The Memory of All That (13 page)

Chapter 25

David was right; her old self was slowly creeping back.

Marnie sat in the chair by the window and pulled her feet up so she could wrap her arms around her knees.

For days she had been living in a state of stunned stupor, unable to fully grasp the notion that all her memories were gone and the person she had been—the person she couldn’t remember—was an unlikable, untrustworthy, cheating wife.

I couldn’t have been like that, I just couldn’t,
she had kept telling herself. Denying the possibility she could have acted the way people described was the only thing Marnie had to hold onto. The alternative was to admit they were telling the truth and take to her bed in tears. She didn’t want to be that person. She would not accept it, no matter how many people told her. There must have been a reason she had acted that way—a reason no one was telling her, perhaps something they didn’t know.

She had been living in fear of the truth that she was really that terrible person; she admitted it to herself. Each new day awakened the fear of finding out more hateful things about herself and the fear of what the future might hold.

This is it,
she thought.
I can’t sit around letting people tell me who I was or what I did. I can’t spend my days worrying about what I did in the past and what is going to happen in the future. I have to take control of the only me I know—the me who’s sitting here right now, not the me who ran off with a lover who stole from the family company.

She got up and checked her pockets. Driver’s license, check. Credit card and cash, check. Car keys, check. She noticed another key on the ring.
It must be to the front door,
she thought,
or else the back door. I have to be able to get back into the house.

Picking up the jacket she had tossed on the bed, she hurried down the stairs and out the front door.
I’ve got to get away from here for a while.
She slid into the driver’s seat of the Mustang she had left parked in the circle drive. It was tempting to release some of the tension by driving the car to its limit, but common sense prevailed.
That’s all I need, a speeding ticket—one more thing to hold over my
head.
Retracing the path she drove earlier, Marnie found her way back to the mall. This time she drove the length of the parking lot until she found the main entrance and a parking place nearby. She mentally cursed the part of her brain that earlier led her to park in the same spot she had used when she ran away with Ray.

Entering the wide corridor, she searched until she found a store directory at the first intersection. Locating a toy store, she proceeded down the busy thoroughfare, ignoring all other shops along the way.

“Marnie!
Marnie!”

It took a few seconds before it registered in her brain that someone was calling her name. When she slowed her steps, a buxom blonde with a large rose tattoo above her left breast caught up to her.

“Hey! Where’ve you been, Marnie? I haven’t seen you since that party at Eddie’s place. Man, that was some scene, wasn’t it? How’ve you been?”

Marnie had given no thought to running into someone who knew her and was thrown off guard by this woman who was obviously acquainted with her.

“Er . . . I’ve been sick. Really sick,” was all she could think of.

“Gosh, that’s too bad. You do look a little under the weather. Or it might be because I’m not used to seeing you with no makeup on. You goin’ shopping?”

“Yes, I have to buy some things for my son, and I’m in a hurry. Bye,” Marnie said as she resumed walking the direction of the toy store. She might have come across as rude, but at this point, she didn’t care. She felt quite sure her old self wouldn’t care if she was rude to someone or not, and this Marnie didn’t care if she was friendly with the woman or not either. She knew she was never going back to any party scene or associate with the people who did.

Once she found the toy store, she spent an hour browsing the aisles, looking for things that would be both entertaining and educational. Wishing she had paid more attention to the things he already had and asked him more about what he liked, she decided to buy only a few toys. She didn’t want to bombard him with things, but to find more to challenge him and spark his creativity and learning. The choices he had at home seemed quite limited.

She picked out a dinosaur puzzle, animal dominoes, a rug that laid out the streets of a town, a set of buildings that went with the rug, and tiny people who worked in the buildings.

With those purchases made, she retraced her steps toward the entrance, which led her through the food court. Aromas assailed her from every direction, and her stomach reminded her it was well past lunchtime and she had only eaten toast and juice for breakfast.

She bought a large slice of pizza and a soda and took a seat at a small table half-hidden behind a potted tree. She had only eaten a few bites when a man approached her.

“Well, hello there. Long time no see.” He was dressed in a suit and tie. Marnie assumed he was a businessman, but the way he leered at her made her think he was a pervert.

“Remember me? Lonnie?” he said when she didn’t answer his first greeting.

“No. No, I don’t remember you.”

