Tuesday (Timeless Series #2) (17 page)

I rested my hands in my lap and felt my heart break all over again.

“Muffin.”

The nickname went straight to my heart.

“You’re right. What I did was unforgiveable.”

I watched him and tried not to breathe loudly.

“I regret it—more than anything.” He turned his eyes back to me, and they were full of desperation, an emotion Hawke hardly ever showed. “I wish I’d turned around. I wish I’d called. I wish…for a lot of things. But I can’t change what happened. All I can do is live for the future. Muffin, you’re my future. You’re my world. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you.”

I wanted to believe him—and a part of me did.

“What we have is too good to ignore. I’ll never love any other woman but you. You’re it for me, Muffin. You’re the one and the only. And I know you feel the same way. So, please, give me another chance. I promise I won’t hurt you again.”

“You promised we were forever…”

“And I haven’t broken that promise. I’m still here.”

“But you weren’t there when I needed you most.” I wasn’t the type of person to hold a grudge or live in the past. Life was too short for pettiness. But this was different. I couldn’t trust him not to hurt me again.

“And I’m sorry for that. But I’m here now. Give me a chance. We can take things slow. I will earn your trust again.”

“You can’t earn it back when it’s broken.”

Hawke’s eyes changed. Instead of being infinitely deep and mirrored, they darkened. A drop of moisture covered each eye, and his breathing changed. The strong and silent man I knew was breaking right before my eyes. The white part of his eyes began to redden. He grabbed my hand, and the quick pulse in his wrist proved his panic. “Please. I can’t live without you, Francesca. Please don’t turn me away. Don’t give up on me.”

I took another deep breath, and that’s when the tears came. I didn’t bother fighting them back because they were unstoppable. My chest heaved with pain, and even though it crushed my soul, I pulled my hand away. “I’m sorry.” This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, turning away my one true love. But I couldn’t go through that pain again. I couldn’t take an entire bottle of painkillers and hope it claimed my life—not again.

Hawke didn’t reach for me again. In fact, he looked away, turning his face so far I couldn’t see his features.

Silence.

I kept crying, wishing he would hold me. And I kept crying because I hated myself for the way I just hurt him. He told me he needed me, but that wasn’t enough.

Then I heard him sniff loudly.

My eyes stared at the back of his head, fear gripping my heart.

He rose to his feet and walked away, heading the opposite way I was facing. His footsteps sounded on the concrete, and they became quieter as more distance was put between us.

I couldn’t move.

I could hardly breathe.

I stayed on the park bench until I stopped crying. But I only managed to keep my tears back until I returned to my apartment. When I was in bed with the covers pulled over my head, I started all over again.

To Be Alone

Francesca

A week came and went.

A very long and hollow week.

Hawke and I didn’t cross paths, and that wasn’t surprising since we were avoiding each other. It’s not that I didn’t want to see him, I just thought it was too soon after that heartbreaking conversation.

I hoped this wouldn’t affect Marie and Axel, especially since their wedding was just over the horizon. I was going to keep this knowledge to myself so they wouldn’t know anything about it. If anything, it would just stress them out. Their best man and maid of honor couldn’t be in the same room together. Talk about a mood killer…

I worked more than usual, staying at the bakery and working on creations instead of going home alone. All I could think about was that conversation with Hawke.

I kept going back and forth in my mind. Maybe I should just give him another chance. I was still in love with him, so I should be with him. But then I remembered all the pain he caused me and how easy it was for him to leave. So, I steeled my resolve and pushed on.

But I missed him like crazy.

***

After I showered and got ready for bed, my phone vibrated on the nightstand.

The second it made a sound, I hoped it was Hawke.

When I looked at the screen, I saw Kyle’s name.

I miss you.

Just when I thought I couldn’t feel worse, I did. Should I write back? Should I just ignore him? I couldn’t say the same words back because that would just give him false hope. While it was cold, saying nothing was probably the best decision.

