The Destroyer Book 2 (12 page)

"No, that is fine." She smirked and called out for two more flagons and water. Perhaps I should have objected but I didn't.

"I won't need anything else tonight. You may retire." The girl nodded, blushed at me, and quickly left the tent. I realized that I had been holding my breath.

"Now that everyone is out of earshot . . ." her voice trailed off with the implication of her desires.

"I wanted to speak with you about Malek." She practically fell backward off of her perch of pillows after the words left my lips.

"Malek? Why do you want to talk about him?" she demanded in surprise.

"He spoke with me about you--"

"Stop right there," she commanded. "Let me guess what he said: he loves me and wants you to talk to me about fucking him." Her eyes had narrowed dangerously at me.

"Not exactly. He does love you--"

"Yes, yes, I have heard it all before. So why are
you
here?" She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward on her makeshift seat, giving me a perfect view of her body and its secrets. I tried not to be distracted.

"You should give him a chance." I grabbed the third flagon of wine she had placed near me and took a long swig to occupy myself.

"He put you up to this didn't he?"

"It isn't like that Shlara. He cares for you and I know that you two will find happiness together." I looked into her eyes and smiled.

"You are such a fucking hypocrite, Kaiyer," she spat the words at me. Her anger caught me off guard.

"I don't understand."

"No. Of course you don't. If you did, we would be making love to each other right now and not be having this pointless conversation." She sighed and took a swig of her flagon. "If that is all you wanted to speak to me about, then you should leave." She nodded toward the closed flap of her tent.

"I don't understand, Shlara." My mind spun. I had anticipated that this conversation might be difficult, but I had not expected her to so quickly shut down the discussion. I was reminded of when I had first been changed and forced to fight Thayer. He beat me so quickly and effectively that I did not even comprehend what I had done wrong or how I could improve. I had not felt that way in a long time.

"I've spent the last ten years telling you how I feel. I've done everything you have asked me to do, I am your best general, and I am practically your right hand," her words slurred together from the alcohol. We had drunk enough to poison a horse, and she must have prevented the Earth from healing her blood. "When I want to be your lover, it cannot happen because sex means so much to you. Yet when Malek wants me, you come to tell me I should just fuck him so that I will be happy. Why are you so different than Malek? Are you not allowed to have happiness?"

"I do not mean it that way-"

"Then what do you mean? I am the one that doesn't understand you," she interrupted me.

"It is because I am the leader of the O'Baarni. I don't want the other generals to think I am giving you special treatment." I had said these words so many times that they were easy to repeat, even drunk.

"Fuck you, Kaiyer. Do you really believe that will make a difference? Don't you realize that you already give me special treatment?"

"What do you mean?"

"You already give me the best assignments and the first choice of the new recruits. You already let me direct most of the operations here. You could put Alexia and Gorbanni under my command and you wouldn't even see a difference in their performance." She sat back and crossed her legs again.

"Gorbanni and Alexia might disagree, but you are right about the other points. But you get those responsibilities because you are the best, not because I am giving you special treatment. If there is a recruit that you feel would be better working with someone else, you assign them correctly. I respect your judgment and I trust you to run the parts of the army you currently manage."

"So what difference does it make if we are lovers? It means nothing more than happiness, just like you said Malek and I should have together. I want a reason besides rank." She glared at me again. She looked beautiful even when she was angry, possibly even more so. I knew this would be the next logical argument she would take, and had already planned my response.

"Because it has the potential to cost me two friendships," I sighed.

"Whose?"

"Yours and Malek’s."

"I am sick of this discussion. Malek thinks I am an object for you to give to him. If you agree, then you are a bigger fool than he is." She crossed her arms and concealed her breasts.

"You are not an object, Shlara," I tried to apologize.

