The Scarlet Letter Society (26 page)

“So I have news,” said Ted.

“Oh yeah?” asked Maggie.

“I quit my job,” he said. “And I’m leaving on a jet plane.”

“Nashville,” Maggie said, and she smiled, because she knew it meant he was following his dream.

“Yep,” he said. “I can’t believe a bunch of middle aged guys like us are pulling up roots and running away with our garage band like teenagers, but we are.”

“I had a feeling you’d go for it,” said Maggie. “And good for you. I will miss you, but it’s sure been fun to have you around.”

“Ah, Mags,” said Ted. “I’m gonna write a song about you. You’re the kinda girl a guy only meets once, and should write a song about.”

“Awshucks, Ted,” Maggie said playfully. “That’s a very sweet thing to say.”

And then she heard a familiar voice.

“Well look who it is,” said Wes, walking over with his mocha latte. “This one never shows her face in here.” He looked at Ted and tilted his head toward Maggie.

“You know Zarina is closed today,” said Maggie. “Sit down.”

“Sure I’m not interrupting anything?” said Wes.

“Nah, have a seat,,” said Ted.

“Now all we need is whatshername and we’ll have a real party,” said Wes, looking at Maggie.

“Kate?” said Maggie. “Her name is Kate. And fortunately for you, Ted knows about her now.”

“Yeah, Mags, what is going on with Dr. Strangelove?” said Ted. “You girls still gettin it on?”

“Do tell,” said Wes.

“Hoo-ha is complicated,” said Maggie. “It was a fun place to visit, and I wouldn’t rule out future encounters with women, but I’m not sure I want to live there.”

“That’s what I always said, and I didn’t even like the visit,” said Wes, making a gagging motion.

Ted looked at Maggie.

“Well, I guess we’re all ‘friends of Maggie’ here,” he said, “so I have another question. What’s going on with you and that first husband of yours?”

“I guess the same thing that’s always been going on,” said Maggie. “What do you mean?”

“I think you still love him,” said Ted.

“Well, duh, she’s cheated on every damn guy she’s been with for Dave and only Dave,” said Wes. “Why not
just
do Dave?”

Maggie felt awkward talking about this in front of Ted—they’d never really discussed her feelings for Dave. But now her life would be less complicated since he was leaving, without the need for some childish breakup. They could store away their time together, be thankful for it, and move on.

“I
am
doing Dave,” she said. “I even spent the night in the old house.”

“Oh, Lordy,” said Wes. “That’s a big one.”

“Yeah,” said Maggie, “I know.”

“You know what I think?” said Ted. “I think you’re so used to being the strong one, not letting go, being in control, that it’s hard for you to admit you need him.”

“Well thank you, Dr. Freud, for your analysis,” said Maggie

“What a sensitive and brilliant thing for a straight man to say,” said Wes. “He is absolutely fucking right, Margaret. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life bed-hopping. No offense, Ted.”

“None taken,” said Ted.. “I just think if Maggie’s never fallen out of love with Dave, it’s ok to admit it.”

“Well, I know I never stopped loving him,” said Maggie. “But I guess it’s been hard to say I needed anyone except my girls, but now they’re women.”

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with being married,” said Wes. “I love it so far. Can’t wait to leave for our honeymoon in Cancun next month. You straight motherfuckers take marriage for granted all the time. We just fought to finally get marriage legal and you’re all divorcing everybody. Anyway, if you married Dave again, you wouldn’t have to cheat on people with him.”

“Marriage? I obviously fail at marriage,” said Maggie. “But you boys are both right: I do always end up back in Dave’s arms. Maybe it’s because it is where I’m supposed to be.”

“Hear, hear!” said Wes.

They all raised their coffees in the air.

Lisa and Jim sat in the waiting room of the gray-walled doctor’s office nervously. A couple ten years younger sat beside them, and across the room a single woman who was ten years older. They glanced at the clocks, they glanced at their phones, they glanced at the brochure they’d been handed at the desk when they checked in. The other couple was taken to the back. They waited. The single woman patient was taken back. They waited more.

“Thank you,” said Lisa, under her breath, and without looking up.

“For what?” asked Jim.

“Thank you for coming here and doing this with me,” said Lisa.

“You shouldn’t have to thank me, Lisa,” said Jim. “We both want a baby. I feel bad that we haven’t been able to conceive one on our own, and we should do
whatever we can to make a family happen. It’s what we both want. You don’t need to thank me.”

“I’m scared,” she said.

“Why, honey?” asked Jim.

“It’s why I haven’t been asking you to come here sooner,” said Lisa. “I’m just scared of what we’re going to discover. What if something is wrong, and for some reason we can’t have a baby. It would be devastating to find that out.”

All those journal entries
, she thought.
I’ve written and written this scene out so many times and I just don’t know how it’s going to end. I want it to end with a baby in my arms
. Jim took her hand.

“Knowing something for fact is going to be better than wondering and worrying,” he said. “We need to find out where we’re so we can figure out where we’re going. I’m glad we’re here. It’s a first step in the journey that will hopefully end with our little family.”

“I never knew you felt that way about it,” said Lisa. “We’ve just never really talked about it that much.”

