The Touchstone Trilogy (75 page)

"Can't get to it.  Even after you opened the door, the shielding keeps us out.  And there's a reason you're asking that, isn't there?"  Maze isn't slow.

"Fell asleep last time here.  I can't be sure, but...just had a vague impression that Kalasa looked different in near-space.  Though I didn't see much more than platform room."

"Different how?"

"Lights," I said vaguely.  "Wasn't here long enough good look.  Also, I guess the Ddura can't come here, because I haven't heard any when in Kalasa, no matter how much fooling around on platform."

Maze thought this well worth looking into, but since I wasn't the least bit tired right then he took me back to Pandora and told me not to have any midday naps so that they could try and recreate the experience this afternoon.  He and Zee went to get some rest and Alay and Ketzaren took over babysitting, so I asked if they could help me have a shower.  I've really lost all tolerance for being grubby, and the greysuits had told me that my nanotech bandages 'breathe' and thus shouldn't have scads of hot water run over them.  Not until the burns are in better condition.

Coping with that took up a lot of the morning, and made all three of us rather giggly, but I felt a lot better afterwards.  It was nice to see Alay laugh.  She seems to open up a little on Muina, to talk more and hold her head higher.  She loves watching the lake, but the daytime temperature's dropping here again, so they decided not to let me sit outside, and instead we watched the latest aerial survey information together and then the latest episode of
The Hidden War
, which had aired right after we came to Muina.  It focused on the main character training fake-me and barely being able to understand the garbled Taren, and not being able to talk about her assignment with the rest of her squad.  We were having lunch when I had a channel request from Ruuel, something now possible even though he's in Kalasa because the door's been opened and more satellites are in place.

The request had a text opener of "Kalasa near-space," and when I accepted he said without preamble: "Should I interpret 'just a vague impression' as 'very certain but you were cut short last time you tried to tell someone and now need a reason for the delay in mentioning it'?"

It was difficult to tell if he was angry.  And everything I thought of in reply made me sound like I was being a smartass, so eventually I just said: "Yes."

"What precisely did you see?"

"The walls have glowing patterns in them, like electrical circuitry.  The platform has more.  They change colours when people go near them.  They reacted to the drones as well as to people.  They changed to a different colour near me."

Not a vague impression at all.  The uncharacteristically long silence before Ruuel responded told me nothing useful, then he said: "My error.  An unnecessary lecture at that juncture."

I wonder how often he does something he considers a mistake.  I'm willing to bet he hates being wrong, but always acknowledges it meticulously.  And to be fair I had to admit that his lecture hadn't been totally misplaced.

"Spirit of scientific discovery not exactly the initial reason I delayed waking myself up," I said, and dropped out of channel.  Not making Ruuel have to deal with my crush is a kind of weird gentleman's agreement we have.  He clearly doesn't want to respond to it.  Whether because he's in love with Taarel, or just doesn't think I'm attractive, or whatever, the end result is still him carefully keeping me at a distance.  So long as it's not open it's something handled relatively easily.  But I'm finding it more difficult not to react to him, to want to push him to react to me, which is why he gave me that little reprimand – because I didn't do what I was ordered just to prolong a dream about him.  I'm making his job harder.

Time to go back now.  I'm definitely going to be able to sleep – between Ista Temen's fortifier, and my general tendency to be kitten-weak at irritating moments, I've barely been able to keep myself conscious to write this.

Friday, June 20

Hard Rest

The Kalasa sleeping experiment was both positive and negative.  After ferrying some people and a pile more equipment to Kalasa I was established on the roof of a building one tier up from the flat central valley of the city.  A number of seats and a couple of tables had been set on the main portico above the door, sheltered on three sides by higher sections of roof, but with an excellent view out over most of Kalasa.  Ista Temen, very excited at being in Kalasa, and Maze and Zee sat with me, just generally chatting.  The idea was to keep me feeling comfortable and unstressed and safe, and for me to pay attention to any oddnesses I observed if I had a dream of Kalasa, but to not feel pressured to have one and most particularly to wake myself up if I had a nightmare or felt threatened in any way.