“Aw come on now, Marnie. You can’t have forgotten old Lonnie, not after the good time we had.”

“I said I don’t remember you, and I don’t want to.” She reacted quickly by gathering her purchases in one hand, throwing the rest of her lunch in a trash container, and striding decisively toward the exit.

The possibility she might run into people who knew her hadn’t occurred to her, but it couldn’t be helped. It was either stay home, imprisoned by the fear of encountering people from her past, or brace herself for such encounters and face the world.

Marnie had intended to go to the library next, but she decided to put that off until another day. She was anxious to get home and present Jonathan with the things she bought for him. She was looking forward to playing with him, teaching him how to play dominoes, and letting him show her the proper way to work a puzzle. She was smiling at the thought when she pulled into the garage.

Chapter 26

Marnie was humming as she browsed through the clothing in her closet. The hour she spent with Jonathan had lifted her spirits. He was thrilled with the items she had purchased. She taught him about matching the animals on the large cardboard cards, and they played several hands of animal dominoes. After the game, she spread the rug on the floor, and they discussed the proper arrangement for the buildings.

“See, we can’t put the fire station too close to the school because the siren on the fire truck would be too loud for the children studying,” he reasoned.

“That’s good thinking!”

“Let’s put it here, not far from the houses, so if they catch fire, the firemen can come in a hurry.”

“Where should we put the hospital?”

Together they arranged and rearranged until it suited Jonathan, and when she left to dress for dinner, he was busy running his cars up and down the streets of his pretend town. She made a mental note to be sure he had a small fire truck, police car, and ambulance to use with the set.

After a shower, she was again left with the problem of finding something suitable to wear. “Tomorrow I’m going to start weeding out clothes I’ll never wear again,” she said to herself. “Maybe then I can see what I have that isn’t too short, too tight, or too low cut.”

She finally decided on a voile skirt printed with blue and green swirls and lined with coordinating fabric gathered on an elastic band. She liked the way it flared and moved when she walked. With it she donned a silk and cashmere sweater. In a drawer full of costume jewelry she found a long silver chain that she added to the costume, along with silver bracelets and earrings. When she looked at herself in the mirror, the feeling she got made her hum some more of the tune that filled her head.

When she entered the dining room, she found Mrs. Grady scurrying around setting food on the table and muttering to herself.

“Good evening, Mrs. Grady. I thought I was late, but I see I’m the first one here.”

“Good evening, Miss Marnie.”

Marnie noticed the table was only set for two.

“Should I not have come?” she asked, thinking Ruth or David might have banned her from the dinner table.

“What’s that? Oh . . . oh, no, you’re fine. It’s Miss Ruth who’s not coming. She’s decided to eat in her room from now on. Mary will take her food to her and then serve you and Mr. David.”

“That makes a lot more work on you.”

“Not me, it don’t. Mary’s the one ‘ats got to see to her majesty’s whims, she is,” Mrs. Grady retorted.

“Am I the reason she isn’t coming to the table?”

“Who’s to know? She’s been terrible flighty since Mr. Robert and Mr. John died. Miss Celeste can get her out of the house, and she does go to the country club some or out to eat with her women friends, but she’s spendin’ more and more time in her room.”

“I just hate to be the cause of more work for you and Mary and Alice. Everyone did so much for me when I was sick in bed, and I want you to know I appreciate it, Mrs. Grady.”

“Luv, that’s one thing you always done right, never tried to cause us any more work, and always told us thank you. Alice says it’s ‘cause you come from working folks yourself, and not from money.” She headed back toward the kitchen but stopped and faced Marnie. “I’m not saying everything you did was right, mind ye’. You ran with an awful wild crowd, if someone hasn’t already told you, and you didn’t treat Mr. David or your sweet little tyke like you ought to have, but you tried not to make any extra work on the help, and you always said thank you. Your mama raised you right, that way, at least.” With that she pushed through the swinging door.

Marnie wondered if she would be eating alone. She put her hands on the back of her chair to pull it out when she heard David on the stairs, and within moments he came rushing into the room.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” He was gasping for breath. “I got to playing with Jonathan and let the time get away from me.”

“That’s easy to do,” Marnie said.

“Mother’s not here yet?”

