Unworthy (2 page)

Yeah, Grace, you really look hot, you idiot.

Any wages or tips I get from this place go into the mortgage bank. That’s the only reason I come here every Saturday night. Normally I wouldn’t go to somewhere like this, interacting with others isn’t my thing, I just like to hide away and survive, but the tips here happen to be great and to my horror every Saturday, I stand behind this bar allowing the world to see me. I know what they must think when they see me compared to the other girls. Why I try to survive in two worlds where they are all super-thin is beyond me, but I do. I’m not skinny, I’m curvy and no-one gives me a second look even when I’m dressed like a slut. That’s how I like it, that’s how it has to be for me to survive. The punters may not say it, but I know they question why I am here. She’s fat, she’s ugly, that’s what they think, I’m not stupid. I get paid the minimum wage at Harding Inc so that pretty much covers my outgoings and there is nothing left to save. One day I want to have my own home, I need to be earning a good wage by then and have a nice deposit. That’s the plan and why I work both jobs.

     I am brought out of my thoughts as I hear a glass breaking and the curses of two men, as a fight begins to start. Three of the members of the club’s security team approach the men and when the fight does not seem to stop they begin to pull them apart. I watch as the two punters are led away from the floor and to the doors when I lose a breath and everything around me ceases to exist. Standing at the stairs taking in his surroundings is the most stunning.. No, that’s not right. The most handsome man I have ever seen. He is wearing dark jeans with a white shirt; he has short black hair that is shaped nicely around his heart-shaped head. From where I am standing I can see he has strong, yet almost soft facial features and as he moves you can tell his body must be ripe with muscles as his shirt clings to his skin.

     “Earth to Grace, hello Grace.” At the sound of my name I turn towards the direction it came from and I can see my colleague Amber looking rather annoyed at me.

     “Sorry, what did you say?” I ask, with confusion in my tone.

     “Wake up, there’s punters that need serving.” I slowly turn away from her and as I look out towards the club, I can see the customers looking angry at me.

     “Come on, love, I’m still waiting for my two beers.”  One of them says.

     “Sorry, two beers, right?”

     “That’s what I said, wasn’t it love?”

I hate it when they call me love; I’m no-one’s love.

     “Sorry,” I say as I turn around to pour the beers. I put them down on the counter and tell the guy how much and the whole time I feel like I am being watched. I am not used to it. I am so content being invisible that it unsettles me. I give the punter his change and he just looks at me.

     “For Christ’s sake, love, I gave you a twenty.”  I look at his hand and sure enough there is only a five pound note in the guy’s hand. I take it and replace it with a ten. He looks at me and gives me a frown before saying “Thanks, love.”

      I turn to the next punter, only hoping I get my act together and I can serve him without any mistakes.  I lose a breath as I see my next punter is none other than the guy on the stairs. He looks at me as if he is trying to remember where he’s seen me before. As he takes me all in I can feel his eyes roam my body and he gives away a little smile as if he likes what’s before him and I have to try and stop the giggle that wants to escape me. Oh, OK, Mr. Handsome, you like what you see? Yeah, right, and I feel my fingers go for my wrist to take away my fears and doubts.

     “What can I get you, sir?”

     “Pardon?”

     “What can I get you?”

     “I think I prefer it with the sir,” he says, with what must be an American accent. I could listen to an accent all day. As I begin to roll my eyes I can see him give me another smile and there’s my loss of breath again. I have no idea what’s wrong with me, but I do not react like this over a man. No matter how handsome he is.

     “One whiskey please and whatever you would like” There’s that smile again and that accent. Stop thinking of the accent, Grace, and tell him no. I start to make his drink and as I hand it to him his hand just barely touches my own, but the effect is enough to shock me. At that simple and small touch my whole body feels like it comes alive, leaving tingles in its wake. From the guy’s reaction I am sure he has felt something too, but I can’t allow myself to linger on it. I have a plan and men are nowhere near that plan. Men complicate things and I don’t need the hassle they bring with them.

     “That’s five pounds, please,” I say and he gives me a questioning look.

     “I don’t need a drink, thank-you.”  

     “If you are sure. What about your number?” This guy must be so sure of himself because he doesn’t show an ounce of nerves as he awaits my answer.

     “I don’t have one, sorry.” He downs his drink and looks at me as he puts down his glass and takes out his wallet. As he opens it I can see it’s full of notes. I have never seen that much before in my life and before I know it he pulls out a fifty and puts it under the glass while he leans into the bar, looks deep into my eyes, so I can see the beauty of his grey ones, and whispers in my ear. I can smell his aftershave and it drives my sense of smell mad. It’s woodsy yet natural and all male.

     “Keep the change.” He gets up from his stool to walk away and before I know what I am doing I go round the other side of the bar and follow him till I can touch his arm. I can feel the tingles yet again as his whole body stiffens. As he turns around I hand him back the note while I say

     “That’s far too much for a tip.” He leans into me again so his lips are near my ear and I can hear him say.

     “Please keep it.” He begins to pull away, but before he does he grazes my lips with his and my body feels like its on fire as the tingles overthrow my entire body. I feel faint and shocked as I see him walk away.

CHAPTER TWO

GRACE

     I get home from my shift around three thirty that morning and although I am physically drained from the night I cannot settle. I toss and turn all night and whenever I do manage to sleep my dreams are plagued by grey eyes.  I wake again only having slept for around ten to fifteen minutes and then take what feels like hours till I sleep for another ten minutes. I huff and puff, toss and turn, I can feel myself get more agitated with myself and with those grey eyes as time goes by and my sheets wrap around my body.

