Undeniably Asher (The Colloway Brothers Book 2) (33 page)

“Oh, my dear,” she replies softly, taking my free hand. “You know, life takes us exactly where we’re supposed to be, even if that road is bumpy and fraught with detours and potholes. I’m going to share something with you that I haven’t even told my own boys, but this stays between us, okay?”

I nod, feeling a mixture of anxiety that I’m so transparent and excitement that Barb’s about to confide something to me—
me
—that even Asher doesn’t know. “Of course.”

“When I was young, I loved my mother to the ends of the earth. She was beautiful, smart, and funny. But she was also a free spirit and when I was eleven, she fell in love with someone else and walked out on our family.” Her knowing, empathetic gaze finds mine. Of course she knows about my mom. “I later found out she was pregnant with his child and she wanted to start fresh with a new husband, new family. To this day, I still can’t understand how a mother could abandon her family as easily as if she were trading in an old car for a new model. My father took it hard and whereas he was once a kind, easygoing man, he became hostile, abusive. Let’s just say the last half of my childhood was not bubble gum and cotton candy.”

She clears her throat, her personal pain evident even all these years later. “I spent years resenting my mother’s betrayal. I spent my entire childhood and a good part of my early adult life wondering what
I’d
done to make her leave. Maybe if I’d helped out more? Maybe if I’d talked back less? Could I have done something different to make her stay? It had to be me, right?”

Her words were mine. My feelings. My thoughts.

“It ate me alive. It ruined every relationship I had. I couldn’t let people past that magical protective barrier I’d spun around my heart. Then when I was twenty, I met Frank and we fell madly in love. I knew after my second date that I was going be his wife. After only three months he asked me to marry him, but as much as I loved him, I couldn’t completely drop the guards. I tried to sabotage my own relationship, because I was so lost in fear that I wasn’t good enough. I made mistakes, Alyse. Big ones, almost unforgiveable ones, and he broke off our engagement.

“It was then that I realized I was about to lose the very best thing to ever happen to me because the past was shackled firmly to my ankles like dead weight, and I dragged it around with me everywhere like a darn prize, using it as a crutch, an excuse. It took me a long time to realize, Alyse, that every person is responsible and accountable for his or her own decisions in life. We may not understand them or agree with them, but it’s not our job to.”

I’m captivated, sucking in every word of motherly advice like a dry sponge. Barb Colloway had a childhood similar to mine, with a mother who left her, and yet she is the most put-together, open, and loving woman I’ve ever met. She found the love of her life and raised four wonderful sons.

“We’re all imperfect, Alyse. We’ve
all
had people betray our trust and our love, but it’s what we do with that adversity that separates us from the pack. Holding on to bitterness and resentment and anger only holds us back. It limits us in every possible way. In life, in love, in happiness. It’s an easy place to stay, but it’s also very lonely.

“Forgiveness, however?
That’s
hard. Much harder than holding onto our hurts and wrongs and using those to excuse our own actions. It takes courage and bravery to forgive. Oh, but Alyse…forgiveness is freeing. Healing. In both mind and spirit. Forgiveness allows you to thrive and flourish. Forgiveness allows you to shed your burdens and embrace life, short as it is.”

I’m letting her insightful words roll around and sink in when I hear a noise in the kitchen. I look over with blurry eyes to see Asher standing there.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Asher says sheepishly, gaze bouncing between the two of us. I have to wonder how much he heard. I also wonder if my pulse will gallop with excitement every time I lay eyes on him. I hope so.

I glance over at Barb to see a sly smile on her face. Did she know he was standing there? She pats me on the leg before surprising me and throwing back her drink in one swallow. “I should get going, dear. I hope you get to feeling better.”

She’s halfway to Asher when I call after her, popping off the couch. “Thank you,” I mutter, pulling her in for a hug. “Thank you.”

She embraces me as I imagine a mother would. I melt, letting her comfort me, not caring that Asher is watching, not caring that I’m crying again.