Can I call you?

I sighed when I read the message. If he had something to say, I couldn’t ignore him.
Yeah.

My phone lit up immediately. “Hello?”

“Hey.” He took a deep breath and forced his voice to come out friendly. “You weren’t sleeping, were you?”

“No…but I’m lying in bed.”

“Alone?” Hope was in his voice. “Sorry, don’t answer that. I’m an idiot.”

“No, you aren’t, Kyle. And yes, I’m alone.

A sigh of relief came through the phone. “I know I sound like a huge pussy right now, texting you and calling you…”

“I don’t think that.”

“Well, I do. It’s pathetic. I swear, I’ve never been like this before. I’m not clingy and needy. But I’m acting like a chick right now.”

“I don’t think that either. You’re going through a hard time. That’s understandable.”

He paused for thirty seconds. “It’s just weird not talking to you anymore. I used to see you all the time, and now you’re gone. It’s like I lost my best friend…”

“I know the feeling…”

“You were in my life for six months. I don’t know about you, but that’s a long time. I’ve never had a single girl around that long before. You’re the only one who doesn’t annoy me.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” I said with a chuckle.

“I miss you, Frankie. Do you miss me?”

Now we were in dangerous territory. “I think we should stick to appropriate topics. Otherwise, you’re just going to make this harder on both of us.”

“You’re right.”

“How’s work?”

“That case is going to trial. We’ll win.”

“I know you will.” I turned on my side with the phone pressed to my ear. “How’s your mom?”

“Good. I haven’t talked to her much.”

“She doesn’t know about me?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that.

“Nope. I’m dreading telling her. Not to make things worse but…she’s was totally smitten with you.”

“I really liked her too.”

“Everyone likes my mom,” he said with a chuckle. “And she likes everyone.”

“What else is new with you?”

“I need to find a new gym but can’t decide.”

“You don’t have to change gyms because of me, Kyle.”

“I know. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. It’s just…you look so fine in those leggings. If you’re on the treadmill, I’m just going to stand behind you and watch your ass shake the entire time.”

I laughed at his brutal honesty. “You’re lucky I know you aren’t creepy.”

“Perverted is a better word.”

“I’ll wear baggy pants from now on.”

He cringed over the phone. “Yuck, don’t do that. You aren’t helping anybody.”

I chuckled again, and it was the first time that week I actually felt good.

“So, what’s new with you?”

I just got my heart stomped on. “Marie picked out a venue for the wedding.”

“I asked what was new with you, not your friend.”

The only interesting thing going on in my life was Hawke. “The shop is doing well. I just made cranberry bear claws. They’re a hit.”

“I bet they are. I’ll have to come by and try them out.”

I wanted to see Kyle. Actually, I wanted to ask him out for a drink. I missed talking to him. Our conversation always flowed like water.

“So…how’s Hawke?”

I wasn’t sure why he asked about him if he didn’t want to know. “We’re…not really talking right now.”

“And why is that?”

I didn’t want to hurt Kyle even more but I didn’t want to lie either. He already knew how I felt about him. “We’d been spending a lot of time together, and I thought it was getting too intimate. When I decided to tell him how I felt, he asked me to take him back. He said he wants another chance.”

Kyle was absolutely silent.

A minute passed.

“That’s great.” He cleared his throat. “That’s what you wanted, right?”

Yes, in a complicated way. “I told him no.”

“What?” he blurted. “Why did you say no? You love the guy, right?”

“Of course.” There wasn’t a doubt about that. “But I don’t trust him. He’ll hurt me again like last time. I couldn’t handle that.”

“Well, I wouldn’t hurt you.” The sincerity in his voice rang true like a distant bell.

“I know.”

“So, let me get this straight. You dump this amazing, sexy, and successful guy that’s hooked around your finger, and you turn down your ‘soul mate’ when he asks you to take him back. Frankie, what the hell do you want?”