It wasn't very difficult to fall asleep, but I immediately started dreaming of Cruzatch climbing over the edge of the roof, and hurriedly had to wake myself up.  I didn't particularly want to go back to sleep after that, and instead sat talking with Maze and Zee about why I sometimes projected what I was seeing into real-space and sometimes only the sounds or 'sensations' – if you could call tearing chunks out of my own legs a sensation – and sometimes I don't seem to project anything at all.  Maze said he did get a very strong sense of threat just before I woke myself up, but that it wasn't as distinct and directional as it would be if Cruzatch really were about to attack.  He didn't quite say that he was detecting
me
as a threat, but I'm pretty sure that's what he meant.

I dozed off again after a while, but again didn't dream of coloured lights in Kalasa's near-space.  Instead I had a very interesting dream about Lantarens in Kalasa.  The shield was down and the sky very blue and bright above a clean and sparkling city, with whole bridges and a very remarkable central waterfall which poured straight down from where the bridges met high above.  There was a pool in the centre of the city between the platform buildings which is buried in rubble outside of dreams.

Hordes of people lined a major street all the way from the big entrance door to the central circle.  Officials and families and guard-types and a few dressed like Inisar had been.  And there were masses of kids, all of them dressed in a pale green-white and carrying huge armfuls of flowers, making a long procession from the entrance down to the central pool where they walked over this thin bridge through the water to give their flowers to the people waiting, who gave them a little crown of flowers in return.  Those at the front of the lines looked to be around ten, and those toward the end were at least my age.  Almost all of them were the same 'type' as Inisar, Ruuel, Taarel and Selkie – very dark eyes and hair and warm golden skin – which I guess suggests their appearance is a reflection of their descent from the Lantarens. 

There was music, too: a solemn, measured drumming and swirling, interweaving notes which mixed with the hushing roar of the fountain – pipes, I guess, both high and deep.  I glanced about for the musicians, noticing that the Tarens and Kolarens were in my dream as well, very astonished, which made me realise I must be projecting.  The Lantarens didn't seem able to see them, but a few near the biggest groups of greysuits were peering confusedly about, as if they sensed something.

I would have liked to watch more – there was so much – but in the time it took for two little green-gowned children to get all soaked and give out their flowers, this great black rock came and sat on my chest and pulled me out of Kalasa and into a sleep which didn't involve dreams or being aware of people around me or anything but nothingness.  Kind of refreshing, really.  When my mind finally came back, I felt physically blah, but still rested.

The first thing I noticed was that Zan was there.  That made me open my eyes, surprised, and then I noticed how heavy my arms and legs felt.  I was in my room at Pandora, despite Zan being there.  She was watching me – no doubt the interface had told her I'd woken up – and smiled when I turned my head toward her.  Zan's really pretty when she stops looking all serious and guarded.  She's very fine-boned and delicate – not that I'd care to take her on in a fight.

"Welcome back," she said.

"Did I get injured?" I asked, discovering uncomfortable tubes.  Then I looked at my interface and said: "When did it get to be the day after tomorrow? What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Dreamed about Lantaren ceremony, but had to go to sleep.  More to sleep."

"You exhausted yourself physically."  Zan moved aside as Ista Deve (who I like less than Ista Temen because I can almost see her mentally composing research papers about me) started checking me over.  I was awfully tired and incredibly hungry, for all that I seem to have been on a feeding drip.  "Not a safe use of talent, though usually not fatal if you're in good general condition."

Which doesn't exactly describe me – though sleeping for two days has given my legs more of a chance to heal, and they no longer start throbbing if I don't keep my feet elevated.  Twelfth Squad is on medical leave as well: all but Zan and Sora Nels were injured when two stilts turned up in the middle of one of the more difficult rotations.  Tahl Kiste is the worst, with lots of broken ribs and a crushed elbow.  Although it sounded like actually surviving was a very good result, none of the teams like being invalided out, and rather than have her squad fret over it Zan suggested they assist with babysitting me.

