Tonic (15 page)

But as I stood in front of my mirror that next morning, I didn’t have any answers, and I wasn’t ready to find them. I owed him a conversation I wasn’t ready to have. Because I didn’t know what to do with him, with us, and I knew he’d want answers. Joel was the kind of guy who
had
to have answers, which was especially annoying because, not surprisingly, I was exactly the opposite. I could go days without answers. Months even. But he’d never let me get away with it.

I brushed my hair and parted it before pulling it into a low bun as Laney crossed my mind. She’d set Joel up, and she’d set me up by not telling me what was going on. I had no idea what the conversation I was about to have with her was going to look like, but I was pissed. She’d never done something like this before, but then again, she’d never had this much power before. I felt like another version of a meat puppet, and it didn’t feel good.

Her words of warning about Joel rang in my ears — they were true. Eventually, there would come a time for me to choose, and I had a feeling that choice wouldn’t be easy or simple. What would I lose? Because I couldn’t have it all.
 

I took a deep breath and smoothed a hand over my hair, chiding myself for putting the cart before the horse. Maybe it wouldn’t come to that. If I shut Joel out, that would be the end of it.

The thought made my stomach turn.
 

I chalked it up to not having eaten and left the bathroom, trying to leave my feelings behind me. Brick by brick I built a little wall, sloppy though it may have been, to shield my heart from my head, at least for the day. And up went the mask of indifference as I descended the stairs and stepped into the kitchen.
 

Roxy sat at the table in her pink chenille bathrobe, sipping her coffee, and Kira was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Bunny?” I asked as I popped a bagel into the toaster oven.

“Still sleeping. Soon she’ll start school and will have to wake up early, so I’m giving her a break. What’s up?”

I turned as I poured coffee so she couldn’t see my face — she knew me too well to let the mask fool her. “Nothing much. You?”

She didn’t answer, and when I turned with my brows up expectantly, her eyes were narrowed. “Hang on, seriously. What’s going on?”

I rolled my eyes. “Jesus, Roxy. Nothing.”

“Is it Hairy?”

I felt the flush and knew there was no hiding it. But I didn’t have to tell her the whole truth. “Maybe. We got into a fight last night after Laney sent his nemesis into the shop without telling any of us.”

She flinched. “Cold.”

I ground my teeth. “Yeah. We’ll have words when I get to work. She set me up to executive produce this show and is undermining my authority, which makes me look bad in front of the entire crew. I don’t know what game she’s playing, but I don’t like it.”

Roxy blew out a breath. “Man, what I wouldn’t give to hear that conversation.”

“Oh, you will. Over vodka tonight?”

“Deal.”

The timer on the toaster oven dinged, and I slathered the bagel with cream cheese before wrapping it in wax paper. “I’ve got to run, my car is waiting. Have a good day, Rox.” I bent to press my cheek to hers.
 

“You too. Don’t let Hairy get you down.”

I smiled. “I’ll try. No promises.”

She twiddled her fingers at me before I turned and walked out, bag in the crook of my elbow, coffee and bagel in hand. The driver hopped out and opened the door for me, and I slipped into the back seat, setting my coffee in the cup holder so I could pick at my breakfast. Because I suddenly wasn’t hungry at all, not with the prospect of Joel and Laney less than an hour away. Instead, I worked on adding more bricks to the wall, fortifying myself, filling my belly with ice so I could freeze all of them out,
after
I breathed fire all over Laney.

By the time we got to Tonic, I was properly riled, my fury punctuated by my footsteps on the stairs like an angry metronome. When I opened the door to the apartment, Laney stood behind an editor, watching back the footage of Joel in Hal’s face.

She looked over at me and smiled. “You’re welcome. This is
fantastic.
”

My eyes narrowed. “A word, please?”

Her head tilted as she assessed me, amused. “Sure.”

I followed her into the office with all eyes on us and closed the door behind me.
 

Laney sat on the edge of her desk and crossed her arms. “Yes?”

“Don’t give me that, Laney. You chose me to be the EP for this show, and then you undermine me at every opportunity. What gives?”

“Would you have put Hal on the show if I’d suggested it?”