It was a good question. “I don’t know…but it’s not either one of those.”

The Burn

Hawke

Everything hurt.

Everything.

I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, physically and emotionally, but hearing Francesca tell me that…broke me.

We were done.

I fucked it up too bad.

She didn’t trust me.

I pushed her away.

And I only had myself to blame.

I wasn’t the type of guy who cried. It simply wasn’t in my nature. Even when I was a child it didn’t happen. Either, I was emotionally stunted or I simply had been hurt beyond repair.

But I cried.

I turned away from Francesca and left without looking back. My sight was disrupted by the droplets, and my nose burned with every breath I took. My chest cracked from the pressure of my broken heart.

I hated myself. I left Francesca to protect her, but all I accomplished was ruining us both. Now I couldn’t get her back. Now I couldn’t fix it. I lost the one girl I loved. She was the only person who knew my secret. She was the only person who understood me, and despite all my flaws, accepted me.

But I fucking threw her away.

I didn’t go to work the following day. That’s how hard I was taking the rejection. I stayed in bed and waited for the phone to ring. I hoped Francesca would change her mind and call me.

But I knew she wouldn’t.

The following day, I got back on my feet and tried to carry on. Francesca was always on my mind, and I was easily distracted during the day. In the back of my mind, I’d always thought I’d have the power to be with her again if I chose to. But knowing that option was gone shook the ground beneath my feet. The day I left was the day I said goodbye to her. She hadn’t been mine ever since.

I blew it.

Every day passed like a meaningless blur. I couldn’t tell you what I did or what I ate. My mind was working at lower capacity because the rest of my body had shut down. I used to work out to relieve stress but even that didn’t interest me.

Axel texted me a few times and asked me to get lunch with him.

I always told him I was busy.

He probably knew what happened between his sister and I. Francesca would tell Marie, who would tell Axel. He was probably smiling right now, thrilled that Francesca made the right decision.

But I really loved her.

***

There was a knock on my door.

I sat on the couch and debated answering it. If it were Francesca, I would be there in a heartbeat. But a week had come and gone and I hadn’t heard from her, so it was unlikely to be her now.

They knocked again. “Hawke, I know you’re home. Put the lotion away and open the damn door.” Axel banged his fist against the wood.

If he knew I was there, then he wouldn’t leave until I gave him the attention he wanted. I opened the door then walked back to the couch, not even trying to be a decent host. “What’s up?”

“I haven’t heard from you all week. You disappeared from the map.” He sat beside me on the couch and faced the TV.

“I’ve been busy.”

He made a disgusted face. “With my sister?”

Unsure what he meant, I turned to him. “What?”

“My sister. Is she in the bedroom or something?”

Why would he think that? “No.”

“But I’m guessing she’s been here a lot?”

Did he really not know anything? Or was he just playing dumb to get me to talk? “She hasn’t been here at all, Axel.”

Axel finally understood my meaning. “You decided not to tell her how you felt?”

Was he being serious? “I did tell her.”

“And?”

“What do you think?” I snapped. “If she took me back, I’d be grinning right now.” I put my feet on the coffee table and stared at the TV.

“She said no?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know anything.”

“I really don’t…”

“You expect me to believe that?” I snapped. “Francesca told Marie what happened, and I’m sure she told you.”

He remained serious, and his eyebrows didn’t furrow like they usually did when he was lying. “She didn’t say anything to me, Hawke. And I never told Marie what you told me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I knew that goddess would run off and tell Francesca everything. I assumed that conversation was between us.”

If he didn’t know anything, that would mean Francesca hadn’t told Marie. She was keeping the knowledge to herself but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I would ask her one day…if we ever spoke again. “Well, I told you what happened. She didn’t want me.”

Axel didn’t gloat or look even slightly pleased. “Did she say why?”

“She loves me and always will, but she doesn’t trust me. I hurt her when I left and…she couldn’t handle going through that again. Honestly, I don’t blame her. But, she and I are different than other people. I thought she would give me another chance.”

