The Boy Project (18 page)

I can't believe that a real live person of the opposite sex has finally asked me out (without being forced) and it's someone who's totally off-limits. Evan just now caught up with me as I was entering the cafeteria and asked me to the spring dance. This falls into the “Be careful what you wish for: It might come true” category. I'm hoping, for Tabbi's sake, that she doesn't find out because she'll talk herself into thinking it's another sign that he wants her back, which I know for a fact is absolutely not the case. Here's what he said when I suggested he ask Tabbi instead:

“I've already caught that fish.”

(!)

Isn't that a totally rude thing for him to say about a person whose name he used to wear on his hand?

Then he said, “You're more interesting than Tabbi.”

“So why didn't you just ask me out in the first place?” The question just popped out of my mouth.

“You were too quiet back then.”

I have to admit that when I used to drag Tabbi with me to seek out Evan, I let her do most of the talking. I was afraid I'd say something stupid. Once he was off-limits, I didn't really care what I said. I guess there is some small comfort knowing that he likes me better now that I'm acting more like myself. Not that it matters as far as Evan is concerned. It's okay, though. I wouldn't want to end up being just another fish to him anyway.

Here come Tabbi and James. Time to close this journal and open my lunch!

I expected things to change after Mrs. Hill read that descriptive paragraph that Chip wrote about me. I mean, if he said all that nice stuff (and I
know
he did), then that must mean he likes me, right? Plus, it wasn't that long ago that I overheard him tell Jonah Nate that I was out of Jonah Nate's league. That's good, right? He even kind of broke up with The Vine because of me, right?

But Chip talks to me less now than ever. He never sits near me during lunch anymore and it's been weeks since he's come up with any new funny fake names to share.

Today I decided I might as well try being proactive again. After all, Bebe's tip for the week is “be confident.” So I sat right down behind him before Mrs. Hill's class started. He said “Hi, Kara” friendly enough, but then he got up to go sharpen his pencil and left me sitting there. (!) It was way awkward. My confidence zoomed back to my assigned seat and I followed it.

Talk about frustrating. I finally think I have a chance to do some real research (of the holding-hands-and-kissing variety) on someone who
actually likes me
, and now this.

It's pointless to ask Tabs for advice because she'll just tell me to raise my standards. Plus, she didn't exactly ask for my opinion before she started dating James! (And yes, I would have told her to raise her standards.)

Still, feeling the need to talk to
someone
, I finally turned to Julie. At least it
looks
like she's been successful in the boyfriend search. I told her the story, starting with the descriptive paragraph.

“Chip
obviously
likes you,” said Julie, “but
surely
you realize he's mortified that his feelings were read aloud.”

“Well, it seems like he'd at least
talk to me,
then.”

“Sometimes when people start crushing on each other, it's actually harder to talk than before,” Julie explained. I think she's right about that. I remember how I ran out of A&F that time.

“But why don't I have issues talking to
Chip
, since I think I have a crush on him, too?”

Julie heaved a big ol' sigh to show what she thought of my question. I hate when she does that. “Because you already
know
your crush likes you back. Meanwhile, he's putting himself out there to be crushed by his crush.”

“So how do I let him know I like him?”

“Tell him.”

“Julie! I can't do that!”

“Well,” said Julie. “Be Extreme Kara.”

“Huh?”

“Figure out what attracted Chip to you in the first place and emphasize those qualities. That's how I got Lyle to notice me.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Lyle's athletic and into biking, so I thought I'd have a better chance with him if he knew I was athletic, too.”

Hey! I knew she was trying to get Lyle to notice her when we took those many laps down Hobby Lane, but I didn't realize she was trying to get him to notice a
particular quality
about her: her athleticism. If it worked for Julie, I may as well try it. If only I could figure out which of my many good qualities to take to the extreme level. HA!

Evan wasted no time in casting his net again. He's already asked Monique Bishop to the spring dance. A sixth grader!