“You say that, yet you and Malek are discussing and dictating what I should do as if my opinion does not matter. Malek asked you to speak to me. And you agreed. Neither of you considered that I am a person capable of making my own choice. I am not just looking for someone to fuck. If you don’t want me, I don’t just want the next man in line who does. I don’t want Malek. I want you. But that does not mean that I belong to you. I am not yours to give to Malek." Shlara took another swig from her wine. "Good night, Kaiyer," she said without emotion. I was surprised by her dismissal of me and I searched her green eyes for confirmation.

"Sorry," I apologized quickly. "Thank you for your time tonight." I pushed off with my hands and launched myself to my feet. My head swam for a spit second and I took a small step back to balance myself. I walked to the exit flap and looked over my shoulder. She stared at me intently but didn't say another word. Her face had about as much emotion on it as it did when she read a battle strategy map.

A few of Shlara's warriors nodded as I left the perimeter of her tent and walked back to my own spot in the camp. The air blew cooler outside than it had been in her dwelling, or perhaps the effects of the wine and her half-naked body raised the perceived heat. I needed some release and a brief sprint to circumnavigate the camp would help take the edge off of my hunger. I cut a line to the outskirts of the camp and ran around the soft fires and sharp conversations that took place around them.

A few other warriors jogged on the dirt trail we had worn around the site. I was in no mood to converse with anyone else or have a training partner, so I passed them all with ease. My footfalls landed hesitantly at first as the gallons of wine tried to disrupt my balance and thoughts. After the second mile, my head cleared and my pace became easier.

It was difficult to figure out where I went wrong with Shlara. I wasn't used to failure and our relationship always struggled when I tried to convince her that we should keep our union professional. She couldn't seem to see the situation from my point of view and I had run out of ways to say the same thing to her.

I stopped running for a second as a realization struck me. I was so opposed to us being lovers that I had never clarified why she wanted to be my lover. She always positioned it as something that would benefit me, but I wondered if there was more at stake in her argument. Ten years was a long time to carry an interest in someone that did not return the affection. She could easily have her choice of any of the men or women in the army.

Did she love me?

I realized that Iolarathe had not entered my mind once while I had been in the tent with Shlara. Maybe Shlara was right and I needed the release and comfort that she could provide. Would I stop dreaming about Iolarathe if Shlara slept in my bed every night?

But what of Malek? Of course he would be too proud to admit it hurt him, but it would. He had admitted to both of us that he loved Shlara. How could he stand knowing she chose me and not resent me, not hate her? It would change the dynamic between the three of us. Aside from the obvious issue of favoritism as I had already discussed with Shlara, I would lose the bond I had with Malek. How could the two of them, or the three of us, ever work effectively together?

I began to run again. A small river ran on the outskirts of the camp and I wanted to rinse the sweat from my body before I returned to my tent to stretch. The path here was rockier, but the light from the green moon was enough for my enhanced vision to guide me. The moon shone half full and the edges of it bent slightly as the atmosphere of the planet twisted the light that it bounced off the sun. Entas had told me that each star in the sky was another sun that had other worlds that spun around like dancers; many of these other worlds had their own moons. I once asked him how he knew so much and he laughed at me for a solid minute and then told me I should only worry about the sacrifices I would make.

I had never pressed him again.

Half a dozen men and women bathed in the river, but they paid me no heed. I waded into its icy grasp and then submerged myself until I couldn't differentiate the beating of my heart from the pulse of the Earth and the Water around me. My extremities numbed and my toes tingled as the water slowed my blood. I came up for air and repeated the process until my mind became as relaxed as my body.

The night air was still warm and I didn't bother to dry off before I walked back to my tent. It was a few hours after dinner and the camp life died down to spats of soft whispers instead of the roar of a celebration. I only encountered a few sentries and couples whispering to each other as they strolled along the paths between the cooking fires. Our last battle had been such a pivotal victory that we gave everyone but Thayer's warriors a break. They were doing a cleanup and pillage of the Elven remnants.

I nodded to my attendants as I approached my tent.

