Willing Sacrifice (9 page)

“But she won’t?”

“She keeps saying that some things are best left forgotten and that the things I no longer know are a gift.” Grace let out a frustrated growl. “Her control over my life makes me so furious sometimes. I know she saved me, but it’s
my
life.
My
memories. I should get to pick what happens in my own head.”

He actually smiled at her, and for a split second she wanted to punch him in one of his amber eyes.

“That’s good,” he said.

“What’s good?”

“That you know how to be mad.”

“How can you possibly think being mad is good?”

“Because it beats being afraid.”

“I don’t like being either.”

“Sure. No one does, but if you have to be one or the other, mad is definitely better.”

“What makes you say that?”

“A few hundred years of experience in combat.”

A few
hundred
? “Really?” she asked. “You’re that old?”

“Yep. And Brenya calls me ‘young Theronai,’ which makes me wonder just how old she is. And how much she’s learned in that time.”

Grace had never really thought about it. Some rule in the back of her head told her it was rude to ask another person their age, so it had never come up. Until now. “So you’re saying I should trust her.”

“No, I’m just saying that there’s a chance she’s wiser than either of us. Maybe when she says that some things are better left forgotten, you should listen. And so should I.”

“You? Do you have lost memories, too?”

His lips clamped together, like he didn’t want to talk about it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

Torr leaned down close, moving slowly so she wouldn’t freak out again, no doubt.

“Put your arms around my neck,” he said.

The iridescent necklace he wore shimmered with his pulse. Thick muscles and tendons stood out, drawing her eye down to the gleaming curve of his shoulders. So much of his skin was bare, dotted with perspiration. She knew if she did as he asked, he’d be hot to the touch, driving away the chill of fear that lingered just below her skin.

His altered shirt was even more tattered than it had been before their mad dash through the woods. All it managed to do was hide enough of his body to make her stare on the off chance that the breeze would pick up and she’d get more of a peek at the man beneath.

“Grace,” he said, her name a dark temptation coming from his lips, “grab your shoe and wrap your arms around me.”

There was nothing she wanted to do more than touch him, so she did as he asked, uttering a halfhearted, “Why?”

He lifted her into his arms, forcing her to tighten her hold. “That’s why. No more waiting around to see if you can put weight on your ankle. It’s time to go. I don’t think we should be out here alone in the woods together. Not when there’s so much danger, and not when you look at me like that.”

She almost asked him,
Like what?
but she already knew the answer. She was looking at him like she wanted him, like she’d never known what it was like to want a man before he’d shown up. Because it was true. Her body was melting from the inside out, growing warm and soft in a way that made her want to lie back and give in. To what, she wasn’t sure, but she knew that with Torr it wouldn’t matter. He could do whatever he pleased, and she would enjoy it.

There was no reason for her body to respond to him that way, and yet she couldn’t seem to make it stop. All she could do was try not to think about how good his solid strength felt as he lifted her. “I’m sure I can walk.”

“I’m not. This first bit on the narrow part of the ledge is going to be tricky, so I don’t think you should argue with me.”

Because he was right, and because the fall to the river below was one that would kill them, she clamped her lips shut and held on for dear life.

T
he walk back to the village was the sweetest kind of torture. After so many months of wondering whether Grace was alive or not, she was in his arms, clinging to him like she couldn’t get close enough.

Part of him still couldn’t believe she was safe and whole. No matter how tightly he held her, no matter how close she got, it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t sure it ever would be when it came to Grace. He wanted all of her. Forever.

Having her body against his made him so erect he throbbed. Each awkward step made him ache, but he didn’t want the trip to end. Once it was over, he’d have to let go of her again, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to.

She’d nearly killed herself today. That she would be so careless with her safety made him want to protect her and paddle her all at the same time. Though if he ever got her over his lap and put his hand on her ass, punishing her would be the last thought on his mind.

Another harsh spike of lust surged through him. His step faltered, but he regained his balance immediately and forced himself to pay attention.

He hated it that she was hurt and that there wasn’t a thing he could do to ease her pain. If she’d been a female Theronai and able to wield his power, she would have been able to tap into his vast stores of magic and heal herself, or at least mute the pain.

But she wasn’t a Theronai, and her fragile human body healed slowly. An injury like this could lay her up for weeks.

How many more times would she be injured because she had the misfortune of being close to him and the danger that surrounded his life? And the next time it happened, would it be something as simple as a sprained ankle?

The answers to those questions were bleak, painful things reminding him of just how dangerous it was for her to be around him.

Maybe that was what Brenya meant when she said some things were best left forgotten. Maybe she knew that if Grace remembered her love for him, it would put her life in danger. If she loved him, she’d want to be near him. And the humans who were near men like him were almost constantly in jeopardy.

There were no Synestryn here. If there had been, Brenya would have warned him. Even if she hadn’t, his blood would have drawn them out that first night.

This place was as close to safe as he could imagine finding, and within a day of his arrival, Grace was already damaged.

