The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) (11 page)

"Yeah, I can see how that would be awful.  But you’ve just started coming here. You have a long time to get your head wrapped around it.  And who knows? Maybe your heart will get wrapped around it too.  That guardian of yours is pretty easy on the eyes if you don't mind me saying."

I followed her gaze and watched him laughing at something Erik said, his eyes twinkling with mirth and his mouth stretched into a wide smile. 

"Yeah, I guess he is," I agreed softly.  "But he's just my guardian. No heart wrapping going on over here."  The fib felt uncomfortable on my tongue.  It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either.  I wasn't sure how to put words to what I was feeling for Aleksander. I only knew that it was strong, and the thought of leaving him behind made my heart ache in an uncomfortable way.

"Do you have a boyfriend in the real world?"
she asked.

"Um, not technically?  There's a guy I'm kinda sorta seeing, but I'm thinking that's not going to work out if I’m going to seriously consider being here."  I swung my gaze to Aleksander and worried my lower lip with my teeth.  He glanced my way and caught my eyes with his, a gentle smile tugging at his lips
, and I felt my heart jump.   "It's kind of hard to get emotionally invested in someone when you don't even know if you'll remember them this time next year."

"I can see how that would be a problem.  My ex and I split up because he was going off to college and I wasn't.  And let's face it, it's not like a weekend road trip can cover the difference from one dimension to another
," she joked, and I laughed.  I could feel my spirits lifting. There was something about Caroline that put me at ease.  I could see us becoming great friends quickly.

"What about Erik? Did he wrap your heart up?"  I glanced from Caroline to the tall Fae in question, watching how his eyes kept darting back to her and
his gentle smile  I glanced back to Caroline to see if she noticed and she was beaming in his direction. 

"Yeah, I guess he did,"
she grinned. 

"Oh wow, really? I was just teasing." Jealousy
for the openly affectionate relationship they had flared in my stomach. More than anything, I envied her easy choice. 

"Yeah, it’s been pretty amazing," she grinned, looking back at me, her eyes twinkling. "He feels the same
, so no fear of heartbreak there.  It's kind of hard to resist a guy who has spent years waiting for you, you know?  Nobody ever waits for me.  He's perfect for me. Except the kissing thing.  He's so darn tall he has to pick me up to do it. Not that I'm complaining. Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. I get to experience it literally."  She smiled as she gave up on her grass whistle and nibbled at the edges instead. 

We chuckled at the mental image
, and I forcibly banished my envious thoughts and relaxed next to her, happy that at least someone was comfortable with expressing their emotions.  If I knew I was staying, would I be as comfortable telling Aleksander how I felt? 

"What's so funny over here
?" Erik asked, he and Aleksander moving to join us where we sat.

"Everything
," Caroline told him solemnly, the corner of her mouth twitching with laughter.  I snorted and we both collapsed into a fit of giggles. 

"I am glad to see you are enjoying yourself
, Cassie." Aleksander smiled wide, sitting down next to me in the grass, his knee brushing mine. Suddenly, my full attention was focused on the warm spot where his skin had touched mine.

"I am, thank you," I replied, returning his smile, a warm glow settling over my chest
and easing the ache that had been there only moments before.

"No wrapping going on
, my ass," Caroline said under her breath, and I laughed, shooting her a dirty look that begged her to hold her tongue. Was I that obvious? 

Her eyes twinkled merrily in response.

"What is this about wrapping?" Erik asked her.

"Oh nothing. Girl talk.  I would tell you, but then I would have to kill you. And since you can't actually die, well
… That would take up far too much of my personal time, so I'm going to zip my lip."

I held up my hands innocently. 
"It's the girl code. Sorry, you’re not in the club. Can't do it," I chimed in. 

"That's code for they were talking about us," Aleksander whispered loudly to Erik. 

I felt heat climb my neck as I flushed. "You shouldn't make assumptions," I scolded, my breath drawing in rapidly.  It was one thing to be transparent to Caroline. It was something else entirely to be transparent to Aleksander.  "It only makes an a—" I broke off as a voice filled my head, disorienting me.