“Well one of things I realized,” said Jim, “Is that we weren’t talking enough. I’m not going to let that happen anymore.”

“Thank you for that, too,” said Lisa, and she smiled at her husband.

“Stop thanking me for things you don’t need to be thanking me for,” said Jim,. “I loved you enough to sell all those shoes on ebay, didn’t I? The new nursery is going to be so nice. One way or another, we will have our family. Ok?”

“Ok,” said Lisa, smiling.

They had talked about adoption and it was an option they were both willing to consider if they couldn’t conceive naturally. Egg donor, in vitro, surrogate mother, adoption, whatever it took was fine with both of them.

The nurse walked in. “Mr. and Mrs. Swain?”

And they walked back to meet the doctor at the fertility clinic.

Lisa had set up a table for three in the bakery and made chocolate croissants from scratch. It was nice to be able to prepare something for her friends. The coffee (nothing fancy here; they’d have to settle for cream and sugar) was brewing and the smell of the baking chocolate and pastry filled the air.

Maggie and Eva walked down the street together. Though Maggie wore a vintage faux fur coat and Eva wore a modern black one with clean lines, they were bundled in practically matching hats and gloves and scarves; Lisa knew the knit shop a few blocks over where the items had been made; she was a fan as well.

They opened the door, bringing in a whoosh of cold winter air. As she hugged the other two women she could feel the cold rise off their skin and clothing. Good mornings were wished all around. Lisa’s bakery had a small fireplace; it was gas and not as quaint as a wood burning fireplace, but it did the trick, and the women gathered around it, waiting to take off coats until the worst of the chill was off their bodies.

“So what’s going on with Stanley and Zarina?” asked Lisa.

“Kate called me,” said Maggie. “Apparently after being inspired by the glorious gay wedding on New Year’s Eve, the two of them went to Vegas and eloped.”

“Oh my God!” said Lisa.

“They’re adorable,” said Eva. “I’m so happy for them. Let’s surprise them with a little shower when they get back.”

“Definitely,” said Lisa. “I have to ask: did Zarina ever find out about you and her mom?”

“Nah, we decided it could just be too much emotionally for her, so neither of us said anything,” said Maggie.

“So you gave up our dead sluts book club, huh?” Eva asked Maggie.

“I never meant for the whole thing to turn into such a depressing monthly chore, for shit’s sake,” said Maggie. “I just can’t believe how far our society
hasn’t
come in dealing with women having affairs.”

The women took off coats, fixed their coffees and took seats by the fire.

“When a man is cheating on a woman, he has a mistresses,” said Eva. “When a woman is cheating on a man, she has a…a what? A mister? There isn’t even a word for it.”

“I read an article online at a women’s health website that referred to it as ‘affair partner,’” said Lisa, and the other women laughed as Lisa pulled out her perpetually present and well-worn journal.

“Well this month I did actually find a modern book about affairs, because I was trying to learn about myself and why I have been unfaithful over the years,” said Maggie, taking out her copy of the book and turning to a dog-eared page. “It’s not a novel and no women off themselves. Imagine that. It’s called
When Good People Have Affairs
, and the author Mira Kirshenbaum writes,

‘When a man cheats, he’s living up to the image of untrustworthy horndog; when a woman cheats, she’s betraying the idea that women are intrinsically faithful. Clearly, neither stereotype is true.’”

Lisa read the notes from the women’s health article.

“79 percent of women said having an affair with a taken man was never acceptable, a surprising 46 percent admitted to having done it--and more than half said they felt no regrets. When asked whether she’d rather be a mistress or a deceived wife, more than 62 percent opted for the former, saying the forbidden fling wasn’t part of a scheme to snag a husband and that they had no desire to marry the guy.”

“Well look at you two,” said Eva. “I was watching sappy movies and drinking wine and collecting sea glass, but I’m glad my fellow Scarlet Letter Society members have all been doing research!”

“You know, now that you’re divorced, you’re not technically cheating on anyone unless you count cheating on Ron and Charles with each other,” observed Maggie.

“And news flash: Ron and I are over. Fun while it lasted, time for both of us to move on. No hard feelings. He got a job at another firm. So wait, are you trying to throw me out of the Scarlet Letter Society, Margaret?” said Eva, smiling.

“Of course not,” said Maggie. “Once you’ve been branded, you’ve been branded. There are two types of women: those who have cheated, and those who haven’t. And once you have become a wearer of the proverbial scarlet letter, there’s no going back to the other side, even if you never cheat again.”

“What about you?” asked Eva. “I can barely seem to keep up with your life and ‘who’s zooming who’ as Aretha so charmingly called it.”

“It’s actually become surprisingly simplified,. I’m too old for this shit. Ted is leaving to go be a rock star,” said Maggie. “So I guess we won’t be seeing each other again since he’ll be in Nashville.”

“Wow,” said Lisa. “That is big news. What about Kate?”

“I like Kate,” said Maggie, and they all laughed. “But I’m not sure about a serious ongoing relationship. I was bi-curious, obviously, though I can’t say I even knew I was, but I don’t really know what that road holds for me if anything in the future. Of course as we all know I remain open-minded about it. You never know.”