“I see how much you love my son. Let him be your strength, Alyse. Besides, I need to grow the number of Colloway women,” she whispers quietly in my ear and I laugh through the tears. “Asher, take care of our Alyse.”

“I will, Mom.” He hugs and kisses her. Then she’s gone and I’m in Asher’s arms. “What was that all about?”

“Girl talk. Your mom is incredible.”

“That she is. Are you feeling better?” With my face in his hands, he searches my eyes, wiping away the remnants of my internal conflict.

“Yes.” After the long talk I just had with his mom, I can honestly say that’s true. The clarity I need is floating somewhere in her wise words, just waiting for me to reach out and grab it when I’m ready.

His thumb plays with one of the one-carat drop-diamond platinum earrings he surprised me with in bed this morning. My leather jacket to him pales in comparison to his gift. When his eyes snag mine again, they’re smoky and swirling with love and blatant desire. “You deserve to be spoiled, Alyse. Every day for the rest of our lives.”

The need to be loved by this man is overwhelming. The intense need to
believe
it’s all real almost buckles my knees.

“Make love to me, Asher.” His name is swallowed as his mouth descends hard on mine, tongues dueling, hands frantic like we haven’t touched each other in months when it’s only been hours. Then he carries me through his apartment to the bedroom where he spends the rest of the night honoring my request again and again.

Chapter 34

Alyse

“Libs, you need to eat something.”

“Oh my God, I can’t,” Livia mumbles, pacing back and forth in the small conference room that’s doubling as a bridal suite. Her wedding dress swishes hypnotically with every step she takes. She lucked out and was able to find an absolutely stunning embellished ivory lace dress with lace cap sleeves, highlighting just the right amount of cleavage. It’s flowy and elegant, with a high waist, accentuated by a thick silver ribbon that hangs long down the back. The design is flattering, while at the same time it hides her growing belly. She’s the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.

“You haven’t eaten anything all day. You’re going to pass out when you say your vows. Here, at least eat a protein bar. Get something in your stomach.” I unwrap a Kind bar and hand it to her.

She looks at it with disgust. I wave it impatiently, forcing her to take it. She takes a bite and chews methodically while she walks.

It’s twenty minutes until showtime. Along with making me her maid of honor, she asked me to walk her down the aisle, which brought me to tears. Everyone else, including Barb, departed about five minutes ago, leaving just the two of us some precious time together before she becomes someone’s wife.

“It’s not too late, you know. You can pull a runaway bride and I’ll cover for you.” I wink, knowing that’s not at all the issue. Livia’s crazy in love with Gray, but she
hates
public speaking. Even though there are only about fifty guests, I’m sure the only memory she’s replaying right now is the one from her eleventh grade speech class where she completely froze, forgetting her entire speech on whether students should be required to take mandatory drug tests. She locked her knees and passed out cold, hitting her head on the hard tile floor and needing seven stitches.

“Livia.” Forcing her to sit down, I take a seat in front of her. “Don’t think about anyone else. Just focus on Gray and how much you love him and your happy beginning. Let him be your strength.” I smile, reusing Barb’s words.

“Happy beginning. Yeah, I like that.” She takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Okay.”

“This is what you want, right?”

“With everything in me,” she answers immediately. Her eyes water and I squeeze her hands tight, unable to remain unaffected.

“Stop that. You’re going to ruin your makeup,” I scold, secretly trying to hold myself together so I can help hold Livia together.

“I know,” she says, dabbing an escaped tear.

“You are so beautiful, Libs. I’m so happy for you. I know I may not always show it, but I do love you. Very much.”

“I love you too, Alyse.” Pausing, she adds, “
Everything
I’ve ever done is for you. There’s
nothing
I wouldn’t do for you. No sacrifice is too great.”

I nod, feeling like the lines she’s asking me to read between are blurry and confusing. I’m not sure they’ll ever come into focus.