I frowned. “What kind of question is that? This is my job, isn’t it?”

“Last I checked, but you wouldn’t have done it.”

I evaded the accusation. “Not that you even respected me enough to tell me. You blindsided me instead. I was saving Hal for later in the season. It’s too soon — we’ve barely gotten started and you’re going to throw the ace in the hole at Joel? You showed your hand too soon, Laney. And now? Now he’s pissed and doesn’t trust us. You made me look like an asshole in front of everyone, and you undermined me. How am I supposed to produce people who don’t trust or respect me?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Did you fuck him when you went into the back room?”

I kept my face still, though the traitorous flush flared up my neck. She didn’t know for sure, which was a good thing. “No. I let him yell at me, and I yelled at him.”
And then he went down on me like a rock star and laid his naked body all over me, but whatever.

She watched me as she dragged in a breath and let it out in speculation. “Well, I’m sorry to blindside you, but at present, I don’t trust your ability to make decisions when it comes to Joel.”

The flush was now accompanied by the tingling of fear and anger. “Are you serious?”

“If you can’t do your job, then I have to do your job. We can’t fail, Annika. This has to be an instant hit, and I need you on point to get it there. I want you to succeed. I want all of this to be yours some day. I want to give you the opportunities that I had to work and hustle and climb for. But you have to be on board utterly and completely. Otherwise, you’ll be washing some slob’s dishes in Hoboken for the rest of your life. Got it?”

My jaw clenched, though I knew it wasn’t a threat — it was a truth. “Got it.”

She smiled at me sadly and stood. “I get it. I do. But you’ve got to play this smart. Don’t throw it away. Okay?”

I tried to smile back as my fears climbed up my throat. “Okay.”

Joel

The shop bustled with action as the crew set up for the day, and I leaned my chair back, boot propping me up, as I doodled absently on a legal pad, trying not to watch the door for Annika.

I had no chill, not when it came to her. Not as the seconds ticked down to when we could be alone to talk.

The bell dinged, and my eyes shot to the door, but it was just Shep and Ramona. They waved as they headed back to makeup, and I jerked a chin in lieu of a greeting, my nerves jacked to the point of no return.

I was just contemplating a shot of Makers when she walked in. Her face gave nothing away — the cold, blue eyes and stern line of her lush, red lips — as she greeted the people she passed, actively avoiding making eye contact with me. She jumped straight in, talking with the main camera man — I didn’t have all the lingo down for their jobs yet — then I watched as she walked back to makeup.
 

I relaxed my knee until the legs of my chair were all on the ground, stashed the notepad and stood, not ready to take no for an answer. But I stopped myself from following her, practicing restraint, walking instead into my booth and to my desk. What did I expect? Did I want her to run through the doors and bound into my arms? Swing by and give me a kiss? Lean on the counter and bat her lashes at me?

It was what I wanted, but I knew better. Generally, I was smarter than this, but I found myself twisted up by the drive to talk to her, touch her, kiss her again. The drive to know that it wasn’t the only time I’d get to have her for my own. Because there were so many things I wanted to do to her still. So many things, and I couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to.

So, I resolved myself to being patient, and for the first half of the day, it wasn’t too hard. But with every avoided glance, with every time she dipped out of the room or the conversation when I entered, my patience thinned, and by the end of the day, I was ready to blow.
 

I was on my way to find her after she’d disappeared into the back, and when I entered the hallway, she tried to step past me, but I wouldn’t let her pass.

“Excuse me,” she said, her eyes over my shoulder.

“I wanted to talk to you about the Samoan tattoo segment for next week.” It was the best excuse I could come up with after thinking about it quite literally all day.
 

She gave me a tight smile, though she still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Let’s talk about it later,” she said, trying to move around me again.

I put my hand on the wall next to her head and leaned in just enough. “This can’t really wait.”

I saw her swallow, the humorless smile still on her face, but her eyes were wild. “Okay, then.”

“This way.” It was a gruff command, and I grabbed her arm gently, guiding her toward my office, closing the door behind me.
 

She stood against the far wall with an office chair between us, and I smirked, envisioning her just like this the night before.

“You keep doing that.”

“What?”

“Trying to put something between us. Why is that?”

