07 Seven Up (23 page)

And I didn't have to worry about birth control, either.

MORELLI ROLLED OUT of bed at the crack of dawn.

I opened one eye. “What are you doing? It's barely light out.”

“I can't sleep. Bob is hogging my side. Besides, I promised the vet I'd make sure Bob got some exercise, so we're going out running.”

“That's nice.”

“You, too,” Morelli said.

“No way.”

“You're the one who stuck me with this dog. You're going to get your ass out of there and run with us.”

“No way!”

Morelli grabbed me by the ankle and dragged me out of bed. “Don't make me get rough,” he said.

We both stood there looking at Bob. He was the only one left in bed. He still had his head on the pillow, but he looked worried. Bob wasn't an early morning sort of dog. And he wasn't much of an athlete.

“Get up,” Morelli said to Bob.

Bob squeezed his eyes shut, pretending to sleep.

Morelli tried to drag Bob out of bed and Bob growled low in his throat like he meant business.

“Shit,” Morelli said. “How do you do it? How do you get him to crap on Joyce's lawn so early in the morning?”

“You know about that?”

“Gordon Skyer lives across the street from Joyce. I play racquetball with Gordon.”

“I bribe him with food.”

Morelli went off to the kitchen and returned with a bag of carrots. “Look what I found,” he said. “You have healthy food in your refrigerator. I'm impressed.”

I didn't want to burst his bubble, but the carrots were for Rex. The only way I like carrots is if they're dipped in batter and deep-fat-fried or incorporated into carrot cake with lots of cream cheese frosting.

Morelli held a carrot out for Bob, and Bob gave him a you've got to be kidding look.

I was starting to feel sorry for Morelli. “Okay,” I said, “let's just get dressed and go out into the kitchen and rattle some things around. Bob will cave.”

Five minutes later we were suited up and Bob was collared and clipped to his leash.

“Hold on,” I said. “We can't all go out and leave the heart home alone. People break into my apartment on a regular basis.”

“What people?”

“Benny and Ziggy for starters.”

“People can't just walk into your house. That's illegal. That's breaking and entering.”

“It's no big deal,” I said. “The first couple times it caught me by surprise, but you get used to it after a while.” I took the heart out of the freezer. “I'll leave this with Mr. Morganstern. He's an early riser.”

“My freezer is on the blink,” I told Mr. Morganstem, “and I don't want this to defrost. Could you keep it for me until dinnertime?”

“Sure,” he said. “It looks like a heart.”

“It's a new diet. Once a week you have to eat a heart.”

“No kidding. Maybe I should do that. I've been a little sluggish lately.”

Morelli was waiting for me in the parking lot. He was jogging in place, and Bob was looking bright-eyed and smiley now that he was out in the fresh air.

“Is he empty?” I asked Morelli.

“All taken care of.”

Morelli and Bob took off at a brisk pace, and I slogged along behind them. I can walk three miles in four-inch heels and I can shop Morelli into the ground, but I don't do running. Now if I was running to a sale on handbags, maybe.

Little by little, I fell farther and farther behind. When Morelli and Bob turned the corner and were lost from sight, I cut through a yard and came out at Ferarro's Bakery. I got an almond danish and leisurely walked hone, eating my pastry. I was almost to my parking lot when I saw Joe and Bob loping down St. James. I immediately started jogging and gasping for air.

“Where were you guys?” I said. “ I lost you.”

Morelli shook his head in disgust. “That's so sad. You have powdered sugar on your shirt.”

“Must have fallen from the sky.”

“Pathetic,” Morelli said.

We passed Benny and Ziggy in the hall when we returned.

“Looks like you were out jogging,” Ziggy said. “That's very healthy. More people should do that.”

Morelli put a hand to Ziggy's chest to detain him. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to see Ms. Plum, but no one was home.”

“Well, here she is. Don't you want to talk to her?”

“Sure,” Ziggy said. “Did you like the jelly?”

“The jelly is great. Thanks.”

“You didn't break into her apartment just now, did you?” Morelli asked.

“We wouldn't do a thing like that,” Benny said. “We got too much respect for her. Right, Ziggy?”

“Yeah, that's right,” Ziggy said. “But I could if I wanted to. I still got the touch.”