"
Cassie! Come on!"

"Cassie, are you okay?" Aleksander's eyes focused on mine, and I could see the worry lurking in their depths. 

"Come on! Get up! You're going to be late for class!"

"I'm fine," I muttered, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples.  "Hearing things I guess."

"Well, whatever you were hearing it wasn't your alarm clock." Becca's voice sounded over me.

Confused
, I opened my eyes to find myself back in my bedroom, Becca standing over me with my brass alarm clock in her hands.

"This thing has been going off for the past twenty minutes
, Cassie, and your cell phone has been buzzing all morning.  You're going to be late for class if you don't get a move on."

I groaned and turned my face back into my pillow, wishing I
was still sitting in the shade with Aleksander and Caroline. 

Unfortunately for
me, the real world was waiting.

Chapter Thirteen

I stumbled out of bed, grinding the sleep and bleariness out of my eyes as Becca stalked out of the room, closing the door behind her.  I grabbed my cell phone off of the nightstand and scrolled through the messages. 

Good morning, beautiful.  I haven't slept at all thinking about you.

Dom.  I groaned.  I was so not ready to deal with that. The more time I spent with Aleksander
, the more confused I felt about everything.  I knew that eventually I would have to make a decision, but either way, I was pretty sure that Dom and I had no future, and it was time that I clued him into it and let him know that he was wasting his time. The problem was that, even though I wasn't into him romantically, I really did like him and I enjoyed hanging out with him, so I was afraid I wouldn't see him again after we had that discussion. Not that I was good at those discussions anyway.  I so wasn't ready to think about all of that, so I did what I did best and opted to ignore the whole thing for now, scrolling to the next message and hating myself for being coward. Maybe I could ask Santa to bring me a spine for Christmas. Ugh.

Elliott is coming home for Thanksgiving.  You're still coming right?

My mom.  I felt a jolt of longing run through me as I thought of my mother.  If I chose to be a Fae, I would have to leave her behind and never see her again.  Of course I would go home for Thanksgiving.  I was horribly homesick for my mother and I suddenly wished that I could confide everything in her.  She would know the right words to soothe me and would tell me which path to choose.  She always knew which path was best for me, but that was part of the problem.  I had always let her make my choices for me, and now that I had to do it for myself, I didn’t know how. 

I'll be there with bells on
.

Is Becca coming too?

I'll ask, but probably.

The
bells won't be necessary. Just bring yourself and Becca and I'll be happy.

I grinned and told her that I loved her and would call her that weekend.  Thanksgiving was a long three weeks away
, but at least it was something to look forward to. I would welcome the break from classes.

"Class!" I scolded myself, catching sight of the clock. 

I wasn't exactly an early riser and usually cut myself enough slack to get to class on time.  There was no way I was going to make it on time now, and my math professor was infamous for kicking tardy students out of the lecture.  There was no point in rushing now only to be sent back home.

I wandered into the kitchen, still in my oversized t-shirt and flannel pajama pants
, and poured myself a bowl of cereal.  Becca was already seated at the table, eating her twig berries and soy milk.  I turned my nose up at her unappetizing food as I slid into the seat across from her and used my spoon to isolate all of the marshmallows for immediate consumption.

"So," Becca grinned
, "I'm guessing your date with Dom went well."

I looked up at Becca, confused.  "Why would you guess that?"

"Well you slept awfully late this morning," she smirked, her dark eyes shining mischievously.  "Would a certain blue-eyed hottie have anything to do with that?"

I shook my head.  She was way off. It had been a
green-eyed hottie keeping me from wanting to rejoin the waking world.  "No, nothing like that happened."

"Oh, so something
did
happen then?" She pounced on the tiny kernel of information I’d let slip.  Damn. 

"He kissed me," I admitted sheepishly,
heat creeping into my cheeks as I shoved a spoonful of marshmallows in my mouth and let the sugar dissolve on my tongue. 

"And?  Did you kiss him back?" Becca was like a dog with a bone
—she wasn't going to give up until I fed her every morsel of information she wanted. 

