The Bottom Line (8 page)

Connor took such care with her, made her feel treasured and desired. The contrasts with her previous lovers brought the realization she’d allowed them to shortchange her, allowed them to take what they wanted from her without demanding equal time for herself.

“Touch my breasts,” she suggested.

“My thoughts exactly. That was next on my to-do list.”

Maggie spluttered in half laughter and half disbelief. “You don’t have a to-do list.”

“Don’t I? How do you know?” His mouth closed over her earlobe, the faint play of teeth sending messages of pure delight skittering through her. Then he peeled back one bra cup and stroked her puckered nipple with the back of his hand. One finger ran around her nipple and around again. His finger diverted to stroke the small bruise he’d left on the upper curve of her breast during the weekend.

“I like seeing my mark on you,” he said.

Maggie shuddered, her head falling back, eyes squeezing shut while she greedily gathered sensations to recall later when she was alone. His fingers rolled her nipple before tugging lightly. The sensation grew until it was almost painful, but it was a good pain. It echoed in her pussy, a short jolt of desire.

“Connor.”

“Do you like that? A little bit of pain in your loving?”

“I don’t know.” Her eyes flicked open. “I like that, so I must. Does that make me weird?” Her heart beat rapidly while she waited for his reply. She scanned his face and didn’t see any disgust. She didn’t see anything except intense interest. Desire.

“You’re not weird.” He laughed. “What would you say if I said I’d like to shave your pubic hair so you’re nice and soft? So you’d feel every flicker of my tongue, every stroke of my fingers. Would that make me weird?”

Maggie thought about that for two seconds. “Yes,” she breathed, unbearably turned on by the request.

His stroking finger stilled. “Yes, I’m weird?”

“Yes, you can shave me. I like the idea.”

Connor laughed again, a strange expression on his face.

“You’re teasing me.” Maggie pulled away, hurt and embarrassed. “You didn’t mean it.” She wrapped her arms around herself, a form of armor, and backed away until the countertop halted further retreat.

“Don’t, Maggie.” Connor moved swiftly, blocking her from moving. He hugged her so hard she felt the ridge of his cock prodding her stomach. “I was joking, but your reaction has convinced me.”

“I don’t think so.” Maggie’s voice emerged stiff with a touch of anger. “Let me go.”

“Dammit, I’m an ass,” he muttered. He stopped teasing and kissed her, really kissed her, exploring and savoring her mouth like a fine glass of wine.

The fight seeped out of her and she clung to him, desire grabbing her with an urgent tempo, the hunger between them razor-sharp. When Connor pulled away, they were both breathing hard and color highlighted his cheekbones.

“I want you.”

“Yes,” Maggie agreed. “The bedroom.”

“Not yet,” he said. “Let’s stoke the fire a little hotter first.” With competent hands he unfastened the pearl buttons on her white blouse. Her bra, already askew, held one breast while the other pebbled in the cool air. “I want to taste you, explore some more before we end up in the bedroom. Some things shouldn’t be hurried.”

He dipped his head and licked her bared nipple. Wetness pooled between her thighs with each of his kisses and touches until an achy sensation filled her pelvic region. She wanted him bad.

His mouth closed over her nipple and sucked. Maggie fought a whimper and clenched her thighs together. Her hands crept up to his head, and she leaned back on the counter, Connor following without letting up on his ministrations.

“Connor, that feels good.”

He lifted his head and stared at her wet nipple. “God, I love the way you respond to me.”

“Can we move this to the bedroom?”

“Maybe you’re right. My jeans are strangling my cock.”

Maggie’s gaze went to his groin, licking her lips when she saw the large bulge. “I can fix that.”

He laughed with real amusement. “I’m counting on it, babe. Do you have condoms? I didn’t bring any with me.”

He really had come to talk. The knowledge brought a warm glow. He cared enough to drop by without expecting sex, despite their agreement. “I have condoms. You remember the sex party Julia had last month?”

“Yeah. Julia wouldn’t let me go. She said I’d spoil all the fun.”

“It was fun. I bought a few things, including condoms.”

Connor dragged her toward her bedroom. “What else did you buy? Can I see?”

“Later,” she said. “I’m not in the mood for playing with toys. I need hard, sweaty sex right now. I need your cock inside me.”

Stopping, he gave her a passionate kiss. When he finally lifted his head, he said, “I had no idea how talking about sex with you would make me so hot. I like it when you tell me what you want. Don’t stop, okay?”

She nodded, but secretly wasn’t so sure. The misguided joke about shaving had made her cautious. She wouldn’t tell him about her desire for spanking until she was sure of him. Meanwhile she’d explore on her own, look at spanking toys, read research and visit blogs and spanking forums. Admitting her need for spanking was one thing, but spelling out her desires to a man was another thing.