“Have you had a chance to talk to your wife?” I asked Benny. “Is she in Richmond?”

“I talked to her last night. And she's in Norfolk. She said things are as good as can be expected. I'm sure you understand this has been upsetting for all concerned.”

“A tragedy. No other news from Richmond?”

“Sadly, no.”

Benny and Ziggy trotted off to the elevator, and Morelli and I followed Bob into the kitchen.

“They were in here, weren't they?” Morelli said

“Yeah. Looking for the heart. Benny's wife is making his life a living hell until the heart is returned.”

Morelli measured out a cup of food for Bob. Bob inhaled it and looked for more.

“Sorry, fella,” Morelli said. “That's what happens when you get fat.”

I sucked my stomach in, feeling guilty about the danish. Compared to Morelli I was a cow. Morelli had washboard abs. Morelli could actually do sit-ups. Lots of them. In my mind's eye I could do sit-ups, too. In real life, sit-ups ran a close second to the joy of jogging.

EDDIE DECHOOCH HAD Grandma stashed someplace. Probably not in the Burg because I would have heard something by now. Somewhere in the Trenton area. Both phone-in locations were local.

Joe had promised not to file a report, but I knew he'd work undercover. He'd ask questions and he'd have cops out there looking a lot harder for Eddie DeChooch. Connie and Vinnie and Lula were tapping their sources, too. I didn't expect anything to come of it. Eddie DeChooch was working alone. He might visit with Father Carolli once in a while. And he might be drawn to the occasional wake. But he was out there alone. I was convinced no one knew his lair. With the possible exception of Mary Maggie Mason.

For whatever reason, two days ago, DeChooch had come to call on Mary Maggie.

I picked Lula up at the office, and we motored off to Mary Maggie's condo building. It was midmorning and traffic was light. Clouds were coagulating overhead. Rain was expected later today. No one in Jersey gave a rat's ass. It was Thursday. Let it rain. In Jersey we cared about weekend weather.

The Low Rider rumbled in the underground garage, the vibrations bouncing off the cement ceiling and floor. We didn't see the white Cadillac, but the MMM-YUM silver Porsche was occupying its usual slot. I parked the Harley two lanes over.

Lula and I looked at each other. We didn't want to go upstairs.

“I feel funny about talking to Mary Maggie,” I said. “That mud thing wasn't exactly a moment of shining glory for one.”

“It was all her fault. She started it.”

“I could have done better, but I was caught by surprise,” I said.

“Yeah,” Lula said. “I could tell that by the way you kept yelling help. I just hope she doesn't want to sue me for a broken back or something.”

We got to Mary Maggie's door and we both turned quiet. I took a deep breath and rang the bell. Mary Maggie opened her door, and the instant she saw us she tried to slam the door closed. Bounty hunter rule number two—if a door opens, get your boot in there fast.

“Now what?” Mary Maggie said, struggling to get my boot out of the way.

“I want to talk to you.”

“You've already talked to me.”

“I need to talk to you again. Eddie DeChooch kidnapped my grandmother.”

Mary Maggie stopped struggling and looked out at me. “Are you serious?”

“I have something he wants. And now he has someone I want.”

“I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.”

“I was hoping you could help me find her.”

Mary Maggie opened her door and Lula and I invited ourselves in. I didn't think I'd find Grandma tucked away in a closet, but I had to look anyway. The apartment was nice but not that large. Open floor plan living room and dining room and kitchen. One bedroom. Bath and a half. It was tastefully furnished with classic pieces. Soft colors. Grays and beiges. And of course there were books everywhere.

“I honestly don't know where he is,” Mary Maggie said. “He asked to borrow my car. He's done it before. When the owner of the club asks to borrow something it's a good idea to loan it to him. And besides, he's a nice old man. After you were here I went to his nephew and told him I wanted my car back. Eddie was bringing it back when you and your friend ambushed him in my garage. I haven't heard from him since.”

The bad news was that I believed her. The good news was that Ronald DeChooch communicates with his uncle.

“Sorry about your shoe,” Mary Maggie said to Lula. “We looked for it, but we couldn't find it.”

“Hunh,” Lula said.

Lula and I didn't talk until we got to the garage.