"You have a guest, sir," one of them said. "Would you like some food or drink?"

"Water, bread, and cheese would be excellent," I said. I was sure Malek waited inside and I knew that this conversation would be quick. He would be disappointed with the news, but maybe the eventual outcome would be what he wanted. Shlara had dismissed me easily. Perhaps she would stop pursuing me?

"Where did you go?" Shlara whispered when I pulled open the flap of the tent.

"I went for a run to clear my head." I tried to hide my surprise. She lay in my bed with a thin sheet covering her naked body. I assumed she was naked because of the pile of clothes neatly stacked on the chest at the foot of the raised mattress.

"Looks like you also swam in the river. We should get you out of that wet uniform and someplace more comfortable," her voice muttered in sultry overtones while she bit her bottom lip. I was about to respond when a voice called my name from outside the tent. I held my hand up to Shlara in our sign language to wait and then walked to the flap. It was my attendant with a large tray of water, bread, fruit, and cheese. I thanked him quickly and carried the meal inside my dwelling.

"Remove your clothing, bring over the food, and get in bed with me," Shlara demanded impatiently.

I almost started to undress at her command but stopped myself.

"I thought you weren't interested anymore. You dismissed me rather easily."

"We should not speak about anything that doesn't involve our lovemaking." Her face narrowed.

"Shlara . . ." I began.

"Stop. I'll give you what you want if you give me what I want," she pleaded with me. She sat up slowly and kept her hand across her chest to keep the sheet from falling off of her breasts. I was surprised that she acted so modest but I realized that the act of keeping them hidden from me at this moment made me desire to see them more. She must have realized the same thing.

"What do you mean?" My head spun and I could feel myself become more aroused at the thought of her beautiful body in my bed, her legs wrapped around my hips, her mouth moaning my name, and her wet entrance accepting me. Fuck, I didn't understand women. Hadn't she just kicked me out of her tent?

"You want me to pursue other lovers, I desire you. Let's be together tonight. One night of passion and lust. Tomorrow morning, if you still want me to find someone else, I will." She smiled lightly, as if to prove her nonchalance about the implications of us being together, then beckoned with her finger toward the bed.

I realized I held my breath and I slowly let it out as I tried to control the thoughts battling in my mind. Shlara was my best general and even though she said this wouldn't damage our relationship, I couldn't shake the apprehension. My body certainly disagreed with my brain. Shlara had to see my erection trying to rip free from the crotch of my wet pants as I stood before her.

"You are always so methodical and cautious," she said it like she read my mind. "But there is no risk here. You've told me before that you don't have any lovers?" I nodded but recalled Iolarathe demanding that she would be my only lover. That was a lifetime ago; before she killed my brother and father. I needed to stop thinking of her. I needed to forget the past and focus on eradicating the Elvens. Shlara was my best weapon in that effort.

If she needed this from me I should give it to her.

I walked toward the bed and set the tray at the foot. My tunic was wrapped around my body and secured by a light cloth belt that went across my waist. I undid the tie and shrugged it off before dropping it next to the tray. Her heart beat rapidly from the other side of the bed and her green eyes burned brighter than the oil lamps in my tent while she studied my bare chest.

I don't know how long we gazed at each other; it felt like we hung balanced on the precipice that would alter our relationship forever. Neither of us wanted to speak for fear that we would both slide either down the cliff or away from it. Then I realized that we had been approaching this confrontation for a long time. Warmth spread across my body. I was blushing and the thought of it made my face burn more. She smiled back eagerly and took a deep breath when I stepped toward her.

My right hand reached out and ran through her dark brown hair. It felt cool and smooth when compared to the hot air inside of my tent. Our eyes remained locked and her mouth opened slightly and let out a soft moan at my touch. Her left hand reached up to touch mine as it stroked her hair and her right reached across the bed to my stomach. I gasped when her fingertips brushed against my abdominal muscles and trailed down toward the bindings to my pants.