarily, he knew
he’d nailed it, but she was quick to deny the charge. “It’s just been busy,
that’s all. We’ve been out every night this week and I haven’t gotten into a
good sleep schedule.” That was a lame-ass explanation and an even worse excuse,
but at least she was still talking to him and hadn’t walked away yet. He could
understand her not wanting to admit she was shaken up about Dev.

Letting it go, he slid his hands into his pockets. “So I’ve
always wanted to ask, how come you aren’t bunking with the rest of your crew?”
With the high operational tempo, most gunship crews stayed in the same barracks
to avoid disruption, so her situation was a little unusual to begin with.

She shrugged. “I’m the only female, so command placed me
elsewhere rather than make special accommodations for me in my crew’s hut.”

“And because of that you can’t get any sleep, since your
roomies are coming and going all the time,” he guessed.

She shrugged. “I’ve got earplugs.”

Yeah, and they sure seemed to be doing a hell of a lot of good.
“Maybe you should request different quarters.”

“No, it’s fine. I like where I am.” Her gaze dropped to his
chest for a moment, a tiny frown creasing her brow, as if he’d just confused
her. “Thanks for your concern, though.”

She was shaken up enough about Dev’s crash that it prevented
her from falling asleep or staying that way. Not only was that a concern, if it
continued much longer it might prove to be flat-out dangerous. Being a gunship
pilot who flew night missions, she knew as well as he did they were gearing up
for a big covert offensive in the coming days. Maybe even tonight. It all
depended on the intel and when command decided to pull the trigger.

“Well, I’ve got some things to take care of, so...” When she
started to turn away, he grabbed her elbow.

Her head whipped up in surprise, but she didn’t wrench her arm
from his grasp. He took that as a good sign. “Promise me you’ll go back and get
some sleep before you go out tonight.”

A startled smile spread across her face, and he sensed a kind
of softening in her. “I don’t know why you’re so worried about—”

“Because you need to be sharp out there, for one thing.” If
they came under fire, her life depended on it. And so did the lives of her crew
and the friendly forces on the ground in the operational area.

Her eyes, which had been brimming with amusement, flashed with
hurt and then frosted. She stepped back carefully, her expression shuttered.
“Don’t worry about that, Sergeant. I promise you I won’t let
anything
in my personal life affect my job
performance. Ever.”

Meaning him. The asshole.

He bit back a growl of frustration. “No, that’s—”

“See you around.” She spun on her heel and walked off, wearing
that tangible pride around her like a goddamn cloak.

“Not what I meant,” he finished lamely, though she couldn’t
hear him anymore. He swore under his breath.

She left him standing there, clenching his jaw to keep from
saying anything else inflammatory, feeling like a total moron. Goddammit, he’d
been so close to cracking her shell. Why the hell couldn’t he say the right
thing for once? Jackson’s prophetic warning rang in his head. Despite his good
intentions, he’d just made things even worse. And now he didn’t have a fucking
clue how to undo the damage.

Well, it was official, Ryan admitted to himself when she
disappeared from view without looking back. He’d definitely lost his mojo.

* * *

Candace fumed silently all the way back to her B-hut,
horrified by the pressure of tears in her throat. She was so
stupid
. One little glimmer of kindness and tenderness
from him and she all but turned to mush, when she knew what a domineering jerk
he really was. God, she’d never learn.

She could still feel the imprint of his hand on her face. That
simple touch had lit up every nerve ending in her body. The honest concern in
his eyes had made her yearn to lean into his hand, reach for him. Take the
comfort he’d seemed to be offering despite all the reasons she shouldn’t.

Then he’d opened his mouth and insulted her professionalism by
suggesting she was being negligent by not being rested enough. Well, fuck him.
He could think what he wanted. She knew better. When she was in that cockpit,
she brought her A-game, every single time without exception.

She stomped up the wooden steps and yanked the door open.

Maya looked up from her bunk, in the midst of toweling off her
hair. “Uh-oh.”

Candace smothered the worst of her anger and put on a
half-hearted smile. “No ‘uh-oh.’ Don’t worry about it.”

Seated on her foot locker, Honor laid her pen and journal
aside, sweeping her red-gold hair away from her cheek. A tiny smudge of grease
stained the side of her cheek, telling Candace she’d come straight from the helo
maintenance hangar without stopping to shower. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said with a dismissive wave.

“Saw Sergeant Irritating again, did you?” Maya guessed.

That was the perfect title for him. How could a man awaken so
many needs inside her, then make her want to choke him? She gave up any pretense
of calm. “He’s making me into a total bitch, and I hate it. I’m
not
a bitch.”

Maya laughed, a sultry, musical sound. “Being a bitch isn’t so
bad. You get used to it after a while.”

Candace cracked a smile. “Yeah, but you do it with flair.”

“Years of practice, my dear. Give it time. Want me to arrest
him?”

“You’re sweet to offer, but no.”

Honor winced in sympathy and picked her pen back up. “Sorry
he’s giving you such a rough time. You going to report him?”

“No, it’s not like that.” Besides, she didn’t want to get him
in trouble. Why couldn’t he just be that guy who’d touched her so gently and
worried about her? Why did he have to spoil it all the time? And his mentioning
Dev’s crash brought all her inner anxiety to the forefront.

