The Scarlet Letter Society (17 page)

Zarina: I’d love it. Dinner, movie, drag queen karaoke? What’s it gonna be?

Joy: All of those things, hopefully at the same time. Lol

Zarina had been trying to convince herself the new relationship was just girlfriends getting together. But the more she’d spent time with Joy, the less she could deny her girl crush, and she wondered to herself if there was something more.

She heard the
ding-a-ling
of the door and jumped up, straightening the books on the coffee table. When she heard Stanley’s laugh at seeing her straighten up from the couch, she relaxed, putting away her phone (which struck her as odd because she hadn’t texted anything inappropriate) and turning around to smile at him.

He walked over to her, and despite his hipster skinny jeans and ironic black leather 80s bomber jacket, she thought he looked adorable. He hugged her, she hugged him back. She loved how he hugged her when they saw each other. It was so intense, so tight, like if he let her go he’d drown. And he always hugged for a good long time, too. Stan would hug Zarina for five minutes. He’d say “mmm” under his breath while he did it, too, like this hug was the best thing that ever happened to him.

When they finally stopped hugging, Stanley looked at her and said, “We need to talk.”

She thought to herself,
no fucking way would he break up with me after that amazing hug
.

“Or,” he said, seeing her concerned expression, “at least, I have something that I want to tell you.”

And then he looked straight into her eyes, practically into her soul, and he said, “I fucking love you.”

Zarina’s expression turned to mystery at first, thinking he was being sarcastic or overly dramatic for some reason that hadn’t yet been made apparent. And when she looked into his eyes, she saw he was serious.

“No,” Stanley said. “I love you. I mean it. I’m tired of thinking it and being afraid to say it because you might not say it back, or because the time is not right. I know that I’m emotionally challenged or something and that I never tell you how I feel. But life is too short not to tell your favorite person in the world that you love them. And so I want you to know that I really do love you.”

Despite her best efforts to stifle them, tears welled up in Zarina’s eyes, simply because she didn’t remember the last time someone had told her that in a romantic way. She couldn’t believe how happy it made her to hear the words.

So she looked at her sweet boyfriend, feeling happy he was hers. “You’re my favorite, too,” she said. “And I love you right back.”

And then they hugged again, even tighter than before.

Lisa, Maggie and Eva sat around the table at Zoomdweebies on the first Friday of September, exchanging their usual banter and laughter and stories.

Zarina found herself hoping that someday when she was their age, she’d have a group of friends that she felt so “herself” around as these women did with each other.

Caramel lattes all around; she brought apple pie crumb cake to them, and they loved it.

“Well we missed you last month,
EVA
!” began Maggie with her traditional flair.

“I really missed you girls, too,” said Eva. “I am so sorry I was unavoidably detained.”

“What does that mean? Charles had to upgrade to a heavier chain gauge to hold you to the bed?” said Maggie.

Eva smiled, raised an eyebrow, and pursed her lips at Maggie.

“Well it wasn’t exactly that kind of detainment, though I’d be up for it,” Eva said. “Charles and I just decided to take the day off and enjoy the city together.”

“Excuse me,” said Lisa. “You decided to
what the what
off?”

“I know, I know,” said Eva. “I’m not usually one to call in sick. But he made me this amazing dinner and put Pop Rocks in my vag for dessert, and then he asked me if I wanted to do like a New York touristy day, and we went to the Met and we did the whole carriage in Central Park thing, and then we went to see
Chicago
on Broadway. It was dreamy.”

“Pardon me for just one moment,” said Maggie. “I’m as big a fan of
Chicago
as anyone, but why are you talking about a Broadway musical when you just used the words “Pop Rocks” and “vag” in a sentence together? And did you also just use the word
‘dreamy?’
What’re you, Marcia-fuckin-Brady now? And horse carriage rides? Really? Tell me you weren’t riding through Central Park with Pop Rocks in your vajayjay.”

“It was surreal,” Eva said, laughing. “I took a shower obviously, those things are sticky. And the horse ride was the next day. It was weird that we spent this day together—he never takes days off either,” said Eva. “We just said screw it. Neither one of us is going to get fired, and God knows if either of us did, we’d probably breathe a sigh of relief. So we just decided to have fun.”

“Fun,” repeated Lisa.

“Yeah, what a concept, right?” said Eva. “It went by so fast. I think I hummed ‘All That Jazz’ half the way home on the train. I was sad it was over. Also, we had a little discussion about my wine drinking, but I convinced him I don’t have a problem, I just like wine. The whole trip was just what I needed after the stress at home with Joe.”

“Whoa, a smackdown with the French Chef? That’s as new as the day off. What is going on with you two, and in a related matter, what are you going to do about your marriage?” asked Maggie. “Have you thought about it?”