By the time the sun begins to rise I have given up all hope of a long sleep and so I decide to take a walk through the park, which is close by my little room. I change into a pair of jeans and a jumper; put my comfy trainers on and my coat before I grab my purse and keys. As I step out of the front doors of the house which houses my little room the cold air hits me and numbs my face in the process. I put my hands in the deep pockets of my coat and cross the quiet road to the park.

     As I walk through the grounds of the park all I can see are the effects of the cold winter that are left on our beautiful city. The grass is crisp under my shoes and I can see the branches of trees that are just waiting for their new lease of life. I am just like, or I was just like the trees before I came to live in this city. I was hiding behind the effect of my own winter, just waiting for the effect of spring to give me a new lease of life. The city is working its magic on me; I have come a long way since I lived in my home town. Every day I am becoming stronger and allowing my self freedom and the possibility of a much-wanted future. As much as I try, though, my mind keeps going back to those grey eyes and the handsome face that housed them. He had given me a forty five pound tip! I mean, who can afford to do that? And don’t get me started on those eyes again, and the smell of him that had invaded me.

     Oh gosh, what’s wrong with me? I have never felt like this before, I don’t let myself get like this over a man, over anything really except my job. I will not let myself go crazy. I have a plan and losing my brain to a man won’t help me. All I know from past experience is that people who are important to you just break you down and leave you to deal with the pieces. I can’t go through all that again and that is why I prefer to keep myself to myself. If you don’t let anyone in, then they can’t hurt you. I keep trying to repeat that mantra to myself as the coldness of the harsh wind bites at my cheeks.

     As I take a look around at my surroundings, I can see a few more people walking their dogs than there were when I first started my walk. In the distance another figure takes my interest. Even from this distance I can tell the person stepping closer to me is male, holds himself well. Even from here he reeks of self-confidence and a devil-may-care attitude. I keep my head down, ignore him and just walk by so I can get home and have my bowl of cereal. It seems to take no time at all until I notice someone else’s feet in front of me and as I raise my head I am left speechless.

     Oh shit, it’s him. Oh God, why is this happening to me, I just spent the last thirty minutes trying to forget those eyes and because the Gods are obviously messing with me I am now standing in front of him and he has the cheekiest smile on his handsome face.

     “Well, hello again.”

     Oh my God, that accent. He could keep talking to me with that accent and voice. Stop it, Grace, you don’t allow yourself to be affected by others. Nothing good ever happens when you let people in. He is looking at me. I can feel his eyes roaming my body, probably laughing at said body in his gorgeous head. I can’t look at him. I won’t, because I know the moment I do I will be lost in those eyes and the new me doesn’t allow herself to be that stupid. I have to fight the need to feel the bite of my elastic.

     “H..hello.” Oh God, he has to talk again and before I know it I am raising my head and saying hello back.  “Do you remember me from last night?” He smiles at me and looks almost hopeful as I notice how inviting his lips look. I can’t help, but wonder how they would taste, how they would feel against my own and then at that moment my legs give way from under me and I feel strong arms wrap around my waist. As soon as he does it, I feel my whole body become alight to his and in tune with him. Without knowing what I am doing I feel my body turn towards his chest and settle there within his warmth. I can smell his scent and it leaves me shaking in its wake. As I stand there in his arms I can’t believe I am allowing him to affect me like this. I have to get my senses back and with reluctance I step away from him.

     “Are you OK?” He asks, with concern in his voice. He is so handsome that I could fall into the abyss, but I know what this type of guy is like and that’s not what I need.

     “T..Thank you. I’m fine,” I say, but I can see that he doesn’t believe me, but then the thought of last night comes to mind and I reach for my purse. With a shaky voice and fingers I add

     “I need to give you your money back.” He looks at me with a small level of anger, but there is no way I can accept that amount of tip. I place the money in my hand and reach my hand to him and he just looks at it like its poison.

     “I gave it to you. It’s yours.”

     “Please, it’s too much, I can’t accept,” I say, as I shake my head. I can see him look behind me and then a beautiful smile graces his face and lights up his entire face. Oh my, he knows what he’s doing to me, he has to.

     “OK,” he says, with a wink before he continues.

     “What if you keep the money, but you accompany me to breakfast and I’ll allow you to pay?”

     “You’ll allow me to pay?” I can’t believe this, there is no way I am falling for this, but deep down something is telling me to and I don’t understand why. Just from the look of him I can tell he is everything I am not.

     “U…ummm, I don’t think so.”

     “Why not? You owe me a breakfast.” He actually looks like he has already won while he says it with his arms folded in front of his chest. I can’t believe this guy, and then he reaches out and takes my hand. My heart stops for a second at the effect his hand in mine has. I look at him and he just keeps smiling with a pleading look in his eyes and I find I can’t say no, which surprises me more than anything.

     “Just breakfast?”

     “Just breakfast.” He repeats, and I can’t help, but release a small smile. Before I know what’s happening he is leading me through the park to the café which is opposite. I can feel the eyes of the people passing us by. I know what they are all thinking. Why is he with her? I am sure it gets worse as he opens the doors into the café and allows me to enter before him. We take a table through the back of the café and he pulls out my seat for me. OK, I know what he’s trying to do. He wants to get in my good books. Well he has no clue who he’s dealing with. I take the menu in my hand because if I don’t it’s going to go straight for my wrist and I start to roam my eyes across the words, all the while feeling the man opposite me staring at me like he wants me for breakfast. I don’t quite believe that when I see every day what London has to offer a man of this guy’s caliber. I look towards him as I ask him what he wants.