The Train of Small Mercies (18 page)

The four friends watched the train sail quickly from view. There was a man on the outside of the caboose, also in a dark suit, waving with the mechanical motion of a metronome. The train's whistle moaned once more in the distance, and then the stillness of the air gradually returned.

Some of the men and women now turned their attention to the boys. One man in a baker's uniform took a few determined steps toward them, but the woman next to him said something that changed his mind. The man shook his head—in bewilderment, the boys thought—and then turned and walked the other way. The signs the mourners had held up high now slumped over their shoulders as they walked away. A few of them kept watching the boys, but mostly they fixed their eyes to the ground, some of them wrapping their arms around each other in comfort.

Michael walked nonchalantly toward the tree, and the others followed quietly behind him. There were hours still to kill before they were due home, but for the moment they were content to walk through the grass of the field and think about what they had seen—and what had been averted. They were waiting for Michael to speak. Only after they passed the tree they had been in and moved in the direction of the creek did Michael, without turning to them, call out in a surprisingly convincing Middle Eastern accent, “I can explain! Let me explain!” And then he began sprinting. It took the others only a second to recover, and then they began the chase, their delicate legs running hard once more, their slick faces turned fierce and unrecognizable.

B
oth couples were sitting around the patio table, the smell of chlorine now diluted since Edwin had added more pH. He had suggested that everyone could go back in, but no one trusted the water except him. He had been quiet since the incident with Georgia in the bathroom, and he was nervous that she might say something to Ted. But what could she say? Nothing had happened. Still, the joy Edwin had felt about the pool and the excitement of possibly seeing so much of Georgia over the summer had left him so fully, it was hard to believe he had ever let himself be that hopeful. Georgia might not want to come back. She had understood his intention, and her response was a clear rejection. The last thing he felt like doing was going to see the funeral train, which, they'd learned from the radio, was delayed by a couple of hours or more.

Georgia's face was still pink around her eyes and nose, but it appeared less irritated overall, and she said it no longer itched. She was resting her feet in Ted's hands, her legs stretched across so that the sun painted a lone white streak on her shin. Edwin alternately stared at her legs and looked away in misery.

Ordinarily, Lolly would have been more understanding toward Edwin about the chlorine mishap, but on this day all she could feel was contempt. He had ogled Georgia with no subtlety at all, and after insisting that everything was fine with the pool after Ted and she had complained, he was pouty and pathetic. As Lolly poured herself another glass of wine, she had the odd impulse to do something that would shock him. Take off her top and kiss Ted on the mouth? Make some crack about Edwin being sterile? She imagined piercing a small hole in the pool pump late at night, as he slept, and enjoying his frustration as he searched for the problem.

The twin Pyle girls were still in their backyard playing, their thin voices drifting over as Steppenwolf's “Magic Carpet Ride” came to an end on the radio. Georgia turned to make out what they were doing. The girls were still clutching their Barbies, who seemed to be in some disagreement about what they would wear that night to the drive-in.

“You know, I've never even gotten to meet Ling-lee?” Georgia said to Lolly. “I think it would be so fun to have her around and play with her, play dolls with her. Do all those girlie things. I think it's just so sad Ted never gets to see her.”

Ted lifted one of Georgia's feet and kissed the top of it. He let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I miss her, but even that sounds weird because I don't really know her at all anymore. I haven't seen her in three and a half years. I've gotten two pictures of her in all that time. I don't even know if she speaks English. That's fucked up. I don't even
know
if my daughter could communicate with me. And that's how Mai wants it.”

Georgia put her hand to his cheek. “Baby,” she whispered. Ted let his head drop to his chest.

“Sometimes I think about going to China, you know, but I don't speak the language, and I don't know if Mai would even let me see her. She hated me when she left.”

“Well, it was a hard time for her,” Lolly said. “And we don't need to get into all of that. You're not the same person now. But the thing is, as a father you have rights. By law, you could see her, I'm sure.”