“Oh well yes, I’ve thought about it a ton,” said Eva. “And I still don’t know. It’s not like I can leave the boys. And how am I supposed to tell Joe to leave his own
house, right? So I made the decision, for now, to move into the spare bedroom. I am going to ask Joe for a separation, and if we work that out, we’ll tell the boys.”

“Why wouldn’t you just ask him for a divorce?” asked Lisa.

“Well, ultimately that’s what is going to happen, but in Maryland you have to be separated for a year before you can get a divorce unless you bring proof of adultery. It’s like the 16
^th
century. March the whore into the town square for the public stoning! So I’m just going to list my mom’s place as a second address for now and do the pre-separation thing, I guess.”

“And you haven’t talked to Joe about any of this, not even that you know about what’s-her-nurse?” said Maggie.

“I guess I’m going to need to do that this weekend,” said Eva. “But not with the boys around. Maybe we’ll go out for the most sad dinner ever. Ugh.”

“That doesn’t sound easy,” said Lisa.

“No, it’s going to be horrible,” said Eva. “But I have a feeling I’ll have a sense of freedom when I finally do it. And then as for Charles, it will be easier to see where that relationship could go while I’m not stuck under the dead weight of this one. But I have to say, some days I feel like swearing off relationships completely.”

“It’s just like Hawthorne says; ‘she didn’t know the weight until she felt the freedom,’” said Maggie.

“Anyway, speaking of books? I didn’t read the whole thing,” admitted Eva. “Started it though.”

“You might not even want to finish it,” said Lisa. “I thought it was depressing. Blume’s narration is as flawless as it always has been, but the story ends up being awful at the end.”

“The main character Sandy is so close to having it all together,” said Maggie. “She figures out what she wants, goes for it, then it all falls apart and she goes back to the husband that makes her miserable. Why would you do that?”

“Who knows?” said Lisa. “Why stay with someone who makes you unhappy?”

Eva looked at her.

“Who did you just ask that question?” she said to Lisa.

“Oh, well, we just learned you’re not going to stay with someone who makes you unhappy anymore,” said Lisa. “And as for me, it’s not like I am completely unhappy… I’m just sort of not really happy. I need to figure out a way to do something about that somehow.”

Maggie asked, “So if you’re not happy and you’re not unhappy, what are you?”

“Married?” said Lisa.

And they all laughed.

October 2012

“Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you? Or are you going back to the one you love?”

-
The One You Love
, Glenn Frye

Monthly meeting of the Scarlet Letter Society.

Zoomdweebies Café

Friday, October 5, 2012

5:30 a.m.

Zarina has copies of Madame Bovary at Zoomdweebies. Don’t blow it off just because it’s historical fiction, EVA
.

“The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread.”

-
The Scarlet Letter
, Nathaniel Hawthorne

Lisa opened the email at her laptop in the kitchen of her house in the subdivision in which she hated to live. She didn’t understand why they couldn’t be in one of the gorgeous brownstones downtown near her business, but her ever-practical husband Jim had insisted the property value would be better here. Since the real estate market had crashed, Lisa doubted it. The building where she rented her bakery was for sale, and Lisa had been trying to figure out a way to convince Jim that she should buy the downtown building. They could convert the two upstairs apartments into a two-level home that would be big enough for the two of them and even for the baby she yearned for.

She’d pick up her copy of
Madame Bovary
from Zarina, but this book club aspect of the SLS was getting disheartening Here she was, trying to find a way to justify potentially having an affair with her graphic designer, and all the literature
pointed towards adulterous women ending up dead, otherwise humiliated, or contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

And now that she had learned about Ben’s son, she wondered what it meant for their potential affair.
Is it really even a potential affair? How much of the mutual attraction is just in my head?
Every nerve ending in her body was alive when she was with Ben, and she couldn’t believe the feeling wasn’t mutual. She felt like he was attracted to her. They met, and her whole body screamed “JUST KISS ME!”

The thought scared the complete hell out of her.
What if he did kiss me?
She knew they’d end up sleeping together. Was that truly what she wanted? She thought so, but she wasn’t positive.

She tried to think about consequences and outcomes of an affair, but it was hard to think with her brain when her heart and her body were just telling her to go for it.

And it was at that moment, with Lisa deep in thought, staring blankly at the October SLS invite in front of her, that her husband walked into the kitchen.

“You look like you’re really concentrating on something,” said Jim. “What is it?”

Lisa looked at him. “Oh, it’s nothing,” she answered, composing herself. “I was just going over the bakery orders for the day. I need to get into town soon and fire up the oven.”

“Can we talk for a few minutes?” Jim asked as he walked over to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“What is it?” said Lisa, concerned at his tone.

“I just thought we should sit down and chat about a few things. We’re always just rushing around. I feel like you’ve been kind of stressed lately. This is kind of awkward to bring up, but I know that my—um, preferences about feet annoy you,” said Jim. “I’m ashamed of it. I really do try my best not to act on my fantasies that often, but the last thing I want to do is be a turnoff to my wife while we’re trying to have a baby.”