“What do you think?” Lula asked.

“I think we need to visit Ronald DeChooch.”

I cranked the bike over, Lula climbed on, and we tore through the garage like judgment day and headed for Ace Pavers.

“We're pretty lucky we got good jobs,” Lula said when I pulled up to Ronald DeChooch's brick office building. “We could be working at a place like this, smelling tar all day, always having chunks of black stuff stuck to the bottom of our shoes.”

I got off the bike and removed my helmet. The smell of hot asphalt lay heavy in the air, and beyond the locked gate the blackened rollers and pitch trucks gave off shimmering waves of heat. There were no men in sight, but clearly the equipment had just come off a job.

“We're going to be professional but assertive,” I said to Lula.

“You mean we're not taking any crap from that roody-poo jabroni Ronald DeChooch.”

“You've been watching wrestling again,” I said to Lula.

“I've got it on tape so I can do reruns of The Rock,” Lula said.

Lula and I puffed ourselves up and marched in without knocking. We weren't going to be put off by a bunch of card-playing jerks. We were going to get answers. We were going to get respect.

We barreled through the small entrance hall and again without knocking went straight to the inside office. We whipped the doors open and came face-to-face with Ronald DeChooch playing hide-the-salami with the clerical help. Actually it wasn't face-to-face because DeChooch had his back to us. More correctly, he had his big hairy ass to us because he was doing the poor woman doggy-style. His pants were around his ankles and the woman was bent over the card table, holding on for all she was worth.

There was a moment of shocked silence, and then Lula started laughing.

“You should think about having your ass waxed,” Lula said to DeChooch. “That is one ugly butt.”

“Christ,” DeChooch said, pulling his pants up. “A man can't even have relations in his own office.”

The woman jumped up and adjusted her skirt and tried to stuff her boobs back into her bra. She scuttled away, looking mortally embarrassed, with her panties in her hand. I hoped she was being well compensated.

“Now what?” DeChooch said. “You have something special in mind, or you just come to see a show?”

“Your uncle kidnapped my grandmother.”

“What?”

“He took her yesterday. He wants to ransom her for the heart.”

The surprise in his eyes ratcheted up a notch. “You know about the heart?”

Lula and I exchanged glances.

“I . . . um, have the heart,” I said.

“Jesus Christ. How the fuck did you get the heart?”

“It don't matter how she got it,” Lula said.

“Right,” I said. “What matters is that we get this all settled. First off, I want my grandmother back home. And then I want Mooner and Dougie.”

“Your grandmother I might be able to arrange,” Ronald said. “I don't know where my Uncle Eddie's hiding out, but I talk to him once in a while. He's got a cell phone. Those other two are something different. I don't know anything about them. So far as I can tell nobody knows anything about them.”

“Eddie is supposed to call me tonight at seven. I don't want anything to go wrong. I'm going to give him the heart, and I want my grandmother back. If anything bad happens to my grandmother or she doesn't get swapped for the heart tonight, it's going to be ugly.”

“I hear you.”

Lula and I left. We closed two doors behind us, straddled the Harley, and took off. Two blocks later I had to pull over because we were laughing so hard I was afraid we were going to fall off the bike.

“That was the best,” Lula said. “You want to get a man to pay attention, you just get him with his pants down.”

“I've never seen anyone doing it before!” I said to Lula. My face was flaming under the laughter. “I've never even looked in a mirror.”

“You never want to look in a mirror,” Lula said. “Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym.”

I was trying to get myself under control when my mother called on my cell phone.

“There's something funny going on,” my mother said. “Where's your grandmother? Why hasn't she come home?”

“She'll be home tonight.”

“You said that last night. Who is this man she's with? I don't like this one bit. What will people say?”

“Don't worry. Grandma's being very discreet. She just had this thing to do.” I didn't know what else to say so I made some crackling staticky sounds. “Uh-oh,” I yelled, “I'm breaking up. I have to go.”

Lula was staring over my shoulder. “I can see clear down the street,” she said, “and there's a big black car just drove out of the lot by the paving company. And there's three men just came out the front door, and I could swear they're pointing at us.”

I looked to see what was happening. From this distance it was impossible to see details, but one of them might have been pointing. The men got into the car and the car turned in our direction.