The warmth from the space heater in the center of the hut did
nothing to erase the chill pervading her body. Beneath the unsettling encounter
with Ryan lurked a very real, deep-seated fear that something bad was about to
happen. Either to her or someone she cared about.

Moving to the far end of the hut, her gaze landed unerringly on
the bunk beside hers. It remained pointedly empty, as it had for the past three
weeks since Devon’s Black Hawk had been shot down. A silent reminder that they
were all in harm’s way here, and going outside the wire meant putting your life
on the line.

The stress was definitely taking its toll on her. She hated the
inability to control it. Her mind kept spinning despite her efforts to silence
the voice of doubt in her head. What if she
was
too
tired and made a bad call out there that put her crew and aircraft in
jeopardy?

The instant she thought it she forced it from her mind. She had
to get a grip on this weird PTSD thing before someone figured out just how
shaken she was about Devon’s accident and pulled her from duty. At least her
friend had lived through the ordeal with only minor injuries and a ruptured ACL.
A lot of men had died on that mission.

She pulled herself to the present. “Brought you guys a snack.”
Pulling the muffins from her pockets, she tossed the bran to Maya and the
blueberry buttermilk to Honor.

“Hey, thanks,” Honor said with a big smile. “You’re a
sweetheart.”

“Yeah, tell that to Sergeant Irritating.”

Maya thanked her too then fixed her with a curious look. “Why
does it matter what he thinks of you?”

“I know it shouldn’t, but it does.” Because she wanted his
respect. And a lot more, if she was brutally honest with herself.

Thankfully, Maya didn’t reply, though she still managed to
convey her opinion with a single, telling look.

Candace sat on her bunk—the very one Ryan had fixed for her—and
pulled off her heavy boots, expecting to fall into a coma the second her head
hit the pillow, but her eyes wouldn’t stay shut. The weight of responsibility
she carried was a heavy load. Someone like Ryan would never understand the
position she was in. He thrived on bending the rules or flat-out breaking them.
She’d worked her ass off to become a captain, let alone become part of a gunship
crew, earning her own way each step through the ranks and not expecting any
special treatment or favors because of her family. She was damn proud of her
record and service.

Honor and Maya remained quiet while she rested. When half an
hour had passed without any hope of falling asleep, Candace finally sat up and
scrubbed a hand over her face. Leaning over, she rummaged through a pile of
books and pulled out her SERE text. The cover looked brand new and the spine was
still pristine. She’d done well in the course—as well as any of the others, at
least—but at the time she’d thought the majority of what they taught was plain
common sense and had mostly skimmed the classroom material. Since Devon had been
shot down, her knowledge on the subject seemed woefully inadequate.

To remedy that, she opened it to the chapter about avoiding
detection and got busy reading. In the middle of the third chapter her lids
began to droop. Candace clutched the book to her chest as she stretched out atop
her bunk with a sigh. In another couple of hours she and her crew would be
patrolling the skies once again. Would Ryan be out there on the ground?

Honor let out a soft whistle when she finally noticed the SERE
text. “Some nice bedtime reading, Ace?”

She smirked. “Yeah. Just brushing up.”

Maya exchanged a glance with Honor before looking back at her,
her expression saying Candace was full of shit.

“Can we do anything to help?” Honor offered, hesitating near
the foot of her bunk.

The offer touched her, especially since Candace knew Honor was
still reeling from her breakup with her ex-fiancé, Liam, a Chinook pilot with
the fabled Night Stalkers. “No, thanks. Have a briefing to be at after I catch
some winks.” But sleep was impossible for the moment with her thoughts all
jumbled. She didn’t feel safe here anymore. Didn’t even feel safe in the cockpit
sometimes. Man, maybe she was losing her edge.

“Spill it.”

Rolling her head on her pillow, she meet Maya’s frank gaze.
“Spill what?”

“Uh-uh, don’t even try that with me. Tell me what’s going on in
that head.”

Honor sat on the end of Candace’s bunk, a slight frown marring
her brow. “Yeah, you’ve been really quiet lately.”

“She means you haven’t been your bossy and opinionated self,”
Maya put in. “We kind of miss it.”

Candace grinned. “Yeah, I’ll bet you do.” As much as she loved
her roomies, she couldn’t tell them about the growing, illogical anxiety. It was
like her subconscious was trying to warn her about an impending disaster. The
last thing she wanted was for anyone to see her as fearful and weak. She’d
rather die than be those things. “I appreciate the concern, but I’m okay.” The
reading probably wasn’t the best idea. What she should do was focus on the
upcoming mission. “Think I just need some sleep, is all.”

“Go on then,” Maya said. “Stick your earplugs in and catch some
zees while you can. I want my bossy roommate back again.”

“With any luck you’ll see her again tomorrow,” Candace
answered, fishing her earplugs out.

Honor stood suddenly. “Well, the muffin was great but I’m still
starving, so I’ll just head out for some chow now before I start my next shift.
Erin’s on day shift at the hospital, so you’ll have the place to yourself all
day. It’ll be nice and quiet for you.”

Candace glanced at Maya. “You don’t have to leave too.”

“It’s okay. Time for my workout anyhow.” She tugged a knit cap
over her dark hair, her dark bun sticking out beneath it.