Axel scratched the back of his neck. “I can’t believe it…”

“You got what you wanted.”

“I…” He rested his forearms on his knees. “I don’t get it. She leaves that guy because she wants you, but when you want to start up your relationship, she says no? I don’t understand.”

“It’s complicated…”

“I’m really surprised.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t know what to do, Axel. I’ve never been so low.” I rested my neck on the back of the chair and looked up at the ceiling. “She’s it for me.” I didn’t like having deep conversations with anyone besides Francesca, especially not Axel. It was just too weird. But I didn’t have a filter at the moment and just blurted out everything. “She’s the one. She’s the only girl I give a damn about. But I fucked it up so bad that she can’t be with me.”

Axel leaned back in the chair and held his silence.

I wish I could turn back time and change the past. I wish I’d turned around and walked back inside that apartment. Instead of leaving, I should have picked her up and never let her go.

“I think I can help you.”

What did he just say? I lifted my head up and regarded him.

“But you’re going to have to tell me why you left the first time.”

That wasn’t something I was willing to do.

“I’m not trying to be nosy,” he said with a raised hand. “But I can’t figure this out unless I know all the facts.”

“Why do you want to help me anyway? You told me to crash and burn.”

“I know what I said.” He didn’t meet my gaze as he spoke. “But if did something stupid and Marie left me…I would do absolutely anything to get her back. It seems like you really love my sister despite what happened in the past, and I know she’s obsessed with you. But I need to know what happened, Hawke.”

I debated telling him for a long time. It was my darkest secret in the world, but if I could trust anyone to keep it to himself, it was Axel. “You can’t tell Marie.”

“Promise.”

“I mean it, Axel. If you betray me, we’re done.”

“I already gave you my word.”

I cleared my throat before I told him the entire story, from the very beginning so it would make sense. I told him about my abusive childhood and the way my mother protected me. Then I told him about the relationship I had with my mom once I moved out and how I was constantly saving her from my father’s blows. Then I told him about the night I left—and why I left.

Axel took everything in without saying a word. He moved his hand to his forehead and pulled it all the way down his face, squeezing the bridge of his nose before he lowered his hand to his chin. “Holy shit.”

I didn’t feel better sharing that secret with another living person. In fact, it just reminded me of all the demons that still haunted me.

“Fuck, I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Don’t pity me or look at me differently. That’s the worst thing you could do.”

He nodded.

“Now that you know, what difference does it make?”

“It makes a huge difference, actually. I thought you left her because you got tired of her or because she made a small mistake and you held it against her forever. I didn’t realize…that was the reason.”

“I would never leave her unless I had to.”

“Hawke, you would never hurt my sister. How could you possibly think that?”

“Because I already did. Remember?”

He sighed. “It was clearly an accident.”

“Don’t make excuses for me,” I said coldly.

“I’m not.”

I averted my gaze. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Axel dropped the subject.

“Now, how can you help me?”

He rubbed his chin. “You want my advice?”

“Advice for what?”

“How to change her mind.”

“I’m not going to change her mind. Francesca doesn’t change her mind about anything. If she decides something, she sticks to it, practically out of principle.”

“Just don’t give up on her, Hawke. Convince her why she should give you another chance.”

That wasn’t so easy.

“Look, she’s already in love with you. She claims you’re her soul mate. All the hard work is already done. Now, you just need to stand your ground and tell her she doesn’t have a choice. You’re hers and she’s yours. Period.”

I eyed him closely, surprised by the suggestion.

“It’s what I would do with Marie.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Francesca seemed set in her ways. When she told me it wouldn’t work, it was clear she already made this decision sometime in the past. The idea of living without her, never having a real chance with her, broke my soul. I couldn’t live out the rest of my life this way, never being with the one person I actually loved.

Axel was right.

I couldn’t give up.