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Now here he was, with all the time in the world to size her up, and her rehearsed scenes disappeared like the proverbial dew before the sun as her heart gave a nervous leap. She had forgotten how very attractive he was. Or perhaps, more accurately, she had not been in a state to really notice...

He wore a white lab coat over grey trousers that emphasized his long legs and a white shirt, open at the neck. His dark hair was a little longer than she had remembered it and ruffled, as though he had run his hands through it. He looked tanned and very fit, as if he had recently been away somewhere for a vacation. His eyes, dark and penetrating, were as she remembered, she saw as he got closer. While she stood waiting for him he fixed those eyes on her face and kept them there. He walked languidly, taking his time.

'Well... Lisa Stanton, right on time.' He reached her and held out a hand. 'How are you?' He smiled slightly, his astute eyes going over her—seeming to take in every minute detail about her and read her mind as well.

'I.. .I'm well, thank you,' she said, taking his hand and wondering why she was having difficulty getting her tongue round those simple words—why her carefully rehearsed introduction had deserted her.

All she could think of then was that he had kissed her when he had pretended to be her husband and that, shockingly, she wanted him to kiss her now—to enfold her in his arms in the way that he had done before when she had so needed him.. .as though she had a right.

The thought brought colour to her cheeks, which she strove to suppress. Of course she had no right. For a few seconds, as she returned his intense scrutiny, she felt he knew exactly what she wanted from him. That knowledge made her vulnerable.

'How are you, Dr Blair?' she asked quickly. 'I.. .1 hope you're enjoying your new job here?' From now on she had to be careful with men. Now she was a mother she was no longer free in the same way.

'Oh, yes, I'm enjoying it very much.' he said, his warm, slow drawl causing the colour in her cheeks to deepen.

Lisa found herself smiling. It was uncommonly good to see him and she found herself hoping fervently that it would last when they were working together.

'And how's that beautiful baby?' he asked, opening the door of his office and motioning her to enter.

'She's lovely.' Lisa could hear her own voice taking on a softer note. 'Healthy, well-behaved—most of the time— and still very beautiful. I adore her.'

'I can see that you do. Let me take your coat,' he said. 'Perhaps you'll let me see her some time.'

'Yes, of course.' Her heart gave a leap of pleasure. Did he really mean it, or was he just being polite? Oddly, she thought she could detect a reticence in him that belied his interest.

She slipped out of her raincoat. For a few seconds his hands rested on her shoulders as he helped her with it, and she found herself excessively sensitive to his nearness, tensing.

'I'll keep you to that,' he said softly, hanging her coat up on a hook. 'I've often thought about you both.'

'I.. .1 shall never forget your kindness,' she said, stammering a little. In fact, over the past three months she had thought of Marcus Blair as much as she had thought of Richard. What she had so needed was Dr Blair's particular brand of kindness. What she had received from Richard during their time together was something much more common—she could admit that now.

'Please sit down, Lisa.' He indicated a comfortable chair, one of two, that was positioned next to a small coffee-table, apart from a large desk that was piled with papers. He took the other chair close to hers. 'Do you mind if I call you by your first name?'

'Oh, no.. .no,' she said.

This was perhaps not going to be as easy as she had hoped. Already she felt a little out of her depth with him now that their relationship was shifting to a professional one. Perhaps he was trying to redress a balance, to distance her. There were vibes between them that she could not place.

'Luckily, we're not busy here right now,' he said, 'although all hell could break loose any minute. I had two myocardial infarcts in this morning and one diabetic who hadn't taken his insulin on time. Everything else was pretty minor.'

Obviously he was trying to put her at her ease so Lisa made a determined effort to relax. He was certainly a very attractive man, almost alarmingly so—the sort of doctor who had every female in his vicinity hanging onto his every word and going out of their way to interact with him. She had seen it all before, and she didn't want to join the crowd. Yet, inevitably, she felt drawn to him.

'Why exactly did you want to see me, Dr Blair?' she said. 'I assume that my job here is assured?' She stopped, looking down at her clasped hands—trying to find a balance between the strictly professional and the personal feelings evoked by the memories of him.