Connor pulled her into the bedroom and ripped off his shirt. “Where are the condoms?”

Maggie kicked off her shoes and opened her bedside drawer to grab the packet of condoms. She hadn’t opened it yet since Greg had turned up his nose at them.

“Strip,” he ordered. “I’ll take care of the condoms.”

The doorbell rang as Maggie finished peeling off her panty hose. They both froze.

“Hell,” Connor swore. “I bet that’s one of the girls.”

“We can’t let them find us like this.” Panic roared through her at the thought of discovery. She’d promised Julia, Susan and Christina that she wouldn’t make a move on Connor. They’d all agreed he was out of bounds. And as Christina said, the man had enough women in his life without adding them to the mix. Guilt hit Maggie hard. What was she going to say?

“Calm down. We haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve popped into visit you before. We’re friends, for God’s sake. Friends visit each other. Besides, it might be a salesman. Go and answer the door.”

The doorbell rang again and, biting her bottom lip, she turned to go to answer it.

“Maggie.” Connor’s chuckle halted her. “You’d better sort out your bra and blouse first before you answer the door.”

Maggie glanced down at her bare breast and blushed. “Don’t want to shock a salesman.” With trembling fingers, she pulled her bra cup back into place and fastened her buttons.

“Good girl. Go an answer the door. Everything will be all right.”

On autopilot Maggie went to the door, jerking it open without checking to see who it was on the other side.

“Maggie!” Julia said. “I’m glad you’re home. I just about gave up. What took you so long to answer?”

Chapter Five

“I was looking for a beer and glass for Connor,” Maggie blurted, sure her face was on fire, her guilt clear for Julia to see.

“Why are you so flushed?” Julia’s eyes narrowed. “Is that a hickey on your breast?”

Bother, she’d missed a button. Two buttons. “Great. Why didn’t Connor tell me my buttons were undone?”

“Why is Connor here?” Julia sounded distinctly suspicious.

“He’s probably at a loose end,” Maggie snapped. “I was glad he came because Greg was here.”

“I thought you and Greg were finished.”

Thankfully, mention of Greg distracted Julia. “I thought so too. Greg wasn’t clear. I’m sure he’s clear now. Come and have a glass of wine.” She’d prefer to continue in the bedroom with Connor but could hardly tell Julia to go away without making her suspicious.

“Where is Connor?”

“He must have gone to the bathroom,” Maggie said, biting her lip again. She turned away to grab a glass from the cupboard. He’d have to wait for his erection to subside since he could hardly walk out here sporting a hard-on. Julia would notice that straight away. The distant flush of the toilet sounded. She handed Julia a glass of white wine and hunted through the cupboard for a packet of crackers. They might as well have cheese and crackers with their drinks.

“Hey, Julia.” Connor grabbed his can of beer and took a sip. “What’s up?”

“I needed to get out of the apartment so I decided to walk over to see Maggie.”

“Did you want to talk about girl stuff? Do you want me to leave?”

Maggie was torn, unable to decide what was worse. The idea of facing Julia alone or suffering through the self-consciousness after their interruption.

Julia decided for them. “Don’t be silly. Maybe we can gang up on Maggie and find out who gave her the hickey on her breast.”

“Do you have a love bite on your breast, Maggie?” Connor’s smirk was wicked and sent desire zapping through her. “Are you going to give us details?”

“No,” Maggie said. “I’m not talking. You can’t make me.”

“How much wine have you got? We should put some more in the fridge,” Julia said with a sly grin at Connor.

Maggie reached for the phone and hit speed dial. “Indian Hut? Good. I’d like to order banquet number four. You can deliver that to Apartment Five B, Eleven Mason Street in Newmarket. Half an hour? That sounds perfect.” Hanging up, she said to Connor and Julia, “If we’re going to drink more wine, we’d better eat as well. It’s the responsible thing for a host to do. Haven’t you seen the drink-drive ads on television?”

“Which would be fine if I’d driven here,” Julia pointed out. “I walked.”

“I’m saving you from walking into a lamp post. Your nose is very attractive as it is. If you broke it, you’d end up with a kink.”

Connor snorted. “Julia has enough kink in her life already. Blue pubic hair…”

Maggie sniggered. “You know about her blue pubic hair?”

“I do now,” Connor said, laughing.

“Oops.” Maggie slapped her hand over her mouth.

“It’s all right,” Julia said. “He tricked you. I was here and heard him. The man is sly. You should watch yourself. He’ll have the name of your secret man out of you before long. He’s slick.”

Connor and Maggie exchanged a look. Luckily Julia misinterpreted the guilt for something else. “Your days are numbered, Maggie Drummond. We’ll get the truth out of you. Don’t doubt it.”

