Taking the Heat (25 page)

I winked at Max. ‘I'm game if you are.'

Ella huffed, putting her hands on her hips. ‘Fine. I'll find my own way home. Later!'

She swished off, but I barely noticed, leaning into Max. ‘Let's go back to your place,' I breathed in his ear.

Over his shoulder, I saw Ella waving goodbye, her silver shoes skipping out the door. It was the last time I saw her using her legs.

Chapter 24

‘I was literally naked in Max's bed when my phone rang,' I said, hollowly. ‘She caught a ride with her friends, and the driver was just over the limit. He died in the crash, and so did another girl. Ella's spine was crushed, and she almost died in the ambulance twice. She'll never walk again, and it's because of me.' Sobs racked my body; I was unable to hold back the waves of guilt crashing though me. ‘I was slutty and selfish and stupid and I've ruined my sister's life!'

With my eyes still closed, I felt Chris' arms slide around me as he pulled me into his chest. I cried against his hot skin as he rubbed my back gently. ‘I deserve to go into that cabin, to have to shag a stranger against my will. It's my punishment.'

‘Shhh … shhh …' Chris rocked me slowly. ‘It's not your fault. It's not your fault.'

‘How can you say that?' I pulled back slightly, looking at him. ‘You heard what I did! If I chose Ella that night, she would be fine now! That's why I can never choose myself again—don't you understand?'

‘I do understand, babe,' he spoke soothingly. ‘But you're putting yourself through hell for nothing.'

‘Not nothing. I made a choice.'

‘So did the driver, when he chose to drive over the limit. So did Ella when she chose to get in a car with a P-plater who'd been drinking.'

Furious, I leapt to Ella's defence. ‘That's not her fault! She didn't know what would happen!'

Chris kissed my hand. ‘Neither did you, babe. You can't fix your sister by punishing yourself forever. Any choice we make could lead to disaster or bliss. There are some things we can't control, and some we definitely can't change.'

Chris' words released me. I bawled like a child in his embrace, pouring out a year's worth of mental torture and guilt. He held me tight, while the warm water swirled around our bodies, washing my sin away.

Eventually my tears slowed and I wiped my drippy face. ‘Okay. Okay, I'm good now.'

Chris chuckled gently. ‘No, you're not. When we get home, we're gonna find you a counsellor or a psychologist, a professional to help you. But for now, I just want you to accept that it's okay for good things to happen to you.'

I traced his lips with my fingers. ‘Like you?'

‘Like us.' He kissed me between the eyes, then used his wide fingers to brush the tears from my cheeks.

I leaned into his touch, ready for so much more, when a production manager said, ‘Okay guys, thirty more seconds, and your strike time is up.'

‘Shit!' I yelled, starting forward. ‘We used a strike? No! I had plans for that strike!'

‘So did I, babe,' Chris smiled sadly. He kissed me once, full on the lips, then lifted me off his lap. ‘But you needed comfort more than sex today.'

‘I'm not sure about that …' I grumbled. Sniffing, I wiggled my toes out in front of me. I felt lighter, as if Chris had helped unclog the blackness festering within me. I smiled at my saviour. ‘Thanks, baby.'

‘I love you, Tara.'

‘I love you too,' I murmured back.

Chris combed fingers through his slick hair. ‘So, now what?'

‘I want to talk,' I decided. ‘No more secrets. Let's talk about everything.'

We lounged in the rocky pool for hours, floating in the minerals, discussing everything from sushi to snowboarding. I found out about Chris' parents, who were off on a six-month cruise around Europe, and his little brother, who was studying to be a surgeon.

‘Is that hard?' I asked. ‘Your kid brother is going to be a doctor, and you're working in a coffee shop. Do your parents ever give you grief?'

He shifted, uncomfortable. ‘Mum and dad support us both.'

He looked so thrown by the question, I recanted. ‘I'm sorry, baby. That's a really rude question. I'm sure your parents are proud of you.'

‘Yeah … hey, tell me about your job?'

The conversation moved on, and I was glad Chris didn't stay weird.

Finally, my fingers were so pruney, I was worried my skin might just slither off my bones. We jumped out and towelled off, walking over to where lunch was waiting for us under a hut with a thatched roof.