After I had something to eat – confusedly trying to question Zan and respond to half of First and Fourth Squad wanting to talk to me – I slept again until about midnight and now I'm still feeling gluggy but not like lead weights are tied to my arms.  Mara and Lohn were in the process of taking over from Maze and Zee so I could chat to them all for a while and hear their reaction to my overdone projection.

"Every historian on site in near-hysterics, practically gibbering," Lohn said.  "But at least there were plenty of drones recording the projection and we could distract them with the logs."

Mara snorted.  "And then trying to get them to make some sort of decision of whether they were staying or going, since anyone who was going had to come straight away since while you weren't in a critical state, this kind of exhaustion weakens the system far too much for us not to take you somewhere warm and keep you there.  We ended up having to station a second ship there to deal with the accommodation.  Second, Third and Fourth are still on-site."

"And you are not going anywhere near Kalasa until you're in full health," Maze added.  "Even then, given how energy-greedy that projection was, those who want another glimpse into the past are due to be severely disappointed."

"Think it was really true then?" I asked.

"That or you have a remarkable imagination," Zee said, wrinkling her nose.  "Did you have any awareness of what was going on beyond the visual?"

I hadn't, other than thinking it beautiful, but enjoyed hearing what First Squad thought about it.  Maze and Zee have gone to bed and I'm sitting on the couch in the babysitter's room, snugged between Lohn and Mara while I write this.  My legs feel much better and I'm allowed to walk to the bathroom by myself and everything.

Saturday, June 21

Botany

Spent the afternoon talking to Islen Dola, one of the senior greysuits trying to categorise a whole world's worth of plants.  He took me (and Zan and Lenton) on a tour of the greenhouse (conservatory?), where they're growing samples of plants – mainly things that they think might be edible, but also other potentially useful sorts of plants.  Between Tare and Kolar and Channa (which is a very rocky planet) and Dyess (even more ocean than Tare, with a mass of tropical islands), the greysuits know an awful lot about different sorts of plants and environments, but only Earth is tilted like Muina and experiences the same sort of seasonal shift.

Muina is really an incredibly fertile and inviting planet.  Even its oceans are freshwater, with a couple of saltier lakes, and only a few places desert-dry and lacking lush plant life.  All the planets the Muinans fled to seem horribly harsh and hostile by comparison.  Even with their overpopulation issues, the Tarens didn't leap to try and repopulate Dyess, or take Channa from the people living there because they're far from ideal.

Although Islen Dola was partly just showing the conservatory off to me, he also wanted to pick my brains.  As well as identifying any plants which even vaguely resembled Earth plants and saying what little I could about them, anything I could think of about seasons and plants could be useful.  I told him about how Mum puts tulip bulbs in the refrigerator so they'll flower properly, and about certain seeds in Australia needing a bushfire to trigger their germination.  He found Australian bushfires thoroughly distracting.

Zan levitated me about, which always makes me feel idiotic, but even though I can walk for short distances they prefer me not to stay on my feet for long periods.

Sunday, June 22

Decorative

I've been getting to know Twelfth Squad better.  The main surprise is Lenton, who though I've seen him being super-temperamental and who obviously felt he should be Twelfth Squad's captain instead of Zan, turns out to be a pretty okay guy.  Full of suppressed energy, but he focuses it on training and doesn't go around being pointlessly nasty or confrontational – except when he loses his temper, which I expect is exactly why he's not captain.

They're rotating through the morning and afternoon babysitting shift, and Zan had her whole squad come down for practice this afternoon, even Kiste, who can't do much more than sit with me and watch.  Kiste told me a little about the fight which landed Twelfth on medical leave, and I got a good vibe from him about how Twelfth is feeling about Zan now.  There's a kind of confidence squads seem to develop in their captains.  Even though these are people who were all raised together, they've decided to trust Zan's judgment, to accept her orders in bad situations.  I could never be a captain.  I'd loathe having to prove myself to people, and I'd stress out completely with the responsibility of making decisions for other people.  Not to mention the whole not being able to fight my way out of a wet paper bag issue.