"I might have," I sighed.  "But I wasn't ready for that so I asked him if we could take things slow and he said he was fine with that.  I've got work and midterms coming up, and I don't have a whole lot of time to get involved with anyone right now."  That was a lie. There wasn't anyone on that particular dimension I wanted to make time for. It was a good thing words didn’t have the same power in the mortal world or I would be royally screwed.

Becca snorted and rolled her eyes at me.

"Oh spare me the excuses
, Cassandra Diane!  You are making up reasons why you can't because you're scared.  You've always talked your way out of any guy who was interested in you and hid behind me so you wouldn't have to admit it."

"That's not true!" I argued.  "I went on dates.  Sometimes."

"Yup," she nodded. "Sometimes.  But when you did, it was always someone you knew was a jerk so you would have a reason not to date him again.  Well I've got news for you, girlie.  I'm done letting you hide in your little shell.  I've seen the way Dom looks at you. That guy has it bad, and he deserves a chance to screw things up for himself before you turn tail and run."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and my thumb.  I didn't run guys off without giving them a fair shake, did I?  After all, I felt pretty strongly about Aleksander. Even if I hadn't told him how I felt. Or allowed myself the opportunity to think about it. 

I wished, not for the first time, that I could come clean with Becca.  She would be able to help me make sense of my complicated relationship with Aleksander in a heartbeat, but I knew she wouldn't believe me if I told her.  I suddenly felt very alone in the world.

"Can we just drop it?" I asked, my voice sharper than I had intended
, and Becca's face softened, her eyes wounded.  I immediately felt guilty for snapping at her.  

"I'm not trying to be mean
, honey," she said, her face concerned.  "I worry about you.  You shouldn't be afraid to let yourself enjoy being young.  If you don't want to date Dom, I'm not going to say another word about it.  I think maybe you should consider it.  You seem so lost lately, and I just want you to be happy."

"Lost?" I asked, confused.  "You think I seem lost?"

"Maybe lost isn't the right word." She chewed on her lower lip.  "Depressed I guess?  You're so quiet lately, and you're sleeping all the time.  Miguel and I thought it might be because you were homesick. I know how hard it is for you to be away from your parents.  Do you think maybe you should visit the counseling center on campus and talk to somebody?"

"No
." I shook my head, standing up and dumping my bowl in the sink.  "No, I'm fine.  You’re right. I'm a little homesick and overworked. That's all.  I'll be okay."

Becca followed me
, rinsed her empty bowl—and mine—and put them in the dish rack next to the sink before turning to face me again, fixing me with her stare.

"Maybe you should call your mom?"
she suggested gently. "You're my best friend, Cass, and if something is wrong, I want to help."

"I talked to Mom this morning
." I waved her off.  "She texted me to say that Elliott was coming home for Thanksgiving and wanted to make sure I was still coming. She wants to know if you're coming this year or if you're going to stay with one of your parents."

Becca's
mom almost always had to work on Thanksgiving, a trade-off to get Christmas Day with her daughter.  The years she wasn't away with her dad she spent at my house.  I knew she hated being in her quiet house all alone on the holidays.  My family was the only real family she had since her dad had bailed on her and her mom.

"Elliott is coming?" she squeaked, the color draining out of her face. 

I quirked an eyebrow at her, my curiosity piqued.  "Yes," I answered suspiciously.  "Why? Is that a problem?  Did my brother do something douchey to you that I'm not aware of? Because blood or not, I'll be happy to kick the crap out of him for you." 

She shook her head and sighed.  "No, he hasn't done anything.  And that's kind of the problem."

My jaw dropped. "Can I buy a clue or do I get one for free?"

"I may or may not have told him that I was in love with him the last time he was home," she admitted sheepishly, her cheeks flushing with a rosy red.  She was even lovelier when she blushed. 

"And?" I prodded, glad that it was my turn to play cross examiner and trying hard to keep the shock off my face.  Becca had a thing for Elliott?  How had I missed that?  And why hadn't she told me?   