As we tucked into cold wraps and hot fries, I stared at Chris across the small table. With his sapphire eyes happy and clear, he stuffed a massive handful of fries in his mouth, then grinned at me. ‘What?' he mumbled through the food.

‘I love you.'

‘I know.'

‘That's not the right answer!' I said, throwing a fry at him.

‘Ow! I love you too, you violent woman!'

‘Chris,' I said, growing serious. ‘How am I going to do this?'

He munched noisily. ‘What?'

‘Go into that cabin. How can I go in there when I love you so much, and I'm not trying to punish myself anymore?' I suddenly felt very small and breakable.

Moving around the table to sit with me, Chris reassured me. ‘It's going to be okay, I promise.'

‘You don't know that.' I imagined being in the fantasy cabin, with hands groping me and a tongue pushing against my mouth. Revolted, I shook my head. ‘I would do anything to get out of going in there. I mean, anything.'

Carefully, Chris said, ‘Do you want me to give you an out? Do you want me to tell you not to go in there?'

Part of me did want him to deny me permission. I love him. If Chris said ‘don't do it', I wouldn't.

But for so many reasons, I knew I still had to see this thing through. For the other person in the cabin, for my sister, even for myself. If I used Chris as my excuse, I might end up resenting him, and that's the last thing I wanted. ‘No …'

‘It's going to be okay, babe. I promise.' Chris' face was so relaxed and hopeful, I let myself believe him.

When lunch was done, we boarded the buggy and bounced back down the hill. At my door, I leaned in to kiss him goodbye without thinking.

‘Whoa! Careful!' Chris drew back. ‘You've only got one strike left now.'

‘Stupid!' I said, slapping myself on the head. ‘At least you've got two still.'

Chris rubbed his neck. ‘Um …'

‘What? Who did you use a strike with?' Jealousy gushed like a fiery geyser in my heart.

‘Aanya,' said Chris, sheepishly.

‘Chris!'

‘I'm sorry! It was after you dumped me in hospital. We had a date the next day, and she's a lovely girl, and she asked me to kiss her. What was I supposed to say?'

‘No!'

‘Tara.' He gave me a look and I relented.

‘Oh, fine. But just so you know, I don't like her.'

‘Yes, you do.'

‘Argh! I do! But you like me more, right?'

‘No.' I started to rile up, but he laughed. ‘I love you more.'

‘Oh, thank god for that.' I laughed along with him.

‘Hey, listen, I have an idea.' Chris leaned down and whispered quietly in my ear. ‘I want you to go to your fantasy cabin tonight.'

‘What?' I was aghast. ‘Wait—why would I want to do that?'

‘Hear me out. We'll both go, exactly at midnight. You enter your door, I'll enter mine, bang on twelve. That way, we'll know if we're paired together.'

I fidgeted, uneasy. ‘What if we're in different cabins?'

‘Then we'll know that too. Your cabin will be empty, or someone will already be in there who isn't me. Either way, you leave.' He smiled at me, encouragingly. ‘You can do this, okay?'

‘Okay …' I still wasn't sure. ‘You haven't been in your cabin yet either?'

‘Once, but it was empty,' he admitted.

‘That doesn't mean I'm your partner.'

‘It doesn't,' he said. ‘But if it is me in your cabin …' Chris lowered his lids at me dangerously. ‘Then I will ravish you all night long.'

Involuntary responses sparked all over me, from the blush in my cheeks to the clenching of my thighs. ‘I'll do it.'

***

At the bungalow later that evening, I felt floppy and light. Whatever was in those steamy spring waters had left me feeling like I'd won a million bucks.
Ha
.

Or maybe that was just being around Chris. My gorgeous man stayed by my side as we all devoured ribs and mash, eating like savages, the alcohol flowing.

Everyone seemed to be happy. Jen was back in flying form, spinning loud stories to Henry and Meghan, while Nik sat across from the Irish girl, his face infatuated. Toshi and Clara had a loud, good-natured argument about whether or not sashimi was gross, Clara pro, Toshi con. We were all laughing and buzzing. I should have known it was too good to last.

Miles jumped up. ‘Who wants to play
What You Don't Know?
'

‘Nobody!'

‘Let's jump in, shall we?' He had to yell over the noisy dinner crowd, trying hard to ignore him. ‘I want to head Down Under tonight.'