Poor Tabbi. Her eyes are that post-crying watery-red color. Yet she said it doesn't bother her “one bit.” In fact, she's said “I don't care” so many times this morning that it's obvious she does care. When someone says “I don't care” once, you can pretty much take it at face value. But if you multiply that by ten or twenty, it's like the double-negative thing. Which is why I'm positive that Tabbi is crushed.

It was the best lunch period EVER! That's because two brand-new subjects walked into the cafeteria and both were more delicious-looking than anything that's ever been served in the place. Apparently, Jake and Josh Baxter
just
enrolled in my school.

When they walked through the doors, all conversation stopped, then turned to the cute new twins. (And to whom the cute new twins will take to the dance.) Unfortunately, it's hard to get close enough to them to make a really decent observation with all of the queen bees swarming around.

The Vine is working hard to put down roots next to one of them, and The Sponge
is stuck to them like a stamp to an envelope. You can just see those tiny wheels in her head turning. She must be
dying
to get Josh and Jake to take her on the double date of her dreams. In her world, what could be more perfect than a date who's absolutely identical to Maybelline's?
I doubt that Maybelline is interested, since she has an older man, but you never know. Those Baxter twins sure are cute.

Fourteen days. That's how long we have until the dance. It seems like the
perfect
opportunity for Chip to ask me out, if he really does like me. But apparently Chip is not an opportunity seizer. And being “Extreme Kara” isn't working.

I've been over the qualities about me that Chip seemed to like (according to his descriptive paragraph) and I've tried to emphasize the ones that I could. They are:

1. Pretty (If he really thinks that, he's the only one.)
   
2. Beautiful curls (I've abandoned my hair dryer and have been wearing my hair loose!)
   
3. Nice (That comes naturally. Ha.)
   
4. Likes to read
   (
   Just to show how much I like to read, I've been lugging around
   Princess Academy
   , which is a book about a girl who has a chance to fall in love with a prince but discovers that she loves someone she grew up with.
   Sigh.
   )
   
5. Funny (This one's hard to force. I mean I can't exactly walk up to someone who hasn't spoken to me in days and say, “Knock knock . . .”)
   
6. Fantastic smile (I've been grinning till my teeth hurt.)
   
7. Creative — can make anything out of duct tape (I made a new belt to go with my bag, but Chip hasn't seemed to notice. What am I supposed to do . . . cover myself in duct tape?)
   

I'm starting to feel defeated. Maybe it wasn't even Chip who wrote that paragraph. Maybe, for some reason, I'd just hoped it was.

I was in no mood to read Bebe's latest e-mail when I woke up today, but it ended up putting me in a good mood.

To: Kara M

From: BebeTruelove

Subject: Tip #9

Dear Soul Mate Seeker,

A guy likes a girl who shows she's one of a kind. Do you like big bags? Silky scarves? Bright lipstick? Don't be afraid to show the world who you are!

Tip #9: Show your style!

Good Luck in Love,

Bebe

Try Hi! Style Jewelry!

Show your individual style with jewelry from our Hi! Style jewelry line. Everyone is wearing it!

Click here to order now!

♥ Hi! Style ♥

(Must be 18 years of age to order.)

See why this gives me hope? If carrying a bag made from a giant diaper and duct tape isn't style, I don't know what is!

Question: If Chip actually likes me, and I kinda like him back, that's pretty close to having a boyfriend, isn't it?

It was a quiet afternoon, so I had a lot of time to ponder this question. It seemed that I'd traveled to the brink of boyfriendhood but that was as far, apparently, as I was going to get. Let me tell you, the brink of what is sure to be an awesome experience is not an ideal destination. Especially when you've dedicated your life, or at least the last two months, to the science of researching boys.

There must be something that I'm missing. I sat down at my dresser and took a good long look in the mirror at the girl who, according to that descriptive paragraph Mrs. Hill read, is pretty and has a fantastic smile and beautiful curls.