Maggie picked up her wine and took a sip to moisten her dry mouth. This scheme with Connor was madness. She had to stop before someone got hurt. Aw heck, who was she kidding? She couldn’t stop. The sex with him was the best she’d ever had, and she actually liked him when they weren’t in bed. No, she’d have to watch herself. They’d both have to be careful.

In the erotic romance I read, the hero smacked the heroine with his hand. I still imagine the sound of his palm hitting her bare bottom. The sudden crack. Her cry of both pleasure and pain. Her elevated breathing. The soft sigh when a second and third smack heats her bottom and radiates all the way to her clit. The arousal.

Yes, I get hot just thinking about this couple, and they’re fictional. I start to think how it could feel if it were my bottom and arousal swamps me. Should it worry me or is this natural? I don’t know. All I know is that I have to try spanking. Somehow, I have to find a man who is willing to experiment with me, a man who is open and supportive. A man who likes me exactly how I am and doesn’t want to change me. I’m not putting up with a man who expects me to diet and lose weight to fit his ideals. That’s not me.

Not anymore.

Since I read the book, I’ve done a lot of research on the Internet. There’s so much to think about. Of course, the biggie is finding a partner or communicating with an existing partner and talking about incorporating spanking into a relationship. Then there’re positions and tools. I hadn’t thought beyond a man dragging me over his knee and using his hand, but I’ve learned about people using hairbrushes, paddles, floggers. Canes. I’ll admit the idea of a cane frightens me. Too many memories of school. The principal used to cane in extreme circumstances until the Parent-Teachers’ Association outlawed it.

A hairbrush doesn’t seem so harsh and a paddle actually intrigues me. It will be interesting to learn how my body copes with a spanking. Will I bruise easily? How long will it be uncomfortable to sit? Will other people realize or will it remain my guilty secret? Will spanking change me?

At first I worried I was a freak. My research has shown there are lots of other people out there who enjoy spanking. I’m not alone.

I’m ending this post with a question—how did you know you wanted to explore spanking? What made you take the leap into the world of spanking?

“Jesus,” Connor muttered, scrolling through the comments on Maggie’s blog. Her posts were attracting regular visitors, and each person had honest opinions for her. Some had fallen into spanking by accident, while partners and lovers had introduced others. Maggie was really serious about spanking. That fact came through in her posts and the way she interacted with her visitors.

What did he do now?

He’d always thought he was a skilled lover, giving his partners pleasure. With giving came receiving. His stepfather had told him that during an embarrassing but enlightening talk on sex. Connor grimaced. No one liked to think about their parents having sex, and even less the fact that they did it often and enjoyed the act.

His stepfather had changed his life in so many ways. Positive ways. His mother had bloomed under his stepfather’s attention. His life, which had been like open warfare while living with his real father, had evened out. He’d gone back to being a kid again, while his mother had lost her scared, pinched look and the bruises had faded.

How the hell could he hit Maggie when he’d sworn he’d never lift a hand to any woman, no matter what the provocation?

Maybe he could talk to his stepfather? He toyed with the idea and reached for the phone before deciding he’d wait.

Spanking is only beneficial if it enhance the lives of both partners.

A visitor left the comment and it had stuck with him. He was crazy about Maggie. He loved spending time with her, even if they didn’t end up having sex. But spanking? How would it enrich his life when he hated the idea of violence and had taken a vow never to hit a woman?

The peel of his cell phone broke into his introspection. Probably just as well since his thoughts were chasing in circles. “Yeah?”

“It’s Julia. Do you fancy coming around for a drink? I’m sick of my own company.”

Connor frowned at the downbeat note in her voice. “You must be scraping the bottom of the barrel to ring me,” he teased, hoping to coax a smile from her.

“I’m not…seeing anyone at the moment,” she said. “I thought—” She broke off abruptly, but Connor heard the tears in her voice. “How about if I drop around after rugby training? In two hours. I’m about to leave now.”

“Thanks. I need to buy some groceries anyway. I’ll make dinner for us both.”

“Don’t forget to buy some beer,” Connor said.

Rugby training went a bit over two hours, but Connor arrived at Julia’s flat just after eight. When she opened the door, he checked for evidence of tears and found none, to his great relief.

“Hey, sorry I’m late. The coach kept us longer than normal.”

“Dinner won’t spoil. All I need to do is put on the steaks.”

Connor followed Julia through to her kitchen. “I checked Maggie’s blog before training. She’s serious about spanking.”

Julia turned on the gas and placed a heavy griddle on the heat. She grabbed a hair scrunchie from the fruit bowl and pulled her hair into a ponytail to keep it out of her way. His friends were all beautiful in their own way, but Julia was stunning. She’d even placed in the Miss Auckland contest a few years ago before throwing in the beauty contest circuit for the party one. Lately she’d seemed quieter, more restrained, although she still wore her confidence and sexiness like a badge.

