Waiting for You (12 page)

She forced herself to take a step back. “What happened in the last twenty-four hours, Jake? Why did you blow off Mark and me?”

“You should go,” he said, and the bleak hopelessness in his voice was more than she could stand. She might not be able to sober him up but she could at least wake him up. And then he was going to talk to her, whether he liked it or not.

She grabbed his hand and led him towards the hallway.

His bedroom was on the left and a bathroom on the right. She stepped into the bathroom and pulled Jake in after her.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as she opened the glass doors of his shower. He didn’t sound very interested in the answer and he didn’t resist her when she guided him inside.

She closed the doors almost all the way, leaving enough space to reach in and turn on the cold water.

He yelled and sputtered, but as Erin had hoped, it was several seconds before he managed to turn the water off and slide open the door.

“What the hell?” he asked, glaring and dripping. He looked mad but his eyes were focused, so Erin was satisfied.

“Take a real shower now,” she said. “Hot or cold, whatever you want. While you’re doing that, I’m going to order a pizza.”

The annoyance faded from his expression. “I’m starving,” he said, as if just becoming aware of it.

“What do you want on it?”

“Everything.”

She nodded and left the bathroom, closing the door carefully behind her. She waited for a minute, listening. When she heard the water start up again, relief spread through her. Then she pulled out her cell phone to order the pizza as she headed for the kitchen.

There was no mess in here, either. An empty vodka bottle and an empty scotch bottle were side by side on his bare kitchen counter. Next to them was another bottle of scotch, three quarters full.

After she poured the rest of the scotch down the drain she carried the bottles outside and put them in her trunk. Then she went back into his apartment, sat down on the couch, and turned on the news.

Ten minutes later Jake appeared in the doorway. He was wearing a tee shirt and sweatpants, and his hair was still damp.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey yourself,” she answered, turning off the TV.

They looked at each other in silence for a minute. She’d definitely accomplished part of her goal—Jake looked wide awake. He’d even shaved. But her heart sank as she studied his face, because she could see the mask was in place again.

“I don’t know whether to thank you or yell at you,” he said finally.

“I dumped out the rest of your scotch,” she said. “Does that help you decide?”

He smiled a little. “You could have just taken it home with you. That was good scotch.”

“I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Yeah, I know.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry about all this, Erin. I’m sorry I stood you and Mark up tonight, and…” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from her. “I’m sorry for all that stuff I said.”

She was sorry, too. She’d known he’d regret it once he was sober.

But her own feelings weren’t important now. “Tell me what happened.”

He shook his head. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.” His voice was cool, dismissive. “But I do need to take a trip, so I’ll be out of your hair for a while.”

She stared at him. “What do you mean, a trip?”

“I’m going down to Texas for a while.”

“To
Texas
? What’s in Texas?”

“Just…something I have to do. An obligation.”

It felt like she was the one standing under cold water. “When are you leaving? How long will you be gone?”

He ran a hand through his damp hair. “I’ll probably head out Tuesday. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. A couple of weeks, maybe a few months.”

“A few
months
? But…what about your business? Have you just given up on that?”

“No, but there’s no rush. Mark and I could go forward with that anytime. I’ve been thinking I might take my time coming back, take the long way home. I might tour around the Rockies a little.”

She looked at him blankly. “The Rockies?”

“Yeah. The Rocky Mountains.”

“I know what the Rockies are.”

God, she was such an idiot. Lately it had seemed like Jake was starting to open up to her, but now she knew better. He wasn’t about to let her in—not when it counted.

He wouldn’t tell her why he’d been drinking for the last twenty-four hours. He wouldn’t tell her why he had to go to Texas. Whatever Jake was dealing with, he obviously didn’t want or need her help.

She got to her feet and brushed her hands on her jeans. “Well, it’s been nice spending time with you, Jake. Have fun in Texas. And wherever else you’re going.”

He frowned at her. “Erin, wait a second. Why are you leaving?”

