The Hot Corner (20 page)

His agent agreed.
“Brad’s going to be one of the best of all time. And a Dodger for life. His contract is up this year and he’s in line to be the top free agent on the market. His first and only choice is to stay with the team that selected him. He’s told me to get it done and to make it fair. He doesn’t need to be the highest-paid player in the game, even though he could be. He wants the Dodgers to be competitive enough to win, and that means sacrificing some salary to do it.”

His loyalty had always been one of his best qualities, and one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. Yes, I’d hated the bevy of girls that had been after him at every turn, but I’d never truly had to worry, and I’d known that. I’d known it up until that fateful day in Omaha when my whole world had exploded. But I was starting to wonder what I’d really seen. Could all the people who spoke of his loyalty be wrong?

Pam said there was no way he could have cheated on me. Of course, she didn’t know what I’d seen and heard. Brad said he was committing to me again, which was both flattering and alarming. Did I want him to? Did I trust that he even could? Wasn’t it too early? We’d spent one night together. An incredible night, but still. Maybe he was having problems with the past and the present, just like I was. It was easy to fall back into the couple we used to be, or at least to pretend until something came along to jar me back to reality. When he touched me, though . . . God, it was just perfect. Just like it used to be.

I needed to ask him what was real, but I was scared to. If he hadn’t cheated on me, if by some possibility I’d been wrong, I had cost us seven years. We’d have been married by now, with a child, maybe two. We’d had a plan. We were going to graduate, find out what team he was going to, find a job for me wherever he was training, and get our own little place. He’d move up to the pros, and I’d go with him. It wasn’t like I’d be giving up anything. I’d just wanted Brad, until my dreams had shattered with one blond Bailey and three little words.

I grabbed my phone, highlighted her name, and waiting impatiently for an answer. “Hello?”

Just the sound of her voice had me smiling. “Mom.”

“Sweet girl! I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing?”

She knew, of course. She knew where I was and who I was with. “I’m confused.”

She laughed lightly. “Of course you are. How are you holding up? Did you notice I hadn’t called? I was trying not to pry.”

I had to laugh. “Since when?”

“Oh come on, baby. You know I’ve always let you and your brother live your own lives.”

“How is Mikey?” I asked.

“Loaded down with exams and rounds at the hospital. Do yourself a favor and when you talk to him, don’t ask for details. I’m still having nightmares from the stories he’s told me.”

I’d heard a few. “Who knew there were so many things to remove from the human body?”

“Gross! But I know you didn’t call me to talk to me about your brother. Tell me how it’s going. What’s it like to see Brad again?”

I curled my legs under me and rested my head against the arm of the sofa. “Well, confusing. Difficult sometimes, but other times it’s easy. Exhilarating but exhausting. It’s just weird. He’s so different from the Brad I knew, but then he’ll say or do something that makes me think the old him is still in there somewhere. Then he’ll be an arrogant jerk again, and I’ll get mad, and it’s a vicious cycle.”

“So have you kissed him yet?”

“Uhhhh . . .” I felt my cheeks heating like I was fourteen and discussing sex with her for the first time.

“That’s a yes. How was it?”

She knew me too well. “Incredible.”

“Isn’t that interesting? And how was the sex?”

“Mom!”

“Are you scandalized because I asked, or because I know you’ve been intimate with him?”

“Both!”

Mom and I had always been open about things, but she’d never been quite so bold as to flat out ask me about sleeping with anyone. I’d always thought we had a mutual understanding that even though it happened, we didn’t need to acknowledge it.

“Dani, you’re nearly twenty-eight years old and I’m more than aware you’re no virgin. I’m not asking for details, just if things between the two of you were like they used to be.”

“Better.” When my mom laughed, I sighed. “Time has gone by and he’s had loads of women since me, so he’s learned some things, but most is still the same and he can still drive me wild and I can’t believe I’m discussing this with you.” I felt like I’d run a marathon after my overly descriptive commentary and gasped for breath.

“You called me for a reason, honey. You obviously need to get it all out, so I’m here to listen. No judgments. So now what?”

She was right. This was what I needed, to unload on someone who’d been there back then and was still with me now. Most of my friends from college had faded away, save for the occasional birthday card, Christmas letter, and Facebook post. It had hurt too much to be around them after the breakup. They’d been Brad’s friends, too, and the pity, the questions, had all been too much for me.

“He wants me.”

“Well, of course he does.”

I shook my head. “I don’t mean in
that
way, although that’s true, too. He wants to start over, I guess. Try it again. Go out and see what we are now. He said he’s never had a relationship since me.”

“And do you want to start over?”

“I don’t know. A part of me does and another part of me is afraid to trust him again. He’s been with a lot of women, Mom. A lot of beautiful, perfect women I couldn’t even remotely compare to.”

“Now you just stop that train of thought right now, missy. You’re just as beautiful, if not more so. And as you pointed out, he hasn’t committed to any of those women. You’re the one he dated for two years. You’re the one he wants to date now. That should tell you something.”

“Maybe he’s mixing up the past and the present, just like I am.”

“Maybe he is. Maybe you both need to take some time and get to know who you are now, together and apart. Then you’ll see if you want to move ahead.”

“But how can I? I still don’t know if . . .” I closed my eyes. “I’m starting to wonder if I got it wrong seven years ago.”

She was silent.

“Mom?”

“What did I tell you at the time, honey?”

“You said Brad loved me, and he wouldn’t do what I accused him of doing, and I needed to ask him what really happened. But I couldn’t because I didn’t want to hear him say it again, that he loved someone else. That he loved Bailey.”