“Mrs. Grady said Ruth is taking her dinner in her room from now on.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” David said irritably as he pulled out Marnie’s chair for her. “Well, I’m not bending over backward for her this time. Let her eat there if that’s what she wants. She’ll come out soon enough when she wants to know what’s going on in the house and at the plant.”

“What do you mean?” Marnie asked as she spread the napkin across her lap.

David passed Marnie the plate of chicken as he spoke. “When she gets mad about something or doesn’t get her way, she goes to her room and pouts.” He took the plate back and served himself. “She’s mad you’re still here, that I haven’t thrown you out on the street.”

“Well, I’ve wondered about that myself,” she responded as she spooned some mashed potatoes onto her plate.

“You said it yourself. Keep your enemies close.” He grinned, so she didn’t know what to think about that statement.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before David spoke. “You did a good job picking things for Jonathan. He’s excited about the things you bought. I had to stay and discuss his town for a while, then play a few hands of dominoes. That’s why I was late to dinner.”

“Yes, I played with him, too. I enjoy seeing him so happy.”

David stopped eating and looked at Marnie. When he spoke, his voice was low and quiet. “I should have done that before—bought him some educational toys. Now that I look at it, he has, or had, very little to play with. Mrs. Tucker is good to watch him, but she takes no initiative in pointing out things he needs. She doesn’t like to drive, she doesn’t like to shop, and she doesn’t take him to places outside the house very often.

“On the weekends I try to take him out to the park or to the movies, but I probably should take him shopping sometimes, too, so he can pick out things he would like.”

“Has he ever been in a toy store?”

“Come to think of it, he hasn’t. I’m sure you never took him, nor did I, and Mother surely wouldn’t.”

“Why do you say Ruth wouldn’t?” Marnie asked, refusing to get sucked back into what a bad mother she had been.

“Jonathan may be my son and her grandson, but he’s your son, too, and that offends her sensibilities. She found Mrs. Tucker when you became overwhelmed with taking care of a baby. In her mind, that is the limit of her grandmotherly duties.”

“She doesn’t play with him? Read to him? Love him?” Her voice almost broke with the thought of Jonathan’s grandmother not loving him, and all because of her.

“No. None of that.”

They were quiet for a while as they ate.

“Is there anything I can get for you?” Mary asked as she entered from the kitchen.

David glanced at Marnie and then answered, “No, thank you, Mary. I think we’re ready for dessert now.”

Mary brought individual bowls of banana pudding and started to clear the dirty plates and platters from the table. Marnie waited for Mary to leave before speaking.

“You know, there’s no reason for two people to work late just to serve our supper. I’m going to try to come down earlier to set the table, and I can carry in the serving bowls, too. If we need something else, I’ll get up and get it. There’s no need to have Mrs. Grady and Mary to wait on us.”

David raised his eyebrows, but when Mary returned, he said, “Just leave the rest, Mary, and go on home. We’ll take care of the dishes.”

She looked startled.

“Is my mother settled for the evening?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then carry those on into the kitchen and leave them. We’ll take it from here.”

He probably thinks I’m putting on a show. If that’s the case, he’s got another thing coming.
When they finished dessert, she rose and started gathering the remaining dishes. He picked up the rest and followed her into the kitchen.

Together they rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. David reached under the sink and retrieved the detergent and filled the dispenser.

“So you know how to do this,” Marnie commented, as she searched the front of the dishwasher for the right buttons.

“You bet. I do this on the weekends.”

“Did I ever help you?”

“Not that I can recall. As soon as you were through eating dinner you got up and left the room, and you were seldom around on the weekends, unless you were trying to wheedle me into going to some party or another.”

“Did I ever succeed? Did you go?”

“Not to the parties you wanted to go to. We went to ones my friends gave, but you thought those were boring.”

Marnie remembered what the blonde woman at the mall had said about a party and shuddered. She didn’t want to think about the kind of parties she might have attended.

“Tomorrow is Saturday. Why don’t you spend it with us for a change?”

A thrill of pleasure shot through her.

“There’s nothing I’d like more,” she answered.

“Mrs. Tucker reminded me again this evening that Jonathan needs some new clothes. I thought I’d take him shopping, and of course, do some fun things.”

“I’d love that,” she replied. “Do I usually join you two on Saturdays?”

“No. This will be the first time.”

As they parted and she went upstairs to her room, a broad smile filled her face and she was humming again. This had turned out to be a wonderful day.