Because she’d been fooling herself again. When it came to Jake Landry, that’s all she ever did.

And it was time for her to accept that.

“I’m tired, and I’m going home.”

Before she could take more than a step or two Jake closed the space between them and grabbed her arm. The sudden rush of goose bumps was one more reminder that she’d never be able to think straight around this man. When it came to Jake, she wanted too many things—most of them incompatible with each other.

“If you could put up with me drunk and stupid, why can’t you put up with me sober and stupid?”

“You’re not sober. And I’ve had a long day.”

“I’m more sober than I was half an hour ago.” His hand slid from her forearm to her wrist. “If you want to leave, that’s okay. But don’t leave because you’re mad. I don’t like it when you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just…frustrated.”

He frowned. “Because I don’t dump all my crap on you? You should thank me for that.”

She pulled away again, and this time he let her go. “Friends dump on each other, Jake. They listen to each other. That’s the deal.”

He looked at her for a long minute. “Fine,” he said shortly. “I got a call from my best friend’s widow. Their son’s a mess since his dad was killed in Afghanistan last year. She asked me to visit them in San Antonio, to see if I can help. I don’t think I’ll be able to, but I have to try. That’s why I’m going to Texas.”

His best friend. “Oh, Jake. How did he die?”

“Helicopter crash.”

His voice was clipped, and she knew he wasn’t telling her everything. He’d told her the bare facts but not what was behind them. “I’m so sorry. But why didn’t you just tell me this in the first place?”

He looked away, frowning. “You don’t need to hear all the sad stories.”

“You mean stories about soldiers who died for their country? I’d be honored to hear them. People
should
hear about the sacrifices our military and their families are making.”

His jaw hardened. “I appreciate the sentiment. But sometimes the wrong people make the sacrifice.”

His words hung in the air for a moment. Jake looked tense, almost angry, and she knew she couldn’t push him any more tonight.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said instead. “I hope you can help your friend’s son. I think it’ll mean a lot to him that you’re going down there.”

He seemed to relax a little. “I doubt it. But I guess I’ll find out.” He hesitated. “Look, Erin—I’d like to take you to dinner before I leave town. I kind of owe you after tonight.”

“I don’t want to have dinner with you because you think you owe me.”

He smiled a little. “How about because we’re friends?”

She smiled back, reluctantly. “That, I can do,” she said.

“Good. And…” He paused. “Thanks for stopping by tonight. I mean it.”

His expression was serious, and it would have been so easy to get caught in his blue eyes that she focused on a tiny nick along his jaw line instead. “You cut yourself shaving,” she said, reaching up before she could stop herself and brushing the tip of her index finger over the scratch.

He went still, and when she looked up again their eyes locked.

She backed away and almost tripped over the couch.

“Well…good night.”

She smiled at him briefly and then fled.

She pulled out of his driveway without looking back, and she was halfway home before her grip on the steering wheel relaxed.

Maybe it was a good thing Jake was leaving the state. Whatever feelings he might have for her, he’d never let himself act on them. And you could only want something you couldn’t have for so long before you did something stupid.

Like fall in love with a man who couldn’t love you back.

Chapter Eight

Mark accepted his decision with good grace, even though it meant hiring a temporary mechanic. “Maybe the trip will do you good,” he said. “Help you clear your head a little.”

His family was harder to convince, but eventually they agreed that taking a few months to see the country might not be a bad thing.

Mark was on board, his family was on board—and taking a long motorcycle trip had always been a dream of his.

So why was he having second thoughts?

Not because of Angie and Paul. He wasn’t looking forward to the visit but he was committed to it, and it wasn’t the prospect of talking about Dan that had him pacing his living room two nights before he was supposed to leave.

It was Erin.

He couldn’t get her out of his head. And after an hour of prowling around his apartment, he finally admitted the truth.

He was going to miss her.