“Maggie surprised me with her blog,” she said. “It was unexpected but she seems more confident. I was glad she told Greg to take a hike. The man’s an ass.”

“Why don’t you tell it like it is,” Connor said, his tone wry. “Do you want a beer or a glass of wine?”

“I’ll take a glass of the Chardonnay please. And you know Greg isn’t good enough for Maggie. She’s a sweetie and needs someone who will take care of her.”

“You won’t get an argument from me.”
Someone like him
. Connor grabbed a beer for himself and opened the wine. He handed her a glass, put the wine back in the fridge and settled on one of the barstools at the breakfast bar.

Julia placed two steaks on the hot griddle, glanced at her watch and joined him at the breakfast bar. “Greg doesn’t want to let go. He’s started annoying her at work.”

“Annoying her how?” Connor’s voice was sharp. Maggie hadn’t mentioned it to him.

“He requests her to help him with his clients’ accounts, sends her flowers and rings her most days. It’s nothing over the top, nothing that she can complain about to management.”

“Maybe I should say something to him.”

“We’ve already offered to help her, but Maggie says she needs to deal with him herself. She really has changed.”

“But he’s not listening to her.”

“If he pushes her any harder, she’ll lose her temper. I hope I’m around to see the fireworks. Maggie is slow to lose her temper, but when she does, she’s a real dynamo.”

“I’ve never seen her lose her temper before,” he said, intrigued.

Julia checked her watch again and stood to turn the steaks. The scent of cooking meat filled the kitchen with a delectable aroma, reminding him he hadn’t eaten for hours.

“Our Maggie is like an iceberg. She has hidden depths,” Julia said as she removed two baked potatoes from the oven.

“Can I do anything?”

“Nah, sit there and look cute,” Julia said with a hint of her usual impish humor. “What do you think about Maggie and her spanking?”

She retrieved two salads from the fridge: one green and the other one looked like the pumpkin salad his mother often made containing feta cheese, black olives and chickpeas. She placed a tub of sour cream, butter and some oil and vinegar on the counter. A few minutes later they were eating.

“I’m not sure what to make of it,” he said. “I guess as long as she’s happy and doesn’t get hurt.” No way was he going to say what he really thought.

Julia’s cell phone rang. She answered it, listened for a second and said, “Christina, can I ring you back. Connor’s here and we’ve just started our dinner.” She laughed and said, “Twenty minutes. No, you guys can’t come around. It’s the middle of the week and if you come around, I’ll drink too much. I’m getting too old to go to work with a hangover.” Grinning, she disconnected the call and put her phone on the countertop.

“It’s not like you to turn down the chance of a party.”

Julia shrugged. “People change. I haven’t felt in a party mood recently.”

Connor waited for her to say more, but she didn’t, cutting off a corner of her steak instead and popping it into her mouth.

“Most of the people posting on Maggie’s blog live overseas. She’s not going to find a prospective lover online,” Connor said.

“People do these days. It’s not unknown.”

“Would you?”

Julia swallowed a mouthful of wine. “I don’t know. It depends on the circumstances, the people involved. It’s not always easy to meet a compatible partner these days. People have busy lives. Where do you meet prospective lovers if you’re too busy with work?”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.” Connor finished his meal and pushed his plate away with an appreciative sigh. “Great meal. Thanks.” Julia had made him think. He didn’t know if Maggie was actively looking for another man or not. He wasn’t looking but that didn’t mean she couldn’t. The idea of her with another man made him…uneasy.

He wanted Maggie and didn’t want to lose her to another man.

Dear Kinky Lover,

How will I know I’ve found the right man? I don’t know. I guess finding a lover who is into spanking will be much like finding a life partner. Some men will suit me and others will suck. I know it’s not gonna be easy. You don’t have to warn me about safety and security. I know and believe me, I’ve taken it into consideration.

The thing that will probably get me is my impatience. I want this so much that I know I’ll have a tendency to rush into a relationship wearing blinkers.

Maybe, as you say, I’ll be disappointed because I’ve built things up in my mind and the reality won’t compare to my daydreams. I hope not. I’m a glass half-full kinda girl. I like to think positively, and hopefully, that’s all I’ll need.

Individuals are different and complex. We all go into relationships with our own set of baggage. I’ve already found that incorporating spanking into an existing relationship is difficult. My ex-boyfriend laughed at me and called me a freak. That’s part of the reason he’s now my ex.

We’re all fragile in our own way. It’s easy to misinterpret, which is why communication is so important. Everyone I’ve spoken to online stresses honest and open communication. Stating my needs isn’t easy though. I have a casual relationship and really like the guy. The sex is so good, but he made just one comment while we were making love that made me reconsider talking to him about spanking.