There were no safe places in the universe, and even if there were, Torr’s vow to fight and protect would not allow him the luxury of staying there long. He would be compelled to return to Earth, where he could perform his duty. Because of that duty, danger was a part of his life, as it would be for any woman who chose to be near him.

If he truly loved Grace, he needed to find a way to let her go. And if there was one thing he knew to be true without a single doubt, it was that he loved her.

They entered the village, greeted by several children. One of them was the tiny girl with the white-blond hair who’d almost been eaten by the lizard he’d killed yesterday—the girl Tori had scooped up and saved.

The little girl wrapped her arms around his leg and held on while he kept walking toward the hut where Grace had tended his wounds. Each step had the girl squealing with delight, until a second child joined in the game and tackled his other leg.

The extra weight slowed his steps, but he welcomed the delay. He couldn’t help but smile in the face of their simple joy. It had been years since he’d had much of a chance to play with children, and he’d forgotten how healing they could be for the soul. There was something about their innocence that made the world clearer, hard decisions easier and heavy burdens lighter.

By the time Torr reached the hut, Brenya appeared, gently shooing away the children.

“How damaged is she?” Brenya asked.

He set Grace down on the cot and let her go. The patch of skin that had been against hers went cold. A sickening sense of loss churned in his gut, and he had to fight the need to hold her close again.

“I’m fine,” said Grace. “I think it’s just a sprain.”

Brenya glared at Torr. “You allowed this.”

“I did,” he admitted, unwilling to lie to the older woman.

“It wasn’t his fault,” said Grace. “I did this to myself.”

“And he allowed it.”

Grace looked at Torr. “Tell her that’s not true.”

“But it is,” he said. “It’s my job to protect humans. You got hurt. That means I failed.”

She rolled her eyes. “For heaven’s sake. If you two think that’s true, then you’re both messed up in the head.”

“You would protect him?” asked Brenya.

“I’m just telling the truth. I stepped off that cliff of my own free will. Even if Torr had wanted to stop me, he couldn’t have. End of story.”

Brenya’s face turned a furious shade of red. She lifted her hand in a demand for silence. “I do not want to hear more. I already know too much.” She touched Grace’s ankle, and the swelling and bruising disappeared.

Brenya leaned on the edge of the cot, sagging.

“Are you okay?” asked Torr as Grace said, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I did what I must,” said Brenya. “Now go and help see to dinner.”

Grace lowered her head. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

Brenya waved her away. The second the door shut, she turned on Torr. “That woman nearly died to save you once. Did you not think she would do it again?”

“She saved me before because she loved me. She doesn’t even know me now. I never thought she’d willingly throw herself off a cliff.”

“You make excuses?”

“Of course not. But I can’t see the future. I can’t predict what crazy things she or anyone else might do.”

“There is no need for magic to predict her actions. She places the value of all others above her own. I am furious that you allowed her to be damaged, but she would have done the same for anyone. I would call her reckless, but her actions are too precise for that.”

“So she’s done this before?”

“Never from a cliff.” Brenya lowered herself into a chair. “But yes.” She let out a tired sigh. “I have never known a soul like hers. Genuinely selfless with no thought of her own wants or needs. No thought of reward or praise.” She looked up at Torr, and her eyes were raging with silent, leaden waves. “If we had more creatures like her on our side, the war against the Synestryn would be over, victory assured.”

“There is no one else like Grace.”

Brenya gave a sad nod. “I know. Forged in pain, tempered by fear, polished by years of selfless service. She is a unique and rare creation, unbreakable by anyone but herself.”

“So you know what happened to her?” Torr knew she’d had a troubled life, but it was something they’d never talked about. Whenever any conversation started leading them toward the topic, Grace had deftly steered it in a different direction.

“I do. Those memories of her childhood are part of me now. I wish they were not.”

“Tell me,” he demanded. Grace’s silence about herself had always bothered him. Even her stepbrother refused to talk. All Torr knew was that their lives had been bad. Until now, he hadn’t even realized how bad.

But that was Grace. She wouldn’t give anyone pain if she could avoid it—even her own pain.

“No, young Theronai. They are not mine to give. And even if I could, you would not want them.”

“I want to know her. All of her. Even the bad parts.”

“For what purpose?”

He tried to think of something noble, but every answer he came up with was selfish. The truth was that he wanted her all to himself in every way he could have her. Even though he knew he was wrong for her. Even though he knew he would only cause her pain. “I should let her go, but I don’t know how. I love her.”

“I could make you forget her.”

Fury blasted him from the inside, making his voice come out in hot, seething rage. “Try and I will kill you.”

Brenya lifted a trembling hand. “Settle, Theronai. I am too weary to carry the love of another soul. I only meant to test your resolve.”

“Test me? Why?”

“Because I know our sweet Grace. Her desire to serve is too strong to deny. She will find a way to fight by your side, whether or not either of us allows it.”

“Why would she need to fight? We killed the Hunters.”

“Not all of them.”