'I wanted to make sure,' he began quietly, looking her full in the face, 'that there's no awkwardness between us when we start working together. I wanted to test the waters, so to speak. For me there is no awkwardness, Lisa. You were the one who had to go through it all. So far, I haven't met anyone in the hospital who has asked me how my wife and baby are.. .so maybe there isn't going to be any explaining to do on that issue.'

'I'm relieved about that,' she said. 'It could be.. .a little difficult to explain away. I suppose if we just told the truth that would be it.'

'Yes. ..' He was smiling slightly, his expression unreadable. 'I wanted to let you know that I thought you very brave that night. At the time I wanted to say it but there just didn't seem to be the right opportunity.'

'You helped me to be brave,' she said simply.

'I'm glad about that,' he said, seeming at ease. 'I thought I'd also take the opportunity to learn something about your nursing background. I know that isn't usual practice. It might help us to revert to a. . .more professional relationship.'

'I see,' she said. So that was really why he wanted to see her—to place her in a professional context.

'I thought I would also give you something of
my
professional background since you have to work with me as your medical boss—although Sadie Drummond is very much
the
boss.' He stood up. 'Let me get you a cup of coffee.'

'Thank you.'

There was an automatic coffee-making machine in the room, with the jug already full of aromatic coffee. As he poured for them both her eyes strayed to his broad back, his dark hair, his competent hands. She liked the unhurried way he did things.

Not as tall or as aggressively male as Richard, there was something about him—a strength, a manliness, understated—that impressed and unsettled her. He would be something to contend with, complex and perceptive—she knew that instinctively. And her mother was right—he was a sophisticated man.

'Cream and sugar, Lisa?'

'Please.'

As he handed her the cup, standing close, Lisa felt the tension increase and her throat close up.

'My background is in general and chest surgery, plus accident and emergency training,' he began, having taken mouthfuls of coffee. 'For various reasons, I've decided to concentrate on emergency work, mainly because it's what interests me the most. I've had experience in trauma surgery in central Canada, near the Rockies, and what you could call the gateway to the North.. .and in Africa.'

Lisa swallowed. 'Africa!' She was immediately more alert. 'I've been to Africa myself with the nursing branch of International Physicians. Were you.. .were you with them?' Sparkling with excitement, she turned in her chair towards him and leaned forward.

'Yes, I was. How extraordinary!' Dr Blair was looking at her as though she had taken on a new dimension for him—as though, Lisa thought, she was not just an ordinary nurse who had had the lack of common sense to allow herself to become pregnant at the wrong time with the wrong man.

'I've been in Ethiopia and Somalia,' she said enthusiastically. 'They wanted me to go to Rwanda but
I...

couldn't go.' That was when she had been involved with Richard.

'I see,' he said evenly.

Then, with a few well-chosen sentences, she filled him in about her training and professional background.

'It was here that you met Dr Richard Decker?' he suddenly asked.

'Um.. .yes,' she answered haltingly. 'He.. .he was a senior obstetrics resident then.' Lisa looked down at her hands holding the coffee-cup, willing them not to shake.

When he remained silent she looked at him, to find him watching her. Desperate to change the subject, she asked, 'Were you in Rwanda, Dr Blair?' It was an educated guess as there was an air of strain about him now, as though memories had been stirred.

'Yes. I take jobs in Canada where I can be released to go where I'm needed overseas.. .at relatively short notice.'

'Was it. . .awful?'

'Like something out of a nightmare,' he said.

'I can imagine,' she murmured, remembering. 'I worked at casualty stations... They were called the "surgical pits", as I guess you know. Very apt.'

'Don't regret not going there. Maybe it's just as well that you didn't go. Basically, as a species, we're a savage lot.' There was an edge of bitter cynicism in his voice.

'Does that tell you something about me?' she asked with a certain challenge in her tone, looking up to find his intent eyes on her again.

'I believe it does,' he said.

Again the atmosphere crackled with an emergent tension. Against her will she was forced to recognize it. She had wanted to remain emotionally sober, withdrawn from the world of adult man-woman relationships, since the birth of her baby. It afforded a breathing space. Yet she could not deny that she found Marcus Blair strangely dis
turbing, even though she still had feelings for Richard.