“Well, can you ask him now?”

That was the million-dollar question. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to know the answer. Either it’s true and he’s a jerk and then I shouldn’t be with him now, or it’s not true and I robbed us of seven years of our life together. He may never forgive me for that, and I don’t know if I’m ready to risk him knowing.”

“You’re many things, Dani, but I never thought a coward was one of them.”

Tears sprang to my eyes and I gasped. “Mom!”

“It was understandable for you to run back then. I didn’t like it, but I understood it. You’d just suffered your first heartbreak, you were young and immature. You’re none of those things now. There’s no excuse for you not to face what happened. You both need to if you’re going to move forward. Do you want to move forward with him?”

I squinted and wiped the tears away. “I don’t know. I don’t think it matters.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t think I’m capable of stopping myself from being with him. He gets to me like nobody else ever has.”

“I know. I always loved how you two could push each other’s buttons. I have to admit, I’ve missed my little firecracker.”

I frowned and pulled at a loose thread on the cheap sofa. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean. You’ve always been quick to fire, with a temper like mine. I haven’t seen that in ages. You’ve become very controlled. It used to drive me nuts, the way that ex-fiancé of yours talked down to you and you let him. That meek thing wasn’t the girl I raised.”

“I wasn’t meek.”

“You let him parade you around like a show pony without saying a word. What would you call it?”

“Damn, why don’t you tell me what you really think? I’m a meek coward. Anything else you’d like to get off your chest?” I was sorry I’d called her. So much for the sweet comfort and gentle guidance I’d been seeking.

“You’re neither, deep down inside. I just want to see the real you again, baby. I love you and I want you to be happy. You haven’t been in a long time.”

My shoulders slumped. “Why does everybody keep saying that? I haven’t been unhappy. I’ve been content.”

“You’ve been bored. Tell me that isn’t true.”

I wanted to, but she was right. “So?”

“So are you bored now?”

I sighed. “No. Honestly, the last thing I could ever be around him is bored.”

“Good.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side? What kind of mother are you?”

She laughed. “I am on your side, baby. This is the first time since college that you’ve called me to vent about a boy. And it’s the same boy, which means he matters. Do you love him?”

“No. I don’t know him. I did love him. I loved him so much it shattered me when it ended.”

“And you’re afraid he could shatter you again.”

I shivered. “I know he could.”

“Good. That’s the kind of relationship I want for you, honey. One that matters so much it would wreck you if it ended.”

“I don’t know if I could survive it again.”

“You can and you will. You’re made of strong stock, Danielle. You’re my daughter.”

“I don’t feel that strong, not when I’m around him and he’s tempting me.”

Mom snickered. “Well, giving in to temptation can be lots of fun. Do you want him?”

“Physically, yes. But I don’t want the player he’s been since we broke up. But I tell myself that and then I’m around him and I forget myself.”

“It’s about time you forgot yourself!”

“Mom.” I threw my hands up.

“Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I am going to tell you that you should do what feels right. You have to stop looking for the old Brad or judging the one you think you know, and get to know who he is now. And show him who you are, too.”

“Apparently now I’m controlled and cowardly.”

“No, that’s who you were with Jason. When Brad says something you don’t like, what do you do?”

“Yell at him.”

She laughed. “That’s my girl.”

“But I am scared, so I’m a coward.”

“You’re only a coward if you run away from him and the book and go back home. You’re not going to run, are you?”

“No.”

“That’s what I needed to hear. As to the rest? Wait and see. If you’re not ready to talk about what happened in Omaha, then don’t. See what’s there between you now and then deal with it if you both decide you want a future. If you were right and can get beyond what happened, then so can he if you were wrong.”

“That makes sense. Thanks, Mom.”

“Anytime, sweet girl. I’m here if you need me. I love you.”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

We disconnected, and I flipped on the television. Brad’s game was just starting and, sure enough, the camera was on him as they came out of commercial. I watched as he threw a smooth practice ball to first, and my heart flipped when he grinned at something the shortstop said. Yes, I was in trouble, but Mom was right. I had to deal with it or I’d live with regret for the rest of my life. Seven years had been long enough.

Chapter 18

It was silly to be nervous. I’d known the man for almost a decade and I knew every inch of his body. We’d been out countless times before, this was no different. It was just a date. No big deal. So why did it feel like my palms were sweating and my heart was going to leap out of my chest?

Nothing had changed, but it felt like everything had. True to his word, Brad had called me every night and we’d laughed and argued and flirted our way through each conversation. And maybe once or twice we’d gotten down and dirty.

Was I dressed casual enough? He said to dress like I was going to a fair, so I was wearing jeans and a button-down green blouse that matched his eyes. Maybe I should change. A T-shirt and shorts might be better for the weather. Was he taking me to a fair? Why was this so difficult?

Before I could change, there was a knock on my door. It looked like I was stuck. How should I greet him? With a kiss? A hug? A smile? It was official, I hated dating. It was too complicated. I pulled open the door and planted a smile on my face similar to a maniacal clown grin. Oh, God, I hoped we weren’t going to a fair. I hated clowns.

“Hey, Red.” Brad’s smile wasn’t remotely clownish. No, it was gorgeous, with shiny white teeth and perfect lips. “These are for you.” I tore my gaze away from his face and focused on the yellow flowers he held in his hands.

“Daffodils?” He’d never gotten me those before. “They’re beautiful, thank you.”

“According to the florist, they mean new beginnings. I thought it was fitting.”