“You weren’t even there. How could you know what we did?”

“I touched Grace. Her memories naturally flow into me. I saw what she did, and the beasts you killed were only two.”

“So there are more out there.”

“I have no idea how many the Masons created. What I do know is that the Hunters’ numbers will grow until the Masons complete the portal and you destroy all that remain.”

“What does the portal look like? I can go find it and see how close to completion it is.”

“Finding it will not be difficult, though it is imperative that you do so before the Masons finish construction of it so we know if the Solarc sends through more of his minions. What you should be asking is how to destroy it once the Masons leave. That is the tricky part.”

“Okay. How do I destroy it?”

“There are explosively powerful crystals on this planet. When I came here, I encased them in stone to keep them safe, keep them cool. The Hunters you encountered—the Masons formed them from this stone.”

“That’s why they were so cold.”

“The cold keeps the crystals stable.”

“And if the Masons are using that stone, then it’s weakening the protection you put in place. Tell me that’s not dangerous.”

“Of course it is, but it will also make your task easier.”

“How’s that?”

“Those crystals are powerful enough to destroy whatever portal the Masons may construct. You will need to collect some of them. If the Masons have already chipped away at the encasement, your work is nearly done for you.”

“How will I keep the crystals from exploding once I get them out of the stone?”

She bent and retrieved a box from beneath her bed. “This will keep the crystals cool.”

The outside of the carved box was wet with condensation. Torr took the box from Brenya, wiped away the drops and opened the tiny latch. The work was intricate, engraved with twisting vines and leaves that reminded him of his sword’s hilt. Inside, the box was lined with gleaming black stone. Frost formed across the shiny surface the instant it came in contact with the humid air.

He shut the lid and fastened the latch.

“What happens if the crystals get hot?”

She gave him a hard, warning stare. “Do not allow that. The energy the explosion puts out might not kill you, but it would certainly kill any animals or humans nearby within minutes.”

Including Grace. “Got it. Only one last thing I need to know. Where do I find the crystals?”

Brenya sighed with weary acceptance, and instantly Torr understood.

“Grace knows, doesn’t she?”

“Parts of me remain inside of her, filling the voids my healing left behind.”

“Why fill them with anything?”

“Emptiness is unnatural. It will be filled with something, and I did not want that something to be chosen by another. I thought the knowledge I gave her harmless at the time. There was no fear attached to it, only cold fact. She does not even know it is there within her, sleeping, as all of the memories I gave her are.”

“So I have to take one of you out there with me, don’t I?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re too weak to go hiking around the woods.”

“No, but I am needed here to keep the others safe—to keep the Hunters at bay.”

“So Grace has to go—the woman who stepped off a cliff today, hoping she remembered correctly that there was a ledge beneath to stop her fall.”

“You understand the situation well, young Theronai.”

“How am I supposed to keep her from tossing herself into a volcano or jumping into shark-infested waters?”

“That is the puzzle you must solve. It is one of the reasons why I brought you here.”

“Because you knew I’d protect Grace with my life?”

“Any of your kind would have done that much. Your vows demand it.”

“Then why choose me? Was it because I was the only one you could summon?”

“No, there are others at my command.”

“Then why me? If Grace will sacrifice herself for anyone, and the Sentinels would protect her at all costs, why me?”

“Because you deserve the honor. I saw you through Grace’s memories, and you alone are worthy of any sacrifice she might make.”

Sacrifice? Hell, no. “I don’t care what she knows. She’s staying here. I’ll find a way to locate the portal without her help. I’m not letting her risk her life for me again.”

“You will do as I command.”

“Or what?”

The thrashing waves in her eyes kicked up and she seemed to grow larger. Power radiated out from her, making him realize that as weak as she might appear, it was all relative. Brenya was still strong enough to squish him flat. “Do not push me, Theronai. I lived with the Solarc for millennia. I have learned how to inflict pain.”

“You’re bluffing. You’re not going to kill Grace, and since I know that, I also know there’s nothing you can do to me. Nothing would hurt worse than when I thought I’d lost her.”

“Your lack of imagination makes you reckless.”

“I’m not going to risk Grace, no matter how scary you think you are.”

“If you do not obey, I will take every beautiful memory of Grace you possess and tear it to shreds. I will steal your love for her and burn it to ash. And then, each day, I will give you back what you lost—the memories, the love—just long enough for you to remember what you are about to lose all over again. You will suffer her loss each day and never know why you weep, why you rage. You will live without her, except for the moments when you know that you will have to live without her again. Over and over.”

Torr couldn’t even imagine such a thing. As many twisted things as he’d seen, he’d never witnessed a torment so complete and devastating. “If you do that, I’ll be useless. One less warrior to fight your battles.”

“Not useless. An example. A warning to others to obey my commands.”

“You’d really do that?”

“I hold the fate of entire worlds in my hands. Countless souls. What I do here is vital. I will not allow you or any other creature to get in my way, even if that means I become like the one I despise most.”