“I don't even know,” Ted said. “I don't even know what the law says in China about that kind of thing. Mai took off so quickly. I should have gotten better informed about all of that stuff—my rights, the rules. My lawyer didn't tell me crap, you know? But I was really out of it back then. So I don't know what to think. I don't hate Mai for it. I don't hate her. I just flaked out on her. I was wasted so much of the time. The shitty thing is, I don't even know why. We used to have good times. The four of us would go out—those were good times, right?”

Edwin and Lolly nodded with appropriate vigor.

“Right, so why did I go and blow it?” Ted said. “That's the thing. We had good times. Mai. I loved her, and that's the truth. And I loved Ling-lee. But I pissed all of it away. And Georgia knows this is nothing against her. You know that, right, baby? I'm not saying—”

“Of course,” Georgia whispered.

“I mean, without Georgia, man. Anyway, Georgia knows this is not about her at all. It's about Ling-lee. So what was I saying?”

“You were just talking,” Georgia said.

“Yeah, I know, but . . . well, anyway. Yeah, I would love for Georgia to meet Ling-lee. It would be great if she could just spend a whole summer here with us. Take her to the beach, the park.
Here
, in your
pool
. Whatever she wanted to do. Whatever she wanted.” Ted looked into the sky, and it was unclear if he was past the point of starting to cry or on the verge of it.

“Why are you so sure that could never happen?” Lolly asked. “Seriously. Maybe it's time you look into what your visitation rights really are. I'm sure you have
some
rights. She's your daughter, too. Maybe the thing you're describing, a visit like that, could really happen. I would just say, Don't give up. She's still a little girl. You're still her father. You know how to reach Mai. Maybe it's time to see what's truly possible.”

The four of them sat in silence for a moment. They could hear the tinkling sound of an ice cream truck. Georgia thought that maybe Ted didn't want to talk about Ling-lee any further, and she started to say something about the speakers he had been building from scratch when he said, “God, I feel like my heart is about to explode right now.”

“Baby,” Georgia said, getting to her feet. “What's wrong? Your chest hurts?”

“No, no, I feel something is opening up inside me. Or something. It feels beautiful. Lolly is so right. I'm Ling-lee's father. What am I doing just
dreaming
like this? I should be able to see my little girl. Oh my God, Lolly!” Ted stood up and came around the table. He put his arms around Lolly and squeezed until she squealed in laughter.

“Lolly! You are a savior. I swear to God. I'm going to do it, Lolly. I'm not going to just sit around thinking about her anymore. I'm going to figure out what I can do. Even if I have to go to
China
. Thank you, Lolly. You've done something really deep for me!”

Ted wouldn't let go, and Lolly finally had to squeeze back. “I've just been talking—that's all,” she said. “One friend to another. You deserve to see your little girl. I know you love her. You could still be a good father to her. It doesn't have to be too late. Seeing her would be good for you. And good for her, too.”

Ted released her, but his entire body was vibrating. “Oh my
God
,” he kept saying. Georgia took his hand, and then he leaned down and hugged her just as hard.

“You're going to be a good daddy,” Georgia told him. Ted took her face in his hands and kissed her on the mouth for a long time. Lolly and Edwin looked at each other, and Edwin tried to smile at her.

“I just feel it, you know,” Ted said. “I've been so
stuck
. About Ling-lee, I mean. Like there was nothing I could do, and Lolly's right. I have rights. Regardless of what Mai says, I know I have some
rights
. Maybe she could even come this summer, you know. Why not?”

“Well, first things first,” Lolly said, “before you get too ahead of yourself. You have to find out how to contact your lawyer.”

“Yeah, I know his name. That won't be a problem,” Ted said.

“So start there,” Lolly said. “One step at a time.”

“You're right,” Ted said. “Just gotta take that first step.”

