The Bed and Breakfast Star (24 page)

Note I said suite, not room. As we shot up one floor in the lift and padded along the thickly carpeted corridor, Pippa licked her lips hopefully, thinking we were going to be given a sweety sweet. Even I didn’t twig what suite really meant.

Suite 13 wasn’t just one room. It was a set of three rooms, just like a little flat. Only there was nothing little about suite 13. It was really big – and
beautiful
. The main room was blue, with deeper blue velvet curtains and a dark blue coverlet on the huge bed. There was a painting on the wall of a boy in a blue velvet suit and a blue glass vase on the bedside table filled with little blue pretendy rosebuds. There was a dressing table with swivel mirrors so you could see the back of your head, and a blue leather folder containing notepaper and envelopes, and a blue felt-tip pen patterned with stars. There was a big television too – a colour one – and it even had Sky!

There was a bathroom leading off this main room. It was blue too, with a blue bath, blue basin, even a blue loo. They all shone like the sea they were so sparkly clean. Laid out on the gleaming tiled shelf were little blue bottles of shampoo and bath gel and tiny cakes of forget-me-not soap. Mum sniffed them rapturously, her eyes shining.

Mack kicked his shoes off and lay on the big bed, Hank sitting astride his tummy. The bed was so big that even Mack could fit right inside it, and his feet wouldn’t stick out at the end. I thought we might
all
have to fit inside it, because it was the only bed in the room.

Then I saw another door and opened it. There was another bedroom, with three single beds, three little beside tables, and three little wooden chairs with carved hearts and painted roses. It was just like the three bears fairy story – and there were bears on the duvets too, and a painting of Goldilocks up on the wall. The carpet and wallpaper were pale blue but the ceiling was a deep navy, with stars scattered all over it. That night when I slept in my wonderful, soft, splendid bed number nine I could still see the stars, even with the light switched off. They glowed luminously in the dark, my own magic midnight stars. I didn’t want to sleep, just in case this was all a wonderful dream and when I woke up I’d be back in the grotty old Oyal Htl.

But it wasn’t a dream at all. I woke up early and lay luxuriating in my bed and then I crept into Mum and Mack’s room. They were all cuddled up together, looking friendly even though they were fast asleep. I sat down at the dressing table and practised a few funny faces and then I took a piece of paper and the felt-tip pen and wrote letters to all my friends.

There! I used up all the notepaper and gave myself a big appetite for breakfast.

Ooooh the breakfast! You have it in a lovely room with a dark pink swirly carpet and pink fuzzy paper on the walls and rose-pink cloths on the tables. You sit at a table and spread a rose-pink napkin on your lap and a waitress in a black frock and a white apron comes and asks what you want to drink. Then you go and help yourself to whatever you want to eat from the breakfast bar. You can have whatever you want. Lots and lots and lots of it.

Even Mum had more breakfast than usual. She had freshly squeezed orange juice and black coffee and toast and butter and marmalade.

Mack had tea and a bowl of porridge because he’s Scottish and then he had a big plate of bacon and egg and mushroom and fried potatoes and more bacon because that’s his favourite, and he tucked the extra bacon into toast to make a bacon butty.

Pippa didn’t copy me! She chose all by herself. Apple juice and Cocoa Pops and milk and a soft white roll and butter and honey.

Hank had hot milk and a little bowl of porridge like his dad and a runny egg and tiny toast soldiers. He loved this breakfast and wanted to wave his arms about to show his appreciation and he dropped a few crumbs (more than a few, actually) on the carpet, but no-one seemed to mind and the waitress tickled him under the chin and said he was a chubby little cherub!

Mum and Mack and Pippa and Hank all knew exactly what they wanted for breakfast. I was the one who simply couldn’t decide because it all looked so delicious. So guess what. I had almost all of it.

I had milky tea and cranberry juice and cornflakes sprinkled with rainbow sugar and then muesli with extra sultanas and apple rings and then scrambled egg on toast with tomato sauce and then sausages stuck in a long roll to make a hot dog and then a big jammy Danish pastry and I ate it all up, every little bit. It was the best breakfast ever.

What with the cranberry juice and the cherry jam in the pastry I ended up looking like Dracula. And that reminded me of a Dracula breakfast joke and that got me started.

I told jokes to Mum and Mack and Pippa and Hank and I shouted them to Naomi and Funny-Face across the tables and I tried them out on our waitress too because she seemed friendly and she said I was a proper caution.

Do you want to hear a small sample?