Chris and I locked eyes, catching the Aussie reference immediately.
I have nothing to hide,
I thought, trying to send a confident look at Chris. No secrets.

‘Our favourite on-again-off-again Australian couple are currently on again,' trilled Miles. ‘But will that be the case after they learn a little more about each other? After all, they seem so perfect! Same country, same city … but Chris isn't your average bloke, are you, Mr Coffee?'

‘Fuck, not now …' Chris swore, his hands balled up.

‘Baby, what is it?'

Miles sang off tune. ‘I know! I know!'

‘Miles, I have no idea what you're on about,' I yelled, ‘but I want to hear it from Chris.'

‘But, my dear, he's had plenty of chances to tell you all about himself! Now, it's my turn!'

The screen flashed on. Magazine and newspaper covers appeared, each of them with Chris' picture. He wore suits in most of the pics, while the headlines screamed ‘Australia's Coffee King!' and ‘Hottest Entrepreneurs under 30!'

The last one made my heart skip a beat. Chris stood behind a cappuccino machine, wearing his black t-shirt, grinning wolfishly at the camera. ‘Christopher Carson: Melbourne's richest man!' ran under the pic in heavy capitals.

While I tried to process this, Miles rattled on. ‘It's such a shame you haven't told Tara about your massive wealth and business empire, Chris. Did you know she's a sucker for a rich man …?

The screen changed, showing Henry and I on the catamaran. ‘Don't go in the fantasy cabin,' Henry beseeched. ‘I want to be with you, Tara. I think we could really have something special. I want to take you around the world, I want to show you off on my arm, I want to build you a castle and make beautiful children with you.'

A shot of Henry reaching for me was edited in. ‘But I loathe the thought of you having to expose and sully yourself for this sake of money. So, I want to pay you not to go into the fantasy cabin. Just let me look after you, be my one and only and I will make your dreams come true.'

Watching myself was an out-of-body experience as I answered, ‘Henry … I would love to accept.' Then I leaned in and kissed him, our limbs intertwining in a passionate embrace.

Chapter 25

Everybody in the room gasped and I felt the heat of nineteen stares bake into me. The scene had been cut and stitched together beautifully. If I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have known it didn't happen that way either.

Receding into myself, I hugged my arms to my chest and lowered my head. I heard Miles talking from a distance, but the words didn't reach my brain. People began to clear out of the bungalow and I let them go.

Finally, I looked up. Besides the ever-present Greg, the only person left was Chris.

‘Are we gonna yell?' I asked in a small voice.

‘No,' said Chris, sounding flat and empty. It was worse than if he screamed; he sounded like he'd given up.

‘That wasn't how it went down,' I said, the words feeble.

‘I'm sure.'

‘Well, you're rich.'

‘I am.'

‘What happened to “no more secrets”?' Even though I was too tired and drained to feel much of anything, the hurt at his lack of trust poured in through my cracked edges.

He sighed. ‘We were talking about you, not me.'

‘Well, that's not a very open relationship.'

Chris finally sparked up a little. ‘Open? You want open? Fine. Let's be open. See Henry if you want.'

‘Wait, that's not what I mean—'

‘And I'll see Aanya.'

His cavalier manner made me determined not to react. ‘Fine. Sounds good.'

Sadly, his eyes bored into me. ‘Tara … do you want me to let you go? I know I pushed you today, didn't I? Maybe we are moving too fast.' He spoke almost to himself. ‘We probably need to have some time apart. Is that what you want? ‘

Frustrated, I squirmed in my chair. ‘I don't know anymore, Chris. Why is it always so hard between us? Every time I think we're fine, something else comes along. I can't seem to go a day without crying over you. Shouldn't love be easier?'

Chris didn't answer, and I read volumes in his silence. I stood up and walked away, not looking back.

***

Hours later, I sat on my balcony, staring out over the darkened jungle and moonlit ocean. I hadn't even tried crawling into bed; I knew that I'd simply lie awake, twisting in my sheets, reliving myself kissing Henry on the screen.

Alone, but not alone. ‘Psst … are you gonna cry? You know, you still owe me one.' Greg lurked behind me in the bedroom, filming my contemplations.