Edwin finished his beer. He couldn't remember being so unsure what to do with himself. He knew he had made Georgia uncomfortable in the bathroom, and Lolly was focused on everyone
but
him. Was it still because of the chlorine? Or was she suspicious about his insistence on trying to help Georgia? Without lifting a finger, Lolly had suddenly made Ted the happiest guy in the world. But Ted should have felt like that without anyone even mentioning Ling-lee, Edwin thought. He had Georgia! Now maybe one more piece of Ted's life was going to come together. Who could say? He and Georgia and Ling-lee might end up a regular family. And they might end up coming over to his pool all summer long. Georgia would be wearing her wondrous bikini, and she might find a way to say as little to him as possible. Ted would fill his pool with his tiny chest hairs, and Lolly would stay moody all summer. It was early June, and everything Edwin had dreamed about for the summer felt shattered into oblivion.

“You're a special person, Lolly,” Georgia said. “You really are. I've never thought to encourage Ted like that. We haven't really even talked about Ling-lee that much.” Ted shook his head in agreement. “I know he's sad about never getting to see her, and I didn't want to make him more sad by bringing her up,” she said. “But I just heard those little girls playing next door, and I don't know. I just thought of her—and mentioned her.”

“But don't you see?” Ted said. “You're the one that started this. If you hadn't mentioned Ling-lee, Lolly wouldn't have thought to say what she did. Don't you see, baby? It all started with you.”

“That's right,” Lolly said.

“Oh my God, I guess that's true,” Georgia said, and she smiled brighter than she had all day. “That makes me happy.”

“Yeah, of course,” Ted said. “You both have done this amazing thing for me. It's like this
harmonic convergence,
or something. Everything feels so opened up right now. No, you helped, too, baby.” Ted sat down and held out his hands in an invitation for her to sit in his lap.

Georgia wrapped herself around him, tucking her head under his chin. “It's funny,” she said. “This is a sad day for the country, but for us it feels like a celebration, suddenly.”

“That's right,” Ted said. He looked over at Edwin, who looked faint. “And we owe it all to Edwin and his pool.”

“Hardly,” Edwin said.

“I'm serious—think about it,” Ted said. “If you hadn't invited us over, Georgia wouldn't have seen those little girls next door, and she wouldn't have thought to say what she did about Ling-lee. At least not in front of Lolly like that. So all of
that
happened because you wanted us to be here to help kick off your new pool. Forget the chlorine. It's a great pool, Edwin. It's a damned great pool. Thank you, brother.”

“Thank you, Edwin,” Georgia said. She flashed her flawless teeth at him, and there didn't seem anything false or begrudging about it. Immediately Edwin's mood began to lift. He was probably never going to touch Georgia again, but he still wanted to be around her. He worked up some hope that she might come over and hug him the way Ted had hugged Lolly, but she remained in the chair.

But what Ted said had softened Lolly's anger toward Edwin, and she reached over and squeezed Edwin's soft, fleshy hand, then held it. He studied their hands intertwined like that. Maybe, Edwin let himself think, everything could start over from this day. If there was hope for Ted, why couldn't Edwin's life get better, too? Everyone was touching and smiling, and there was a vibe that Edwin could feel, a sense of new possibilities. And for the first time all day he thought about Robert Kennedy—not his funeral train, but Kennedy himself, his selflessness, his compassion for others. So much hope had died with him, it seemed. Who would stand up for so many who needed championing?

He didn't want to get bogged down in that thinking now, though. Something was happening here in their backyard, and he wanted to try to hang on to it as best he could. Ted did deserve to see his kid. They were all deserving. And if Georgia got to play with Ling-lee the way she wanted, then that was just more happiness to go around.

But could Lolly ever be satisfied if it just remained the two of them? He had his doubts. He looked at Lolly's face, and more than anything he wanted to take her into their bed and make love to her, with the sunlight streaming through the window, like the old days. He gently tugged on Lolly's hand, and she understood that he wanted her to sit with him. Lolly let her head fall back, closing her eyes, and a kind of serenity spread across her face in a way that thrilled Edwin. Then she stood up and positioned herself over him. She kissed him for the first time that day, and in the eagerness with which he kissed her back she let the last remnants of her anger drain away. Both couples were kissing now, and the girls next door pressed their faces and their Barbies' faces against the chain-link fence and watched.