'I know I shouldn't ask this,' he said, putting down his cup. 'It's against the labour-relations rules, or something... Are you going to be able to manage working here and looking after a baby? An emergency department can be very demanding, very stressful.'

'I've thought all that out, Dr Blair,' she said firmly, 'and I'm probably more fortunate than most women in my position. Both my parents are very supportive—I have a flat in their home. My mother is a commercial artist, working at home, and she's going to babysit. When it gets too much for her we'll get a nanny.'

'I see,' he murmured.

'Of course, I shan't want to leave the baby, but it is part time. You needn't worry, Dr Blair, that I won't be concentrating on the job while I'm here.'

'I'll take your word for it,' he said smoothly. 'And what about Dr Richard Decker?'

'I.. .haven't seen him for a long time.. .about a year.'

To her relief, someone knocked on the door at that moment.

'Come in,' Dr Blair said.

A nurse put her head round the office door. 'You're not going to believe this, Dr Blair,' she said, having given Lisa a quick glance. 'We have what looks very much like another myocardial infarct, and there's a head injury on the way by ambulance, a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage—a young guy fell off a bicycle. There's a woman on her way with a possible ruptured ectopic pregnancy, sent by her GP. I've got the gynae resident onto that. The waiting room's filling up, too, with the usual minor stuff.'

'Thanks. I'll be with you in a moment,' he said, standing up. When the nurse had gone he turned to Lisa. 'One more thing, Lisa. Have you told Richard Decker that you have a baby?'

Stunned into telling the absolute truth, she blurted out, 'No. No, I haven't.'

'Are you planning to?'

'I... No.'

'Perhaps it's none of my business.. .but don't you think you ought to?' The look he gave her seemed to carry censure in it, as well as a certain wariness.

Struck dumb, Lisa had no idea what to say.

'Well, goodbye for now, Lisa,' he said crisply, looking at her astutely with those penetrating dark eyes. 'I have to go. See you in the department tomorrow.'

With that he was gone, leaving Lisa realizing that she was holding her breath and feeling as though she had been through some sort of cathartic experience. Inwardly she was trembling. He certainly didn't waste time in circuitous questioning.

It had turned out that she and Dr Blair had a lot in common, yet at the same time there was something about him that was closed and mysterious. There had been no hint about his personal life.

And what she had not told him about herself was that her experiences in Africa, the things she had seen there, had made her very vulnerable to the normality that Richard Decker had seemed to offer when she had come back to University Hospital. She had embraced that normality... and him. Neither could she have told Marcus Blair that Richard had made no attempt to get in touch with her after he had so blatantly used her. That dismissal had served to reinforce what she already knew.

A poignant sadness came to her then in the empty room. It would be a long time before she felt free to care for another man, a long time before she could trust again. Would any other man want her with another man's child? Emma Kate was now the centre of her life. The blood-tie could never be broken. She didn't want it to be broken.

'Whatever
you do in this department never give out your real name to the patients who come in here,' Sadie Drummond, the head nurse, was saying emphatically to the two listening nurses. 'Never, ever! Don't forget it! And that applies to your first name and your surname. On your hospital ID badge you will have the first name— and the first name only—that you choose to be known by while you are on duty here.'

'Is it as bad as that?' The other nurse, who was with Lisa on her first day, looked at the head nurse as though she did not believe her.

'It is. We get the dregs of the earth in here, like you wouldn't believe! Not the majority of them.. .but enough to make life here definitely unsafe. We've had our fair share of stalkers, targeting nurses, so unless you want some guy on your back—literally, sometimes—you'll take my advice.'

The three of them were standing in the main reception lobby of the emergency department, where several sets of glass doors swung open every few seconds to admit people, some walking and some on stretchers, together with a touch of early spring air which mingled with the faint scent of petrol fumes from the waiting ambulances outside. The hum of activity was distracting. It was through those doors that Lisa had been brought on a stretcher three months before—she would never forget it.