“It’s safer that way.”

I stepped around the chair. “For you or for me?”

Her eyes finally met mine, piercing my heart, stopping me in my tracks. “For both of us.”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

She stood up a little straighter, squaring her shoulders in preparation, like she’d been planning the speech all day. “Last night was … well, it happened, but it can’t happen again.”

I laughed — I couldn’t help it. “And why not?” I stepped closer, closer enough to smell the flowers again, nearly driven mad with curiosity as to what they were. “Because you told me last night that you wanted me. That you wanted this.” I slipped a hand into the curve of her neck, running by thumb against her jaw. “Tell me I’m wrong,” I said as I leaned in, my lips on a track for hers. But just as they were about to connect, she sucked in a breath and laid a hand on my chest, dipping her chin to stonewall me.

“Joel …”

I tilted her face so she’d meet my eyes again. “What’s stopping you?”

Her lips parted to speak, but she said nothing at first, her eyes searching mine. “This is my job. I can’t get …
involved
with you or it could impede my judgement, and I’ve worked too hard to throw that away just because I’m hot for you.”

My smirk was back. “You’re hot for me?”

She gave a smile in return. “Just as hot for you as you are for me.”

My tongue wet my bottom lip, and her eyes darted to my mouth, lingering there for a moment. And I knew she wanted me. To what degree, I had yet to determine. So, I lied for the sake of getting what I wanted.

“This doesn’t have to be complicated, Annika. It can be simple.” My thumb found the hollow behind her ear. “It can be easy,” I said as I leaned in, my hot breath rebounding off her lips. “You’re here. I’m here. And when this is over, you’ll leave, and I’ll be right here. It’ll be like nothing ever happened.” I closed my mouth over the swell of her bottom lip gently, sweeping my tongue across it.
 

Her lids fluttered as she sighed, and I felt a hundred feet tall and bulletproof.

“What do you say? Give me a shot. I won’t disappoint you.”

A flicker of fear lit in her eyes. “I know. But how do you know I won’t disappoint you?”

“I don’t. But that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?”

She tried to look away again, but I held her face.

“Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll walk away.”

Her eyes bounced between mine again, and she swallowed as I waited, the moment stretching on and on and on until finally, she spoke, her voice smoke and fire. “I could say it, but it would be a lie.”

Sweet relief and a smile on my lips were my body’s answers. “Then it’s settled. We’ll keep it on the low. You do what you have to for your job.”

“Even if it means hurting you?” she asked quietly.

My heart lurched, but I smiled. “Don’t worry, princess. I don’t break easy.” And then I pressed my lips to hers, feeling her relief and my own at the contact. She melted into me as I pressed her into the wall with my body, and I wondered way in the back of my mind just what I’d gotten myself into.

Annika

BREATHLESS.

WHEN HE STEPPED BACK, he actually took my breath with him.

I had no idea what exactly had taken over my body, but I was drunk off it. My hands were still on his chest.

“Okay,” I muttered.

“Okay.” He smiled, and I resisted the urge to slip my fingers into his beard and pull him in for another kiss. “Tonight. Come to my place when you’re finished working. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“Deal.”

“Oh, and before you go, I need something from you.”

My brow rose. “Oh?”

“Your panties.”

A laugh burst out of me. “That’s so cliché, Joel.”

He shrugged and extended a hand, palm up. “Don’t care. Hand them over.”

I folded my arms, only partly in protest. “Why should I?”

“Let’s just say you’ll thank me later.”

“And who’s to say I’m wearing any panties?”

His smile rose on one side. “Should I make sure myself?”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, almost annoyed at how amused and fluttery I was. But he wanted to play, so I’d just have to play harder.

I turned so my back was to him and hiked up my skirt, looking over my shoulder with my bottom lip between my teeth and big eyes. But his eyes, dark and hot, were on my hands as they exposed my ass and the black thong I was grateful to have put on that morning rather than granny panties. His jaw was set, chest rising and falling as he took shallow breaths, which turned me on more than I could verbalize. But instead of talking, I hooked my thumbs into the band and bent over at the waist, dragging my panties down my legs, stepping out of them slowly to make sure he got his fill of the view.