Truthfully, I don't think I look that bad. Sure, any time I look in the mirror I see
some
things I don't like. Most days, I wish I had Julie's hair, or that I didn't have a zit on my cheek or something.

But I'm wondering about that part of myself that I can't see in the mirror. That part that Bebe Truelove calls the soul. See, I've always kind of assumed that part of me was great, and that if I could get everyone to see how great that part is, I'd have a boyfriend for sure. But what if my invisible self isn't so perfect? What if there is something about me that needs to change before I get into a relationship?

While I was thinking about this, I realized I had the perfect source of information under my very own roof: Julie! Ms. Sabatino would call her a “primary source.”

Even though I've talked to my sister about boys before, I've never done it officially. You know — as a scientist. So I decided to conduct an interview with her for my Hidden Agenda Boyfriend Research Project.

I grabbed a pen and notebook and went to her room, and, unlike her, stood in the hall and waited instead of barging in.

Julie answered the door with her cell phone clamped between her shoulder and her chin. She was talking to someone else on the phone, but her eyes talked to me. They said
go away
. I wasn't about to let a cell phone conversation stand in the way of scientific research, however. Luckily, I knew just what to say to get her to agree to answer my questions. Here is a transcript of the interview.

JULIE McALLISTER INTERVIEW

Date: Sunday, March 4

Time: 3:37 p.m.

Location: Julie's Room

Persons Present: Kara McAllister (Interviewer) Julie McAllister (Respondent)

Interviewer:
Can I interview you for a research project?

Respondent:
No.

Interviewer:
I'll tell Mom you made me stop running with you so you could be with Lyle.

Respondent
(Into the phone that was still in chin-shoulder clutch)
:
Call you back in a minute, okay?
(To interviewer. Eyes still saying
go away
but mouth now participating in interview.)
Fine. First question?

Interviewer:
How old are you?

Respondent:
Kara! Stop wasting time!

Interviewer:
Just being professional. Second question. Approximately how many boyfriends have you had?

Respondent:
(
Says nothing. Shrugs
. Shrugs!!! Which is universal language for these two phrases:
too many to count
AND
I'm too important to be bothered with such trivial details
!
That shrug is proof of something I've been suspecting for a long time. My sister is officially one of the luckiest people on Earth.
)

Respondent:
Well?

Interviewer:
Well what?
(Zoning back in after the shrug.)

Respondent:
Please tell me this interview is over.
(Note: When respondent said “interview,” she used air quotes. Grrrrrr.)

Interviewer:
No. In your experience, what is the best way to get a guy to notice you?

Respondent:
(
Shrugs
)

Interviewer:
Aaack! Stop with the shrugging! Answer me!

Respondent:
I don't know. I haven't really thought about it.

Interviewer:
Think about it.

Respondent:
Hmmm. I guess the first step is to find a way to be alone with your crush.

Interviewer:
(
Scribbling notes
) Why is that important?

Respondent:
Because guys act differently when they're around other people. They might be afraid to give you attention if they think their buds are watching.

Interviewer:
Hey! Wait a minute! That's why you outran me when we went jogging. You wanted to be alone with Lyle.

Respondent:
(
Laughs
) I did. And I'd do it again. Any more questions?

Interviewer:
Not right now. Thanks, Julie!

END TRANSCRIPT

I couldn't keep interviewing Julie after that because I was too excited. See, I think she was onto something. Something that might be the key to the whole reason I can't seem to get a boyfriend.

Look at how Tabbi got Evan. She sat with him when I wasn't there and she was
alone
. And look how Chicken Girl got Justin. She pulled him into a dressing room so she could be
alone
with him. And The Vine . . . she's found a way to be
alone
with a guy in a room full of people just by cuddling up to him and sitting too close for anyone to get between them. As further evidence, I offer up the one time I have ever been kissed. I was
alone
(unfortunately, in the boys' bathroom) with Evan. So maybe I just need to find a way to be
alone
with Chip! Only not in the boys' bathroom.