"And nothing," she
frowned.  "He said that I was too young and I was like a kid sister to him. He said it was
cute
."

I grimaced in sympathy, wanting to kick my brother in the shin.

"Forget him. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He's still a tool, mind you, just not the sharpest one.  You don't have to come if you don't want to. I didn't know whose year it was."

"No.  You need to spend time with your folks and I need to put my big girl panties on and get over it.  I’m not going to let Elliott drive me away from the best family I’ve got.  It's Dad's year
, but he's taking Barbara on a pre-wedding cruise in the Caribbean, so it's either your place or Mom's."

"They're both jackasses," I said, wrapping my arms around Becca and hugging her tightly. I knew she was probably feeling abandoned by her father yet again.  She pretended like his actions never bothered her
, but I knew better. I knew
her
better.  "Elliott will see that one day. I hope he figures it out before it's too late."

"You should take your own advice,"
she replied, squeezing me back.  "Call Dom.  Give the guy a chance and stop being such a scaredy cat.  He's not going to bite. And hey, if he does, who knows? Maybe you'll like it."

I snorted so violently it made my nose hurt. 
"I doubt that. I should probably get moving though.  I missed math but I still have English comp and I'm already on Professor Davies's bad side."

I
wrapped my arms around her and squeezed rightly  before heading back to my bedroom to shower and get changed—and to figure out what I was going to say when I texted Dom back. 

***

Class sucked. Professor Davies continued to lecture the class on proper writing technique, ranting and raving about using contractions in college level papers and how text speak was going to be the death of the English language. I felt drained, as if I hadn't gotten nine hours of sleep, and I had trouble focusing on the lecture. Instead, I kept thinking about my conversation with Becca that morning.

Was I really shutting down on everyone around me?  Yes. Yes I was.  I'd been so absorbed in the dual life I was leading that I hadn't been participating in this one like I should have been.  Yesterday had been fun
, and I hadn't realized how much I’d missed hanging out with my friends and being in the moment with them until then. Dom was great, and his kiss had been nice. If I hadn’t met Aleksander, who knew how things with Dom would have progressed.

I wanted Aleksander. There was something
there, a real spark that made my breath catch whenever I saw, him but he hadn't shown any interest in me at all.  I'd thought that maybe it was because he was my Caomhnóir, but when I'd seen Erik and Caroline together, it became pretty obvious that that wasn't the case.  He just wasn't into me and I should cut my losses before he caught me mooning over him like a stupid little girl with a crush.  I felt disappointment and sorrow roll into a heavy weight and settle in the pit of my stomach.  I didn’t want to feel like I was settling for Dom, but I was too chicken to put my heart on the line.  Could this day get any worse? 

When class ended
, I stuffed my books in my bag and slung the strap over my shoulder, wanting desperately to go back to the apartment.  It sucked having no respite. Either I was in the mortal world stressing over what I would give up here or I was in Otherworld stressing over what I was giving up there. There was no escape, and I longed for the peace of dreams and a chance to avoid reality for even a few hours. 

"Miss Marshall, I'd like a moment of your time please," a voice interrupted me
, and I looked up to see Professor Davies eying me intently.  I nodded and followed her out of the classroom and down the corridor to her small office. 

It was clear she didn't have tenure
, as her office was minuscule and cramped.  She gestured for me to take a seat and I obliged her, feeling claustrophobic as she closed the door behind her and sat down opposite me.

"If you don't mind
, Miss Marshall, I'd like to be as blunt as possible.  You're going to screw your life up if you keep up like this."

I blinked, shock
over her tone and confusion at her words washing over me. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" I sputtered.

She studied me for a long moment, her mouth turning into a disappointed frown, and I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

"Do you think you are the first student I've watched circle the drain in my class, tossing out their talents and their promising futures so they could escape reality?"

My jaw dropped.  How could she have known I’d been wishing for that?  And I wasn't throwing away any talents. I showed up to class every day, turned in all my assignments, and took all my tests.  She was off her rocker and picking on me for some reason I had yet to fathom.