If anyone else had come by the other night, he would have been pissed. He hated when people tried to take care of him.

But he hadn’t been pissed at Erin. Not even when she pushed him to talk about Dan.

He felt comfortable around her. Or at least he did until the tipping point he reached every time they were together—the point when he couldn’t tamp down his desire anymore, and he lost his ability to think about anything else.

He wouldn’t act on it. When Erin finally gave herself to a man, she deserved at least the possibility of happily ever after.

But he wasn’t sure he could stand to be around when that happened.

So it was good that he was clearing out for a while. Better for him and for Erin.

Even if he was going to miss her like crazy.

He dropped onto his couch and pulled out his cell phone.

“Hey,” he said when Erin answered. “I know we’re going to dinner tomorrow, but what are you doing before that? Do you want to spend the day with me?”

“What about your family? Won’t they want to see you before you leave?”

“No, we did the whole goodbye thing today. So what do you say?”

“Well…I guess so. What do you want to do?”

He hadn’t even thought that far. All he knew was that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Erin before he left. “What about a picnic by the lake? The weather’s supposed to be good.”

“That sounds nice. I can pack a basket and—”

“No, I don’t want you to do any work. I’ll be in charge of lunch.”

“Really?” She sounded skeptical, and he laughed.

“I won’t let you go hungry.”

“All right, then. What time should we meet?”

“I’ll pick you up at one o’clock.”

“I’ll be ready.”

He flipped the phone closed, and flipped it open again to call Allison. “When’s the last time I asked you for a favor?”

“I think it was twenty-two years ago. You asked me to take care of your pet frog while you were at summer camp.”

“So I’m due, right?”

“Depends on the favor.”

“I need a picnic lunch for tomorrow.”

“For how many people?”

“Just two.”

“Two, huh? And who’s the lucky—”

“It’s Erin, and it’s not a date. Just a friend thing.”

“I see. So you want me to prepare a friendly picnic for two.”

“Or to give me the phone number of someone who can.”

“Nope, I’ll be happy to do it. I’ll bring it by your place tomorrow.”

“I’m picking Erin up at one, so...”

“I’ll be there by twelve-thirty.”

Allison was as good as her word, dropping off a picnic basket the next day that smelled so good it made his mouth water. Jake carried the basket out to his truck but stopped before he opened the door.

It was warm for May—seventy-five degrees with fluffy clouds scudding across a blue sky. He looked from his truck to his Harley and made a decision.

Maybe he couldn’t sleep with Erin, but he could have the next best thing. He could get her out of her comfort zone and onto his bike.

He set the picnic basket on the ground and packed the contents into his saddlebags.

***

It was such a gorgeous day that Erin decided to wait on the porch. She sat with Pepper curled up on her lap, scratching the black cat behind his ears until the motorcycle came roaring down her road and into her driveway.

Jake was wearing a black leather jacket over a white tee shirt and jeans, and when he pulled off his helmet and grinned up at her she felt her insides melt.

“You came on your motorcycle. Does that mean we’re taking my car?” she asked as she came down the steps towards him.

Then she saw the second helmet in his hand—the one he was holding out to her.

“Oh, no. No way.”

“Come on, Erin—take a walk on the wild side.”

“I don’t have a wild side.”

He grinned again. “I’ve seen the way you look at my bike. Maybe everyone else in your life thinks you’re tame, but I know better. Don’t you want to live a little?”

Looking at Jake as he sat there on that big machine, she wanted to live a lot. She wanted to do things she’d never done before. She wanted
him
. The only problem was, she couldn’t have what she wanted.

Then she looked at the bike.

She remembered the thrill she’d gotten just putting the photos together for his website—the thrill she got when Jake showed her a bike he was working on, or when she saw him riding his own. Her attraction to motorcycles was like her attraction to Jake—an irresistible pull towards an energy completely different from her own.

And for once she was going to try it on for size.

“I better love this,” she said, taking the helmet from him and putting it on.