“Our lives have been hard,” I say.

“Very.”

A wave of need to tear down all the walls I’ve built between us hits me hard. I know not all of this has been my doing; Livia’s kept her fair share of secrets, but so have I. I need to rectify that. I’ve been doing nothing but thinking about Barb’s words for the past two days.
Forgiveness is freeing.
I want to be free. And regardless of whether Livia will ever tell me what happened, I want my sister back. But now is not the time.

“I want to tell you so many things.”

She nods, as if she completely understands. “Is everything okay with you?”

I swallow hard. Honesty is so much harder than lying, letting people believe you’re fine. “Not really, but I’m working through it.”

“Is it Asher?”

“No. My past has risen from the dead,” I tell her, not exaggerating in the least.

“Is it a guy?”

I nod, unable to voice the guilty words.

“Does Asher know?”

I let my eyes fall to the floor. “No,” I whisper.

“Alyse, look at me.” I do. “Take it from me. As much as you think keeping your past hidden will protect your relationship with Asher, it won’t. I almost lost Gray for good because I tried to keep mine a secret. Trust me, altruism often feels like betrayal to the other person. Learn from my mistakes. Talk to him before it’s too late.”

I nod, knowing she’s right.

“Do you love Asher?”

“Yes,” I respond immediately. “More than I ever thought possible.”

“Do you love this other guy?”

My eyes sting and my stomach churns. I’ve been slayed with guilt for an entire week. “Yes,” I whisper. “He was my first love.” And so much more.

She squeezes my hands hard. “You need to figure it out Lysee. Asher’s crazy about you.”

“I know. I know,” I repeat. I can’t picture my life without him.

Before we can say anything else, Addy pops her head in. “It’s time,” she whispers excitedly.

With one last look at each other, Livia and I stand and hug.

“Wait, I have one more thing to do before we go,” I tell her before rummaging through my bag. When I pull out the Magic 8 Ball, Livia busts out laughing, which was exactly my plan.

“You still have that thing?” she asks.

“Duh. I’ll take this to my grave. I think we need to see what she has to say before you walk down that aisle, don’t you?”

“It’s tradition,” she quips.

“Yes, it is.” I shake the ball, asking Livia, “Ready to marry the love of your life?”

We’re both grinning from ear to ear when we turn the globe over and peer through the milky blue waters as her answer comes into focus.

Without a doubt.

“Well, now it’s eight-ball official. Let’s go get you hitched, sis.” I tell her, hooking my arm in hers as we walk toward the door.

“I love you, Lysee.”

“I love you too, Libs.”

______________

Ten minutes later, as I stand to Livia’s left holding her bouquet and mine, Asher stands to Gray’s right, holding onto the wedding rings. Our eyes never leave each other as Livia and Gray profess their undying love in front of all their family and friends.

“Livvy, angel, you are my light, my hope, my dreams, my future. I’m a whole man only because you’re with me. I’m strong only because my strength comes from you. Who knew when I walked into that pizza joint nearly nine years ago and heard your laugh that my life was about to come into focus for the first time. When I saw your face…” Gray pauses to compose himself and tears shine brightly in his eyes as he holds tight to Livia’s hands, his words choked when he starts again.

“When I saw your face, I knew I was looking at my once in a lifetime. My greatest love. My
only
love. My everything…”

Gray takes his time, pouring his heart out to his new wife, who’s so emotional by the time it’s her turn, she can barely speak. The ceremony is intimate, tender, and poignant as they talk about love almost lost and never letting each other go again. By the end, Gray and Livia are both freely crying and there can’t be a dry eye in the house. Even through my blurry ones, I see the glimmer in Asher’s as he watches me with unmistakable love.

I can’t help imagining it’s
me
that’s standing in Livia’s place and Asher in Gray’s. I imagine it’s
us
telling the whole word that we’ve met the one person we can’t imagine walking a day without.